mimi_kute

struggling with the law of chastity

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ive been a member of the church for about 2 years now. i am the only one in my family and in all honesty i am just about to break the loc. im the only one in a family and to make matters worse there is only about 400 members in my city. only about 5 are my age and they are all coming and going. the only guys i meet are non members and sex is a big thing. this is just so frustrating. i used to want to keep the law but now im just worn down . at this rate i will never get married to a member. i dont live in the states or a hub so im just isolated. to make matters worse i have met the guy of my dreams and he is everything i want in a guy, smart funny intelligent, but he is not a member and has said he will never be. i dont want to, but a little part of me is wanting to throw in the towel. 

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Dear Sister, I hope that the following scriptures will be of some benefit to you. Please read and pray about them humbly and with faith, willing to submit to all things the Lord calls on you to endure, knowing that He is mindful of your thoughts and feelings and desires to bless you according to your faith and works and His love for you. 

 

14  Thou shalt not commit adultery.

(Old Testament | Exodus 20:14)

 

41  And moreover, I would desire that ye should consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God.  For behold, they are blessed in all things, both temporal and spiritual; and if they hold out faithful to the end they are received into heaven, that thereby they may dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness.  O remember, remember that these things are true; for the Lord God hath spoken it.

(Book of Mormon | Mosiah 2:41)

 

8  Now, the decrees of God are unalterable; therefore, the way is prepared that whosoever will may walk therein and be saved.

9  And now behold, my son, do not risk one more offense against your God upon those points of doctrine, which ye have hitherto risked to commit sin.

10  Do not suppose, because it has been spoken concerning restoration, that ye shall be restored from sin to happiness.  Behold, I say unto you, wickedness never was happiness

(Book of Mormon | Alma 41:8 - 10)

 

25  Wherefore, thus saith the Lord, I have led this people forth out of the land of Jerusalem, by the power of mine arm, that I might raise up unto me a righteous branch from the fruit of the loins of Joseph.

26  Wherefore, I the Lord God will not suffer that this people shall do like unto them of old.

27  Wherefore, my brethren, hear me, and hearken to the word of the Lord: For there shall not any man among you have save it be one wife; and concubines he shall have none;

28  For I, the Lord God, delight in the chastity of women.  And whoredoms are an abomination before me; thus saith the Lord of Hosts.

29  Wherefore, this people shall keep my commandments, saith the Lord of Hosts, or cursed be the land for their sakes.

30  For if I will, saith the Lord of Hosts, raise up seed unto me, I will command my people; otherwise they shall hearken unto these things.

31  For behold, I, the Lord, have seen the sorrow, and heard the mourning of the daughters of my people in the land of Jerusalem, yea, and in all the lands of my people, because of the wickedness and abominations of their husbands.

32  And I will not suffer, saith the Lord of Hosts, that the cries of the fair daughters of this people, which I have led out of the land of Jerusalem, shall come up unto me against the men of my people, saith the Lord of Hosts.

33  For they shall not lead away captive the daughters of my people because of their tenderness, save I shall visit them with a sore curse, even unto destruction; for they shall not commit whoredoms, like unto them of old, saith the Lord of Hosts.

(Book of Mormon | Jacob 2:25 - 33)

 

4 Ye have said, It is vain to serve God: and what profit is it that we have kept his ordinance, and that we have walked mournfully before the LORD of hosts?

5  And now we call the proud happy; yea, they that work wickedness are set up; yea, they that tempt God are even delivered.

6  ¶ Then they that feared the LORD spake often one to another: and the LORD hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the LORD, and that thought upon his name.

7  And they shall be mine, saith the LORD of hosts, in that day when I make up my jewels; and I will spare them, as a man spareth his own son that serveth him.

(Old Testament | Malachi 3:14 - 17)

 

6  And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.

(Book of Mormon | Ether 12:6)

 

15  Therefore, be ye strong from henceforth; fear not, for the kingdom is yours.

16  And for your salvation I give unto you a commandment, for I have heard your prayers, and the poor have complained before me, and the rich have I made, and all flesh is mine, and I am no respecter of persons.

17  And I have made the earth rich, and behold it is my footstool, wherefore, again I will stand upon it.

18  And I hold forth and deign to give unto you greater riches, even a land of promise, a land flowing with milk and honey, upon which there shall be no curse when the Lord cometh;

19  And I will give it unto you for the land of your inheritance, if you seek it with all your hearts.

(Doctrine and Covenants | Section 38:15 - 19)

 

32  But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not……………

(New Testament | Luke 22:32)

(I prayed specifically for you before posting this that you will be succored and strengthened by those in your ward and that your faith fail not)

 

31  But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

(Old Testament | Isaiah 40:31)

 

9  For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.

(Old Testament | Psalms 37:9)

 

14  Let not your minds turn back; and when ye are worthy, in mine own due time, ye shall see and know that which was conferred upon you by the hands of my servant Joseph Smith, Jun.  Amen.

(Doctrine and Covenants | Section 67:14)

 

28  And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

29  Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing?  and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father.

30  But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

31  Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.

32  Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven.

(New Testament | Matthew 10:28 - 32)

 

A Prayer of the afflicted, when he is overwhelmed, and poureth out his complaint before the LORD.

1  HEAR my prayer, O LORD, and let my cry come unto thee.

2  Hide not thy face from me in the day when I am in trouble; incline thine ear unto me: in the day when I call answer me speedily.

