Longing for Childhood

[Jamie123]

Of course, not everyone's childhood was happy, and I don't believe there's anyone who thought their childhood was happy at the time. As a kid I always thought that once I'd got this nonsense of childhood, school etc. out of the way, I'd have a glorious adulthood as a secret agent, or a spaceman - just like in the comics I used to read. Grown-ups don't have to deal with teachers who make you stand in the corner, or bullies who goad you into fighting them, and then pound you in the solar plexus till you keel over. Grown-ups are always telling you that if you "don't learn spell and do your sums properly" you'll be in trouble later, but you never believed them: your main worry was getting home without running into the kid with the big fists who blames you for losing the soccer match that afternoon. Adulthood will take care of itself, and it will be GLORIOUS!

When you get to be an adult it's all taxes and mortgages and not-enough-money, and how long the washing machine will last, and "will-the-car-break-down-today?" and "is-that-crack-in-the-wall-serious?" and "is-that-pain-in-my-chest-angina?" (sometimes you can't help but hope that it is!) and "how-will-I-pay-my-child's-college-fees?" and "if-only-I'd-remembered-to-put-the-cap-back-on-the-car-radiator!!!" etc. etc. etc. Then childhood looks rosy. You forget about the "bully-with-the-hard-fists" and the "teacher-who-so-unfairly-accused-you-of-talking-in-assembly" and remember the excitement of Christmas Eve (the presents you were longing for seem pretty lame now, but they didn't then) and those red candles burning in the golden whisky-bottle tops, decorated with holly leaves. Going to bed in your mother's old bed at grandma's, having just had a hot bath, and the feeling of the clean sheets on your still-damp toes. The big Christmas tree in church. Holidays by the sea - sucking rock and ice-cream, laughing at Mr. Punch*, splashing in the waves while the white clouds sailed overhead in the blue sky. Not a bully or a spiky sour-faced teacher in sight.

Wordsworth said "Heaven lies about us in our infancy". I don't think it does - or if it does, Hell is there too. But there's a certain mood in which Heaven's all you can remember.

*"Punch and Judy" is a traditional puppet show performed for children at the beach. It's still performed sometimes, but in a very toned-down form. In my childhood Mr. Punch (the main protagonist) was a wife-beater and multiple-murderer who is eventually sentenced to death, but escapes execution by killing the hangman. Don't ask me why this was so amusing, but in the politically-incorrect days of the 1970s it was hilarious.

Edited July 4, 2022 by Jamie123

[LDSGator]

With all due respect, longing for the past usually means something is wrong with your present. If you are not happy as you are getting older, you are doing something wrong. 
 

I get a wishful “ Oh, those days were fun.” thought every now and then (but I don’t personally have those often) but nostalgia is a funny thing. Generally speaking we over romanticize the past and forget reasons why we were miserable at that time in our lives. 
 

 

Edited July 4, 2022 by LDSGator

[Jamie123]

4 minutes ago, LDSGator said:

With all due respect, longing for the past usually means something is wrong with your present. If you are not happy as you are getting older, you are doing something wrong. 

Quote

Say not thou, What is the cause that the former days were better than these? for thou dost not inquire wisely concerning this.

I know you guys like the King James version best, but the Good News translation has a rather nice pithyness:

Quote

Never ask, "Oh, why were things so much better in the old days?" It's not an intelligent question.

 

[LDSGator]

4 minutes ago, Jamie123 said:

I know you guys like the King James version best, but the Good News translation has a rather nice pithyness:

 

Lol! I don’t go that far-it’s a fine question to ask, and doesn’t show a lack of intelligence. Shows maybe (maybe) a lack of joy in your current life? 
 

I’m always a little sad when I see people obsessively post “Oh, how I wish we could go back” things*. Is your present life so bad that all you have is nostalgia? That’s the most depressing thing I’ve heard. 

*no, I don’t think you are posting these things too much @Jamie123. I’ve seen other people post them on social media though 

[NeuroTypical]

1 hour ago, Jamie123 said:

When you get to be an adult it's all taxes and mortgages and not-enough-money, and how long the washing machine will last, and "will-the-car-break-down-today?" and "is-that-crack-in-the-wall-serious?" and "is-that-pain-in-my-chest-angina?" (sometimes you can't help but hope that it is!) and "how-will-I-pay-my-child's-college-fees?" and "if-only-I'd-remembered-to-put-the-cap-back-on-the-car-radiator!!!" etc. etc. etc. Then childhood looks rosy.

