Allowing your kids around troublesome kids


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How far do you go in gaging the behavior of the kids your own kids associate with? Do you have stricter or looser standards for their behavior? At what point would you flat out say your kid cannot hang out with so-n-so?

Now, in my situation, this is for kids still of elementary age. There's a few kids my husband is becoming concerned with, including a relative. I admit it's causing some contention in our marriage. Most of the kids who are the "bad dangerous influences" have various combinations of autism, ADHD, and childhood trauma. I tend to be a little more sympathetic to these while my husband is concerned at the lowering levels of okay behavior, even if there are issues at play. 

Where do you draw the line? 

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Honestly a lot of these answers are “it depends”.  A major factor being the age and how close the kids/family are.  I know that my kids will encounter other people who’s behavior I’m not ok with, so teaching them why this isn’t ok and how to deal with things is also important. 

As yo your situation: elementary age you can still veto friends. However, relatives are more complicated- you can more place “we will see you less” boundaries.  But it also possibly gives you room to talk to the parents since you actually know them.  

Things that are just a no dealbreaker: hitting, anything sexual, breaking things.

Things that maybe we can maybe work through and have “my house rules”: noise volume, taking turns, etc.  

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