Serviteur du seigneur

Will i have dificulties trying to find a girl at BYU if i didn't serve a mission ?

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22 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:

@Serviteur du seigneur, if you already have a Bacholor's why not simply move to a more heavily-LDS populated area?  You could theoretically even just move to UT.  

No need to go for another degree if it doesn't benefit you.  Also, I'm guessing that you're a fair bit older than a lot of the BYU-attendees.  

I'd say this is PROBABLY the best suggestion.  If you are going to a school, go there to get an education, not a marriage certificate.  Among those who go to BYU there may be a few that would date you and even look at you for marriage, but you will find a MUCH BIGGER POOL by making your priority to get married.  By that, I mean, go to where there are greater numbers who may not necessarily be looking for an RM OR someone closer to their own age (I'm not saying you are old, but if you already have two bachelors it may be that you will be a tad older than many of those at the university, even the RMs, which could make you even older than many of the girls there).

Instead of focusing on BYU-Idaho or BYU I'd say go to a master's program at someplace like the University of Utah or Utah University.  The University of Utah is located in Salt Lake City and the Singles Scene there, even for LDS, is tremendous from what I understand.  There are many activities focused just for LDS Singles, those who are young, those who are not quite as young, and even those who are middle age. 

Utah University has one of the Biggest Institute programs in the world, though the activities for Singles of all ages may not be quite up to the quality of those in Salt Lake City. 

On the alternate side, if you have a degree in computers or similar, they currently have a massive group of businesses that have been massing in Utah's Silicon Valley between American Fork and Draper in Utah.  I hear it is growing in leaps and bounds and they are constantly looking for new folks to work there. 

This would get you into Utah and among a LOT of members without having to go through the rigours of BYU.  In addition, many who go to BYU who want to get married ARE looking for that RM idea, but the numbers who will marry any righteous or good LDS member regardless of RM status are probably greater among the average singles outside of BYU, but still in the Mormon areas.

There are also other places in the US with quite a High Number of LDS members that you may be able to go to.  Las Vegas has a great number of Members as well as Singles.  St. George is another area which is abounding in members (but also an area for retirees from what I understand).  If you really want schooling I think they also have a college or university there.

Flagstaff and parts of Arizona also have a large number of Saints in those areas as well as a robust Singles program.

Finally, Pocatello, Idaho and those areas have many businesses (and they are soon getting a temple) that would look at college graduates and have a large number of LDS members in the population (higher in Pocatello than in some areas of Utah even).  They also have the Idaho State University there as well.

Some people may think it is BYU or bust if they are looking for an LDS spouse without realizing that there are many and great opportunities to find a spouse beyond just BYU. 

Finally, another area that you can look at that I've heard is useful (I do not know a lot about it) is that there are now LDS singles sites online which specialize specifically for LDS dating.  I'm not sure of how well it works, but I've known one or two of my grad students that told me they utilized it and they got married to those they met online.  One of them, ironically, got married to a South American lady who was also a member.

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58 minutes ago, JohnsonJones said:

I'd say this is PROBABLY the best suggestion.  If you are going to a school, go there to get an education, not a marriage certificate.  Among those who go to BYU there may be a few that would date you and even look at you for marriage, but you will find a MUCH BIGGER POOL by making your priority to get married.  By that, I mean, go to where there are greater numbers who may not necessarily be looking for an RM OR someone closer to their own age (I'm not saying you are old, but if you already have two bachelors it may be that you will be a tad older than many of those at the university, even the RMs, which could make you even older than many of the girls there).

Instead of focusing on BYU-Idaho or BYU I'd say go to a master's program at someplace like the University of Utah or Utah University.  The University of Utah is located in Salt Lake City and the Singles Scene there, even for LDS, is tremendous from what I understand.  There are many activities focused just for LDS Singles, those who are young, those who are not quite as young, and even those who are middle age. 

Utah University has one of the Biggest Institute programs in the world, though the activities for Singles of all ages may not be quite up to the quality of those in Salt Lake City. 

On the alternate side, if you have a degree in computers or similar, they currently have a massive group of businesses that have been massing in Utah's Silicon Valley between American Fork and Draper in Utah.  I hear it is growing in leaps and bounds and they are constantly looking for new folks to work there. 

This would get you into Utah and among a LOT of members without having to go through the rigours of BYU.  In addition, many who go to BYU who want to get married ARE looking for that RM idea, but the numbers who will marry any righteous or good LDS member regardless of RM status are probably greater among the average singles outside of BYU, but still in the Mormon areas.

