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It boils down to why you are writing him.  If you were originally writing him with the idea of a relationship after the mission but have no interest in it now, make it clear and consider if you still wish to write him.  It may be that you no longer have that desire to write him, but I'd suggest at least tell him that.

If you were writing him with romantic notions and still have those, be aware that he is under no obligation (and you are not either) and keep it at that.  You can keep writing him but realize it may lead no where if that is the end goal.  Keep your options open.  You can decide what you wish to do.

If you were writing him to be dating but not officially so..in other words to be the girl at home...my thoughts are that can be very distracting from Elders.  There are many that would say the exact opposite of my opinion (so keep that in mind) but I think that is not a beneficial thing for Missionaries to have typically.  Planning to be the exclusive girl a missionary writes to with the intentions of being the girl at home, or having him consider you the 'girlfriend' I find is not very helpful for Elders on a mission.  There are stories of Elders writing to a girl at home and coming back to marry them, but more often it does not work out.  My advice on that (and as I said, there are many that would counsel the exact opposite, so this may be something better to take up with your parents or others than I) is to stop writing him if that is your intention, or at least dial it back so that you are merely friends with no expectations and write him as a friend only.

If you are writing him because you are friends, every missionary enjoys correspondence with those from home.  In that instance, keep up the writing, but keep it as being friends.

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5 hours ago, ldsmilennial said:

Hi there.

I am a 19 year old young single adult and am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have a missionary friend who I have been writing emails weekly to for the past few months. We were not an official couple before he left on his mission. We only went on a date prior to his mission, and it's somewhat obvious that we do like each other. He asked if I could email him weekly because he wanted to keep in touch with me, so I have been doing that. I enjoy hearing all about his mission and the transformation he is going through. I also try my best to encourage and support him. However, I do have some issues with keeping in contact with him, so I am conflicted as to whether I should remain in touch with him or not.

First, he has confided in me about his not so good experiences which have happened to him on the mission. He is serving in a tough area, and so when he has bad experiences, he tells me about it. He doesn't tell his family because he doesn't want them to worry. I understand that his heart is in the right place when he omits to tell his family about his bad experiences, but I do not like the fact that he tells me what happened when I am not an important priority.

Secondly, I recently received the impression that he is keeping in touch with other girls too. I personally do not want him to be emailing multiple girls while he is on the mission, because it may become a distraction. Also, I do not want to get emotionally invested in this Elder and then find out that I was just another mere option for him.

Any advice on what I should do about this would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

A couple things:

(1) every missionary is going to have a drastically different experience on their mission and will react to them differently. I wouldn’t worry too much about who he chooses to tell about it.

(2) I mean this as respectfully as I can, I understand at your age, relationships mean more to you than most things... but don’t worry about him writing other girls. You are in fact an option for him, as are many other girls. That is the point of dating. Dating is not meant to be a “go find a girl and stick with her until you choose to get married” sort of thing. You both need to be looking around for eternal companions. How would he know you are the best fit for him if he doesn’t look around for other girls? And same for you, go on dates with guys and if guy reboot what you want. Then choose.

 

Until it is vocalized that you two are bf/gf, you shouldn’t get upset about him talking with other girls.

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2 hours ago, JohnsonJones said:

My advice on that (and as I said, there are many that would counsel the exact opposite, so this may be something better to take up with your parents or others than I) is to stop writing him if that is your intention, or at least dial it back so that you are merely friends with no expectations and write him as a friend only.

Thanks for your advice!

I do agree with you when you say that contact with a girl can be a distraction for an Elder. I tried to resolve this by attempting - multiple times - to reduce the frequency of emails I send e.g. rather than sending one email a week, I tried to skip a week and send it fortnightly. However, when I attempted this, each time he would email asking why I haven't emailed him for the week. I was thinking of just being straightforward and sending him an email  telling him that I'm going to dial the emails down so that he can focus more on his call. 

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1 hour ago, Fether said:

 I mean this as respectfully as I can, I understand at your age, relationships mean more to you than most things... but don’t worry about him writing other girls. You are in fact an option for him, as are many other girls. That is the point of dating. Dating is not meant to be a “go find a girl and stick with her until you choose to get married” sort of thing. You both need to be looking around for eternal companions. How would he know you are the best fit for him if he doesn’t look around for other girls? And same for you, go on dates with guys and if guy reboot what you want. Then choose.

I appreciate your advice. Thanks so much.

I also understand that dating is about getting to know different types of people, but the way I see it is that Elders shouldn't really be "dating" - keeping in contact with or writing - multiple girls because they're missionaries. I would not mind at all if this guy was dating different girls if he were not an Elder. But he is, so I am not so sure about what to do.

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Guest LiterateParakeet
34 minutes ago, ldsmilennial said:

I appreciate your advice. Thanks so much.

I also understand that dating is about getting to know different types of people, but the way I see it is that Elders shouldn't really be "dating" - keeping in contact with or writing - multiple girls because they're missionaries. I would not mind at all if this guy was dating different girls if he were not an Elder. But he is, so I am not so sure about what to do.

As a missionary mom, I wouldn't have a problem with my son writing to several girls. I would be concerned if he only wrote to one, though.  There's nothing wrong qith an Elder writing several girls.

You don't need to do anything about it because he's not doing anything wrong.

Edited by LiterateParakeet
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8 hours ago, ldsmilennial said:

Hi there.

I am a 19 year old young single adult and am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have a missionary friend who I have been writing emails weekly to for the past few months. We were not an official couple before he left on his mission. We only went on a date prior to his mission, and it's somewhat obvious that we do like each other. He asked if I could email him weekly because he wanted to keep in touch with me, so I have been doing that. I enjoy hearing all about his mission and the transformation he is going through. I also try my best to encourage and support him. However, I do have some issues with keeping in contact with him, so I am conflicted as to whether I should remain in touch with him or not.

First, he has confided in me about his not so good experiences which have happened to him on the mission. He is serving in a tough area, and so when he has bad experiences, he tells me about it. He doesn't tell his family because he doesn't want them to worry. I understand that his heart is in the right place when he omits to tell his family about his bad experiences, but I do not like the fact that he tells me what happened when I am not an important priority.

Secondly, I recently received the impression that he is keeping in touch with other girls too. I personally do not want him to be emailing multiple girls while he is on the mission, because it may become a distraction. Also, I do not want to get emotionally invested in this Elder and then find out that I was just another mere option for him.

Any advice on what I should do about this would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

You raise several points here--

-- He tells you about experiences he doesn't tell his family.  That's ok.  I would only ask him to stop if 1) it's hurting you to here these stories, or 2) there's something super dangerous that he's not getting help for.

-- He writes multiple girls.  That's totally ok: you're allowed to write more than one friend, including those of the opposite gender.

-- You're worried that you're distracting him.  I think it's best for him to make that call, and for him to decide how he uses his time.  Somebody else trying to mother it is...awkward at best.

Edited by Jane_Doe
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I am going to go a different direction.  You need to focus on what is best for you personally.  Let the Lord take care of the missionary.  You need to focus on what is right for you... and no one here can tell you what that is.  While he is off serving the Lord what are you doing to grow and learn?  How are you getting closer to God?  The dilemma you face with the missionary is a perfect one to take to the Lord.  Wrestle with it, ponder it, pray about it.  Maybe you will get it right maybe you will not, but the attempt and the effort will help you grow.

What ever happens continue to live your life... Have experiences, go places, do things, hang out with all kinds of people.  The future will come soon enough... use what you have been given today the way the Lord would have you use it.

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