Blessings And Worthiness

[MorningStar]

I have to be honest, at times I do not feel worthy to use my priesthood. I think strictly speaking, no one is worthy since we all fall short of the glory of God. A few months ago, one of our children was really sick. My wife asked that I bless him. The thought immediately came to my mind that I wasn't worthy. Then I thought "it doesn't matter. I hold the authority and I will bless him anyway!" I laid may hands on his head, commanded him to be made whole, and he was. Now, I think what happens is that Satan tries to convince us that we're not worthy. Well, he's right, we're not. However, God has given us this authority even though we do not deserve it and he has authorized us to use it even though we are not worthy of it. So, I think that just because a husband doesn't feel worthy doesn't mean he shouldn't do it, per se. Also, I think it doesn't mean that he isn't really authorized or capable of doing it in the eyes of the Lord. I hope that helps.

On to something else, I think sometimes there are just differences in perspective. My wife usually is quicker to suggest a blessing than me. I grew up in a home where blessings were given, but usually only in extreme cases. She grew up in a home where blessings were given for ear aches, tummy aches, etc. So, when there is a problem with the kids she wants to bless them before I feel like it is necessary. I am more reserved and would rather see a doctor first, whereas she would rather give a blessing and not go to the doctor. So, it might be good for a wife to ask about her husband's feelings as to when a blessing is necessary, etc. It might be necessary for him to readjust his view on it or for her to do so, so that there might be harmony.

One last thing, while mothers are welcome to suggest blessings for their children and to encourage their husbands to do so, ultimately it is his decision, I think. If he doesn't when he should, it's to his own condemnation (or vis a versa). In most cases, I don't think it is proper to take your child to someone else without his consent as that would overstep his authority as the patriarch of the home. I don't mean to sound anti-feminist, but that is my understanding of the issue of presiding. If he does wrong, he'll be damned, not you. You should encourage, persuade, and help him, but never override or ignore him even if he's wrong (obviously this doesn't apply in issues of serious moral nature, etc I am only speaking of giving priesthood blessings here). These are my views only. I think also, that if he is unwilling and you feel strongly otherwise, you should make it a matter of prayer. If you still feel strongly and can't convince him, perhaps you should pray for the health of your child and that he/she be cured. The Lord hears mothers' prayers.

Your husband has no right to turn down a blessing to you, however, if you ask for it. Likewise, he shouldn't turn down a request from a child for a blessing if the child is old enough to understand what she/he is asking for and when it is appropriate, etc. To do so would be to violate his priesthood covenant. The only exception, of course, is that he really is completely unworthy in which case he should be clear about it and make sure you still get a blessing from someone who is available.

Hi Drew,

Thank you very much for your thoughts. I had a conversation with some friends a while back about being worthy to enter the temple. Many of us found the question, "Do you consider yourself worthy to enter the temple" hard to answer because we are so aware of our imperfections. None of us are worthy on our own merits, but through the Atonement. I know that Satan does his best to make us feel unworthy or as if we can never be forgiven, so I understand how a priesthood holder would feel when it comes to giving blessings. I don't expect perfection or anything close to perfection from a man when I receive a blessing. I'm talking about big issues that they know for sure need to be addressed with the bishop that cause the Spirit to withdraw. Quite a few of my friends had issues with their husbands giving all sorts of excuses for not giving blessings when one was clearly needed, they avoid saying prayer with their wives, they made excuses as to why they couldn't go to the temple that night, etc. Later it was discovered that they were hiding something and didn't want to do these things because they had a problem, but at the same time, they knew their wives might leave them if they confessed, so they walked this fine line of trying not to exercise the priesthood unworthily while maintaining their marriage.

