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drewK

Do you think that it would be okay to sponsor a mission of another church?

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Hi, my name is Drew. I have 2 children with my ex wife who are 30 and 28 and I have 2 children with my wife who are 18 and 12.  When I separated from my ex wife I was inactive and she was a baptist, and I didn't see out children for 8 years, so by the time I began to see them again they had already decided to be baptists and they didn't want to learn about the LDS church. With my daughter who is 28 now I had a close relationship with her for a while when she was 12-17/18 but now we have a very strained relationship due to our religious differences. With my son we have never had a close relationship, but we really fell out a few years ago when he started a church plant and needed financial assistance, I felt conflicted on whether I could give it to him and decided not to. Now the only time I see him now is outside the temple, he runs a mission that hands out tracts to members of the church. My daughter and her husband are going to be missionaries for a baptist mission in Bolivia for at least 2 years, they need to raise some money themselves and my daughter asked me, she told me she is really worried to go there without the goal amount of money. Obviously, I want to help my daughter but I don't feel good about donating money to a mission that is spreading a gospel contrary to the LDS church. I feel like it would be wrong of me to do so. What do you think? I have in the past as mentioned not donated to my son's church but I feel very conflicted in wanting to support my children. Another issue this time is that my 18 year old is a missionary for the LDS church and I support him financially and I feel guilty over not supporting my other 2 children and treating them differently. Do you think it would be a bad decision to sponsor a mission for any church other than the LDS church?

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Perhaps a non-LDS perspective would help here. First, I would never expect an LDS member, family or not, to support my ministry. Likewise, I doubt that many LDS members would ask their non-member family to support their missionary work. If donations are offered, that's special and great. As for donated across denominational lines, it depends. If a church is opposed to LDS teaching--and frankly, most are--then it would be difficult for a member to support that church's work.Personally, I believe you would be justified to only support LDS missions. If a child acts upset about being treated differently I suspect that is a tactic. As a funny aside, I've been watching youtube videos in which children come out to their parents...as conservatives. They claim it's much scarier than the gender-related stuff.

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I agree with @prisonchaplain.  I would not financially support one of my children on a mission for another Church.  The only exception might be if it were one of those short-term service only missions, where preaching 'another gospel' would not be part of the agenda.

On a similar note:  My father, who is Muslim, did not speak to me for three years when I married my wife in the temple.  We have been hanging out and talking, just like before, for about seven years now.

Stand for your principles; things will work out as they should.  Remember Christs words, "For I am come to set a man at variance against his father."

I can almost guarantee that standing your ground will have a more 'positive' impact than donating.  Why?  Because if you donate, your children may see it as evidence of you gradually coming around to their way of thinking.  If/When you still present contrary views, they could take it all the harder.  Anyway, I wish you the best and I hope you are able to maintain a positive relationship with your children.

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2 hours ago, drewK said:

...they had already decided to be baptists and they didn't want to learn about the LDS church...

Now the only time I see him now is outside the temple, he runs a mission that hands out tracts to members of the church.

My daughter and her husband are going to be missionaries for a baptist mission in Bolivia for at least 2 years... I don't feel good about donating money to a mission that is spreading a gospel contrary to the LDS church.

Not sure this clarifying question helps, but here goes: Are they going to Bolivia to be Baptist missionaries and spread the word as they understand it, or are they going to Bolivia to teach Bolivians about the "evils of Mormonism" or some such?   Because the first isn't really spreading a contrary gospel...

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Hi @drewK, I'm an LDS lady very happily married to a Baptist / non-denominational dude.  Our daughter is not yet old enough to 'pick' for herself.  We have family all over the religious spectrum.  Generally speaking, most people are respectful of each other, and get along.  There are a few axe-grinders, but with those individuals we just tend avoid the subject of faith and have an otherwise good relationship.  The subject of faith should not be one to destroy relationships.  

Having said my background, I'm going to say that there's a lot of nuance to your question, and ultimately this is going to be a "consult the Holy Spirit" situation.   I heard a great quote today: Moses, Peter, and Nephi all had water obstacles in front of them, and each had a different way from God to cross it.  Sometimes answers on how to best do things are unique for each of us.

Some thoughts I would have here--

-- Mature persons should be able to have relationships with others despite religious difference and in no way dependent on money being given.  Money is a great gift to help, but love should never be conditional based on it.

-- I would not consider a person who's honestly preaching Christ: His birth, life, and resurrection to be an enemy-- whether they be an LDS Christian, a Baptist Christian, a Catholic Christian, or whatever.  If the message is focused on Christ, and inspiring people to walk in His ways, then that is a Good thing.  I will 100% celebrate any person who's never heard of Christ coming to Him, even if it's a to a non-LDS Christian church has is missing some pieces.  Celebrate every step a person makes to Him and Truth, even if they're not all the way to perfection yet.

