What would Jesus do over a potential houseguest that would potentially never leave


Backroads
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Advice requested in behalf of a parent. A relative has found themselves homeless, kicked out of their apartment. So they've approached my parents about staying with them a few days.

Everyone including this relative's sibling (another state) are advising no, absolutely not. In short, homeless relative is the type that likely would not stay a mere few days.

My parent is giving to a fault, but is dealing with a lot and doesn't need this in their plate. They brought up, though "What would Jesus do?"

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20 minutes ago, Backroads said:

Advice requested in behalf of a parent. A relative has found themselves homeless, kicked out of their apartment. So they've approached my parents about staying with them a few days.

Everyone including this relative's sibling (another state) are advising no, absolutely not. In short, homeless relative is the type that likely would not stay a mere few days.

My parent is giving to a fault, but is dealing with a lot and doesn't need this in their plate. They brought up, though "What would Jesus do?"

He threw the money-changers out of His own house.  It was because they were not using the house for the purpose which it was intended.

If the purpose is for this relative to stay "a few days", then that is it.  More than "a few days" and they are not using the house for the purpose for which it was intended.

Define a few days.

Edited by Carborendum
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Jesus is big on agency.  And living subject to just laws.  And His turn-the-other-cheek stuff is not meant to imply we need to be doormats or enablers.

Here in happy, rich, benevolent 1st world America, there are resources available for the chronically unhomed. There are places that folks who get kicked out of their apartment can go.  There's medical and mental health treatment available.

Your parent can offer all this instead of opening her home.  There's a difference between "I don't have any other options" and "I don't want any of those other options".  Agency.  Stewardship.

If your parent decides to not have the courage to say no, she can expect a long-term guest that is more like a dependent child.  Because why bother to deal with your crap and grow up, when someone is giving you a roof and 3 squares, and doesn't have the courage to put her foot down?

It is much, much, much harder to evict someone who has established residency.  Now is not the time to be weak or embarrassed.  Now is the time to be righteous and firm. 

Edited by NeuroTypical
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9 hours ago, Manners Matter said:

Set things up from the get go that makes it so they don't want to stay longer than absolutely necessary. 

"Hi, welcome - here's your to do list and the rent you'll owe at week's end."

This reminds me of something I did with my eldest son.  He was kind of in limbo because he didn't feel ready for a mission.  And he didn't know what he wanted to do with his life while "hanging around."

At some point, I started charging him rent at $50/month.  Every few months I'd raise the rent another $50/mo.  This wasn't meant to make him go bankrupt or make me rich, obviously.  I meant to just light a fire under him.  He slowly started realizing that his income was not going to keep up.  So, that's when he did the training for his "real job."

By the time I got to charge him about $550/mo, he finally found a profession, the folks at Whataburger were very disappointed at seeing him go to "real job."  But after a few months of hearing rave reviews from his co-workers, I realized that he was going to be fine.  The lesson had been taught.

I stopped charging him rent and explained that I just wanted to light a fire under him.  He understood.  And he was grateful.

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On 10/31/2022 at 7:08 AM, Backroads said:

"What would Jesus do?"

I've always had a bit of an issue with this question. It strikes me, a bit, like asking what would Michael Jordan do in the last 3 seconds of a tight game, or what would Bruce Lee do in a fight, or what would someone who has skills and knowledge that I don't have do in a situation. If I had that skill and knowledge then I'd be able to do what they did. But I don't. So how can I?

Jesus had knowledge and control that I do not. And that means it's a two-fold problem doing as He would have done. The first problem is that if you don't have knowledge you cannot choose based on that knowledge. Jesus had knowledge. He knew what was right and wrong perfectly in every situation. He knew when it was right to give solace and when it was right to bring out the whip. He knew when to show kindness and when to call people a den of vipers. I don't. Secondly, he had abilities that I don't. He could escape the raging mob by slipping from them. He could turn the water into wine. He could multiply the loaves and fishes. I can't.

That means there's an obvious answer. We don't have knowledge and power as Jesus did. But He still does. So we turn to him, through the Spirit, for guidance and power. And we trust in Him to give that according to His and the Father's promises, if we obey and listen.

What it doesn't mean, I think, is the superficial application we tend to see. "Jesus would always be kind. Jesus would always help. Jesus would always forgive." None of these things are true.

And it certainly means that whatever a bunch of other people think about what He would do has little bearing. I'm not saying the seeking of counsel is useless. Of course counsel is worth consideration. But we should do what's right. Not what other's believe is right. But what IS right. But when push comes to shove, only God really knows what's right.

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2 hours ago, Carborendum said:

I stopped charging him rent and explained that I just wanted to light a fire under him.  He understood.  And he was grateful.

I've sometimes considered doing the same. Just curious: Did you save up his rent and refund it to him?

25 minutes ago, The Folk Prophet said:

I've always had a bit of an issue with this question. It strikes me, a bit, like asking what would Michael Jordan do in the last 3 seconds of a tight game, or what would Bruce Lee do in a fight, or what would someone who has skills and knowledge that I don't have do in a situation. If I had that skill and knowledge then I'd be able to do what they did. But I don't. So how can I?

