Missionary Girlfriends


Guest karlita007
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You do realize that some people function better in a committed, long-term relationship, right? Dating 764685365365 people isn't the best thing for some of us.

I don't feel that a long-term relationship is a waste of time. They might hurt when they end (something I've emotionally prepared myself for), but I've certainly done more learning and growing thanks to those (and also by comparing my relationships to other situations) than I would have if I decided to date a different girl every week.

Also, it's pretty sad that people think friend time is impossible to have when you're going steady.

A long-term relationship that doesn't progress or grow -- or help either person in it progress or grow -- because one member of the relationship is on the other side of the country or world is a waste of time.

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Hmmmmmm, actually I suppose you're right. Although some young people might see being in a relationship as "smothering", others might be able to relax more and focus on other things, because they know they have "a sure thing" waiting for them.

So in light of that, I guess weather or not you wait for a missionary, depends on weather or not having a sure thing reserved back home will help them concentrate or not.

I know it definitely does for me.

A long-term relationship that doesn't progress or grow -- or help either person in it progress or grow -- because one member of the relationship is on the other side of the country or world is a waste of time.

Just because the growth and progression comes in periodic spurts via writing doesn't mean it's suddenly not there anymore. It all depends on the couple's patience, and attitude.

Also, what time would be wasted when they're separated? They'll both be off doing their own thing, it just wouldn't involve dating other people. So there's nothing really different than if they were together, assuming they can handle having only communication rather than physical interaction. Now, before you jump on me about how thinking about the other person impedes the other important aspects of their lives while they're apart, that's not necessarily a problem unless those involved choose to make it one. Again, it all depends on the individual attitudes of the couple.

I'm just glad that those of us who would be willing to take on such a test of faith, trust, and love know their own parameters better than you do, Wingnut. ;)

Edited by PrinceofLight2000
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  • 5 months later...

My ex-husband was not on his mission, but was in the military. I waited for him. However, after he was back, we both found that we were just not compatible. He changed, and I changed during those years. A factor in that was that we were both off in different parts of the world, having different experiences, and doing different things, which helped shaped us. Looking back at all the pain our break-up and divorce caused, I think that so much would have been different if we had just said "goodbye" then. After all, if we were "meant to be," we could have found each other after his return.

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  • 1 month later...

I waited for a missionary to come home....and I basically excluded myself from writing to anyone else. I went on dates with other guys, of course, but in my heart, I just wanted to be true to him.

Fast forward to when he returns...

We were officially boyfriend and girlfriend for about 3 weeks before he said that he felt like he wasn't sure about things. I was pretty broken up about it and I didn't talk to him for months afterwards. I realize now that that was probably pretty harsh, but I had waited 2 years for him...

I guess I'm telling you this just to say that you should be careful...because oftentimes the Lord has things in mind for us that we can't imagine. Sometimes it's being able to marry the man that we waited for, sometimes its to learn the lessons from that experience.

In everything you do, I hope that the Lord will grant you the desires of your heart, and if not, remember that He will always give you something better!!!

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  • 1 month later...
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Hey, i just wanted to say that i know exactly what you mean when you said that you've gotten to know him much better while he was away. Because i'm in the same boat. And he's been gone for ten months now, and like you said we've been very open with eachother about what's been happening in our lives, so i feel like i'm not talking to a stranger. It's still him. Of course we'll both change over the next 14 months, but it's not a bad thing to me. We're growing. So i don't know, i just wanted to say that i know exactly what you were saying. :)

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I think the most important thing to remember when it comes to 'waiting for a missionary', is to not take everyone elses advice. I'm not by any means saying ignor all counsel given, but I am saying that in my opinion it's between the couple themselves. No friends, parents or leaders can know the relationship the way the 2 people in it do and at the end of the day-all relationships are different.

I can appreciate that in most cases it doesnt work out when a girls waited, but in my opinion I'd rather give it a go and be wrong than not give it a go and let someone else be right without me and him having tried!!!

I have been waiting for my guy for almost 16 months now and we write and email weekly. I know that I've never been a distraction to him, but instead he has thanked me on so many occasions for supporting him and helping him serve a mission. Of course we miss eachother a lot, but we're making it work. I know we'll have both changed a lot by the time he gets home, but we are very open and honest with one another and I feel that I've gotten to know him better in the past 16 months through letters than in the 2 years we dated before he left.

I haven't dated anyone else... Of course there have been times that I've wanted attention more than anything, but I know that by waiting for my best friend I cant go too wrong!

