Original Mission

[Comp]

On 4/20/2021 at 9:13 AM, dprh said:

It is ok to feel frustrated, hurt and/or angry in this type of situation.  Now, it is time to decide how you will respond.  I'd suggest being supportive and giving it to God.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and for the advice. I'm very much in the middle of it right now and want to DO what I can/should do, which isn't clear. My husband and I barely even talk about it, because we both feel....paralyzed? Stuck? Confused? Broken? I don't even know. I'm going to do my best to give it to God, because it is feeling more and more like that's all I can do. Maybe then He'll be more willing to direct me to any actions I should take or things I should say. And I read the link. Thank you.

[Manners Matter]

On 4/15/2021 at 6:33 PM, Comp said:

/snip/ I wonder if my kids will be better off going to college instead of on a mission, because it didn't turn out well this time and I'm scared to do it again.

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I'm sorry this is challenging. A few thoughts:

My husband had a very difficult mission and doesn't have fond memories and great mission stories to share in talks, etc. But he stuck it out which I'm sure prepared him for disappointments that have happened since. So no, not all missions are 'the best 2 years' and your son is finding this out but do not let his experience derail what your other kids may need/have. (On a side note, there was an occasion that my husband eluded to how difficult his mission was and a mom of teenage boys thanked him for his honesty as it helped her and her sons. Perhaps your son will be in a unique position to buoy others up down the road.)

The following helped my husband on his mission and perhaps it will help you and your missionary (from BYU Commencement address):

...

Now some of you as you go forward are going to meet with disappointment—perhaps many disappointments, some of them crucial. Sometimes you will wonder if God has forgotten you. Sometimes you may even wonder if He lives and where He has gone. But in these times when so many are saying God is dead and when so many are denying His existence, I think I could not leave with you a better message than this: God is aware of you individually. He knows who you are and what you are, and, furthermore, He knows what you are capable of becoming. Be not discouraged, then, if you do not get all the things you want just when you want them. Have the courage to go on and face your life and, if necessary, reverse it to bring it into harmony with His law.

Could I tell you just a quick story out of my own experience in life? Sixty-odd years ago I was on a farm in Canada. I had purchased the farm from another who had been somewhat careless in keeping it up. I went out one morning and found a currant bush that was at least six feet high. I knew that it was going all to wood. There was no sign of blossom or of fruit. I had had some experience in pruning trees before we left Salt Lake to go to Canada, as my father had a fruit farm. So I got my pruning shears and went to work on that currant bush, and I clipped it and cut it and cut it down until there was nothing left but a little clump of stumps.

And as I looked at them, I yielded to an impulse, which I often have, to talk with inanimate things and have them talk to me. It’s a ridiculous habit. It’s one I can’t overcome. As I looked at this little clump of stumps, there seemed to be a tear on each one, and I said, “What’s the matter, currant bush? What are you crying about?”

And I thought I heard that currant bush speak. It seemed to say, “How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth. I was almost as large as the fruit tree and the shade tree, and now you have cut me down. And all in the garden will look upon me with contempt and pity. How could you do it? I thought you were the gardener here.”

I thought I heard that from the currant bush. I thought it so much that I answered it.

I said, “Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here, and I know what I want you to be. If I let you go the way you want to go, you will never amount to anything. But someday, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to think back and say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.’”

Ten years passed, and I found myself in Europe. I had made some progress in the First World War in the Canadian army. In fact, I was a field officer, and there was only one man between me and the rank of general, which I had cherished in my heart for years. Then he became a casualty. And the day after, I received a telegram from London from General Turner, who was in charge of all Canadian officers. The telegram said, “Be in my office tomorrow morning at ten o’clock.”

I puffed up. I called my special servant. (We called them “batmen” over there.) I said, “Polish my boots and my buttons. Make me look like a general, because I am going up tomorrow to be appointed.”

He did the best he could with what he had to work on, and I went to London. I walked into the office of the general. I saluted him smartly, and he replied to my salute as higher officers usually do to juniors—sort of a “Get out of the way, worm.” Then he said, “Sit down, Brown.”

