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A year ago I was in a relationship (I was 16 at the time) and I stopped going to church because of my ex. My life spiraled and I ended up breaking the Law of Chastity with him. We broke up and I have turned my life around since (A year later. I am 17 now). 
I have prayed and asked for forgiveness and received the answer of spending more time with family, read my scriptures and reconnecting with a really close friend who encourages me to go back to church. I have done all of those things.

I still feel like I need to go to my Bishop but I am terrified to! I don’t want to lose my membership and I have been told so many wrong things about the repentance process and I am so confused. 
The church matters so much to me and I want to go to the Temple again. 

I fear that what I did  will prevent me from marrying in the temple and having my family sealed. 
 

Can someone please explain what they’re process was (like how long you had to stop taking the sacrament, how long it took you to go back to the temple etc.) 

I have searched countless web pages and found NOTHING that has helped.

I am willing to accept any advice I get. I just need help.

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Hi,

Sounds like you have a very typical and very wrong view of what repentance is.  You seem to have a very Law and Order view of sin, repentance, and punishment.  Let break that down. In the Law and Order view you you break some Law (sin)... but until the Law's representatives (aka Bishop) finds out you are not punished.  While this is a typical view it is totally and completely wrong.

God's Laws are not arbitrary.  They are designed with our happiness, protection and joy in mind.  When we break the Laws of God the punishment follows as assuredly and as naturally as night follows day.  And our punishment remains and continues until we change (aka repent) gain the protection of the Laws again.  God has given us many tools to help us change (repent).  The bishop (or other leader) is one of these tools. Sometimes we get so caught up in our sin, in our fears, in our suffering that we can not see clearly what needs to change so we can stop suffering.  The bishop's role is to help us see more clearly.

You are afraid that the Bishop will punish you more... so afraid of it that you can't see that your punishment is already happening, and that your Bishop can help bring it to an end.

You also expressed concern because you do not know what the bishop is going to do or say.   We can not give you a check list of what that might be.  But we can tell you the larger picture.  You bishop will say and do whatever he thinks it will take to help you repent and come out from under the punishment you have already brought down on yourself.

Each case is different.  Some people have already humbled themselves and repented.  In those cases the bishop will simple say it is done and over.  In some cases people are still struggling to repent in which case the bishop will council strict obedience to all of God's commands and observe you for a period of time to see how you do and offer help and encouragement .  In other cases the sinner's heart is hardened and more powerful things like excommunication is needed to help soften the heart before they are willing to change.

My advice to you is to seek out your Bishop now.  He will help release you from this burden you are carrying as long as you will let him.

It is normal to be afraid of what you do not know or understand.  Many of us have been in your shoes to various degrees of afraid to talk to our Bishop, yet when we finally did  the joy and lifting of burdens were so very much worth facing our fear and getting right with the Lord once more.

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7 hours ago, al1103 said:

A year ago I was in a relationship (I was 16 at the time) and I stopped going to church because of my ex. My life spiraled and I ended up breaking the Law of Chastity with him. We broke up and I have turned my life around since (A year later. I am 17 now). 
I have prayed and asked for forgiveness and received the answer of spending more time with family, read my scriptures and reconnecting with a really close friend who encourages me to go back to church. I have done all of those things.

I still feel like I need to go to my Bishop but I am terrified to! I don’t want to lose my membership and I have been told so many wrong things about the repentance process and I am so confused. 
The church matters so much to me and I want to go to the Temple again. 

I fear that what I did  will prevent me from marrying in the temple and having my family sealed. 
 

Can someone please explain what they’re process was (like how long you had to stop taking the sacrament, how long it took you to go back to the temple etc.) 

I have searched countless web pages and found NOTHING that has helped.

I am willing to accept any advice I get. I just need help.

Let's start with what a bishop's role is NOT:  "Sally was a naughty girl and now I shall punish her with 10 lashes because that's what I do, and if you had done this you would have gotten 15 lashes!".  Issuing out rote smacking to just smack and make somebody miserable.  Or thinking it's like get a 3-point speeding ticket, unless it's in a school zone then it's a 6-point ticket...

 

 

Now let's talk about what a Bishop actually DOES do: he's there to help you -an individual- stay close to Christ.  To help us out when we've gotten confused by worldly things, or fallen down, to help us repent and put Christ back as the foundation of our lives.  To help us so we CAN honor Him, rejoicing in His house, and be sealed.  

