Callings


Grunt
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I think its a fairly common experience to initially feel that a calling is beyond your abilities. I've never turned down a calling and my wife and I have always strongly encouraged our adult children to never turn down a calling. Having watched the process over many years whereby callings are considered and extended, I have faith in the process. I've had some callings that I didn't enjoy, but I'm certain that was my fault. I was once called as a ward family history consultant when I had recently moved into a new ward where nobody knew me and I knew nothing about family history. Fortunately, that calling only lasted a few months. There's a calling that I've wanted for a long time but which has never come my way. I think that the Lord's representatives and servants generally know what they are doing when they issue callings, and when they don't, its best to act as if they do. 

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I have never felt "in over my head" with regards to a calling, nor have I ever turned one down...and I never plan to. Though it may be difficult, it always works out. When I went through the temple for myself I made a promise (amongst other things) that I would give of myself, my time, my talents, etc... So, in my mind, I have already agreed to accept any calling that will be extended to me.

In our ward however, I have had 3 people turn down callings in January alone. The number of people saying no has greatly increased over the past 2 years or so, and the biggest excuse I hear is a lack of time. People are too easily distracted nowadays, and fill their lives with so many unnecessary "obligations". Even simple callings like a primary teacher are becoming hard to fill...and that is something that I would love to do. It is quite discouraging to many ward and stake leaders to ponder and pray about callings for weeks on end before you get your answer...only to have the person refuse it. It is disappointing to know those people truly were called by the Lord, but instead choose to miss out on something important for their lives.

"whom the Lord calls, the Lord qualifies" 

Thomas S. Monson

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2 minutes ago, scottyg said:

I have never felt "in over my head" with regards to a calling, nor have I ever turned one down...and I never plan to. Though it may be difficult, it always works out. When I went through the temple for myself I made a promise (amongst other things) that I would give of myself, my time, my talents, etc... So, in my mind, I have already agreed to accept any calling that will be extended to me.

That's exactly how I feel.   I have brought up things I think should be known before accepting in case the calling was withdrawn, but I was only told that I'm far harder on myself than I should be.  I disagree, since I feel I can always strive to be better, but I understand what he meant.

 

Quote

In our ward however, I have had 3 people turn down callings in January alone. The number of people saying no has greatly increased over the past 2 years or so, and the biggest excuse I hear is a lack of time. People are too easily distracted nowadays, and fill their lives with so many unnecessary "obligations". Even simple callings like a primary teacher are becoming hard to fill...and that is something that I would love to do. It is quite discouraging to many ward and stake leaders to ponder and pray about callings for weeks on end before you get your answer...only to have the person refuse it. It is disappointing to know those people truly were called by the Lord, but instead choose to miss out on something important for their lives.

"whom the Lord calls, the Lord qualifies" 

Thomas S. Monson

Interesting.   I'm working on a talk about that, as it pertains to me and a comment someone made about how much time I devote to Church, community, etc.

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5 hours ago, Grunt said:

Has anyone ever turned down a calling?   Has anyone ever accepted a calling and after thought you were in way over your head?   Stories, thoughts, and advice welcome.

I have been extended callings before, where I figured it wouldn’t be a good thing. I explained why I thought that. The calling was rescinded, and I was given another calling.

honestly, in the last four bishoprics I have clerked for, they are all just tickled pink to hear additional information about people. It is not rare to have a calling offered, only to learn new things that the spirit didn’t reveal, and they just didn’t know before.

so, if you think it would be a bad fit, let them know why. Consider letting them make the choice.

Edited by NeuroTypical
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9 hours ago, Grunt said:

Has anyone ever turned down a calling?   Has anyone ever accepted a calling and after thought you were in way over your head?   Stories, thoughts, and advice welcome.

Yes. 

I got called to be a Scout leader and had major ethical problems with the entire program*. Morally I couldn’t be involved, and talking to folks in leadership positions just made it worse.  I was quickly released. And honestly it was the right call for everyone. 

*To clarify: I had major ethical problems with the way it was ran at church, and specifically in my ward.  Scouts as scouts itself is fine. 

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I've always accepted callings. I figured that even if I wasn't qualified, the Lord would qualify me.

But...

Twice, I've quite a calling.  Not because I felt inadequate, or that it was a bad fit or anything like that (although I have felt that way with many callings).

I quite twice because, as I was performing the calling, I realized the bishop was undermining me.  Once that recognized that, I quit.

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I accepted callings as they've been given me, even ones I didn't really want. 