I was deflated. I sat down. And he said, “Brown, you are entitled to this promotion, but I cannot make it. You have qualified and passed the regulations, you have had the experience, and you are entitled to it in every way, but I cannot make this appointment.”

Just then he went into the other room to answer a phone call, and I did what most every officer and man in the army would do under those circumstances: I looked over on his desk to see what my personal history sheet showed. And I saw written on the bottom of that history sheet in large capital letters: “THIS MAN IS A MORMON.”

Now at that time we were hated heartily in Britain, and I knew why he couldn’t make the appointment. Finally he came back and said, “That’s all, Brown.”

I saluted him, less heartily than before, and went out. On my way back to Shorncliffe, 120 kilometers away, I thought every turn of the wheels that clacked across the rails was saying, “You’re a failure. You must go home and be called a coward by those who do not understand.”

And bitterness rose in my heart until I arrived, finally, in my tent, and I rather vigorously threw my cap on the cot, together with my Sam Browne belt. I clenched my fist, and I shook it at heaven, and I said, “How could you do this to me, God? I’ve done everything that I knew how to do to uphold the standards of the Church. I was making such wonderful growth, and now you’ve cut me down. How could you do it?”

And then I heard a voice. It sounded like my own voice, and the voice said, “I am the gardener here. I know what I want you to be. If I let you go the way you want to go, you will never amount to anything. And someday, when you are ripened in life, you are going to shout back across the time and say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.’”

Those words—which I recognize now as my words to the currant bush and that had become God’s word to me—drove me to my knees, where I prayed for forgiveness for my arrogance and my ambition.

As I was praying there, I heard some Mormon boys in an adjoining tent singing the closing number to an M.I.A. session, which I usually attended with them. And I recognized these words, which all of you have memorized:

It may not be on the mountain height
Or over the stormy sea;
It may not be at the battle’s front
My Lord will have need of me;
But if, by a still, small voice he calls
To paths that I do not know,
I’ll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:
I’ll go where you want me to go.
. . .
So trusting my all to thy tender care,
And knowing thou lovest me,
I’ll do thy will with a heart sincere;
I’ll be what you want me to be.
[“It May Not Be on the Mountain Height,” Hymns,1948, no. 75]

My young friends and brothers and sisters, will you remember that little experience that changed my whole life? Had the Gardener not taken control and done for me what was best for me, or if I had gone the way I wanted to go, I would have returned to Canada as a senior commanding officer of western Canada. I would have raised my family in a barracks. My six daughters would have had little chance to marry in the Church. I myself would probably have gone down and down. I do not know what might have happened, but this I know, and this I say to you and to Him in your presence, looking back over sixty years: “Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down.”

Now I leave with you my testimony, and I received this testimony from the same source that Jesus said inspired Peter when he said, “Thou art the Christ.”

Whatever undertakings may demand of you and of your attention, I tell you, young men and young women, you cannot make a better resolution today than this: “I am going to keep close to the Lord. I am going to understand Him better, and, understanding Him, I will understand myself and will try to put my life into harmony with His.” For I have come to know that every man and every woman has potential godhood dwelling in him, for God is in reality the Father of us all.

I leave you my blessing: God bless these young people. They are looking forward hopefully and gleefully to the experiences of life. Oh, Father, be with and sustain them, uphold them, deepen their testimonies, keep them true to the faith and true to themselves. Father, bless them that they may live up to the best traditions of our country and be proud of the fact that they graduated from a Church-owned and Church-operated school, where they were taught these precious truths concerning the purpose of their life and their relationship to Deity, I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Hugh B. Brown was first counselor in the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when this commencement address was given on 31 May 1968.

Edited April 23, 2021 by Manners Matter

[Manners Matter]

Just remembered this (could also be called "welcome to life"):

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by Emily Perl Kingsley

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

[Manners Matter]

On 4/22/2021 at 4:04 PM, Comp said:

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and for the advice. I'm very much in the middle of it right now and want to DO what I can/should do, which isn't clear. My husband and I barely even talk about it, because we both feel....paralyzed? Stuck? Confused? Broken? I don't even know. I'm going to do my best to give it to God, because it is feeling more and more like that's all I can do. Maybe then He'll be more willing to direct me to any actions I should take or things I should say. And I read the link. Thank you.