So the process: you meet with your bishop.  If you want to have someone else with you there too, you can.  You say what you said here, and he talks to you about repentance (a path you seem to be on already) and helps you make sure those confused worldly clouds are gone.  It is to get you right with the Lord & in the temple: all indviduallized.  We each can't tell you specifically what exactly he'll say, because it's individualized for you.  But I will 100% guarantee you that of a few things: 1) you'll feel way better than the doomsday clouds in your mind right now and, 2) and the end of this & with a sincere heart you'll be hugging Christ.

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God bless you sister! You are trying very hard to get your life back in order, and God loves you for the effort. Do not fear speaking to the bishop. Satan is working really hard to make you feel fear, because as long as he can keep you from talking to the bishop he can keep you feeling miserable. Remember what God tells us in 2 Timothy 1:7 

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

Once you speak to the bishop, all of the fear that you are feeling right now, 24 hours a day, will wash away. I can't tell you what the bishop will ask you to do, that is up to him and what the Holy Ghost inspires him to do, but I promise you that nothing he asks you to do will be as hard as carrying around your fear is right now. God will be with you sister. Take heart and know that you can be forgiven, you will be able to marry in the temple in the future once you get this taken care of, and the Blood of Jesus Christ will wash you clean of all your stains if you allow it too. I'm praying for you, and everyone here is rooting for you!

Edited by Midwest LDS
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11 hours ago, al1103 said:

A year ago I was in a relationship (I was 16 at the time) and I stopped going to church because of my ex. My life spiraled and I ended up breaking the Law of Chastity with him. We broke up and I have turned my life around since (A year later. I am 17 now). 
I have prayed and asked for forgiveness and received the answer of spending more time with family, read my scriptures and reconnecting with a really close friend who encourages me to go back to church. I have done all of those things.

I still feel like I need to go to my Bishop but I am terrified to! I don’t want to lose my membership and I have been told so many wrong things about the repentance process and I am so confused. 
The church matters so much to me and I want to go to the Temple again. 

I fear that what I did  will prevent me from marrying in the temple and having my family sealed. 
 

Can someone please explain what they’re process was (like how long you had to stop taking the sacrament, how long it took you to go back to the temple etc.) 

I have searched countless web pages and found NOTHING that has helped.

I am willing to accept any advice I get. I just need help.

Trust us, everything will be just dandy :) there may be some embarrassment, guilt and maybe even some shame in there, but that is already there is it not?

its all part of repentance. I am 99.99% positive you will not lose your membership. You may lose your recommend for a period of time or not be allowed to partake of the sacrament, but losing your membership is for members who have been endowed and then made serious sins. And even then it isn’t guaranteed.

One thing that helped me when I was in a similar situation was telling myself “it doesn’t matter what happens, I’m not right with God now and I will go through whatever it takes to become right with him”.
I remember a bishop saying “I hope you aren’t mad with how long I’m drawing out the process before giving you back a recommend. I responded “If I needed to be excommunicated I’m order to fully repent, I would gladly accept it” and I meant it.

Just text the bishop’s secretary and schedule and appointment. Take that first step!

(btw... a young woman who confessed a serious sin to her bishop in order to repent is worthy of the most righteous of all men.)

Edited by Fether
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Others are giving very good advice.  Here's some practical things to think about that might take the edge off your fear:

- Pretty much guaranteed, your story won't be something surprising or new to the bishop.  He will have heard similar things before, from helping other ward members through similar things.
- You are not alone.  The church is a hospital for sinners, not a place where the sinless folks show off how sinless they are.  We all sin.  It's important to avail ourselves of the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ in order to wash ourselves free of our sins.  In your case, that is exactly what the bishop is there to do.
- I've had to sit in the 'hot seat' myself.  It was one of the hardest things I've done, and one of the greatest things.  It is so nice to live free of the crushing weight of un-repented of sin.  I bet once it's over, you'll jump for joy.

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You aren't alone, sister.  You also aren't the first person to be in exactly the same shoes you are in now.   You have some good advice here.  I'll add only this.  You KNOW how you feel right now.  It's pretty crappy, huh?  You know what you are supposed to do, but you're scared.  Just think of how incredible it is going to be to have all of this behind you.  To have repented and been forgiven.  The longer you wait, the longer you're going to carry this around with you.

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I think I can say with some confidence, that not going to see the Bishop will make you feel far, far, worse, for much, much longer, than going to see the Bishop. 

22  Therefore, whoso repenteth and cometh unto me as a little child, him will I receive, for of such is the kingdom of God.  Behold, for such I have laid down my life, and have taken it up again; therefore repent, and come unto me ye ends of the earth, and be saved.

(Book of Mormon | 3 Nephi 9:22)

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