-- Spreading hate mail is not Christ-centeric.  It's just not.  I could never support a person going about other people's worship times to focus on "here's all the reasons' we think you're wrong and you're going to Hell".  No.  Just no.  That is not focusing on Christ, that is not of Christ, and only serves to paint God as an abusive person.  Bring people to Him by spreading love and truth, not threats.

 

 

...so, @drewK, I can't tell you how to cross this (metaphorical) water obstacle in your path.  It's really going to be something you're going to have to pray and consider on your own.  And how you cross this water obstacle may be different than how you approached the last one.  God is a God whom loves each person individually, and gives us individual instruction.  Seek Him. 

Edited by Jane_Doe

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2 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:

Moses, Peter, and Nephi all had water obstacles in front of them, and each had a different way from God to cross it.

Don't forget the Jaredites!  That was a unique way too 🙂

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I had plenty of non-LDS family members who gifted me money when I left on my LDS mission; and I’ve always figured I’d do the same for them.  If their ministry were explicitly anti-Mormon, I might elect in lieu of cash to give them something they could personally use no matter what they were doing (a good pair of shoes or a winter coat or luggage or something like that) . . .

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This is a narrow path to navigate and could be difficult to make the right choices.  Temple Recommend questions have this...though recently changed...

Quote

Do you support or promote any teachings, practices, or doctrine contrary to those of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?

and

Quote

Do you have any financial or other obligations to a former spouse or to children?

If yes, are you current in meeting those obligations?

These used to deal with groups that promoted things that were not in line with the church as well.

My thoughts would be if you were supporting a Baptist Church or a Baptist Mission simply out of your own volition, that would not be in line with being a Faithful Saint.

HOWEVER...as it is your daughter...I still would not feel you would be in line to simply support a Baptist Mission.

ONCE AGAIN...HOWEVER...IT IS YOUR DAUGHTER and as such you have obligations to support them.  This is not just financial obligations, but also with love and as a parent.

Because it is your daughter, I would say you are obligated to help her in financial situations if you can help her (normally if one needs help in our church we also advise them to see if they have family that can help them prior to looking at other alternatives).  If this means she has food and housing wherever she is going in the world, even if that happens to be a Mission with another church, at least you are helping to keep her fed and housed. 

This can also mean supporting them emotionally as a parent to a child.  Many times our children do not choose what we choose, but we still love them (or hopefully we do).  As we love them we may not support their choices they make, but we can still support them with love.

I think it would be up to you to discuss it with her about how far and what you feel right about supporting her in life and with her choices.  I think you could absolutely support her in regards to a mission financially when it comes to being able to have food and other necessities similar to what one may pay for when supporting an LDS missionary.  This does not mean that you should support her buying personal tracts or other such items that promote their religion, but many mission expenses are not paying that.  They are paying the necessities of life such as food, shelter, and other items.  IN this, it probably depends on the church they attend and what it or they spend their resources on for the most part. 

Most mission funds spent are for the necessities of life or to help others in need that are on those missions.  As it is YOUR CHILD, I would expect that you should help them if they are in need.  This is the way I think that you can justify supporting them on their mission, not because you are supporting their mission for another church specifically, but because you are supporting your child and their needs in life.  Every parent should support their child if needed, and in this I would think there should be no exception.

However, make sure that you are doing it out of love and support for your child, not to support another church specifically, and I think you should be okay in the choice to support your child in another country, even if they are on a mission for another religion.

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19 hours ago, NeuroTypical said:

Not sure this clarifying question helps, but here goes: Are they going to Bolivia to be Baptist missionaries and spread the word as they understand it, or are they going to Bolivia to teach Bolivians about the "evils of Mormonism" or some such?   Because the first isn't really spreading a contrary gospel...

The first option. My son has a local mission that is concerned with ministering to members of the LDS church, which is why I didn't want to donate to his church. My daughter and her husband have volunteered in that mission but it isn't related to the one they are going on in Bolivia. 

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20 hours ago, prisonchaplain said:

it depends. If a church is opposed to LDS teaching--and frankly, most are--then it would be difficult for a member to support that church's work.Personally, I believe you would be justified to only support LDS missions.

Yes I have a very similar feeling. 

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19 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:

-- Mature persons should be able to have relationships with others despite religious difference and in no way dependent on money being given.  Money is a great gift to help, but love should never be conditional based on it.

 

There are other reasons that we don't have a relationship besides religious differences. 

 

19 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:

 -- I would not consider a person who's honestly preaching Christ: His birth, life, and resurrection to be an enemy-- whether they be an LDS Christian, a Baptist Christian, a Catholic Christian, or whatever.  If the message is focused on Christ, and inspiring people to walk in His ways, then that is a Good thing.  I will 100% celebrate any person who's never heard of Christ coming to Him, even if it's a to a non-LDS Christian church has is missing some pieces.  Celebrate every step a person makes to Him and Truth, even if they're not all the way to perfection yet.