There was one that I might have probably turned down, but did not.  I did a terrible job and so they "fired" me eventually and replaced me.  I was appointed Ward Building cleaner coordinator.  They always wanted it done on Saturday's in the morning at 8AM.   At the time I was busy in the mornings at that time.  I asked if they could put it at a later time...they could not.  I also leave during the summers.  I definitely could not be around for that.  Getting people to volunteer to be at that time didn't seem to work either.  At times I tried cleaning it on my own late Friday nights or Saturday Nights.  Disliked it as it took so much of my time doing so.  Fortunately, they eventually released me.

I have had others turn down callings for various reasons.  I always thanked them for their consideration and accepted that they had reasons for why they couldn't accept.  I hope no hard feelings were ever felt in that regard. 

Edited by JohnsonJones
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I've never turned down a calling but vetoed one (sort of) when a bishopric member called about extending a calling to my wife.  When we married and she moved into the ward she had been a member of the Church for less than a year.  She was immediately called to serve in the Young Women's presidency.  She served there for a couple of years and was then released.  A week or so later the bishopric member called indicating they would be extending a calling for her to serve in the nursery.  I suggested they rethink that a bit and give her an opportunity to serve in a calling that would allow her to attend Relief Society on Sundays as she'd not really done so to that point, then a member for only a couple of years.  I also noted I would support her if the calling was extended.  It wasn't.  She was then called to coordinate visiting teaching for the Relief Society and served there for several years.  She later served in the Primary presidency and enjoyed doing so.

On the other side of things, being in the bishopric (and as a bishop) I've seen how callings are decided upon, worked through, prayed about and extended and how they are sometimes declined.  Two instances stand out to me:  1)  We considered and prayed about a woman to serve as the Primary pianist and felt good to do so.  When I extended the call she had kind of a baffled look on her face and said she didn't know how to play piano.  I withdrew the call and wondered about our selection process.  2)  I extended a calling for a woman to serve as Primary president.  She accepted and was asked to consider who she would like to have as counselors.  When I met with her the next week she indicated that her husband had accepted a new position for work that would take them across the country, leaving in just a couple of weeks.  This was a new development that they'd not been aware of when I'd extended the calling the week previous.  She seemed kind of embarrassed about the situation.  I thanked her for her willingness to accept the call, withdrew the call and again wondered why things had played out as they had.

I assume there was a purpose for both of those experiences either for me or the individuals who received the callings...but I'm not sure what it was.

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My patriarchal blessings specifically tells me to accept any church callings that come my way, so . . . yeah.

I don’t think there’s any harm in saying “Bishop, just so you know, I understand the calling takes commitments on these days at these times, and I have unmoveable and conflicting commitments for these days and times; but if still you want me to do the job within the constraints I’ve laid out, I’ll try.”  But I’ve just never been in that kind of situation.

I know that in my current calling as SS President it’s been a real challenge keeping teaching positions staffed, getting people who show up on Sundays to do the job, or even just getting people who will give more than half an hours notice when they aren’t going to show up.  Part of me wants to scream out “for cripe’s sake, man, it’s twice a month—quit bellyaching and do the job already!”  The cynical part of me wonders if the end of the three-hour block isn’t a result of having too few people in the church who are willing to commit to teaching on a weekly basis.

Edited by Just_A_Guy
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On 2/3/2022 at 1:17 PM, Grunt said:

Has anyone ever turned down a calling?   Has anyone ever accepted a calling and after thought you were in way over your head?   Stories, thoughts, and advice welcome.

I always accept my callings, but I have not been offered a calling I would want to refuse.

If I was offered a calling I feel I couldn’t do, I would explain my situation to the person offering the call and why I feel I may not be the best fit. After explaining the situation, I would then say “I am more than happy to accept the calling, I just wanted to let you know my limitations.”

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2 hours ago, Just_A_Guy said:

I don’t think there’s any harm in saying “Bishop, just so you know, I understand the calling takes commitments on these days at these times, and I have unmoveable and conflicting commitments for these days and times; but if still you want me to do the job within the constraints I’ve laid out, I’ll try.”  But I’ve just never been in that kind of situation.

We have an emergency room trauma surgeon in our ward.  He's been a counselor in the bishopric, and is currently our ward clerk.  He's on-call on Sundays, and we see him maybe 1-2 Sundays a month.  When he's here, we get him 110%, and when he's not, we work around him.

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I've served in various capacities over the years and have never felt over my head. As far as turning down callings - not technically. There have been a couple times they would 'feel me out' and I was honest so the official ask never happened (sometimes people assumed I'd be perfect for the spot because of my natural leadership and organizing skills and tenacity but a calling needs more than that).

