My daughter's joke that she shamefully learned from her employer at the Lord's university

[Vort]

What did the non-binary prospector say?

"There's goooold in they them thar hills!"

[Carborendum]

12 hours ago, Vort said:

What did the non-binary prospector say?

"There's goooold in they/them thar hills!"

FIFY

[Jamie123]

It's easy to make fun of non-binaries, until you get hoist in the face with your own petard.

[Vort]

4 hours ago, Jamie123 said:

It's easy to make fun of non-binaries, until you get hoist in the face with your own petard.

 I don't detect anything in the joke that makes fun of others. It looks like a simple, humorous comparison of "them thar" with "they/them/their". Can you point out the part that makes fun?

Edited December 16, 2022 by Vort

[Jamie123]

55 minutes ago, Vort said:

 I don't detect anything in the joke that makes fun of others. It looks like a simple, humorous comparison of "them thar" with "they/them/their". Can you point out the part that makes fun?

I wasn't talking about you so much as me. Let's just say that any fun I might have poked at the they/them/their crowd over the years has been well and truly paid for.

[LDSGator]

1 hour ago, Vort said:

 I don't detect anything in the joke that makes fun of others. It looks like a simple, humorous comparison of "them thar" with "they/them/their". Can you point out the part that makes fun?

It’s a really light joke. You’ve got to be pretty thin skinned to take offense to it. 

Edited December 16, 2022 by LDSGator

[Jamie123]

12 minutes ago, LDSGator said:

It’s a really light joke. You’ve got to be pretty thin skinned to take offense to it. 

You'd be surprised how thin-skinned some of these people are. The particular person I have in mind used to get upset when I talked about "LGBTQ plus minus sine cosine integral square root". Sacred cows make good burgers, so long as they don't belong to your nearest and dearest.

[LDSGator]

1 minute ago, Jamie123 said:

You'd be surprised how thin-skinned some of these people are.

No I wouldn’t. 

 

1 minute ago, Jamie123 said:

Sacred cows make good burgers, so long as they don't belong to your nearest and dearest.

Oh, agree. Jokes about my beliefs aren’t funny, jokes about yours are fair game. 

[Jamie123]

4 minutes ago, LDSGator said:

Jokes about my beliefs aren’t funny, jokes about yours are fair game. 

Yeah, until they become mine. Ever been in the position where you have to choose between your beliefs about the very nature of reality, and your love of your family? My point is not that Vort's joke isn't a good one. It's precisely the sort of joke I would have made 2 years ago. But just be careful Nemesis doesn't bite your butt like she did mine.

[LDSGator]

5 minutes ago, Jamie123 said:

Yeah, until they become mine. Ever been in the position where you have to choose between your beliefs about the very nature of reality, and your love of your family? My point is not that Vort's joke isn't a good one. It's precisely the sort of joke I would have made 2 years ago. But just be careful Nemesis doesn't bite your butt like she did mine.

Fair enough. 
 

Some famous comedian (Don Rickles, Joan Rivers…) said in order to be a good insult comic, your first target has to be yourself. 

[Jamie123]

4 minutes ago, LDSGator said:

Fair enough. 
 

Some famous comedian (Don Rickles, Joan Rivers…) said in order to be a good insult comic, your first target has to be yourself. 

Time for something irrelevant I think...

Better than thinking about the future. And you've gotta like Tom Baker!

[JohnsonJones]

I recognize that episode!

 

Okay, a joke that my wife absolutely hates.  My wife is a natural blonde (meaning it is her natural hair color, not something out of a bottle). 

I discovered this joke several years ago and she HATES it when I tell it to her. 

How do you kill a blonde?

You put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool.

So, she really hated me telling this as a joke, but it got worse one day.  Lo and behold my kid had put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the bath tub.  My wife decided to get it off of there when the tub was still full of water.  I guess she must have fell halfway in because the next I knew there was screaming and shouting.  I went there and she was all upset and infuriated, hair wet and dripping and the sticker in hand.

"That kid (name not said here) just tried to kill me with this stunt!" she exclaimed.

I smiled as I snarkily said the joke again.

That day my knowledge was corrected.  I don't know about whether you can kill a blonde in that fashion, but I know that if you put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a tub it is a sure fire way to see STARS!

Now, everytime I tell the joke I am reminded of that day as suddenly, I see Stars all over again!

 

PS:  The above is just a joke, my wife didn't actually have to deal with that, none of my children actually...well...one of them did put a grape scratch and sniff at the bottom of the tub but it was ME who cleaned that one off, and my wife doesn't hit me.  I do like it if she hits ON me though. 

