How to annoy Doctor Who fans

[Jamie123]

So many of my friends are ardent Doctor Who fans. I don't just mean that they watch Doctor Who. They eat, sleep, breathe and (for all I know) defecate Doctor Who. They have shelves - sometimes whole walls of shelves - covered with Cyberman masks, TARDIS dioramas, figurines of the Doctor and all his friends (and enemies), other walls devoted to signed photographs of everyone even remotely associated with the show (the one exception being Matthew Waterhouse, who is universally considered an idiot), drink tea out of TARDIS mugs, carry around "sonic screwdrivers" (which don't actually much except make bleeping noises) and will talk for hours about how Jodie Whittaker is the WORST-DOCTOR-EVER. Not because there's anything wrong with her per se,  but because (according to them) none of the script writers can scriptwrite for toffee.

There are (I have discovered) two sure-fire ways to wind-up a Doctor Who fan. And here they are:

• Never refer to the Doctor as "The Doctor". Always call him/her "Dr. Who". When they try to correct you (with the usual argument that "Doctor Who" is the name of the show, not the character), double down. Cite the fact that "Doctor Who and the Silurians" is called "Doctor Who and the Silurians", not "The Doctor and the Silurians". When they argue that that was a production error, and that the series was originally called "The Silurians", remind them that until Peter Davison (a.k.a. Tristan "The Wet Vet") took over the role, the credits at the end of each episode ALWAYS said "Doctor Who"*. (See Figure 1.)

 

• 

Figure 1: Pre-Davison closing titles. (Tom Baker was one of the best Doctors IMHO, but he went on a bit too long I think.)

• Whenever anyone does their party-piece of naming all the actors who have played the Doctor, always jump in at the end and add Peter Cushing to the list. They'll quickly tell you that Cushing's "Dr. Who" (see Figure 2) has nothing to do with what they're talking about (apart from the Daleks, the TARDIS, time/space travel, and the scripts being based - however loosely - on Doctor Who stories from the Hartnell era) and aside from Terry Nation getting some credit for the Dalek design it's a different universe.

With a bit of imagination you can enjoy hours of pointless argumentation with these guys, while all your respective wives/partners convene in the kitchen to plot how they're going to kill you.

 

Figure 2: Peter Cushing as Dr. Who, with some Daleks.

*By the way, in the first series of Christopher Eccleston he was credited as "Doctor Who" as well.

 

Edited May 28, 2021 by Jamie123

[Carborendum]

2 hours ago, Jamie123 said:

With a bit of imagination you can enjoy hours of pointless argumentation with these guys,

Yup.  Just what this world needs.  More instruction on how to get people angry over petty issues while making ourselves feel morally superior for being above all that.

Thanks, that felt really good.

Edited May 28, 2021 by Carborendum

[Jamie123]

1 minute ago, Carborendum said:

Yup.  Just what this world needs.  More instruction on how to get people angry over petty issues while making ourselves feel morally superior for being above all that.

Thanks, that felt really good.

No problem. All part of the service!

[Vort]

5 hours ago, Jamie123 said:

So many of my friends are ardent Doctor Who fans. I don't just mean that they watch Doctor Who. They eat, sleep, breathe and (for all I know) defecate Doctor Who. They have shelves - sometimes whole walls of shelves - covered with Cyberman masks, TARDIS dioramas, figurines of the Doctor and all his friends (and enemies), other walls devoted to signed photographs of everyone even remotely associated with the show (the one exception being Matthew Waterhouse, who is universally considered an idiot), drink tea out of TARDIS mugs, carry around "sonic screwdrivers" (which don't actually much except make bleeping noises) and will talk for hours about how Jodie Whittaker is the WORST-DOCTOR-EVER. Not because there's anything wrong with her per se,  but because (according to them) none of the script writers can scriptwrite for toffee.

Such people are wibbly-wobbly.