Hey, i just wanted to say that i know exactly what you mean when you said that you've gotten to know him much better while he was away. Because i'm in the same boat. And he's been gone for ten months now, and like you said we've been very open with eachother about what's been happening in our lives, so i feel like i'm not talking to a stranger. It's still him. Of course we'll both change over the next 14 months, but it's not a bad thing to me. We're growing. So i don't know, i just wanted to say that i know exactly what you were saying.
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I had a college roommate that was waiting for a missionary. And that's all she did. Waited. She went to her classes and did her homework---and nothing else. She sat in her room and waited.

The rest of the girls in my apartment became great friends and did things together. She waited. I rarely even saw her. It was sad.

Be sure to get out and do things and enjoy being young. That doesn't have to mean "date around." But enjoy your life!

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I had a college roommate that was waiting for a missionary. And that's all she did. Waited. She went to her classes and did her homework---and nothing else. She sat in her room and waited.

The rest of the girls in my apartment became great friends and did things together. She waited. I rarely even saw her. It was sad.

Be sure to get out and do things and enjoy being young. That doesn't have to mean "date around." But enjoy your life!

What foolishness.

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  • 2 months later...

My boyfriend just got his call...he leaves in January!

And actually, he'll be serving in Russia too, but in the Yekaterinburg mission. Your site looks really awesome, I will definitely read more on it soon.

Has it been hard so far? I'm nervous about having to just keep in contact through letters! Since you know about having a missionary gone in Russia specifically...do you have any tips or advice about sending mail or packages there, or what kind of things he might start to miss being away from home?

It's cool to see I'm not the only one

HEY!! My boyfriend just got his mission call a month ago and he is going to the Yekaterinburg also! I am so excited for him! I was wondering if you had any advice for me about this mission and everything else possible?? He leaves September 28th, 2011! :/

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  • 2 weeks later...

So my boyfriend Cory left for the MTC 3 months ago tomorrow. It's been good, we've been writing every week and the letters have been 10x better than I'd ever imagined they'd be. But it's been tough... I really miss my best friend. I knew I'd miss him, I was prepared for that, the hard part has been trying to find a balance between dating other people (which we talked about me doing so that Im not sitting around wasting time waiting for him. He wants me to have a life while he's gone) and staying emotionally available for him. I have a hard time finding it fair to agree to go on dates with other guys because I dont really feel its fair to have a guy pay for a date, and more importantly have hope that it will turn into something when Im very very emotionally attatched to my boyfriend on a mission. But on the other hand I would really like to go on dates with other people. I mean, I want to have fun over the next two years, I know it would be stupid of me to put myself on hold for two years. I know that theres always the possibility of it not working out when he gets back. I do feel very confident in our relationship since we're a little older than typical missionary couples (Im 24 he's 26), and I stay very busy with my job and my ward is very small so I dont have a that many chances to meet other guys, but since its a small ward now that Im technically single a lot of the guys have tried to swoop in i guess you could say. So how do I go on a fun date and not feel (1) guilty for feeling like Im leading a guy on, and (2) guilty for dating other guys while Im waiting but not officially waiting for my missionary? This is much more difficult that I imagined. Ive never done this before, I thought I was past the age of having the problem of losing a boyfriend to a mission! jk ;) But really, Im confused.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Where is it written that the girl has to wait for her missionary to return? Go on a mission yourself. Not only would you be in the service of your Lord and your church, but the time would go quicker, serving, rather than pining away. That just seems like a win/win to me...

Most girls that are waiting for missonaries are around 18-19 and we are not old enough to go on our own missions. I would love to be on a mission right now instead of waiting, but that is just not an option. My missionary has thanked me several times for being a support and always tells me that I motivate him to keep going and to complete a full time mission. I think that missionary girlfriends help missionaries stay strong.

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  • 3 months later...

The missionary i am writing right now only has four months left, i am pretty nervous to see how things go when he comes back, I think it is important to date while your missionary is out, you dont want to be waiting for someone and miss "the one" because you were waiting for someone else who wasnt "the one"

only time can tell! i hav 4 more months of being pacient. i am so excited and nervous!

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  • 2 weeks later...

He's not technically my "missionary boyfriend" just a man I deeply admire who's on his mission. He comes home in September. I'm practically counting the days. Well, I'm also counting the days because I'd like to go on my own mission and September is the earliest I can do it. :blush:

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I also have a missionary boyfriend serving in the San Fernando Valley mission in California. Given he's not thousands of miles away, I still miss him from time to time. He writes to me every week telling me how his mission is going, the friends he makes, and how much he still cares for me. He even said he wants to marry me. I'm trying my best not to distract him from being a full missionary and serving to his full potential and capabilities, but when he says things like that, it makes he waiting all worth while.