Great - shifting to doing is a good move. Here's what I would suggest:

Send him a daily pick me up/reminder for the next 3 months:

~ the article I posted above

~ the story I shared above

~ the experience Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley told about when he was on a mission and wrote to his father and his father's response was to 'forget yourself and get to work'

~ an 'endure to the end' image

~ a 'bloom where you're planted' rendering

~ "it's not where you serve, but how you serve"

~ "if He can bring you to it, He can get you through it"

~ potter's hands saying/poem

~ the pict of the child holding a stuffed animal and saying 'but I want it' and Jesus holding a bigger one behind Him

~ success is spelled e-n-d-u-r-e-s

~ 'if your tests in life bring you closer to Christ, you've passed!'

~ "we don't always get what we want, but we get what we need"

~ 'bitter or better'

~ 'shrink or soar'

~ a simple "you can do it"

~ recipe for lemonade ('when life gives you lemons...)

~ line graph that shows how short 1 year is in the big scheme of things

         (ie _______________________ -________________________________________________________________)

I would alternate these with some funny things:

~ mission cartoons from the New Era (google Val Chadwick Bagley, Ryan Stoker, Kevin Beckstrom...)

~ funny smilies

And of course scriptures:

~ D&C 122

And lyrics:

~ the Test by Janice Kapp Perry

You could also find/create wordsearches, crosswords with specific words (ie persistence, determination...)

 

Gratitude is powerful so I would also challenge him to write something down every day that he's grateful for about his mission

(didn't have to tract in the rain, my feet and knuckles don't have callouses from walking/knocking, nice dinner dropped off, not chased by dogs, bike/car didn't break down...)

 

Service is also huge so have him report who/how he helped someone every day - big or small.

 

Edited April 25, 2021 by Manners Matter

[Manners Matter]

One other thing, he may be starting to wonder/worry about what he's going to share in his homecoming talk. Writing down ways he has gained a greater appreciation for Joseph Smith and the Savior could help with this and it could be quite powerful and helpful for others.

[Suzie]

 

Quote

Of quitting.



I don't know of any missionary who decided to return home because his mission was reassigned. If he returns home early, I'm very confident this isn't the reason. There are underlined issues here in my opinion.

Quote

  and a little bit of wondering what's wrong with him.

Do you mind sharing a little more about this? Is it that he thinks something is wrong with him because they didn't send him back to his original mission?

Quote

I watched him thrive in his original mission and then really, really struggle shortly after getting to the reassigned mission. So, it's hard for me to see how the WHERE doesn't play a part.

But he served close to a full year in the "temporary assignment", correct?  How long did he serve in his original mission?

 

Edited April 23, 2021 by Suzie

[Comp]

On 4/23/2021 at 2:54 PM, Suzie said:

But he served close to a full year in the "temporary assignment", correct?  How long did he serve in his original mission?

Correct. About 8 months in the first.

 

On 4/23/2021 at 2:54 PM, Suzie said:

I don't know of any missionary who decided to return home because his mission was reassigned. If he returns home early, I'm very confident this isn't the reason. There are underlined issues here in my opinion.

He is NOT coming home as a DIRECT reaction to his mission being reassigned. He's not pouting. He's not saying, "Well, that's not fair, that's it, I quit!"

He had unique struggles in the new mission that were not present in the first one. I think he coped and "hung in there" by hanging on to the fact that it was only temporary. In hindsight, of course, that wasn't healthy. It would have been better to assume he was finishing in the new mission. But it was honestly crazy, a year ago, to think Covid restrictions would last this long. And, to be fair, they didn't. His country DID open up, and they have sent missionaries back. There was no reason for him or us to not hope/assume.

They started sending missionaries from his MTC district back to the original mission at the end of December. So, naturally, he looked forward to what he thought would be his turn as they were all sent out. Again, in hindsight, this was not healthy. But  we were praying for him as a family to get to go back, and we would regularly ask him if he'd heard anything yet (we were trying to be excited and supportive). For a couple of months he thought he'd go back any day. And then he found out he wasn't going back. I don't know if that makes sense or changes the way you see it. It's the situation he's currently in that he doesn't think he can continue with, and his hope of being relieved soon is gone.