There are also other places in the US with quite a High Number of LDS members that you may be able to go to.  Las Vegas has a great number of Members as well as Singles.  St. George is another area which is abounding in members (but also an area for retirees from what I understand).  If you really want schooling I think they also have a college or university there.

Flagstaff and parts of Arizona also have a large number of Saints in those areas as well as a robust Singles program.

Finally, Pocatello, Idaho and those areas have many businesses (and they are soon getting a temple) that would look at college graduates and have a large number of LDS members in the population (higher in Pocatello than in some areas of Utah even).  They also have the Idaho State University there as well.

Some people may think it is BYU or bust if they are looking for an LDS spouse without realizing that there are many and great opportunities to find a spouse beyond just BYU. 

Finally, another area that you can look at that I've heard is useful (I do not know a lot about it) is that there are now LDS singles sites online which specialize specifically for LDS dating.  I'm not sure of how well it works, but I've known one or two of my grad students that told me they utilized it and they got married to those they met online.  One of them, ironically, got married to a South American lady who was also a member.

I need to go to graduate school no matter what, and i'm still approaching my mid 20s, so thats why i was thinking about BYU. And Yeah, ive tried most apps and sites, the majority of them is filled with people 20 years older than me, its just not the place.

Edited by Serviteur du seigneur

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3 minutes ago, Serviteur du seigneur said:

I need to go to graduate school no matter what, and i'm still approaching my mid 20s, so thats why i was thinking about BYU. 

Ok, graduate school is a very different thing than undergrad.

I would focus on a list of good school for you/your field, apply, and see what happens.  Being in a higher density LDS area is a factor, but it shouldn't be the only one. 

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10 minutes ago, Jane_Doe said:

Ok, graduate school is a very different thing than undergrad.

I would focus on a list of good school for you/your field, apply, and see what happens.  Being in a higher density LDS area is a factor, but it shouldn't be the only one. 

BYU is a mid tier graduate school, while its not bad, there are better options out there. But if i went there and got out married it would totally be worth it. And BYU is also the best university in lds populated areas.  While University of utah is like #48 in some rankings.

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1 hour ago, Serviteur du seigneur said:

BYU is a mid tier graduate school, while its not bad, there are better options out there. But if i went there and got out married it would totally be worth it. And BYU is also the best university in lds populated areas.  While University of utah is like #48 in some rankings.

What is your program of study? Law?

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34 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:

BYU and U of U are both considered first-tier (i.e. top 50) law schools, methinks.

Yes, I know that both Utah law schools are respected. He said Utah was around #48, which I thought sounded like approximately the law school. I thought the Marriott School of Business was higher ranked than that, though.

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47 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:

BYU and U of U are both considered first-tier (i.e. top 50) law schools, methinks.

tier 1 comprises the 14 best. BYU is far from that, I think it's tier 3 or 4. But is still better than U of U, believe it or not.

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29 minutes ago, Vort said:

Yes, I know that both Utah law schools are respected. He said Utah was around #48, which I thought sounded like approximately the law school. I thought the Marriott School of Business was higher ranked than that, though.

It is much more respected than their law program, specially in areas such as accounting. It's usually ranked somewhere around #24.

It's a good deal to go there for an MBA and pursue the JD somewhere else, but not the other way around.

Edited by Serviteur du seigneur

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26 minutes ago, Serviteur du seigneur said:

It is much more respected than their law program, specially in areas such as accounting. It's usually ranked somewhere around #24.

It's a good deal to go there for an MBA and pursue the JD somewhere else, but not the other way around.

I assume you would just earn a JD/MBA from BYU. No?

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9 hours ago, Serviteur du seigneur said:

BYU is a mid tier graduate school, while its not bad, there are better options out there. But if i went there and got out married it would totally be worth it. And BYU is also the best university in lds populated areas.  While University of utah is like #48 in some rankings.

Graduate school is FAR more iffy than undergraduate if you want to get married at the Y.  There are still women out there that are not married, but I wouldn't go to the Y to get married if I were in graduate school.  I'd go to whatever school had the best program for the graduate program I was wanting to get into in the States between Utah, Arizona and Idaho, along with possibly Las Vegas.

I'd also then participate in the Social Scene.  Guys over the age of 25 start being a little scary to many of the Girls in the undergraduate programs at BYU from what I've understood from daughters and grandkids.  There are still girls to date, but I would think that could be a bad decision to go to BYU to try to get married whilst doing graduate work.

6 hours ago, Serviteur du seigneur said:

It is much more respected than their law program, specially in areas such as accounting. It's usually ranked somewhere around #24.

It's a good deal to go there for an MBA and pursue the JD somewhere else, but not the other way around.