To all those girls waiting for a missionary, I feel for you! But with a little faith and patience, it will be worth the wait.

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Speaking of guidelines... :) Mission Presidents tell missionaries all the time that they will not meet their eternal companion in the mission field.

So, seriously: 38 years ago my mission president, Paul H. Dunn, told me that I would lose either my girlfriend or my hair while on my mission. He went off chuckling to himself. I really hate being bald, but we have been married for nearly 36 years now.

We have three couples in our Ward where the woman met the man whilst he was a missionary in our Ward!!

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  • 1 month later...

My boyfriend is getting ready to leave for a mission in Africa mid April. It is hard knowing that you will be waiting for two years with no guarentee that it will work out. It makes it even harder when people try to discourage you and throw odds at you. It is comforting reading some other girls experiences on here and that they are far into the mission and still going strong. Shows me that it is possible and well worth the wait in the end. :)

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  • 2 months later...

My boyfriend is getting ready to leave for a mission in Africa mid April. It is hard knowing that you will be waiting for two years with no guarentee that it will work out. It makes it even harder when people try to discourage you and throw odds at you. It is comforting reading some other girls experiences on here and that they are far into the mission and still going strong. Shows me that it is possible and well worth the wait in the end. :)

My boyfriend left for his mission to Africa as well and has been at the MTC for a month now. We both know that although there is no guarantee in it working out when he finishes, it's nice to know that I am helping him in some way by supporting him in this huge part of his life. One of the biggest things that I like to keep in mind is that the relationship is between the two of you, not 2+ 584570345 other people who might tell you how to handle your relationship-not that I'm saying that seeking advice is a horrible idea, because then we wouldn't be in this forum! ^_^ But, ultimately, it's up to the two of you.

I've known my boyfriend since I was five yrs old and have been steady for a little over 2 yrs now, but even still, I know there's a 50/50 chance of it not turning into a "happily ever after"-and I'm ok with that. Trust in the Lord that things will turn out as they should be, and that everything happens for a reason.

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  • 1 month later...

Girls I know how you guys all feel right now. My missionary has almost been gone for 11 months and everyone still trys to tell me not to wait or 2 years is a long time. Its hard when your family is telling you this but keep your heads up and remember why you are waiting. I know the 2 years will go by fast. Its almost been a year for me and its gone by so fast.

My missionary has been my best friend since I was 15 but we didn't start dating til just before I turned 18. I know it is hard and you never know if it will work out but even if it doesn't it will be worth it. You will have grown so much from this. I know I have already grown so much because of it.

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  • 2 months later...

Okay so my missionary and I aren't "together" anymore, and i'm not really waiting for him but we still have feelings for each other. I was really afraid that this would distract him while hes gone. He is still in the MTC, but he leaves in a week. I got another letter from him today telling me all about what has been going on, but there was a paragraph explaining that he just needed to to say... and then he goes on to tell me how he misses me and why. Is that bad? Aren't missionaries not really supposed to write like that? Or is it just because he hasn't left yet? I wasn't too worried about it until my mom mentioned it. :( Are there actual rules? Or is it just a strong suggestion? Or is it simply nothing to worry about?

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  • 2 weeks later...

I was just baptized on Friday, so I still don't know everything about the church. My boyfriend is expecting his mission call in the next few months, and I am so excited for him. I was just curious... is it frowned upon to become engaged before he leaves on his mission? Is it like... against any rules? Thanks!

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It is not against any rules. You are grown-ups and can get engaged if you like. But I suggest that, in general, it is not wise to get engaged to a missionary right before he leaves. I would certainly counsel my own son or daughter against such a thing. I believe it also distracts the missionary, who will be constantly thinking about his fiancee and future wife back at home. And should you start dating or (gasp!) get engaged to someone else, it can be devastating for the missionary.

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Depends also on the maturity level of the missionary. I was "engaged" to a girl back home when I served. However, I was able to also focus on the work to be done. I didn't have bouts of "homesickness" when I served. Yes, I missed her, but I never let it stop the work that I was called to do.

Also, I left on my mission at the ripe old age of 21 and had spent time away from home. In the mission field, that can be everything.

If your boyfriend has never spent time away from home, or earned his own paycheck or other things that adults typically do... he may not yet be emotionally mature to handle being away from home AND "his girl" while trying to serve the Lord.

Just a different perspective.

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