[Vort]

11 hours ago, JohnsonJones said:

My wife is a natural blonde

A blonde on an airplane flying to Tallahassee moved to first class. The flight crew tried fruitlessly to get her to move back to economy, but she simply insisted, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm flying first class." The problem was starting to cause a scene, and the flight crew was discussing getting security involved. The pilot asked what the delay was, and when told, he said, "My wife is a blonde. I'll take care of this." He walked back to the blonde, bent over and whispered something in her ear. The blonde immediately stood up and moved back into economy.

The flight crew was amazed, and asked the captain what he had said. He replied, "I just told her that first class wasn't going to Tallahassee."

[LDSGator]

On 12/17/2022 at 6:03 PM, Vort said:

A blonde on an airplane flying to Tallahassee moved to first class. The flight crew tried fruitlessly to get her to move back to economy, but she simply insisted, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm flying first class." The problem was starting to cause a scene, and the flight crew was discussing getting security involved. The pilot asked what the delay was, and when told, he said, "My wife is a blonde. I'll take care of this." He walked back to the blonde, bent over and whispered something in her ear. The blonde immediately stood up and moved back into economy.

The flight crew was amazed, and asked the captain what he had said. He replied, "I just told her that first class wasn't going to Tallahassee."

What do they call a pretty girl in Tallahassee? 
 

A tourist. 
 

😉 

[Traveler]

It has been scientifically proven that most dumb blonds are really smart burnets. 

 

The Traveler

[Vort]

My wife is a smart blonde. She is seriously one of the most intelligent, capable, and productive people I have ever met. She greatly outshines me in many ways, probably unsurprising, which leads to issues at times. But so be it. I would never change that aspect of her; it has allowed her to excel as a mother, homemaker, and wage-earner. I am proud of her, probably too proud. Again, so be it. I do try not to brag, but occasionally I acknowledge the truth that everyone who knows her well already realizes.

[pam]

On 12/16/2022 at 2:54 PM, LDSGator said:

Fair enough. 
 

Some famous comedian (Don Rickles, Joan Rivers…) said in order to be a good insult comic, your first target has to be yourself. 

Some of the best comics I've seen are those with disabilities that make fun of themselves and their disability.  Not that anyone is laughing at their disability but it's great to see that they can find humor even in their situation.  It makes me love them more and have so much more respect than moaning about their injustice.  

[LDSGator]

11 minutes ago, pam said:

Some of the best comics I've seen are those with disabilities that make fun of themselves and their disability.  Not that anyone is laughing at their disability but it's great to see that they can find humor even in their situation.  It makes me love them more and have so much more respect than moaning about their injustice.  

Oh, agree totally. And to go a step further, usually those with real disabilities have great senses of humor about their disability, while those with fake disabilities are incredibly thin skinned about it. 

[Carborendum]

On 12/20/2022 at 5:35 PM, Traveler said:

It has been scientifically proven that most dumb blonds are really smart burnets. 

Would that be like Carol?

[Traveler]

15 hours ago, Carborendum said:

Would that be like Carol?

I was not sure what your question was about so I looked Carol on Google:

Quote

• Definition of carol. (Entry 1 of 2) 1 : an old round dance with singing. 2 : a song of joy or mirth the carol of a bird— Lord Byron. 3 : a popular song or ballad of religious joy.

I do not think it is like Carol.

 

The Traveler

Edited December 29, 2022 by Traveler

[Carborendum]

54 minutes ago, Traveler said:

I was not sure what your question was about so I looked Carol on Google:

I do not think it is like Carol.

[NeuroTypical]

21 hours ago, pam said:

Some of the best comics I've seen are those with disabilities that make fun of themselves and their disability.  Not that anyone is laughing at their disability but it's great to see that they can find humor even in their situation.  It makes me love them more and have so much more respect than moaning about their injustice.  

Absolutely.  My family was learning wisdom from one a while ago, who talked about the intentional choice to be a "ha-ha cripple" instead of a "boo-hoo cripple".  She just radiated good humor, and defiance against the gloom that so easily comes to folks experiencing severe chronic hardships.

[LDSGator]

25 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

Absolutely.  My family was learning wisdom from one a while ago, who talked about the intentional choice to be a "ha-ha cripple" instead of a "boo-hoo cripple".  She just radiated good humor, and defiance against the gloom that so easily comes to folks experiencing severe chronic hardships.

It’s an eye opening experience. I’m sure there are disabled people out there who whine and complain all the time, but the majority that I know are friendly, funny, and have great senses of irony and wit. Makes me wonder why so many non disabled people whine so much about their circumstances or have so much anger. 

Edited December 29, 2022 by LDSGator

[Vort]

2 hours ago, Traveler said:

I was not sure what your question was about so I looked Carol on Google:

I do not think it is like Carol.

 

The Traveler

Burnet...carol...Carol Burnett...