First Returned Missionary

[Carborendum]

My daughter ends her mission next week on Wednesday.  We're all really excited.

Her "boyfriend" is waiting for her with bated breath.  I put the "boyfriend" in quotes because that simply isn't the right way to characterize their relationship.  But things are looking like they're going to the temple and they're... gonnna ... ahem.  

He's a good kid with a bright future.  But he just wasn't the kind of guy that made me all excited to see him marry my daughter.  So, I told him that he had a few months to consider how he could make her 

     "Get swept away, to levitate, to sing with rapture, to dance like a dervish, be deliriously happy."

Turns out that I spoke with my daughter about him.  Apparently (without my knowledge) he has already done things to sweep her off her feet.  And she still has fond memories from before her mission.  And I'll tell you that this kid is so freaking in love with her that it reminds me of me with my wife.  And once I realized how happy he made her, well, I guess I'm getting a different perspective on him.

Anyway.  Daughter has some bitter sweet feelings about leaving the mission.  No more great spiritual experiences.  No more dealing with neighbors who basically harass the missionaries every chance they get.  No more California.  No more meaningful bonds made with companions.

Well, at the same time my son's girlfriend (no quotes) is getting ready for her mission.  She wanted to time her mission so that she would return on the same day as my son.  But alas, the Lord had different plans.  She'll be getting back about 2-1/2 months after my son.  This is the son who was assigned to Ukraine and is now serving in Utah.  She doesn't have a great housing situation at her parents' house.  So, we offered her our spare room to be her temporary MTC (if they are still doing that by the time she starts).

Kids coming home from missions.  Making plans for marriage.  Now, there's no denying it.  I'm old.  I grew my beard out again due to negligence (working long hours).  The beard is the second place to get gray hairs (after my nose...yeah) and, boy were there a lot of them.  But it still hasn't made it's way up to the head yet.  So, I shaved and I look like I'm 35 again.  Bonus is that I get more kisses from my wife :).

[Carborendum]

One of my missionaries had some fun with someone trying to fit him inside a box.  He's currently in Arizona, awaiting his visa to Japan.  His name tag shows Japanese lettering.  But it has Roman letters for the name "Elder *****".

Someone looked at the tag and the following occurred:

1: Is that Chinese?
2: No, it's Japanese.

3: So, are you Japanese?
4: No, I'm Korean.

5: (seeing his last name on tag) Is that a Korean name?
6: No, it's German.

7: So, do you have German ancestry?
8: No, I don't.

He had just enough fun with it to get the guy thoroughly confused.  Then he decided to help him out with the full explanation.

He could have gone further and said:

8: No, I have Icelandic ancestry.

9: So, your father is Icelandic?
10: No, my mother is Icelandic.  My father is Korean.

Edited July 17, 2022 by Carborendum

[Vort]

1 hour ago, Carborendum said:

One of my missionaries had some fun with someone trying to fit him inside a box.  He's currently in Arizona, awaiting his visa to Japan.  His name tag shows Japanese lettering.  But it has Roman letters for the name "Elder *****".

Someone looked at the tag and the following occurred:

1: Is that Chinese?
2: No, it's Japanese.

3: So, are you Chinese?
4: No, I'm Korean.

5: (seeing his last name on tag) Is that a Korean name?
6: No, it's German.

7: So, do you have German ancestry?
8: No, I don't.

He had just enough fun with it to get the guy thoroughly confused.  Then he decided to help him out with the full explanation.

I've told this politically incorrect joke before, and it's a stinker. You have been warned.

A young man on an airplane sat next to a old man who, by his dress, looked to be Jewish. The old man looked askance at his young seatmate. The young man finally asked, "Is there something the matter?" The old man said, "I will never forgive you Chinese for what you did at Pearl Harbor."

The young man thought about this, then replied, "First, I'm an American. Second, it was the Japanese who attacked Pearl Harbor, not the Chinese. Third, I'm neither Japanese nor Chinese; my parents are Korean."

The reply: "Japanese, Chinese, Korean, what's the difference?"

The young man considered this reply. After a while, he turned to the old man and said, "I will never forgive you Jews for what you did to the Titanic." The old man looked at him, confused, and said, "What are you talking about? We didn't do anything to the Titanic. It was sunk by an iceberg."

The reply: "Goldberg, Spielberg, iceberg, what's the difference?"

[Vort]

On 5/4/2022 at 8:06 PM, Carborendum said:

The beard is the second place to get gray hairs (after my nose...yeah)... So, I shaved and I look like I'm 35 again.  Bonus is that I get more kisses from my wife :).

I assume that you mean you shaved your nose.