[NeuroTypical]

Fun Dr. Who fact: Some of the earlier seasons were never permanently stored (or lost in accidents/fire/time) by the BBC.  They still exist, but only in the form of audio recordings some of the early fans made when they were sitting watching it on TV with their tape recorder sitting next to them.

 

[Backroads]

We're fairly limited on our streaming services, so I haven't seen the latest Doctor. I heard she was fine on her own, but the reading on the interweb does seem to reveal that the writers and show-runners don't know which way is up.

[Fether]

8 hours ago, Carborendum said:

Yup.  Just what this world needs.  More instruction on how to get people angry over petty issues while making ourselves feel morally superior for being above all that.

Thanks, that felt really good.

Trust me… they deserve every bit of it.

They single handed my drove me away from the series. I use to be a pleasant enjoyer of it. Then one day, word got out that I was a fan and I was eaten alive by the whovian horde as the demanded I join their ranks. haven’t watched it since.

[mordorbund]

23 minutes ago, Fether said:

Trust me… they deserve every bit of it.

They single handed my drove me away from the series. I use to be a pleasant enjoyer of it. Then one day, word got out that I was a fan and I was eaten alive by the whovian horde as the demanded I join their ranks. haven’t watched it since.

I think you just described the Grinch's backstory.

[Fether]

3 minutes ago, mordorbund said:

I think you just described the Grinch's backstory.

Well maybe he was on to something

[NeuroTypical]

3 hours ago, mordorbund said:

I think you just described the Grinch's backstory.

[mirkwood]

Much as I like Peter Davison, Tom Baker is the only Doctor.

[Ironhold]

22 hours ago, NeuroTypical said:

Fun Dr. Who fact: Some of the earlier seasons were never permanently stored (or lost in accidents/fire/time) by the BBC.  They still exist, but only in the form of audio recordings some of the early fans made when they were sitting watching it on TV with their tape recorder sitting next to them.

 

It's far, far more complicated and depressing than that. 

In the 1960s, the BBC and ITV both signed overly-generous contracts with their unions, which, among other things, limited the number of times any given episode of any given show could be rebroadcast in the UK. 

As older shows from the 1950s and 1960s started to hit their broadcast limits, and color TV became the international standard, the executives at both companies found themselves with large quantities of older programs they couldn't air and feared couldn't license out elsewhere. Because of this, they made the conscious and voluntary decision to destroy the masters in order to make room in their physical archives. 

Several entire shows were lost because of this, while others lost large swaths of their content. For example, the first season of "The Avengers" is gone barring three episodes. 

In the case of Doctor Who, because the show had aired in so many markets the world over, they were able to recover usable audio recordings from among the large group of fans who had recorded the show off of television. 

Recovering the video and the masters have been a far more complicated situation. 

In some instances, footage was reused between episodes. This meant that all they had to do was copy the footage and they had at least that snippet of the given episode. 

In other instances, material was found to have still been in the BBC archives. Several other BBC shows, like "Blue Peter", used bits and pieces of Who footage, including material that was otherwise lost. A few masters were found to have still been in the possession of the BBC itself, just misplaced and mis-cataloged in archives. 

Many international broadcasters, including stations as far away as Australia, Nigeria, and Ethiopia, found broadcast masters in their archives that they'd acquired from the BBC and never returned. 

From there, however, the tales get more sordid. 

For example, when people found the broadcast masters from Australian TV, they discovered bits and pieces had been physically cut out to meet the demands of the nation's government TV censor. A search of the censor's archives revealed not only the missing pieces, but pieces removed from other episodes. 

Or there's the fact that the church, yes, us, recovered three master reels. The BBC was selling off some buildings in the early 1990s, and the church bought one facility, IIRC an office complex. The BBC didn't properly clear it out, however, leaving several metal cabinets behind. The church officials responsible for the building were able to pop them open, and discovered the master reels while inventorying the content. 