Looking back, I see where I made mistakes here and there but hopefully I've learned and won't repeat them and instead of being down on myself for the mistakes, I remind myself I did my best and my intentions were good. 

As far as advice, ask others who may have had the calling you've got? Also, part of the job of Stake leaders is to help where needed so utilize them. Also remember that callings do come to an end (this is especially for the ones you like less than others). 

Edited by Manners Matter
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18 hours ago, Just_A_Guy said:

.

I don’t think there’s any harm in saying “Bishop, just so you know, I understand the calling takes commitments on these days at these times, and I have unmoveable and conflicting commitments for these days and times; but if still you want me to do the job within the constraints I’ve laid out, I’ll try.”  But I’ve just never been in that kind of situation.

 

Yep, that has been my situation several times.

 

Quote

I know that in my current calling as SS President it’s been a real challenge keeping teaching positions staffed, getting people who show up on Sundays to do the job, or even just getting people who will give more than half an hours notice when they aren’t going to show up.  Part of me wants to scream out “for cripe’s sake, man, it’s twice a month—quit bellyaching and do the job already!”  The cynical part of me wonders if the end of the three-hour block isn’t a result of having too few people in the church who are willing to commit to teaching on a weekly basis.

I had the same experience as SS President.

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Thanks!   This was less about me (though partially) but more a general question.   I'm trying to figure out why someone would turn down a calling or ask to be released.   I'm looking for insight because I'm pretty black and white about many things, and that can lead me to be less compassionate than I should be.   Not that I don't care, but I don't understand.  If I don't understand, it can be tough.   

Has it always been difficult in small wards to fill callings?   Is it an issue in larger wards, too?  For those that have been Bishops, how do/did you approach this?  

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7 hours ago, Grunt said:

Thanks!   This was less about me (though partially) but more a general question.   I'm trying to figure out why someone would turn down a calling or ask to be released.   I'm looking for insight because I'm pretty black and white about many things, and that can lead me to be less compassionate than I should be.   Not that I don't care, but I don't understand.  If I don't understand, it can be tough.   

Has it always been difficult in small wards to fill callings?   Is it an issue in larger wards, too?  For those that have been Bishops, how do/did you approach this?  

Well, this puts a different spin on it. As to why someone would turn down a calling/ask to be released - moving (and may not be letting the cat out of the bag yet), health reasons they want to keep private, depression and/or anxiety (again - keeping quiet about it), struggling with infertility so nursery/primary not a good fit, dealing with spouse issues and never know when another shoe will drop (again - things people aren't aware of). A couple other examples - lack of confidence (ie primary music leader) and lack of support from the ward (choir director and no one shows up). Another reason I've heard - the outgoing person was so A+/loved, they can't possibly fill those shoes. That's all that's coming to mind right now but hope it helps a bit.

Just thought of another one - not worthy but not ready to see the bishop (ie some callings would lead to being asked to give priesthood blessings more often, teaching a lesson on things you're struggling with would just feel off, etc).

Also - spouse not happy with the time spent on the calling but they don't want to throw them under the bus or reveal they're not able to find balance/scale back to resolve the issue.

Don't feel like they're doing a good enough job.

Just remembered another reason I was told by someone I visit taught years ago - an older gentleman was told by his dr (non-member) that he should 'retire' from the stress (or something along those lines) so he did. He still went to church every week but that's it.

Edited by Manners Matter
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9 hours ago, Manners Matter said:

Well, this puts a different spin on it. As to why someone would turn down a calling/ask to be released - moving (and may not be letting the cat out of the bag yet), health reasons they want to keep private, depression and/or anxiety (again - keeping quiet about it), struggling with infertility so nursery/primary not a good fit, dealing with spouse issues and never know when another shoe will drop (again - things people aren't aware of). A couple other examples - lack of confidence (ie primary music leader) and lack of support from the ward (choir director and no one shows up). Another reason I've heard - the outgoing person was so A+/loved, they can't possibly fill those shoes. That's all that's coming to mind right now but hope it helps a bit.

Just thought of another one - not worthy but not ready to see the bishop (ie some callings would lead to being asked to give priesthood blessings more often, teaching a lesson on things you're struggling with would just feel off, etc).

Also - spouse not happy with the time spent on the calling but they don't want to throw them under the bus or reveal they're not able to find balance/scale back to resolve the issue.

Don't feel like they're doing a good enough job.

Just remembered another reason I was told by someone I visit taught years ago - an older gentleman was told by his dr (non-member) that he should 'retire' from the stress (or something along those lines) so he did. He still went to church every week but that's it.

There are several things in here that really help.  
 

Thank you!