So, you are correct that there are other issues going on for which he would come home.

I'm wondering if I'm making it sounds like his first mission was easy and the second one was hard? His first one was NOT easy, and he is used to working hard. When I say he struggled, it's about his personal strengths and weaknesses and how they make different environments better or worse.

Edited April 25, 2021 by Comp

[Jane_Doe]

*Hugs* @Comp and family.

[Suzie]

19 hours ago, Comp said:

Correct. About 8 months in the first.

 

He is NOT coming home as a DIRECT reaction to his mission being reassigned. He's not pouting. He's not saying, "Well, that's not fair, that's it, I quit!"

He had unique struggles in the new mission that were not present in the first one. I think he coped and "hung in there" by hanging on to the fact that it was only temporary. In hindsight, of course, that wasn't healthy. It would have been better to assume he was finishing in the new mission. But it was honestly crazy, a year ago, to think Covid restrictions would last this long. And, to be fair, they didn't. His country DID open up, and they have sent missionaries back. There was no reason for him or us to not hope/assume.

They started sending missionaries from his MTC district back to the original mission at the end of December. So, naturally, he looked forward to what he thought would be his turn as they were all sent out. Again, in hindsight, this was not healthy. But  we were praying for him as a family to get to go back, and we would regularly ask him if he'd heard anything yet (we were trying to be excited and supportive). For a couple of months he thought he'd go back any day. And then he found out he wasn't going back. I don't know if that makes sense or changes the way you see it. It's the situation he's currently in that he doesn't think he can continue with, and his hope of being relieved soon is gone.

So, you are correct that there are other issues going on for which he would come home.

I'm wondering if I'm making it sounds like his first mission was easy and the second one was hard? His first one was NOT easy, and he is used to working hard. When I say he struggled, it's about his personal strengths and weaknesses and how they make different environments better or worse.

Thanks for all this extra-information and no, I didn't have the impression that his first mission was easy and the second one was hard. I was just trying to understand why he is having such a hard time in the second area...to the point that would cause him to lose confidence that he can actually finish his mission. There is way more to this and I hope he can resolve it. Sending my love and prayers.

[Comp]

On 4/25/2021 at 12:35 PM, Suzie said:

Thanks for all this extra-information and no, I didn't have the impression that his first mission was easy and the second one was hard. I was just trying to understand why he is having such a hard time in the second area...to the point that would cause him to lose confidence that he can actually finish his mission. There is way more to this and I hope he can resolve it. Sending my love and prayers.

Thank you for your love and prayers, truly. I came here because there's no one I want to talk to about it in person, at this time. And you have been very kind and helpful.

Thank you for trying to understand. When it comes to details about the hard time he's had, I either don't actually know anything myself or don't want to share personal info about him. It feels too vulnerable to post publicly, so I was hoping to keep it vague. Thanks again.

Edited April 27, 2021 by Comp

[Comp]

On 4/25/2021 at 5:50 AM, Jane_Doe said:

*Hugs* @Comp and family.

Thank you so much

[Comp]

On 4/22/2021 at 10:44 PM, Manners Matter said:

I'm sorry this is challenging. A few thoughts:

My husband had a very difficult mission and doesn't have fond memories and great mission stories to share in talks, etc. But he stuck it out which I'm sure prepared him for disappointments that have happened since. So no, not all missions are 'the best 2 years' and your son is finding this out but do not let his experience derail what your other kids may need/have. (On a side note, there was an occasion that my husband eluded to how difficult his mission was and a mom of teenage boys thanked him for his honesty as it helped her and her sons. Perhaps your son will be in a unique position to buoy others up down the road.)

Thank you sharing this. This experience has definitely made me approach my second son's upcoming departure differently! I'm trying to be excited with him, but I find myself saying a lot, "Well, you know....such and such is going to be very difficult and how do you think you are going to handle it?" And if his brother ends up returning early, that will open up some interesting conversations for him to ponder.

[Anddenex]

Hi Comp,

My son is in a similar position as your son, and I am a little late in viewing this thread. My son was out 9 months when he returned home due to Covid. He was originally serving in Mexico. In the beginning I told my wife that come January if he hasn't been reassigned back to Mexico then he will most likely stay where he is currently serving.

