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Suzie

Men: How do you help around the house?

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It's Friday so I thought in creating a few "light" threads to talk a bit (and depending on your answers, have a laugh or two).¬† ūüėČ

Let's talk about household chores! For the men: How do you help around the house daily? (if you're doing something once a month/year doesn't count lol).

For the ladies: How does your husband help?

I'll start: We both work so we share the chores. I do the cooking because we all love homemade meals,  he does the grocery shopping on occasion and helps with our never-ending laundry.

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2 hours ago, Suzie said:

It's Friday so I thought in creating a few "light" threads to talk a bit (and depending on your answers, have a laugh or two).¬† ūüėČ

Let's talk about household chores! For the men: How do you help around the house daily? (if you're doing something once a month/year doesn't count lol).

For the ladies: How does your husband help?

I'll start: We both work so we share the chores. I do the cooking because we all love homemade meals,  he does the grocery shopping on occasion and helps with our never-ending laundry.

I'm the breadwinner.  So, she takes care of taxi driving and shopping.  Most everything else we do together.  Everyone in the family helps to cook, clean, and garden.

Everyone in our family loves to cook. We all have our specialties.  We don't "take turns".  Someone gets it into their head, "I want <this> for dinner. Can I cook tonight?" 

It seems pretty sad that your husband can't cook.  It's odd that you put yourself forth as a liberated woman and you hold to the stereotype that only the woman can cook a homemade meal. I almost find that... insulting.  No one can match my spaghetti, chili, or home-made ice cream.  I used to make the best bread.  But my wife caught up to me years ago.  Then my eldest son and eldest daughter each figured out some trick to breadmaking.  They both bake a more tender loaf that I can.  And they won't tell me their secret.

The kids all do their own laundry.  The wife does the laundry for the two of us because she enjoys being able to watch a show while folding so she can unwind. I was the one doing the laundry for the whole family when I was a kid.  So I was happy to let her do that since she seems to enjoy it.

While we both "garden", I do more of the "yard work."  I don't think she knows how to start a lawnmower or edger. 

She takes care of drywall and paint.  I take care of mechanical (HVAC) plumbing, and electrical.  But we do mix this somewhat.

I never wanted animals, but she wanted chickens.  She wanted them.  She can take care of them.

I also teach the boys that it is the man's job to take out the trash -- both literally and figuratively.  So, we have that on rotation (we have a LOT of trash cans in our house).  I set up a chart based on house zones and week of the month.

Edited by Carborendum

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Husband and I both work full-time. I do so from home. I am in charge of the household chores and like to think I tidy during the day a bit. Husband vaguely wishes for the house to be neat and tidy, I am more likely to put that into action by dictating what must be done.

So, to answer the question, Husband gets a fairly classic "Honey do" list of household chores because he struggles to pitch in without instuction, but he's pretty good about remembering to do the big seasonal tasks like the swamp cooler and the heater and fix old doors and stuff. 

 

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It seems pretty sad that your husband can't cook. 

lol Where did I say he can't cook? We have different schedules and I love cooking and baking so this is why I'm the one cooking the most. Having said that, he is an excellent cook.

It's odd that you put yourself forth as a liberated woman and you hold to the stereotype that only the woman can cook a homemade meal. I almost find that... insulting. 

Um..What? I didn't know I put myself as a "liberated woman and I hold the stereotype that only the woman can cook a homemade meal", you need to chill a bit and try to relax a bit. Hope you are just kidding because otherwise I will be the one that find this part of your post very odd.

 

Edited by Suzie

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Husband gets a fairly classic "Honey do" list of household chores because he struggles to pitch in without instuction, but he's pretty good about remembering to do the big seasonal tasks like the swamp cooler and the heater and fix old doors and stuff. 

And that's okay too, some people just need "to do" lists. :)ÔĽŅ

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I my wife is under the impression that my time at work is spent hanging out, eating burgers, and playing video games. So when I come home, I’m order to make up for all the time I was partying, I do everything ;)

 

I kind of course (mostly). 
 