I grew up in a home with an unbelieving, inactive dad and never received blessings until I was in high school (except for the one he gave me when I was three that I don't remember). All those years I had been so sick so often and when I saw the difference it made to receive a blessing, I decided I never wanted to go without a worthy priesthood holder in my house again. I had always heard that prayers could be powerful too, but they really don't replace blessings for me. I prayed all of those years and my mom prayed for me. I have prayed through every illness, but it is priesthood blessings that end my agony. I still go through most illnesses without a blessing, but I don't mess around when it comes to intestinal viruses anymore. I got deathly ill one time. A couple months ago we had a brief discussion with our bishop in Relief Society when our 5th Sunday combined meeting was canceled and we talked about the need for us to have worthy priesthood holders. When I brought up the situation where my friend's daughter had a kidney infection, I almost started bawling. I said, "If women held the priesthood - I'm not saying I want us to, but if we did, nothing would stop us from blessing our children when they need it and if we weren't worthy, we would find someone who was." Too many of my friends have received eye rolling in response to asking their husbands for a blessing or a blessing for their kids. The bishop said that in his experience, men who have unresolved issues do tend to avoid giving blessings because they don't want to further condemn themselves, they avoid going to the temple, they sit in the back of the room and don't participate, and they tend to be flakey at their callings because if they were to receive a leadership calling, they feel like they would be condemning themselves even more. They feel terrible, but they don't want to lose their wives. But then their wives are left wondering if they care at all because of the things they avoid, so that's no good for the marriage either.

I do understand that men and women see things differently when it comes to sick or injured children. Men are more likely to let the kids tough it out and the moms don't want to see them suffer. The line for me is when my kids are bawling and can't sleep. A friend of mine, her husband prefers they just go to the doctor, but it makes no sense for her to spend money going there when a blessing might resolve it. Also, the doctor will probably put them on antibiotics and since people are becoming resistant to them, I would rather use them as little as possible. I also don't like taking my kids into clinics full of sick people because I don't want to get something worse. My friends feel the same way - why go to the doctor when a blessing could help?

My mom told me an interesting story recently. She said when I was 3 years old, I was up with a horrible earache. I cried and cried and even though my dad didn't believe anymore, she made him give me a blessing. She said, "I have the faith! I don't care if you don't believe! My faith will help her!" So he did it and she said I stopped crying. (Dang, you'd think that experience might sway him a little.)

When my husband was a little boy, he was doubled over in pain and taken to the hospital. He had appendicitis and so his dad gave him a blessing and the pain went away. They had him all ready for surgery and they were shocked when they realized he didn't need it anymore. He has had a very strong testimony of priesthood blessings since then. And he still has his appendix. :)

I never thought of going to someone else for a blessing as overstepping the husband's authority. Hmmm ... I'll have to ponder that one. I'm off to look for some Christmas sheet music.

[Dr. Mom]

It's not overstepping anyone's authority. It's the authority to act in God's name, you cannot overstep Him. Our men here are taught to give people what they need and to never deny a blessing. It is not uncommon for someone to show up at my house for a blessing from my husband. No one should feel ashamed for asking for a blessing...ever.

[DrewM]

Hi Drew,

Thank you very much for your thoughts. I had a conversation with some friends a while back about being worthy to enter the temple. Many of us found the question, "Do you consider yourself worthy to enter the temple" hard to answer because we are so aware of our imperfections. None of us are worthy on our own merits, but through the Atonement. I know that Satan does his best to make us feel unworthy or as if we can never be forgiven, so I understand how a priesthood holder would feel when it comes to giving blessings. I don't expect perfection or anything close to perfection from a man when I receive a blessing. I'm talking about big issues that they know for sure need to be addressed with the bishop that cause the Spirit to withdraw. Quite a few of my friends had issues with their husbands giving all sorts of excuses for not giving blessings when one was clearly needed, they avoid saying prayer with their wives, they made excuses as to why they couldn't go to the temple that night, etc. Later it was discovered that they were hiding something and didn't want to do these things because they had a problem, but at the same time, they knew their wives might leave them if they confessed, so they walked this fine line of trying not to exercise the priesthood unworthily while maintaining their marriage.