 

I do agree with this statement too.

 

19 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:

 -- Spreading hate mail is not Christ-centeric.  It's just not.  I could never support a person going about other people's worship times to focus on "here's all the reasons' we think you're wrong and you're going to Hell".  No.  Just no.  That is not focusing on Christ, that is not of Christ, and only serves to paint God as an abusive person.  Bring people to Him by spreading love and truth, not threats.

 

I agree I don't support my son's church because they have a big emphasis on reaching members of the LDS church. Although, I haven't spoken to him outside the temple a few friends of mine have and they have told me he is very respectful and they tend to have positive discussions. I have heard my son preach a long long time ago now and he certainly has a gift for it. I wouldn't say he paints God as an abusive person. 

 

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5 minutes ago, drewK said:

I agree I don't support my son's church because they have a big emphasis on reaching members of the LDS church. Although, I haven't spoken to him outside the temple a few friends of mine have and they have told me he is very respectful and they tend to have positive discussions. I have heard my son preach a long long time ago now and he certainly has a gift for it. I wouldn't say he paints God as an abusive person. 

I'm very glad to hear that.    In my experience, he's of a small minority of phamplet-hand-outers.  

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5 hours ago, JohnsonJones said:

I think it would be up to you to discuss it with her about how far and what you feel right about supporting her in life and with her choices.  I think you could absolutely support her in regards to a mission financially when it comes to being able to have food and other necessities similar to what one may pay for when supporting an LDS missionary.  This does not mean that you should support her buying personal tracts or other such items that promote their religion, but many mission expenses are not paying that.  They are paying the necessities of life such as food, shelter, and other items.  IN this, it probably depends on the church they attend and what it or they spend their resources on for the most part. 

 

Yes that's a good idea, I will speak to her about that. 

 

5 hours ago, JohnsonJones said:

However, make sure that you are doing it out of love and support for your child, not to support another church specifically, and I think you should be okay in the choice to support your child in another country, even if they are on a mission for another religion.

Yes I want to help my daughter, the best I can. 

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Didn't read all the comments so this may have been mentioned.

I see this as an age issue, not a religious one. To me, once a child is married (or of age to have graduated college), they're on their own* so I wouldn't feel guilty about helping the 18 year old and not the older set. You can still support your daughter … with letters and watching over the house (if that's feasible). Regarding concern over treating them differently, you can solve that by having things even with an inheritance. 

*in case anyone thinks this is cold/harsh:

- you have to cut the apron strings at some point and as long as everyone understands when that will be, there shouldn't be an issue

- I know someone that still pays for some things for her adult and married daughter as if it's a way to have some control/say in her life - not healthy for any of them

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If this were pure service mission, I would not hesitate to help in any way I could and have done so in the past. Not out of duty toward offspring but because service.

But religious focus is another matter entirety. While I have pondered this and have decided that spreading the word of Jesus is good, hints of "but that doctrine is bad" is a debate of adults.

I'm with Manners. These are adults and thus another matter entirely. You don't really owe them anything. Oh, I think a kind "best of luck and I'll be thinking of you" is always very nice.

But indeed, they're established adults. While I certainly would think highly of you if you helped financially, I wouldn't think less of you or even give it much though.

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10 hours ago, Manners Matter said:

I know someone that still pays for some things for her adult and married daughter as if it's a way to have some control/say in her life - not healthy for any of them

I too have seen this. It's... Weird. Especially because everyone who know the young couple's jobs can see the discrepancy in lifestyle. 

 

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19 hours ago, Manners Matter said:

I see this as an age issue, not a religious one. To me, once a child is married (or of age to have graduated college), they're on their own* so I wouldn't feel guilty about helping the 18 year old and not the older set. You can still support your daughter … with letters and watching over the house (if that's feasible). Regarding concern over treating them differently, you can solve that by having things even with an inheritance. 

 

I have always tried to make it up to them that I wasn't around for them when they were children, and once they were adults helping them financially was the only way I could help them, they didn't want  a relationship with me besides for finances. 

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On 11/12/2019 at 1:48 PM, drewK said:

I have always tried to make it up to them that I wasn't around for them when they were children, and once they were adults helping them financially was the only way I could help them, they didn't want  a relationship with me besides for finances. 

NO relationship besides finances?  You need to be done.  They need to practice what they preach.

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4 hours ago, mdfxdb said:

NO relationship besides finances?  You need to be done.  They need to practice what they preach.

Yes but I can't lose the last bit of contact I have with my children. If I tell them I won't give them anymore money then they won't contact me at all. 

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