I'm not sure where you are getting your rankings from, but I think the BYU accounting program is rated #2 in the US right now.  That's pretty much at the top. University of Texas rates higher than it.  However, there are plenty of people who flunk out as well.  If you are going to the top tier of Accounting schools, I'd probably REALLY focus on studies first, dating second.

BYU is ranked #27 in Business Schools in the US currently, though for MBA's it is ranked #30.  There is also a reason the US is HIGHLY sought out for it's degree programs...and they are rather challenging.

For Law School, my advice would be to go to where you want to practice Law.  Going to California for Law School, or Massachussetts will be great to help you pass the bar in those states, but if you want to practice in Utah, probably Utah or somewhere close would be a good place to study if you want to pass the bar in a timely manner.

Business schoolwise, BYU is a pretty good choice.

It could be a good choice to go to BYU for graduate work, but I'd focus on studies if I went there.  I'd say your chances of getting MARRIED would actually be better if you simply got a job and participated in the singles scene in Utah or one of the other states with a High Member population.  There is a HIGHER marriage rate among the general population for your age group among the singles than you will find at BYU.

You asked if you will have difficulties finding someone to marry at BYU if you didn't go on a mission.  From all I've heard, the answer to your question is YES...you WILL.  It's not just that item, it's also could be your age as well as the program you are in.  You STILL can find love and marriage at BYU, but I think there may be better options.  If you are going to BYU primarily to get married, I think that could be a bad choice considering how challenging those programs could be.  There are many that go to BYU to get married and flunk out in a semester or two.  Better to go for a degree and then if you happen to find someone to date and marry as well, count your blessings. 

As I said, I really think there are better ways to go about it than going to BYU to get married.  It has a reputation that it is the place to go to get married, but there are other schools out there with higher rates of marriage between members than BYU.  If marriage is the goal, focus on what the best way to go about that is.

Now if the LORD is saying you need to go to BYU to find a spouse, and that's truly what the spirit is telling you, then nothing we say here should sway you any differently.  Personal Revelation on your part should make up your mind far more than any influence we have. However, if it is not, and your goal is to get married...You need the singles scene in Salt Lake or another major city with a Large Member population FAR more than you would need to go to BYU in my estimation.  BYU is for studies...and if marriage comes along with it then good for them.  However, I think you are focusing far too much on the going to BYU to get married idea.    If you are going to study at the Y though, focus on getting your degree with dating secondary.  There are MANY who go to the Y without realizing how challenging it actually is. 

Edited by JohnsonJones

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8 hours ago, Serviteur du seigneur said:

tier 1 comprises the 14 best. BYU is far from that, I think it's tier 3 or 4. But is still better than U of U, believe it or not.

When I was in law school, at least per the US News system, “tiers” were broken up into groups of 50 (top tier was schools ranked 1-50, second-tier was 51-100, and on down to fourth tier).  BYU, I believe, is consistently in the high 30s or low 40s; if that’s now tier 3 or 4, then things have significantly changed.  🙂

If you can get into a top-14 school, and reject it because you think you can recruit some hot young Mormon chickadee from BYU to take you, and then you nonetheless somehow fail in your quest . . . You’re going to be kicking yourself pretty hard.  If those are your priorities—by all means, take the T14 slot.

Edited by Just_A_Guy

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One other thing I would add and maybe someone else already has is timing, meaning the Lord's not your's. While we all strive for some preconceived ideal the Lord knows what's best for us personally. So don't get fixated on how and when something is supposed to happen. Live worthy of it and even work towards it but don't set timelines on it. That can only make you miserable or even worse cause you to make poor choices. Trust that the Lord cares more about this than even you do.

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10 hours ago, Vort said:

Yes, I know that both Utah law schools are respected. He said Utah was around #48, which I thought sounded like approximately the law school. I thought the Marriott School of Business was higher ranked than that, though.

Speaking of Marriott... South Virginia University has a vastly higher ratio of Women to Men on campus...

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12 hours ago, Vort said:

I assume you would just earn a JD/MBA from BYU. No?

No.

7 hours ago, JohnsonJones said:

Graduate school is FAR more iffy than undergraduate if you want to get married at the Y.  There are still women out there that are not married, but I wouldn't go to the Y to get married if I were in graduate school.  I'd go to whatever school had the best program for the graduate program I was wanting to get into in the States between Utah, Arizona and Idaho, along with possibly Las Vegas.

I'd also then participate in the Social Scene.  Guys over the age of 25 start being a little scary to many of the Girls in the undergraduate programs at BYU from what I've understood from daughters and grandkids.  There are still girls to date, but I would think that could be a bad decision to go to BYU to try to get married whilst doing graduate work.