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Glad it has helped. More that has come to mind:

have had that calling so many times/years, just not up to it again/another week (ie organ), had a bad experience with it in the past (ie yw pres), some people are very difficult to work with (things may look fine on the outside but the inner circle knows differently), dealing with a friend's unruly kids could ruin the friendship (nursery/primary/activity days/ym/yw)

Sometimes there are valid reasons, other times excuses are at play but they feel justified because everyone's a volunteer.

It might help to see how the 'no's' help you appreciate the 'yes's'/stayers a lot more and expressing it always and often can make a difference for all involved.

Side note: How releases are handled matters. I know someone who felt they were 'fired' because they couldn't do as much as the previous person (different life circumstance, etc). I also know someone (convert) who went inactive because of how the release was handled. She loved her calling and was great at it (prim pres) and not only was she not ready to be released but it was handled very poorly. Also, it's not fair (for lack of a better word) when some get to stay in a preferred calling long past anyone else. It's also not cool when someone is left in year after year even though mistakes/disfunction abounds. I know timing can be overlooked with all the things that need juggling but others do notice. Anyway, just some things to keep in mind. All the best!

Edited by Manners Matter
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On 2/5/2022 at 1:11 PM, Grunt said:

Thanks!   This was less about me (though partially) but more a general question.   I'm trying to figure out why someone would turn down a calling or ask to be released.   I'm looking for insight because I'm pretty black and white about many things, and that can lead me to be less compassionate than I should be.   Not that I don't care, but I don't understand.  If I don't understand, it can be tough.   

Has it always been difficult in small wards to fill callings?   Is it an issue in larger wards, too?  For those that have been Bishops, how do/did you approach this?  

 

Edit: Wanted to clarify that the items I wrote below are MY OPINIONS and THOUGHTS on the matter, but not necessarily things that will accurately reflect what others may feel or think on the matter (or even how they acted or did things).  They are more personally related to how I feel on the matter and subject, not necessarily what is felt overall by most, or is utilized in the same manner by others.   It may also be that there would be those that would disagree with how I, myself have acted (I am sure there are those with particular opinions in that regards to me.  IF they are here or arise in the future, this is NOT to dispute their view of things or to refute anything, but rather to portray how I see things currently and how I personally feel about these things).

I never really had problems getting callings filled in the ward, perhaps that was just me being blessed.  I had people turn down callings for various reasons.  Normally, I don't recall (and it wouldn't befit me to remember in any case) why or who.  There was no ill will, there are many reasons why people could not be in a calling.  Sometimes that meant a calling went unfilled for longer than some felt comfortable as we tried to find an individual to fill that calling. 

There tended to be prayer, but also a LOT of pondering and meditation on who to call at times (at least for me).  If the person in charge of the organization already had someone in mind that was a GREAT help.  Sometimes we couldn't put who they wanted into the position due to various reasons or conflicts, but it was ALWAYS a blessing to have other leaders give us who they wanted to be called.  They also were able to receive inspiration and revelation for their different callings and who would help best.

I feel my ward was a larger ward and so difficulties experienced by smaller wards and branches would be different.  I can say it is a GREAT RELIEF not to be in a leadership calling anymore, and a tremendous blessing.  Leadership can be very time consuming and stressful. 

Sometimes you get no reason on why someone may not want a calling.  That is their prerogative.  Sometimes they might not feel it is going to work out for them (for example, they don't like kids and can't stand kids so don't want to be put in primary, or they have no car and can't travel to visit a sister on the outskirts for a relief society visit, or they are so busy with their family they can't do a young men's or young women's calling...the reasons are unlimited, or probably limited only by how many members there are).  The thing is to not let it affect you personally.  If they cannot fulfill a calling, then so be it.  Move on and let them be.  Be happy for them and make sure they are doing okay and pray to see who you could extend it to next.  Sometimes the extension of the calling isn't for the person to accept the calling, but to open the way for issues to be discussed between the Bishop and the member, or to help a member of the Bishopric or ward leadership learn something (perhaps humility or compassion).  At times the inspiration to extend the calling isn't necessarily because they are supposed to fill the calling, but to help someone in some other way. 

Edited by JohnsonJones
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I've turned down one calling officially, and hinted strongly that another shouldn't be extended to me as I would immediately decline.

The first, I was asked several years ago to be the "Stake Scouting Coordinator." I was somewhat excited at the thought, as I initially thought I would be training leaders and helping them to provide a better program and scouting experience to the young men. When I discussed my vision for what scouting could look like in the stake, they said, "oh, no. We don't want you to do anything like that. We just want you to coordinate and oversee all of the rechartering paperwork for all of the wards."  As arrogant as it might seem, that seemed like a mismatch of the job to my skill set and I declined the calling.