I grew up in a home with an unbelieving, inactive dad and never received blessings until I was in high school (except for the one he gave me when I was three that I don't remember). All those years I had been so sick so often and when I saw the difference it made to receive a blessing, I decided I never wanted to go without a worthy priesthood holder in my house again. I had always heard that prayers could be powerful too, but they really don't replace blessings for me. I prayed all of those years and my mom prayed for me. I have prayed through every illness, but it is priesthood blessings that end my agony. I still go through most illnesses without a blessing, but I don't mess around when it comes to intestinal viruses anymore. I got deathly ill one time. A couple months ago we had a brief discussion with our bishop in Relief Society when our 5th Sunday combined meeting was canceled and we talked about the need for us to have worthy priesthood holders. When I brought up the situation where my friend's daughter had a kidney infection, I almost started bawling. I said, "If women held the priesthood - I'm not saying I want us to, but if we did, nothing would stop us from blessing our children when they need it and if we weren't worthy, we would find someone who was." Too many of my friends have received eye rolling in response to asking their husbands for a blessing or a blessing for their kids. The bishop said that in his experience, men who have unresolved issues do tend to avoid giving blessings because they don't want to further condemn themselves, they avoid going to the temple, they sit in the back of the room and don't participate, and they tend to be flakey at their callings because if they were to receive a leadership calling, they feel like they would be condemning themselves even more. They feel terrible, but they don't want to lose their wives. But then their wives are left wondering if they care at all because of the things they avoid, so that's no good for the marriage either.

I do understand that men and women see things differently when it comes to sick or injured children. Men are more likely to let the kids tough it out and the moms don't want to see them suffer. The line for me is when my kids are bawling and can't sleep. A friend of mine, her husband prefers they just go to the doctor, but it makes no sense for her to spend money going there when a blessing might resolve it. Also, the doctor will probably put them on antibiotics and since people are becoming resistant to them, I would rather use them as little as possible. I also don't like taking my kids into clinics full of sick people because I don't want to get something worse. My friends feel the same way - why go to the doctor when a blessing could help?

My mom told me an interesting story recently. She said when I was 3 years old, I was up with a horrible earache. I cried and cried and even though my dad didn't believe anymore, she made him give me a blessing. She said, "I have the faith! I don't care if you don't believe! My faith will help her!" So he did it and she said I stopped crying. (Dang, you'd think that experience might sway him a little.)

When my husband was a little boy, he was doubled over in pain and taken to the hospital. He had appendicitis and so his dad gave him a blessing and the pain went away. They had him all ready for surgery and they were shocked when they realized he didn't need it anymore. He has had a very strong testimony of priesthood blessings since then. And he still has his appendix. :)

I never thought of going to someone else for a blessing as overstepping the husband's authority. Hmmm ... I'll have to ponder that one. I'm off to look for some Christmas sheet music.

Thanks for your thoughts. I'm sure there are some men who are hiding sin and therefore are unwilling to give blessings, etc. That's a difficult issue indeed.

As far as when blessings are needed, etc I really think that is something couples should discuss as we very likely have different views. I'm more of a "lets go to the doctor" kind of person first. My reasoning is that the Lord gave us doctors and the technology and we should use it. That's my opinion and people feel differently (and that's fine! :) ). So, it's important to discuss these things and to try to understand each others' views.

Now, you have absolutely no obligation to let your child suffer because of your husband's iniquity. If he won't give a blessing because he is unworthy and unwilling, I think the first thing you should do is try to resolve the issue. If you can't, then you should start with simply the prayer of faith on your part. God hears the prayers of mothers! If you still feel you need a blessing, it might be best to seek counsel in private from your church leaders on the issue. Perhaps they can help your husband resolve the issue. However, if it's a case where you really think the kid needs a blessing and he really thinks he/she doesn't, you should never go behind his back as that will only create more problems.

[MorningStar]

Thanks for your thoughts. I'm sure there are some men who are hiding sin and therefore are unwilling to give blessings, etc. That's a difficult issue indeed.