Jesus had knowledge and control that I do not. And that means it's a two-fold problem doing as He would have done. The first problem is that if you don't have knowledge you cannot choose based on that knowledge. Jesus had knowledge. He knew what was right and wrong perfectly in every situation. He knew when it was right to give solace and when it was right to bring out the whip. He knew when to show kindness and when to call people a den of vipers. I don't. Secondly, he had abilities that I don't. He could escape the raging mob by slipping from them. He could turn the water into wine. He could multiply the loaves and fishes. I can't.

I have thought about this a great deal through the decades. I have reached no firm conclusion, but I do have some ideas to share.

I don't believe that Jesus was in an inherently better place than we are. I don't think that he was "half God and half man" and therefore innately superior to us in the flesh. I believe he was a man, born as a man, just as 100% of us have been. Any advantages he had over us were because he's much better than us, where "better" can mean more mature, insightful, sensitive, etc., or can be viewed as a moral judgment. In the end, it amounts to the same thing.

We are not Saviors of the world, though we are instructed to be saviors on Mount Zion. We cannot work an atonement, even for ourselves, much less others. We have no authority to forgive sin except in a personal sense. But other than that, I believe that we could do anything the Savior did in his moral ministry, including raising the dead and even proclaiming people to be forgiven. We are men, and if Jesus was better than we are, then it was because he was a better man, not because he had better DNA.

Jesus was (and is) God because he was (and is) good, not the other way around.

25 minutes ago, The Folk Prophet said:

That means there's an obvious answer. We don't have knowledge and power as Jesus did. But He still does. So we turn to him, through the Spirit, for guidance and power. And we trust in Him to give that according to His and the Father's promises, if we obey and listen.

What it doesn't mean, I think, is the superficial application we tend to see. "Jesus would always be kind. Jesus would always help. Jesus would always forgive." None of these things are true.

And it certainly means that whatever a bunch of other people think about what He would do has little bearing. I'm not saying the seeking of counsel is useless. Of course counsel is worth consideration. But we should do what's right. Not what other's believe is right. But what IS right. But when push comes to shove, only God really knows what's right.

I agree.

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2 hours ago, Vort said:

But other than that, I believe that we could do anything the Savior did in his moral ministry, including raising the dead and even proclaiming people to be forgiven.

Of course we don't know exactly how God's power works, so it's all a bit speculative. But my understanding is that God has direct power. And we have access, by our faith (and official authority given by Him), to God's power. So no, we cannot raise someone from the dead ourselves. God can. And by and through His authority and power we do such things. I speculate as well (though we don't know for sure), that Jesus did not merely have access to God's power through His faith, but rather IS God, and has and had the direct power that God the Father does. I really don't know for sure, but I believe when Jesus calmed the storm it was by Jesus's command that the weather calmed, rather than by God the Father's alone, as would be more the case if we, by the authority of the priesthood, commanded the storm to calm and it obeyed. Of course all Jesus did was also by the Father's power and command (His will), because they are one. But still, it strikes me as different. Jesus did and does defer to the Father. But Jesus created the earth by His word. He is the word. He is the law. He is the power. That's my sense.

2 hours ago, Vort said:

not because he had better DNA.

DNA is not really the issue at hand -- like an implication someone has a higher midichlorian count or some such. He is, simply, God. My best understanding is that things (elements, etc.) obey God because He is God, whether that be through honor, respect, fear, knowledge, or what-have-you...all things are subject to Him. We are not God. All things are not subject to us.

I guess the question is whether that was true in Jesus's mortality or not. I believe it was. All things were still subject to Him even as a mortal man. Maybe I'm mistaken. But that's my best understanding.

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On 11/7/2022 at 9:29 AM, Carborendum said:

This reminds me of something I did with my eldest son.  He was kind of in limbo because he didn't feel ready for a mission.  And he didn't know what he wanted to do with his life while "hanging around."

At some point, I started charging him rent at $50/month.  Every few months I'd raise the rent another $50/mo.  This wasn't meant to make him go bankrupt or make me rich, obviously.  I meant to just light a fire under him.  He slowly started realizing that his income was not going to keep up.  So, that's when he did the training for his "real job."

By the time I got to charge him about $550/mo, he finally found a profession, the folks at Whataburger were very disappointed at seeing him go to "real job."  But after a few months of hearing rave reviews from his co-workers, I realized that he was going to be fine.  The lesson had been taught.

I stopped charging him rent and explained that I just wanted to light a fire under him.  He understood.  And he was grateful.

I’ve been thinking of doing the same thing with my own kids.  They still live at home, don’t have jobs, and always expect us to cook dinner.  As such, I’ve been tempted to start charging them rent.  But because they’re only 9 and 7, I can’t get my wife onboard with the idea.

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One other approach to the problem in the OP would be to tell the relative:  “If you find another apartment, I’ll front the deposit for you—just give me the landlord’s contact info and I’ll send them a check.”  It’s a bigger up-front investment, but has a clearly defined cutoff; and it leaves the risk/cost of eviction (which is messier and slower than ever these days) in the hands of someone else).

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