Comp

Moving away when you're the Bishop

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Guest MormonGator
3 minutes ago, pam said:

I feel you need to to what is right for your family without worrying about the calling.

Beat me to it. My thoughts completely. 

And I admire how much your husband cares about the people in his ward. 

Edited by MormonGator

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I agree with Pam.

 

As far as your son is concerned... both my sons have close friends that are not members and not living member standards.  We're fine with it.  My measuring stick is how my sons react to them - are they leading them, or are they following them.  If they are leading them - then that's great.  It is quite possible that my sons are the only good influences they have in their lives and removing my sons from their circle would snuff out that one light in that dark tunnel.  If my sons (they are 16 and 18) are following them then moving my sons away from them without their choosing to do so is not going to solve the problem in my opinion.  I need to strengthen my sons.  My sons will need to learn to choose wisely, live in the world but not of the world, and bring people to Christ instead of them being led away from Christ.  Of course, if it's too late and things are spiraling out of control, then removing my sons from the situation would become necessary and it really wouldn't matter what calling we have at church.  The spiritual and physical safety of our children is the highest priority. 

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My mission president, the emeritus Seventy Craig Cardon, introduced me to the idea of "divine callings" versus "inspired callings", where divine callings always supersede inspired callings in importance. Being a father or a husband is an example of the former; being a bishop is an example  of the latter.

Any number of men can capably fill the calling of bishop. Only one man can fill the calling of being your son's father. If you believe that your son and your family would be better served by moving, then the choice is a no-brainer.

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I will just add that growing up in California, I had a couple of church friends whose parents (separate families) sent them to Utah to “straighten them out” and get them away from bad influences at home.

It never worked; the kids just sought out more of the same in their new location.

Obviously, nothing I say here should trump whatever promptings you receive from the Spirit.  But I wouldn’t look at relocation as some panacea, or assume that your son would be okay “but for” this or that particular person.  There’s a very good chance that he finds something about this lifestyle alluring, and IMHO it needs to be further evaluated and addressed—don’t assume you already know everything that’s going on here.

Edited by Just_A_Guy

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Think about how your son might react if you told him "We're moving because we don't want you hanging out with certain kids anymore." 

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Thank you! Having some reassurance that the calling should not be given so much weight in our decision helps a lot. It's hard with emotions involved, but my mind cleared when I took the time to write out my thoughts. And even more clarity came when seeing a unanimous perspective here on calling vs family. 

I agree that moving might not change anything. That's possible. Do you think it's possible that it WILL change things? It is a fact that we would not be neighbors with this kid and he would not be ever-present anymore. It's easy to say I'm wishfully thinking everything would be better without him....but is it possibly true that everything would be better without him? Aren't some relationships toxic enough to cut them out of our lives? Anyway, that's where my mind is.

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35 minutes ago, Comp said:

I agree that moving might not change anything.

I agree with everyone else. Family first.

Moving might not change anything. Moving could make it better. Moving could make it worse. Trade one 'bad' influence for a 'worse' influence.
If the Spirit tells you to move, then that sounds like a better direction.

My LDS sister-in-law was dating a perfectly fine member of the Church, he just didn't have tons of aspirations. We uninspiredly suggested she try dating someone else instead. So she did, a non-member to our surprise who took her down a dark path into inactivity.
Point A: If the Spirit says it is the thing to do, do it.
Point B: If fear alone is the driving force see point A.

Edited by NeedleinA

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1 hour ago, Comp said:

Aren't some relationships toxic enough to cut them out of our lives? 

Sometimes we do have to cut of toxic relationships and strive for positive ones.

Which can be done by moving or many other methods of boundary enforcement.

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On 1/10/2020 at 8:25 PM, Comp said:

I agree that moving might not change anything. That's possible. Do you think it's possible that it WILL change things? It is a fact that we would not be neighbors with this kid and he would not be ever-present anymore. It's easy to say I'm wishfully thinking everything would be better without him....but is it possibly true that everything would be better without him? Aren't some relationships toxic enough to cut them out of our lives? Anyway, that's where my mind is.

Things will only change if your son changes. If HE wishes to cut ties with the toxic relationship then it will happen, if not your moving him may back fire.  He will just find other people who are similar because he had a need to seek this kind of relationship in the first place.

You need to address the root cause of his seeking out relationships with people who you dont think are good for him. What does he get out of the relationship?  How can that need be met in a way that is better for him?

 

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