It's only all that stuff, if you stop doing fun childish things, and lose your innocent childhood nature.  Not me.  I played out in the yard today, and now I'm sitting in my fun room surrounded by my toys, yellin' at the kid across the street.  Tonight we might go watch bright shiny things explode!

[Jamie123]

41 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

It's only all that stuff, if you stop doing fun childish things, and lose your innocent childhood nature.  Not me.  I played out in the yard today, and now I'm sitting in my fun room surrounded by my toys, yellin' at the kid across the street.  Tonight we might go watch bright shiny things explode!

Of course! Fourth of July! How could I have forgotten that?

It seems to me a strange time to have fireworks. We normally have ours 5 November on Guy Fawkes night.

[Vort]

56 minutes ago, Jamie123 said:

Of course! Fourth of July! How could I have forgotten that?

It seems to me a strange time to have fireworks. We normally have ours 5 November on Guy Fawkes night.

Do you have the fourth of July in the UK?

[NeuroTypical]

Treason is the reason for the season! 

[Ironhold]

4 hours ago, LDSGator said:

With all due respect, longing for the past usually means something is wrong with your present. If you are not happy as you are getting older, you are doing something wrong. 
 

I get a wishful “ Oh, those days were fun.” thought every now and then (but I don’t personally have those often) but nostalgia is a funny thing. Generally speaking we over romanticize the past and forget reasons why we were miserable at that time in our lives. 
 

 

It may not be that the person is themselves doing something wrong, but rather that they're in a situation which is largely beyond their control and that they're longing for the before times when things were better and they might have had time to alter the course of everything. 

Remember, a lot of what I'm dealing with in life is because I chose to stay back home and help care for a mentally ill relative. That led to a lot of doors being closed for me and a lot of social isolation at church. 

[Vort]

26 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

Treason is the reason for the season! 

Or as the $100 bill guy said, "We must, indeed, all hang together or, most assuredly, we shall all hang separately."

[LDSGator]

22 minutes ago, Ironhold said:

rather that they're in a situation which is largely beyond their control and that they're longing for the before times when things were better and they might have had time to alter the course of everything. 

Could be. But if someone has that little control of their “situation” it's partially their own fault for not changing it, and/or not adapting or putting themselves in that situation in the first place. Good ole’ personal accountability, a conservative virtue, comes into play. 

There’s also the innate weirdness of wanting to do the impossible. Go back in time. I’m not a scientist but I am relatively certain that time trouble isn’t possible. If I quit my job and focused on playing QB for the Chargers-another impossible thing regardless of my desires-people would look at me like I’m nuts. 

Sorry @Ironhold, but we’re leagues apart here. I believe that someone who lives in the past dies in the present. That’s partially why I just don’t understand the appeal of talking about the “good ole’ days”, high school reunions, etc.

 

To be clear, if it’s your (generic) thing, great. I hope it makes you happy. 

Edited July 4, 2022 by LDSGator

[LDSGator]

12 minutes ago, Ironhold said:

d a lot of social isolation at church. 

Missed this part. Sorry it’s happening to you. 😞 

[LDSGator]

@Ironhold

 

I know a dude in a wheelchair who was paralyzed as a teenager. He’s in his 40’s now. If anyone has a right to talk about the “good old days” it’s him. Yet, he remains optimistic, happy, and forward thinking. He also seldom-never talks about his pre-wheelchair days. That guy is one of my idols. 

Edited July 4, 2022 by LDSGator

[Vort]

17 minutes ago, LDSGator said:

I’m not a scientist but I am relatively certain that time [travel] isn’t possible.

Many people say this, but it is simply not true. I, myself, am a time traveler. In fact, I have traveled through time from 1963 to this very moment at a rate of one second per second to bring you this vital information:

Say your prayers night and morning.

My work here is done!

[LDSGator]

2 minutes ago, Vort said:

Many people say this, but it is simply not true. I, myself, am a time traveler. In fact, I have traveled through time from 1963 to this very moment at a rate of one second per second to bring you this vital information:

Say your prayers night and morning.

My work here is done!