It use to be that I wake up at 5am to get my morning routine in. Our kids get up around 6:30. I pretty much changed their bums, fed them, played with them, etc until my wife woke up. I would also use that time to make sure the dishes were put away from the night before.

when I’m home in the afternoon, my wife typically has a list of things that she needs done

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2 hours ago, Suzie said:

Husband gets a fairly classic "Honey do" list of household chores because he struggles to pitch in without instuction, but he's pretty good about remembering to do the big seasonal tasks like the swamp cooler and the heater and fix old doors and stuff. 

And that's okay too, some people just need "to do" lists. :)ÔĽŅ

I'm one of them.

I actually have an app for tracking chores, mostly for myself.

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17 hours ago, Suzie said:

lol Where did I say he can't cook?

You implied it here:

22 hours ago, Suzie said:

I do the cooking because we all love homemade meals

The take away from such a statement is that if anyone else does the cooking it isn't "homemade".

Otherwise, "I do the cooking because..." is a false conditional.

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We share duties.  Some of them get done more often by one of us then by the other.

It is great to share duties and of course, involve the children as well. Is there a chore you dislike to do?

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I my wife is under the impression that my time at work is spent hanging out, eating burgers, and playing video games. So when I come home, I’m order to make up for all the time I was partying, I do everything.

The question is: Are you at work eating burgers and playing video games? lol (j/k)

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Just_A_Girl is a stay-at-home mom but¬†has a set of symptoms that roughly matches fibromyalgia (though she insists it must be something else, frankly because fibromyalgia has no known cure and she hasn‚Äôt given up on recovering yet). ¬†She keeps the calendar and shuttles the kids around, and makes up the kids‚Äô chores list and maintains¬†our vegetable garden and one flower bed. ¬†Health permitting she‚Äôll take on a room redecoration project every now and then,¬†and once every 6 months or so she rotates our kids‚Äô clothes and helps them deep-clean their rooms. ¬†Otherwise‚ÄĒI (or increasingly, our kids) do most of the grocery shopping, most of the dinners, almost all of the dishes, all of the laundry and bathroom cleaning and vacuuming and garbage-emptying and¬†lawn maintenance¬†and¬†pruning and sprinkler repair, as well as miscellaneous stuff like car maintenance and¬†keeping our family‚Äôs 8 bicycles in working order. ¬†Certain chores that were done routinely in my house as a kid (daily bed-making, weekly surface-dusting, biweekly oiling¬†the wood furniture and cabinetry) just don‚Äôt get done, because no one has the energy to do them.

@Fether¬†jokes about it; but there really is a little bit of a dynamic in my house (and I suspect, perhaps in other LDS male-as-breadwinner households) that ‚Äúearning the money is your problem [and probably not that hard anyways]; but modern¬†housekeeping¬†is our problem‚ÄĚ.

Edited by Just_A_Guy

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Just_A_Girl is a stay-at-home mom but has a set of symptoms that roughly matches fibromyalgia (though she insists it must be something else, frankly because fibromyalgia has no known cure and she hasn’t given up on recovering yet).

Sorry to hear this JAG, I can imagine she's in a lot of pain. I don't want to pry but did she get a diagnosis? May I suggest yoga? (with a few changes, it can help a lot) and low-impact exercises.

Otherwise‚ÄĒI (or increasingly, our kids) do most of the grocery shopping, most of the dinners, almost all of the dishes, all of the laundry and bathroom cleaning and vacuuming and garbage-emptying and¬†lawn maintenance¬†and¬†pruning and sprinkler repair, as well as miscellaneous stuff like car maintenance and¬†keeping our family‚Äôs 8 bicycles in working order. ¬†Certain chores that were done routinely in my house as a kid (daily bed-making, weekly surface-dusting, biweekly oiling¬†the wood furniture and cabinetry) just don‚Äôt get done, because no one has the energy to do them.

I respected you before and I respect you even more now. Sending all my love and good wishes for your entire family.

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3 hours ago, Suzie said:

We share duties.  Some of them get done more often by one of us then by the other.

It is great to share duties and of course, involve the children as well. Is there a chore you dislike to do?

Not really.  It is just stuff that has to be done, so it gets done.  I don't do a lot of the laundry, but mostly because I'm home less than my wife and it takes longer to do.  

