Good Men


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A while back Egard Watches put out a video as a counterpoint to the Gillette "toxic masculinity" ad.

Because of the overwhelmingly positive response, they began a campaign "We See The Good" where they invited people to upload videos of positive male role-models in their lives.  I saw a couple of them. 

One was particularly interesting because he noted that his father was a deeply flawed man (alcoholic).  But as he (the son) got older, he recognized all the good in him.  And due to his father's untimely death (the son was 16) he grew up without a father.  Since then he began to realize how much positive influence he had from his father.

I'd like to invite everyone to talk about some positive role-models in their lives.  It doesn't have to be male.  But that would be the spirit of this thread.

********** I'll start **********************

I have mentioned that I had problems with both my fathers.  But I do see the positive.  There were remarkable similarities between the two.

Both were entrepreneurs.  Both worked their fingers to the bone to support their families.  Both had businesses that were struggling to make ends meet.  But eventually both built businesses that were thriving.  They both made a name for themeselves in the community.

Both were concerned for both our temporal and spiritual welfare.  Both were flawed human beings to the point where it was difficult to live with them -- even in retrospect, they really could have been better.  But also in retrospect, they could have easily been much worse.  Both had anger management issues.  Both did their best to change that.

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My biological father was what Americans would call abusive.  But in Korea, he was not.  At some point, his abuse of my mother drove her away.  I never saw her again.  I only remember two conversations I had with him -- which I won't go into at this time.  But they showed he cared about my life and was trying to make sure I knew what it was to be a human being instead of an animal.

There were several problems I had growing up that should have made him blow his top. But he seemed to take it in stride. 

He taught me good values (as Koreans saw it).  He made sure we went to church every Sunday and we learned Christian principles.

He made sure I learned proper dress and grooming.  In retrospect, I think this was ridiculous considering our indigence.  We didn't have indoor plumbing, but we were not going to have cavities.  But whatever it was, I was raised by a man who worked his fingers to the bone every day, was concerned for our temporal welfare, and our spiritual welfare.

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My adoptive father was very quick to apply the rod.  He was selfish in many ways.  He had some serious character flaws for which he should have gone to jail.  But he didn't.  He worked on improving all his life.  I don't know if he has the mental capacity to do so now -- dementia. 

He has always been a hypocrite.  He made sure we knew correct principles even though he violated the principles more often than anyone I personally knew growing up.  He preached them well.  And he enforced them.

The interesting thing about it all was that it worked.  We all knew that he was guilty of anything he preached against -- more guilty than any of us.  But we also knew that his hypocrisy was no excuse for us to be that way.  His hypocrisy actually served as a warning of how NOT to be.  I hate being a hypocrite more than nearly any other sin I'm guilty of.  So, when it is pointed out to me, it seems to double my efforts to curb that behavior.

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Both fathers were entrepreneurs.  I didn't have a chance of not running my own business.

Both fathers worked really hard.  I didn't have a chance of not being a workaholic.

Both fathers had anger management issues...  I'm... working on it.

In the end, I have to recognize that despite many failures they had, they were the men who shaped my soul.  They taught me good principles.  They were concerned for my well being.  And despite all their flaws, they did the best they could to provide for both my temporal and spiritual well-being.

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My husband is one of these.

He was 19 when I met him, although, I didn't know it at the time because I met him at a dance club drinking a beer.  He was a Navy kid who spent his formative years in San Diego.  His dad was an officer so he had enough means not to live on base but not enough to live in the better parts of town.  As a "new kid on the block" in public school, and having the "surfer blonde" hair, he stood out in his whites-are-minority classroom.  His brothers both have dark hair so they seem to have it easier.  His father is out to sea for most of those years leaving his mother to care for 3 boys and a girl... she ended up taking care of the girl and leaving the boys to their own devices.  They were active LDS and had a great youth group and when his father was home they'd have amazing scouting adventures but public school was tough so he ended up joining the black gang who were in a gang war with the hispanics.  His best friend ended up getting shot in the head right next to him.  Anyway, his father retired from the Navy when he was about 14 so they ended up moving to Florida but that came with more problems being the new kid in another public school trying to fit in when he has this "what is this hick town?" California attitude and "You call this a surf?" disappointment such that he tried hitch hiking his way back to California.  Anyway, another public school another failed opportunity to fit in getting him drawn to the drugged-up kids and with his California looks getting girls to do his homework and be his arm accessories.  But, this time, he had an ever-present father who got them neck deep into the scouting program and their priesthood duties.  But he still ended up dropping out of school in his junior year when his brother left for his mission.  He quit going to Church and ended up doing modeling and every bad influence that entails.

Anyway, I met him while he was still modeling.  Saw him right when he walked into the club and thought - I'm gonna marry that guy.  He was aloof, arrogant, with that attitude that he's too good for all the plebes out there.  But I saw through the act and thought to myself, I want to know what makes this guy tick.  We ended up friends and at that time I was working with the Baptists bringing refugees out of Bosnia.  He would go do his modeling gigs in New York and come home to Florida and spend time hanging out with the Bosnians with me.  2 years later, we got married and he went back to Church.

Today, I look back at that 19-year-old I met at the club and realize... that flawed man became the best father my kids could ever have.  I want to just put my 2 boys on the stage and tell everybody - Look!  Look!  My husband made them that.  I am very proud of my boys and who they are today and I know they are who they are because of everything my husband is - including all the influences he had in his life, especially his own father (who is the son of an alcoholic who used to beat his mother up all the time until one day he got big enough to knock all of his father's teeth out - and his father never did it again).

 

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My dad is simply amazing. He is one of the best men that I have ever know. He is one of many kids. Dirt floor poor. All kids shared a bed and snow would come inside the holes in the wall. He talked about not having shoes or more than one pair of pants. His father was an abusive alcoholic.  It makes me so sad that any child would be in the situation that he was. 

Dad left most of it behind to get away from it all. He went to college. He joined the Navy. He worked his butt off so that his kids could have what he never had. We had food, a warm home and clothes. 

He is the first to help people. He was going through cancer treatment and he would be out helped people. He would chop wood for the single women in his ward or helping with their cars.  No one knew how sick he was.  

There is a poem called the bridge builder. That is my dad. I am who I am because of him.  

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