3  For my days are consumed like smoke, and my bones are burned as an hearth.

4  My heart is smitten, and withered like grass; so that I forget to eat my bread.

5  By reason of the voice of my groaning my bones cleave to my skin.

6  I am like a pelican of the wilderness: I am like an owl of the desert.

7  I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.

8  Mine enemies reproach me all the day; and they that are mad against me are sworn against me.

9  For I have eaten ashes like bread, and mingled my drink with weeping,

10  Because of thine indignation and thy wrath: for thou hast lifted me up, and cast me down.

11  My days are like a shadow that declineth; and I am withered like grass.

12  But thou, O LORD, shalt endure for ever; and thy remembrance unto all generations.

13  Thou shalt arise, and have mercy upon Zion: for the time to favour her, yea, the set time, is come.

14  For thy servants take pleasure in her stones, and favour the dust thereof.

15  So the heathen shall fear the name of the LORD, and all the kings of the earth thy glory.

16  When the LORD shall build up Zion, he shall appear in his glory.

17  He will regard the prayer of the destitute, and not despise their prayer.

18  This shall be written for the generation to come: and the people which shall be created shall praise the LORD.

19  For he hath looked down from the height of his sanctuary; from heaven did the LORD behold the earth;

20  To hear the groaning of the prisoner; to loose those that are appointed to death;

21  To declare the name of the LORD in Zion, and his praise in Jerusalem;

22  When the people are gathered together, and the kingdoms, to serve the LORD.

23  He weakened my strength in the way; he shortened my days.

(Old Testament | Psalms 102:1 - 23)

 

7  But ye are commanded in all things to ask of God, who giveth liberally; and that which the Spirit testifies unto you even so I would that ye should do in all holiness of heart, walking uprightly before me, considering the end of your salvation, doing all things with prayer and thanksgiving, that ye may not be seduced by evil spirits, or doctrines of devils, or the commandments of men; for some are of men, and others of devils

(Doctrine and Covenants | Section 46:7)

 

17  And I will wait upon the LORD, that hideth his face from the house of Jacob, and I will look for him.

 (Old Testament | Isaiah 8:17)

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2 hours ago, mimi_kute said:

ive been a member of the church for about 2 years now. i am the only one in my family and in all honesty i am just about to break the loc. im the only one in a family and to make matters worse there is only about 400 members in my city. only about 5 are my age and they are all coming and going. the only guys i meet are non members and sex is a big thing. this is just so frustrating. i used to want to keep the law but now im just worn down . at this rate i will never get married to a member. i dont live in the states or a hub so im just isolated. to make matters worse i have met the guy of my dreams and he is everything i want in a guy, smart funny intelligent, but he is not a member and has said he will never be. i dont want to, but a little part of me is wanting to throw in the towel. 

Hi @mimi_kute,

I'm an LDS Christian lady married to a generic Christian dude.  We have an amazing marriage.  Here's my advice:

It is essential that you date/marry a guy that respects you-- which includes your morals and relationship with Christ.  If he's not 100% on board with that, then he's simply not worth your time.  Simple as that.    My husband isn't a member, but he respects me.  He waited with me.  He honors my time at church, supports me when in comes to teaching our daughter about Christ.  He's kind, considerate, smart, and loves all of me.

Don't settle for a thing where all of you is not truly loved and supported.  If this dude loves your morals and relationship with Christ, then he might indeed be a good catch.  But not if he wants you to give up that huge part of yourself.  

 

As you're having such trouble in person, I would maybe suggest reaching out over online.  

Edited by Jane_Doe

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On 3/15/2020 at 6:20 AM, mimi_kute said:

ive been a member of the church for about 2 years now. i am the only one in my family and in all honesty i am just about to break the loc. im the only one in a family and to make matters worse there is only about 400 members in my city. only about 5 are my age and they are all coming and going. the only guys i meet are non members and sex is a big thing. this is just so frustrating. i used to want to keep the law but now im just worn down . at this rate i will never get married to a member. i dont live in the states or a hub so im just isolated. to make matters worse i have met the guy of my dreams and he is everything i want in a guy, smart funny intelligent, but he is not a member and has said he will never be. i dont want to, but a little part of me is wanting to throw in the towel. 

Are there other non-lds christians in your area?  LDS are not the only christian church with strong rules about sex only within the bonds of marriage.  Maybe try and make friends with like minded people who hold the same values you do, and lean on them for support when you find yourself struggling.

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Have you confided your feelings to anyone near you?  As lovely as the people are here, internet support only goes so far.

Meeting let alone dating members is more difficult in some places.  I am in the UK where wards are mostly composed of lots of families and lots of single women. Depending on your age can also make it harder. Is there a Young Single Adult program or institute class you can attend?  Knowing people who are in the same boat and choose the same standards as you can be really supportive.  It may involve a lot of travel, but you get to know people well on a road trip.

This is a challenge I have also faced.  It IS hard. BUT it is achievable. I found really understanding the purposes for the law of chastity helped. Having a testimony of the purpose of the family and an eternal perspective can help to keep you focussed.  We have very powerful hormonal urges for a reason, but there is a time and a season for all things.

As a teenage convert myself it took a real shift in my thinking to embrace the law of chastity. I learned to walk away from people and situations that would make it more difficult and fill my life with positive things that would support me to live it more easily. It is SO hard to have faith that there will be a chance for you to find a partner, but stranger things have happened!!!

I am now an older divorced single sister facing the same challenges as you and feel I have even less chance of finding a partner in the church.  But I live a full life, try focus on the positives and have faith that my Father in Heaven loves me, has a plan for me... even if I don't know what it is.

If I don't meet a church member, I could have a relationship with someone who respects my values. However these men are few and far between too.

Sorry for my ramblings,  but I do hope you can find someone to support you through this challenge.

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18 minutes ago, KScience said:

I am in the UK where wards are mostly composed of lots of families and lots of single women.

Hmmm. I'm familiar with quite a few unmarried LDS men who might find this inviting news. Maybe it's time for a return immigration of some of the descendants of those English converts of yore back to their motherland.

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