The second happened just a few weeks ago.  My bishop indicated to me that the stake president was contemplating calling me to organize the stake young men camp for June of this year. I advised my bishop to tell the stake I wasn't interested in planning such a large event on such short notice. While I would be happy to plan the camp in general and would likely rather enjoy it, I also know how much stress and frustration are involved in trying to accomplish that task in so short a time frame.  I wasn't willing to put myself through that.  If they had asked me a year in advance, I wouldn't have hesitated to accept (and I told the bishop to pass that on to the stake).

 

When members of our ward have asked for releases or turned down callings, I've typically pushed to respect their boundaries, but to also change how we extend the callings.  Instead of simply saying, "will you accept this calling," I've encouraged leaders to offer three or four days to think it over. I've also encouraged leaders not to stop at "We want to call you to [calling]," but to create a vision of what is needed in the calling.  There's a big difference between "We want to call you as a Primary teacher" and "We have been short a consistent and reliable teacher for the CTR class, and [specific child] especially would benefit from having a consistent and familiar face. We would like to ask you to serve as a Primary teacher to help [child] develop their testimony."

Another one I remember was calling a woman on the autism spectrum to serve in the Primary Presidency. She admitted she hated working with kids and said, "I will accept the calling, but only because I think it's wrong to decline." At that point, we backed up a bit and advised her that maybe we needed to clarify what was needed of her.  We described the needs the Primary President felt were in her weaknesses, and identified that those weaknesses were in this sister's strengths. We also went a step further and advised her that service in the church should bring joy, and if she went a couple of months and felt miserable in her calling, she should talk to us so that we could release her and find her a calling that she would be more uplifting for her. Her attitude changed from "I'll accept this calling because I feel like I have to," into "I have something to offer, and I find it less stressful to try because I know I can an 'escape route' if I really don't like it." she served for two years before the Primary presidency was reorganized

Most recently, we had a sister that had declined a couple of callings for a lack of time. But when we called a new Relief Society President, the new president felt strongly that this sister needed to be her first counselor. When the interview was held, she was extended the calling, her concerns about time were acknowledged, and then she was told, "we'll give you a few days to think about it, but before you go, we are going to bring in the new president to talk to you about what her vision and goals are for the Relief Society and how you can help." We then let the two of them talk. The two worked out how they could work around her time constraints and she accepted the calling.

I think one of the biggest things we can do to support members in callings is recognize that they all have diverse obligations, time commitments, interests, and insecurities. If we get complacent enough to just name a calling and ask for acceptance, it's hard for them to find their place and get their footing. If we take a little more time to help them discover where they can contribute around their other obligations, I think they are much more likely to accept calling and feel good about what they can accomplish.

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18 minutes ago, MarginOfError said:

The first, I was asked several years ago to be the "Stake Scouting Coordinator."

Fwiw, my 15-year-old's Scout troop is almost entirely LDS kids, i.e. refugees from old LDS troops. I'm on the board, and I've never seen a Scouting organization run as well as this (no thanks to me). It's night and day.

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3 minutes ago, Vort said:

Fwiw, my 15-year-old's Scout troop is almost entirely LDS kids, i.e. refugees from old LDS troops. I'm on the board, and I've never seen a Scouting organization run as well as this (no thanks to me). It's night and day.

I would actually be interested in hearing what you think makes such a functional difference.  I have my own opinions, but a broader and more diverse perspective would undoubtedly help me see areas I could improve my own troop and potentially ways to improve how my ward's youth program runs.  If you're willing to share your thoughts, I'd appreciate it (PM me if you don't want to distract from the calling in this discussion)

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Another one I remember was calling a woman on the autism spectrum to serve in the Primary Presidency. She admitted she hated working with kids and said, "I will accept the calling, but only because I think it's wrong to decline." At that point, we backed up a bit and advised her that maybe we needed to clarify what was needed of her.  We described the needs the Primary President felt were in her weaknesses, and identified that those weaknesses were in this sister's strengths. We also went a step further and advised her that service in the church should bring joy, and if she went a couple of months and felt miserable in her calling, she should talk to us so that we could release her and find her a calling that she would be more uplifting for her. Her attitude changed from "I'll accept this calling because I feel like I have to," into "I have something to offer, and I find it less stressful to try because I know I can an 'escape route' if I really don't like it." she served for two years before the Primary presidency was reorganized .

I appreciate this kind of approach where a dialogue is established and where the member can express their needs/challenges/fears and someone is actually listening rather than an invitation "just to fill a calling".

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