Lol. True!!! Lol!!! 

[Ironhold]

27 minutes ago, LDSGator said:

Missed this part. Sorry it’s happening to you. 😞 

When I was a teen, the stake pushed everyone to adopt the mantra of "all young men must go on missions, and all young women must only consider returned missionaries as marriage partners". 

So when I didn't go on a formal mission, far too many people didn't bother asking why and instead jumped to conclusions. 

[LDSGator]

6 minutes ago, Ironhold said:

When I was a teen, the stake pushed everyone to adopt the mantra of "all young men must go on missions, and all young women must only consider returned missionaries as marriage partners". 

So when I didn't go on a formal mission, far too many people didn't bother asking why and instead jumped to conclusions. 

I got that once or twice but the moment I said I was a convert people stopped caring. It’s condescending and obnoxious of people to assume you did something wrong and couldn’t serve a mission, but that terrible attitude is their problem. Not yours. Still though, I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Try to remember that oh, 80% of LDS wouldn’t act the same way as these people did. 😞 

[Ironhold]

12 minutes ago, LDSGator said:

I got that once or twice but the moment I said I was a convert people stopped caring. It’s condescending and obnoxious of people to assume you did something wrong and couldn’t serve a mission, but that terrible attitude is their problem. Not yours. Still though, I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Try to remember that oh, 80% of LDS wouldn’t act the same way as these people did. 😞 

The reality of my situation is that between my maternal grandmother requiring additional care due to being mentally ill, my incredible social awkwardness (it turns out that autism-spectrum conditions run on my dad's side; I'm going in on the 13th to try and get tested), and a variety of other issues like the bit about missions, I was functionally on my own through most of my teenage years and my early 20s. 

My family and various others were there physically, but it often took extraordinary circumstances to get them to actually pay attention when I tried to tell them that I was dealing with various situations. In particular, if I had a complaint about my health, but they couldn't actually see anything wrong with me, they just assumed I was either faking a situation or exaggerating a minor condition. Instead, I basically faced the world alone, with a few friends here and there for support. 

I paid the price. 

My health - both mental and physical - is terrible, and in fact I have a physical deformity because my scoliosis was allowed to set in; I got it later than normal, and so no one believed me about the various aches and pains I was feeling. 

I made a great many bad judgment calls that hurt a number of people, including myself. These decisions haunt me.

I'm trying to get better, but it's been a slow trek. It's only within the last few years that people around me have finally started to realize that I did in fact need them there when I was younger, that I'm in a bad place now because of it, and it's going to take professional help for me to get sorted. 

[Just_A_Guy]

On 7/4/2022 at 8:37 AM, LDSGator said:

With all due respect, longing for the past usually means something is wrong with your present. If you are not happy as you are getting older, you are doing something wrong. 
 

I get a wishful “ Oh, those days were fun.” thought every now and then (but I don’t personally have those often) but nostalgia is a funny thing. Generally speaking we over romanticize the past and forget reasons why we were miserable at that time in our lives. 
 

 

You’ll probably appreciate this quote from Titanic survivor Jack Thayer, who was 16 when the ship sank:

“There was peace and the world had an even tenor to its way. Nothing was revealed in the morning the trend of which was not known the night before. It seems to me that the disaster about to occur was the event that not only made the world rub its eyes and awake, but woke it with a start – keeping it moving at a rapidly accelerating pace ever since, with less and less peace, satisfaction and happiness. To my mind the world of today awoke April 15th, 1912.”

Thayer, of course, wrote this in 1940; and he died a suicide five years later.

Edited July 6, 2022 by Just_A_Guy

[LDSGator]

16 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:

You’ll probably appreciate this quote from Titanic survivor Jack Thayer, who was 16 when the ship sank:

“There was peace and the world had an even tenor to its way. Nothing was revealed in the morning the trend of which was not known the night before. It seems to me that the disaster about to occur was the event that not only made the world rub its eyes and awake, but woke it with a start – keeping it moving at a rapidly accelerating pace ever since, with less and less peace, satisfaction and happiness. To my mind the world of today awoke April 15th, 1912.”

Thayer, of course, wrote this in 1940; and he died a suicide five years later.

Sorry @Just_A_Guy, I’m not into the Titanic. Seems more like a Boomer hobby.