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7 minutes ago, dprh said:

Great suggestions. 

You could also encourage him to set up boundaries to keep him safe.  Some examples are

1. Not taking the phone into the bathroom

2. Not using it after a certain time at night. 

3. There are apps that can track time and app usage on the phone.  This can help him realize how he spends his time.

4. Create a list of 'fire drills' that he can do in moments of stress or triggers like:

     a. Reach out to someone he can trust and talk to.

     b. Physically move, whether jog, or do push ups, or walk into another room.

     c. Look at a picture that reminds him of his values.  Like of Jesus, the temple or his family.

     d. Work on memorizing a scripture, a poem or something to get his mind working on something else.

5.  Have a daily checklist of things to do.  Mine includes exercise, listen to 2 or 3 conference talks or a recovery podcast, study scriptures, morning and evening prayer, journal writing or other recover work like 12 steps.

Good ideas but they need to be his ideas, not his girlfriends or wife's ideas. 

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On ‎3‎/‎7‎/‎2020 at 9:42 AM, Idrawhorses said:

I've been dating a wonderful guy for about 6 months. I knew up front that he had a pornography addiction that had started at a very young age and has had a massive impact on his life. Pornography addiction is, at the core, a dopamine addiction, I know. 

He hadn't been temple worthy for quite some time and wasn't when we started dating. He finally was able to stop regular pornography use and go back to the temple recently. He's always been honest with me in every aspect regarding his addiction.

He wants to marry me, but he is waiting and respectful of my decision. Part of me really wants to get married, but I think I need to wait until he's been clean longer. 

How long should he be clean before I consider discussing marriage again and possibly getting engaged? Any general advice? 

It's a red flag.  Fugetaboutit.

 

Plenty of fish in the ocean.  Pass on this one.

Edited by mrmarklin

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2 hours ago, mrmarklin said:

It's a red flag.  Fugetaboutit.

 

Plenty of fish in the ocean.  Pass on this one.

Plenty of things in life are a "red flag", things like, growing up in a broken home (i.e. divorced parents), or growing up in an abusive home, or lack of motivation, playing video games all day or too much focus on work. 

Would you advise someone marry an individual who comes from a divorced home?  I most certainly would advise against it, and growing up in a divorced home will have by far more impact on future married life than pornography usage.  The same goes for marrying someone who was verbally/emotionally/physically abused as a child-way, way worse impacts later in life than pornography usage.

There will never be the "perfect" husband or "perfect" wife.  It's about picking what faults you are willing to life with (and if you think your spouse doesn't have faults, you are either naive or willfully blind), and then once married not focusing on those faults.

Sometimes as LDS, we hyper-focus on the active sins but ignore underlying issues that absolutely will cause major problems in marital relationships-such as being raised by a single-mother, or being abused as a child.

We seem to have compassion for the young adult raised in a divorced home or being abused and tell our youth, "don't judge them" b/c it's not their fault.  Yet then condemn a young man for looking at porn b/c it is his fault.  Except when the truth is laid bare, how you were raised as a child will have much greater impact on the kind of spouse you are vs. pornography.

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11 hours ago, BobMaster said:

Plenty of things in life are a "red flag", things like, growing up in a broken home (i.e. divorced parents), or growing up in an abusive home, or lack of motivation, playing video games all day or too much focus on work. 

Would you advise someone marry an individual who comes from a divorced home?  I most certainly would advise against it, and growing up in a divorced home will have by far more impact on future married life than pornography usage.  The same goes for marrying someone who was verbally/emotionally/physically abused as a child-way, way worse impacts later in life than pornography usage.

There will never be the "perfect" husband or "perfect" wife.  It's about picking what faults you are willing to life with (and if you think your spouse doesn't have faults, you are either naive or willfully blind), and then once married not focusing on those faults.

Sometimes as LDS, we hyper-focus on the active sins but ignore underlying issues that absolutely will cause major problems in marital relationships-such as being raised by a single-mother, or being abused as a child.

We seem to have compassion for the young adult raised in a divorced home or being abused and tell our youth, "don't judge them" b/c it's not their fault.  Yet then condemn a young man for looking at porn b/c it is his fault.  Except when the truth is laid bare, how you were raised as a child will have much greater impact on the kind of spouse you are vs. pornography.

Great points. 

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22 hours ago, BobMaster said:

Plenty of things in life are a "red flag", things like, growing up in a broken home (i.e. divorced parents), or growing up in an abusive home, or lack of motivation, playing video games all day or too much focus on work. 

Would you advise someone marry an individual who comes from a divorced home?  I most certainly would advise against it, and growing up in a divorced home will have by far more impact on future married life than pornography usage.  The same goes for marrying someone who was verbally/emotionally/physically abused as a child-way, way worse impacts later in life than pornography usage.

There will never be the "perfect" husband or "perfect" wife.  It's about picking what faults you are willing to life with (and if you think your spouse doesn't have faults, you are either naive or willfully blind), and then once married not focusing on those faults.

Sometimes as LDS, we hyper-focus on the active sins but ignore underlying issues that absolutely will cause major problems in marital relationships-such as being raised by a single-mother, or being abused as a child.

We seem to have compassion for the young adult raised in a divorced home or being abused and tell our youth, "don't judge them" b/c it's not their fault.  Yet then condemn a young man for looking at porn b/c it is his fault.  Except when the truth is laid bare, how you were raised as a child will have much greater impact on the kind of spouse you are vs. pornography.

The things you pointed out are red flags. As someone who married a person who came from an alcoholic and abusive family I can say, given a choice, I would have made another choice.  But I was young and dumb. 
We have a successful family, but life could have been easier. 

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