At least one master reel has turned up second-hand, an estate sale held by the adult grandchildren of a deceased BBC employee. The employee had taken several master reels of various shows with him on his way out the door, and his grandchildren didn't know what they were until a collector of rare media showed up. 

Several episodes are still missing, in whole or in part, however, and so there have been efforts to reconstruct them. This includes having Cosgrove Hall produce animation meant to replicate what the live-action material would have been. 

[NeuroTypical]

Protecting canon scripture is full of noble and occasionally fruitless effort.  This is how it feels every time we think about how there are no originals left of any of the old testament books.

[Ironhold]

At one point, a story was circulating claiming that "Monty Python's Flying Circus" was one of the shows purged despite it being in color, and that the only reason the show survived is because the head of a PBS station here in Texas (some versions of the story say Houston) liked the series so much that he refused to hand the broadcast masters back over. 

[mirkwood]

Time for a derail....

 

Imagine how we Advanced Dungeons and Dragons players feel about the rest of you idiots playing so called newer editions.

 

 

 

The full artwork cause it is cool.

 

[NeuroTypical]

Dumbest thing I ever did, was sell all my original manuals to a buddy back in the 2000's.

[mirkwood]

One day while I was working at DI I saw a stack of the manuals sitting in the recycle book bin.  I  pulled them out and asked the manager how much.  He wanted $5.00.  I got a DMG, PHB, MM, MM2, Fiend Folio, several modules and accessory books and the big socre: a first print of Deities and Demi-Gods (has Lovecraft and Melnibone).

[Vort]

5 hours ago, NeuroTypical said:

Dumbest thing I ever did, was sell all my original manuals to a buddy back in the 2000's.

How would it be if the dumbest thing you ever did was to sell some old game manuals? NT, you are my hero.

[Backroads]

On 5/29/2021 at 1:46 PM, mirkwood said:

Time for a derail....

 

Imagine how we Advanced Dungeons and Dragons players feel about the rest of you idiots playing so called newer editions.

 

 

 

The full artwork cause it is cool.

 

This statue seems familiar. I think my brother-in-law accidentally killed the entire party in this statue's presence.

[mirkwood]

On 5/30/2021 at 4:08 PM, Backroads said:

This statue seems familiar. I think my brother-in-law accidentally killed the entire party in this statue's presence.

Uh huh, sure.

[mirkwood]

On 5/30/2021 at 12:10 PM, Vort said:

How would it be if the dumbest thing you ever did was to sell some old game manuals? NT, you are my hero.

Dumbest?  Cause he should have sold them to me instead.

 

Speaking of which...anyone got any AD&D books or modules they are interested in parting with?  I'm always interested in getting more copies.

[Backroads]

15 hours ago, mirkwood said:

Uh huh, sure.

Y'know, I actually find myself doubting. We were... really mean... to that character. Constantly robbed him when he was asleep. 

[Vort]

1 hour ago, Backroads said:

Y'know, I actually find myself doubting. We were... really mean... to that character. Constantly robbed him when he was asleep. 

So you killed the goose that laid the golden egg.

[Vort]

Whenever I hear people talking about Dungeons and Dragons, I remember a couple of stories my younger brother told me when he dabbled in playing D&D as a young college student.

#1

Overhearing another set of avid gamers:

• "...You spot an old sword lying on the dungeon ground."
• "I pick up a branch and poke at the sword."
• [roll] "No reaction. It appears the sword is not cursed."
• "I pick up the sword and heft it."
• "It feels really good! Lightweight yet deadly!"
• "I use it to cut into a nearby beam."
• [roll] "The sword cleaves the beam in half! You realize that this is a Sword+3!"
• "Drop the sword. I already have two Swords+4."

#2

My brother was invited to join in a newly started campaign. Never having played D&D before, he was assigned a character, a screech owl with the magical ability to screech and knock everyone out in the vicinity. The other characters had earplugs of some sort so they could prepare themselves before the owl's sonic blast, which my brother was supposed to warn them about beforehand.

