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Backroads

I feel very bad about feeling upset over a baby

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So, I'm pregnant. When I found out, I bawled, and my husband said it was the type of tears I reserved for disasters. Yes, this was not planned. In fact, we were done. It was a conscious decision to be done and we were planning out the rest of our lives.

Part of the issue is one of our other children has cystic fibrosis, which is a genetic roll of the dice. Everyone we know in the CF community who has lately dared for more kids has been unlucky with the odds.

It's been a week now, and I am struggling to feel any sort of happiness. I understand surprise pregnancies can be emotional, so I'm hoping this will pass.

I know babies are blessings. I know women who would love to be in my position.

I just didn't think I'd be so miserable.

Edited by Backroads

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22 minutes ago, Backroads said:

So, I'm pregnant. When I found out, I bawled, and my husband said it was the type of tears I reserved for disasters. Yes, this was not planned. In fact, we were done. It was a conscious decision to be done and we were planning out the rest of our lives.

Part of the issue is one of our other children has cystic fibrosis, which is a genetic roll of the dice. Everyone we know in the CF who has lately dared for more kids has been unlucky with the odds.

It's been a week now, and I am struggling to feel any sort of happiness. I understand surprise pregnancies can be emotional, so I'm hoping this will pass.

I know babies are blessings. I know women who would love to be in my position.

I just didn't think I'd be so miserable.

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time and I understand why you are upset. I am praying for you and I hope you will be able to find some peace and strength from the Holy Ghost.

Edited by Midwest LDS

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I get a little of the stress.  I watched my mom wither away and die horribly of multiple sclerosis.  Learning that there's a hereditary component to it, that it occasionally skips a generation, filled me with anxiety when thinking about having kids. 

God bless and hugs.

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It can be very frustrating to have things not go according to plan, especially when you have very good reason for the way you wanted things to go.

As someone who is a big planner who has seen his plans get completely derailed here is how I make sense of it and adjust.

I have plans for me...  The Lord has a better plan for me but I can rarely see it or understand it until afterwards...  I want the Lord's plan over my plan, but when the Lord's plan overrides mine or even appears to counter it... It can be a hard thing to accept.  I need to take a step back... Say "Not my will Lord, but thine be done" and then work the new situation.  And yes that some time means making plans to deal with issues you had originally planned to avoid.  That can be very very hard.  That is a good time to double down on your faith and trust that the Lord knows what he is doing... Even if we can not see or understand it now.

Sorry you are going through this... but there is a light at the end of this Trial and that light is Christ, lean on him and he will get you through.

 

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I can somewhat understand.  My two boys were both born with hypospadias.  Our first was so severe, the doctor and nurses thought he was a girl when he was born.  They are androgen insensative, which means their bodies don't respond very well to male specific hormones.  Both boys have already had multiple surgeries and the older one will have more when he's closer to puberty age.  They will need to get testosterone shots.  After our second son, we didn't want to bring more genetically defective people into the world.  A couple months ago, my wife was a week late in her cycle and we went through a lot of similar feelings that you described.  After a day, I felt better about it, even excited.  After it was clear she wasn't pregnant, it was a little disappointing.  We even started talking about adoption.

I'm sure you'll find joy in your pregnancy and your new child.  Have hope and trust in the Lord. :) 

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I know exactly how you feel. Been there, done that (though without the CF component). It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. It will pass.

Some things that helped me was letting people in my life know that I was pregnant. They are great people, and their reactions were perfect and helped me remember the joy of it. Also, the Savior knows how you feel and can help you bear the burden. Rely on Him. And remember that these things will give you experience and be for your good.

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I saw this on a Facebook page called "Come Follow Me Daily." It reminded me of my own situation and this thread. Hope it helps.

Quote

There is a Chinese proverb about a wise farmer. He had only one son and one horse to plow his land. One day, his horse ran away. His neighbor came over and said, “what poor luck!” The farmer responded, “Maybe yes, maybe no. Time will tell.”
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A while later, the horse came back to the farmer. Two wild horses had followed him home. The neighbor said, “what good luck!” And the farmer responded, “Maybe yes, maybe no. Time will tell.”
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While the son was plowing the field with one
 of the new horses, he got bucked off and broke his leg. The neighbor came over and said, “what poor luck!” To which the father responded, “Maybe yes, maybe no. Time will tell.”
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Not long after, the Chinese emperor announced war against the Mongols and said every family must send a son. The farmer’s son, still unable to walk, was excused—undoubtedly sparing his life.

This proverb has been on my mind a lot lately. God’s ways are not our ways. His perspective is infinitely larger than our own. And it is hard to understand the grand tapestry of our lives as we stare at a stitch.

I am not saying God causes every hard thing that happens in our lives. Some hardships are caused by our own agency, others are caused by the agency of others.

But one thing I know with confidence: even what God does not cause He can consecrate.

He has promised “all things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good,” (D&C 122:7).
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It sometimes seems extremely difficult to follow James advice,
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“My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into many afflictions; But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” (James 1:2-3).
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But I think the joy comes, not because of the affliction, but because we know with confidence what “time to tell.” It will tell us that Christ has overcome all and will help us do the same. It will tell us that we are known and loved. It will tell us we are in God’s hands.

When we, like the farmer, “let patience have her perfect work,” we will come to realize as he did that all things work together for our good.

 

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