Come January my son was still in his current serving area, while missionaries he was on the plane with going home are now back in their original mission. In January, the moment my wife told me that he was starting to show some despondency -- which is perfectly normal and understandable. I sent him an email specifying the reasoning I think he has remained, and it is really simple. Think about missionaries when it first started. Any missionary with less than 6 months (I think it was 6 months) were sent home, there mission ended. I believe it is the same. All the missionaries that are now back in their original mission have more than 6 months. My son has less than six months at that time. It is more profitable (not necessarily money, but more as time and service of missionary). If a missionary has less than six months is it more wise to keep them where they are -- the answer is yes.

I'm sorry for your son, it is heart breaking for these young men/women. My son was just getting into the language, he was so looking forward to going back to Mexico. Remember, the Church did give the option to wait and then be reassigned back to their original mission. My son, didn't want to wait, and with not waiting came the possibility of not going back. He is now good, he understands, and is working where he stands.

Wish the best for your son, especially in overcoming any form of despondency and disappointment, which is all too real for someone in that circumstance.

[clwnuke]

Hey, I'm not sure what foreign country your missionary was originally assigned to, but several of them opened up briefly and then shut down very soon after due to changes in COVID infection rates. Some were only open for a few weeks. Case in point - Japan. Some re-assigned missionaries were sent back during a brief interval but many were not able to return. 

As others have mentioned, in your missionaries case it is most likely also related to the use of anti-depressants. That's standard missionary department policy. 

Per HIPPA preventing them from telling you medical information- missionaries are adults so technically mom and dad do not have a "right" to information about anything. However, HIPPA does allow for your children to authorize and request that you be informed about all medical treatment. Our son and daughter both expressly authorized us to receive that information and it was subsequently provided to us.

Also on a personal note, our daughter returned home from her foreign South Pacific mission after becoming depressed some years ago. Despite her early return she looks back with gratitude. And we have a son who served 9 months in a foreign mission until COVID forced him to return. He is attending BYU while he waits to return to his mission, but if the country remains closed for too much longer he will probably choose to be reassigned. We can relate to your anxieties. 

Thank you and your son for serving the Lord Jesus Christ with all your hearts❤️. He is the Master Coach, and we all perform better when we invest completely into His game plan for our lives.

[Traveler]

Some thought - I thought that I would go to Germany on my fulltime mission.  I took classes in German to prepare.  I was called to the North Western States mission that included Boise Idaho.  While in Boise I became close to a Bishop and Stake President that have had a profound effect not just on my mission but on the rest of my life.  If this had been the only relevant experience of my mission - it would have been all worth it but it wasn't. 

For the last 6 months of my mission I was sent to what was considered the very bottom area and district of the Mission.  In many ways it was a nightmare.  But for me it was the perfect place to conclude my call as a missionary.  I will not go into all the details but my last companion and I experienced many profound miracles. We also and some fun and some very funny things happen.  It is hard to say it was the best part of my mission - there were so many.

A while back I was looking at the placement of our galaxy in the supercluster to which it belongs and then to where our solar system resides in our galaxy.

     The second image did not quite turn out as I hoped for this forum.  The red dot in the first image is where our galaxy is located.  In the second image our galaxy sits at the outer edge of a spiral arm.   Anyway I think this all fits with the hymn "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go":

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It may not be on the mountain height Or over the stormy sea, It may not be at the battle’s front My Lord will have need of me.  But if, by a still, small voice he calls  To paths that I do not know, I’ll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:  I’ll go where you want me to go.

Perhaps today there are loving words  Which Jesus would have me speak;  There may be now in the paths of sin  Some wand’rer whom I should seek  O Savior, if thou wilt be my guide,  Tho dark and rugged the way,  My voice shall echo the message sweet:  I’ll say what you want me to say.

There’s surely somewhere a lowly place  In earth’s harvest fields so wide  Where I may labor through life’s short day For Jesus, the Crucified.  So trusting my all to thy tender care,  And knowing thou lovest me, I’ll do thy will with a heart sincere: I’ll be what you want me to be.

 

 

The Traveler