Sign in to follow this  
Backroads

Letting go of the guilt of not feeling guilty when you've done all you can

Recommended Posts

This is actually in a professional regard. A student we shall call Tom. Tom and his mother whom she call Tammy are really terrible at the whole online schooling thing. Without intending to be cruel but to state a fact, Tom and Tammy are generally struggling with functioning in life. With this in regard Tom has been given a lot of grace, as much as can be balanced with the local schooling law, this grace intending to bestow a bar and I daresay educational ethics have been sacrificed just to give this family something to attain to. 

Tom and Tammy have failed.

And I don't feel bad. I feel I have done all in my educational duty for this family. 

Yet, I feel bad about not feeling bad. 

With the commandments to serve our neighbors and care for our brethren, yet with the logic and even the argument it is a spiritual resonsibility to draw boundaries, how do you accept that idea of having done all you can? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You're in good company.  This story is being experienced all across the country, over and over again.  People like you, with some measure of involvement or stewardship over others' kids, are experiencing kids with more than apathy or not performing up to their potential.  Our Colorado Children's Hospital network declared a mental health crisis earlier this year, there just aren't enough resources.  Kids are failing, falling through cracks, disappearing, dropping out, all over the place.  And the more you care, the more you love them, the more it's got to hurt.

Failing to graduate ain't the end of the world.  There's still hope that Tom and Tammy will wise up, get what they need, and decide to work harder.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/22/2021 at 2:49 PM, Backroads said:

This is actually in a professional regard. A student we shall call Tom. Tom and his mother whom she call Tammy are really terrible at the whole online schooling thing. Without intending to be cruel but to state a fact, Tom and Tammy are generally struggling with functioning in life. With this in regard Tom has been given a lot of grace, as much as can be balanced with the local schooling law, this grace intending to bestow a bar and I daresay educational ethics have been sacrificed just to give this family something to attain to. 

Tom and Tammy have failed.

And I don't feel bad. I feel I have done all in my educational duty for this family. 

Yet, I feel bad about not feeling bad. 

With the commandments to serve our neighbors and care for our brethren, yet with the logic and even the argument it is a spiritual resonsibility to draw boundaries, how do you accept that idea of having done all you can? 

I can relate to this.  The truth is, we rarely do all we can.  We can almost always do more.  However, there comes a point where "doing more" comes at the expense of something else, whether it's your family, yourself, other students, etc.   The reality of the situation, in my most humble opinion, is that the responsibility beyond reasonable expectations doesn't lie with you.  In the realm of education, what are expectations and involvement of the parents/guardians?   Are they meeting with you to assist?   Are they applying this assistance at home?   Are the kids striving to succeed in spite of home involvement?   You can't always save the world in the short amount of time you have with students, because much of the saving needs to happen at home.   It doesn't matter how bad you want it.  Students and parents have to want it just as bad.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tom. Tom and his mother whom she call Tammy are really terrible at the whole online schooling thing. Without intending to be cruel but to state a fact, Tom and Tammy are generally struggling with functioning in life.

At first, I was thinking around the same line as @NeuroTypical but then, I read over your post and I have questions: Why are they terrible at the whole online schooling? And also, you mentioned they are generally struggling with functioning in life? That's a concerning statement, what do you mean exactly?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 11/24/2021 at 2:41 PM, Suzie said:

Tom. Tom and his mother whom she call Tammy are really terrible at the whole online schooling thing. Without intending to be cruel but to state a fact, Tom and Tammy are generally struggling with functioning in life.

At first, I was thinking around the same line as @NeuroTypical but then, I read over your post and I have questions: Why are they terrible at the whole online schooling? And also, you mentioned they are generally struggling with functioning in life? That's a concerning statement, what do you mean exactly?

Oh, so much.

Tammy is crazy. Legitimately mentally ill. Spent many years in substance abuse. She lives in a sort of permanent homeless shelter. She's sending Tom to school because her caseworker says she has to. She doesn't want to send him to the local school because government conspiracy. She can't do the online school because the government is spying on her through the school platform.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, so much.

Tammy is crazy. Legitimately mentally ill. Spent many years in substance abuse. She lives in a sort of permanent homeless shelter. She's sending Tom to school because her caseworker says she has to. She doesn't want to send him to the local school because government conspiracy. She can't do the online school because the government is spying on her through the school platform.

Oh, we are talking about an innocent child living in a homeless shelter with a mother who struggles with mental health issues? This is a lot to take for any person, let alone a child. I'm not surprised that online schooling isn't working for this family when they have so many other needs. I understand you did everything in your power to help them and even though it didn't work out, you gave your best. Having said that, I hope the system and those in charge can keep a close eye on this family and can assist them in any way they can. It is hard to focus on education when basic needs aren't met. I will keep them in my prayers today as soon as I finish writing this post.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
21 hours ago, Suzie said:

Oh, so much.

Tammy is crazy. Legitimately mentally ill. Spent many years in substance abuse. She lives in a sort of permanent homeless shelter. She's sending Tom to school because her caseworker says she has to. She doesn't want to send him to the local school because government conspiracy. She can't do the online school because the government is spying on her through the school platform.

Oh, we are talking about an innocent child living in a homeless shelter with a mother who struggles with mental health issues? This is a lot to take for any person, let alone a child. I'm not surprised that online schooling isn't working for this family when they have so many other needs. I understand you did everything in your power to help them and even though it didn't work out, you gave your best. Having said that, I hope the system and those in charge can keep a close eye on this family and can assist them in any way they can. It is hard to focus on education when basic needs aren't met. I will keep them in my prayers today as soon as I finish writing this post.

I appreciate that. There are many eyes on them, but it's a hard situation.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this