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5 hours ago, Just_A_Guy said:

@Fether jokes about it; but there really is a little bit of a dynamic in my house (and I suspect, perhaps in other LDS male-as-breadwinner households) that “earning the money is your problem [and probably not that hard anyways]; but modern housekeeping is our problem

It’s definitely an issue in our household, but thankfully my wife is self aware of it and is actively working on It

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6 hours ago, Just_A_Guy said:

 

@Fether¬†jokes about it; but there really is a little bit of a dynamic in my house (and I suspect, perhaps in other LDS male-as-breadwinner households) that ‚Äúearning the money is your problem [and probably not that hard anyways]; but modern¬†housekeeping¬†is our problem‚ÄĚ.

Sounds like a variation of the your money is Our Money... but my money is My Money.

In my home we kind of recognized that my wife is the Performer of Events... and I am the Doer of Tasks... while that is highly generalized and simplified overview it does give the overall idea.  My wife is a better multi-tasker then me, but that also makes her more prone to distraction.  I don't mult-task as well but I push it through.

So for household stuff, I usually come home and finish the things she started but got pulled away from.  So there is a lot of sharing.  There are some things that have become some what exclusive.   Meals are eventy and she is the better cook.  Laundry (baring an emergency) are always tasky so that mine (and I make sure Laundry not being done is never an emergency we have) and I have the stereotypical guy stuff.  The rest of the household jobs are flexibly shared between the us and the kids.

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Generally speaking, I wonder if this issue stems from lack of communication? I wonder if husbands share with their wives the struggles they face at work?  I worked most of my adult life but there was a period of time when I was a housewife and for me, it was way harder than going out and work. It is extremely demanding and not for the faint of heart. Should I mention it can cause isolation to a certain extent? Those who work outside the home, get the chance to talk with other adults, take a little break, have a laugh or two, etc but a lot of moms or stay-home dads don't have that chance. Most of the time, they're seeing about colicky babies, picking up cheerios, cleaning, cooking and the list goes on, their job isn't 8 to 5 but literally from the moment they open their eyes until their kiddies go to bed. Now, this is not to say that there is something wrong with being a housewife or a househusband  but I can definitely see why the person staying at home could feel their spouse who is working outside seems to be having "fun" even though they're just working as hard. This is usually a warning sign that the person really needs a break otherwise it might lead to depression (if they aren't already experiencing it).

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41 minutes ago, Suzie said:

Generally speaking, I wonder if this issue stems from lack of communication? I wonder if husbands share with their wives the struggles they face at work?  

That could well be a factor.  I think a lot of guys a) don’t want to talk *at all*, b) don’t want to seem weak or whiney in front of their wives, and/or (as in my case) c) are ethically/professionally/legally prohibited from telling outsiders much of what happens during the course of an average workday.

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1 hour ago, Just_A_Guy said:

That could well be a factor.  I think a lot of guys a) don’t want to talk *at all*, b) don’t want to seem weak or whiney in front of their wives, and/or (as in my case) c) are ethically/professionally/legally prohibited from telling outsiders much of what happens during the course of an average workday.

Or see bad stuff and really don't see a need to put that burden on anyone else.

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19 hours ago, Suzie said:

Generally speaking, I wonder if this issue stems from lack of communication? I wonder if husbands share with their wives the struggles they face at work?  I worked most of my adult life but there was a period of time when I was a housewife and for me, it was way harder than going out and work. It is extremely demanding and not for the faint of heart. Should I mention it can cause isolation to a certain extent? Those who work outside the home, get the chance to talk with other adults, take a little break, have a laugh or two, etc but a lot of moms or stay-home dads don't have that chance. Most of the time, they're seeing about colicky babies, picking up cheerios, cleaning, cooking and the list goes on, their job isn't 8 to 5 but literally from the moment they open their eyes until their kiddies go to bed. Now, this is not to say that there is something wrong with being a housewife or a househusband  but I can definitely see why the person staying at home could feel their spouse who is working outside seems to be having "fun" even though they're just working as hard. This is usually a warning sign that the person really needs a break otherwise it might lead to depression (if they aren't already experiencing it).

These are some ideas. I've worked most of my marriage. Husband has dealt with weird shifts. We generally don't complain about the spouse off laughing it up in the fancy office (not that we've either ever had that) or the one lazing at home with the kids, depending on the hour of the day, because we've both done it. 

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