(Useful facts: My younger brother is very smart, very funny, and very prone to cutting through crap in a not-always-polite way. Despite what some may think, I am a polite, soft-spoken teddy bear in his enormous shadow.)

A half hour into the game, the routine had settled in: Brother (B) would warn everyone and then screech his hoot owl, knocking out the competition. Then the fighter(s) would go in an dispatch everyone. Then they would collect the loot and apportion it out, which always left B short-shrifted—because, see, he was an owl, so he didn't really need anything and couldn't carry anything anyway, being an owl and all. Brother couldn't even really attack, because he had only one attack, a talon slash, that did 1-3 points of damage. His mention of the unfairness of the situation and complaining about how things were sort of, you know, predictable landed on deaf ears. Everyone else was enjoying the exciting hack-and-slash adventure! So something very like the following happened:

• Dungeon Master: ...you've resumed your journey.
• Brother: I fly up to the dungeon ceiling.
• DM: Uh...okay.
• B: I screech.
• DM: Wonderful. Congratulations. The entire party is knocked out, because you didn't warn them.
• B: I fly down to Fighter Awesome and talon slash his face.
• Fighter Awesome: What? Knock it off! Why are you doing that?
• DM: You do [roll] three damage. The party is starting to rouse.
• B: Fly to the ceiling.
• DM: The party begins to wake up.
• B: Sonic screech.
• DM: Um, the party is knocked out again.
• Everyone else: What's going on? STOP IT!
• B: Talon attack Fighter Awesome's face again.
• FA: I'll get you for this!
• DM: [roll] Uh...you miss.
• B: MISS? How can I miss? I'm an owl attacking with my talons! He's an unconscious fighter with a big face!
• DM: People are starting to rouse.
• B: Fly to the ceiling.
• DM: The party begins to wake up.
• B: Sonic screech.
• EE: You jerk!
• DM: Um, uh...your sonic screech doesn't work. It looks like the party members are building up a resistance.
• B: Resistance, huh? That's pretty lame.
• EE: Ha ha ha! Now we're going to get you!
• B: Later, folks.

Okay, I realize D&D lovers will be all up in arms about that, but I thought it sounded hilarious.

Edited June 1, 2021 by Vort

[Carborendum]

27 minutes ago, Vort said:

• DM: [roll] Uh...you miss.
• B: MISS? How can I miss? I'm an owl attacking with my talons! He's an unconscious fighter with a big face!
• DM: People are starting to rouse.
• B: Fly to the ceiling.
• DM: The party begins to wake up.
• B: Sonic screech.
• EE: You jerk!
• DM: Um, uh...your sonic screech doesn't work. It looks like the party members are building up a resistance.
• B: Resistance, huh? That's pretty lame.
• EE: Ha ha ha! Now we're going to get you!
• B: Later, folks.

Okay, I realize D&D lovers will be all up in arms about that, but I thought it sounded hilarious.

First of all, if the target is unconscious, it is considered an automatic coup-de-grace.  So, it should not have happened that way.

The "resistance" thing reminded me of an adventure of my own.

• There were bats flying overhead.  As a psychic, I could detect that they were somehow evil/cursed bats. 
• Several members of the party had the ability to create a sonic boom (through magic, items, psionics, etc.)  So, someone blasted them, causing disorientation among the bats.
• This continued a few times until the GM said that it no longer worked.  He did this because he wanted to get the campaign going again.  And it was important that we follow the path of the bats.
• So we got there and found a giant man-bat creature.
• We did all sorts of attacks but simply could not get through the guy's defenses.
• The GM got mad that we hadn't used sonic booms.
• We reminded him that he declared that our sonic booms stopped functioning.  So we couldn't use them.

The idea was that we weren't supposed to play around with a bunch of harmless bats.  But when we got to the big boss, we'd use the boom.  Well, that didn't happen.