I'm not sure where you are getting your rankings from, but I think the BYU accounting program is rated #2 in the US right now.  That's pretty much at the top. University of Texas rates higher than it.  However, there are plenty of people who flunk out as well.  If you are going to the top tier of Accounting schools, I'd probably REALLY focus on studies first, dating second.

BYU is ranked #27 in Business Schools in the US currently, though for MBA's it is ranked #30.  There is also a reason the US is HIGHLY sought out for it's degree programs...and they are rather challenging.

For Law School, my advice would be to go to where you want to practice Law.  Going to California for Law School, or Massachussetts will be great to help you pass the bar in those states, but if you want to practice in Utah, probably Utah or somewhere close would be a good place to study if you want to pass the bar in a timely manner.

Business schoolwise, BYU is a pretty good choice.

It could be a good choice to go to BYU for graduate work, but I'd focus on studies if I went there.  I'd say your chances of getting MARRIED would actually be better if you simply got a job and participated in the singles scene in Utah or one of the other states with a High Member population.  There is a HIGHER marriage rate among the general population for your age group among the singles than you will find at BYU.

You asked if you will have difficulties finding someone to marry at BYU if you didn't go on a mission.  From all I've heard, the answer to your question is YES...you WILL.  It's not just that item, it's also could be your age as well as the program you are in.  You STILL can find love and marriage at BYU, but I think there may be better options.  If you are going to BYU primarily to get married, I think that could be a bad choice considering how challenging those programs could be.  There are many that go to BYU to get married and flunk out in a semester or two.  Better to go for a degree and then if you happen to find someone to date and marry as well, count your blessings. 

As I said, I really think there are better ways to go about it than going to BYU to get married.  It has a reputation that it is the place to go to get married, but there are other schools out there with higher rates of marriage between members than BYU.  If marriage is the goal, focus on what the best way to go about that is.

Now if the LORD is saying you need to go to BYU to find a spouse, and that's truly what the spirit is telling you, then nothing we say here should sway you any differently.  Personal Revelation on your part should make up your mind far more than any influence we have. However, if it is not, and your goal is to get married...You need the singles scene in Salt Lake or another major city with a Large Member population FAR more than you would need to go to BYU in my estimation.  BYU is for studies...and if marriage comes along with it then good for them.  However, I think you are focusing far too much on the going to BYU to get married idea.    If you are going to study at the Y though, focus on getting your degree with dating secondary.  There are MANY who go to the Y without realizing how challenging it actually is. 

I was told that it wont make a difference whether i'm on undergrad or gradschool, they say most dating happens in the singles ward in the campus. Even if i went to BYU and got out single, it would not be in vain because their MBA is respected. Now, in BYU idaho getting out without a spouse would be a total waste of time.

2 hours ago, anatess2 said:

Speaking of Marriott... South Virginia University has a vastly higher ratio of Women to Men on campus...

But they don't want to get married.

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1 hour ago, Serviteur du seigneur said:

No.

I was told that it wont make a difference whether i'm on undergrad or gradschool, they say most dating happens in the singles ward in the campus. Even if i went to BYU and got out single, it would not be in vain because their MBA is respected. Now, in BYU idaho getting out without a spouse would be a total waste of time.

But they don't want to get married.

Neither do many of the girls at BYU...believe it or not. 

However, you do what you feel is best.

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3 hours ago, Serviteur du seigneur said:

I was told that it wont make a difference whether i'm on undergrad or gradschool, they say most dating happens in the singles ward in the campus.

This is true.  I found my wife (freshman) when I was in grad school.  And everyone pretty much agreed that we were a perfect match.

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On 5/6/2020 at 6:33 PM, Serviteur du seigneur said:

Self explained question.

Depends on what kind of girl you want.  There are many different types of women at BYU, running from those who aren't Saints and will spend the night with you to RMs who want a husband who served to build a faith-based life with.  If you want the former, you likely won't have any trouble.  If you want the latter, you should probably go on a mission.  If you want something in between, then you'll have to put in the effort and see.

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I'm going to ask an ignorant question, since my church has the opposite problem. We sometimes joke about being the Assemblies of Girls, 'cause so many non-married adults are female, within the church. So, while I understand that many in the 18-22 year range might hold out for the ideal partner, post-college I suspect that most singles are just looking for someone that can share love with them and uphold the same religious values. So, if OP is post-22, does it really matter so much that the convert with some medical issues was not properly situated to serve a mission?

Edited by prisonchaplain

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