As far as when blessings are needed, etc I really think that is something couples should discuss as we very likely have different views. I'm more of a "lets go to the doctor" kind of person first. My reasoning is that the Lord gave us doctors and the technology and we should use it. That's my opinion and people feel differently (and that's fine! :) ). So, it's important to discuss these things and to try to understand each others' views.

Now, you have absolutely no obligation to let your child suffer because of your husband's iniquity. If he won't give a blessing because he is unworthy and unwilling, I think the first thing you should do is try to resolve the issue. If you can't, then you should start with simply the prayer of faith on your part. God hears the prayers of mothers! If you still feel you need a blessing, it might be best to seek counsel in private from your church leaders on the issue. Perhaps they can help your husband resolve the issue. However, if it's a case where you really think the kid needs a blessing and he really thinks he/she doesn't, you should never go behind his back as that will only create more problems.

That sure is tough. When a friend of mine couldn't get rid of the thought that her husband had cheated on her, he took it so far, he went with her to get on medication for post partum depression. The truth was, he cheated on her and let her drive herself crazy when the Spirit was telling her he had commited adultery. Horrible. Her suffering wasn't enough for him to confess. He was just so convinced she would leave him, so he kept lying. She didn't even have any proof. You can't really reason with someone like him when he's avoiding giving blessings. He'll just lie about why he won't do it.

What reasons are there not to give a blessing? I know that doctors are useful, but I prefer to get a blessing and let God decide if I should see one. I've been harmed by doctors before and I trust Heavenly Father a lot more. After my surgery, my doctor prescribed me medication I was allergic to when I told him I couldn't take anything related to it. When my youngest son gets ear infections, he can't take amoxicillin because he is allergic to it, so he has to take Omnicef. That costs us $53 out of our pocket. I would rather avoid that. Sometimes I have received blessings where I'm counseled to see a doctor. Other times I'm healed. When I was infertile, the military doctors wouldn't help me. So I got a blessing and after two years of trying, I was pregnant the next cycle. When I got really sick on Christmas Day, I got a blessing so I could still surprise my brother-in-law the next morning by singing for his missionary homecoming. Right after I got the blessing, I stopped vomiting. That happens every time now when I have a stomach flu - I get a blessing and it stops. It's a heck of a lot better than sitting in the ER (I get really, really sick because of a condition I already have).

[DrewM]

What reasons are there not to give a blessing?

Well, in my view, blessings are a sacred thing that shouldn't be given out like bandaids. I think if it's an issue that can safely be resolved by a doctor (like a cold or other minor illness) that seeing the doctor may be your first, and possibly you're only necessary, step. Of course, you have to let the Spirit dictate what you do. Sometimes something that appears to be minor could be serious. The Spirit will know that and will guide you in what you do if you listen. That's my view.

That costs us $53 out of our pocket. I would rather avoid that.

That's understandable. It's an issue where you and your spouse need to make a decision and looking at things like what you can afford is definitely part of that! However, in my experience, sometimes the Lord might desire that we cough up the $53 (so to speak) and learn from out trials, etc. Life is full of bills we can't pay, and problems we can't always fix. So, you have to discuss it and seek inspiration. Not all priesthood blessings heal, but that surely isn't a reason to not give one either.

Sometimes I have received blessings where I'm counseled to see a doctor. Other times I'm healed.

One of the great things about blessings is that you can get such counsel and you don't do any harm by having a priesthood blessing that doesn't heal you directly. My only concern is the sacred nature of blessings. Right now, like I said, I think it's usually best to plan to expend all of your options instead of just giving a blessing unless the Spirit dictates otherwise.

When I was infertile, the military doctors wouldn't help me. So I got a blessing and after two years of trying, I was pregnant the next cycle.

Right. You went to the doctors first and when it was shown to be helpless you turned to the Lord. I think often times the Lord expects us to try to do what we can before He will do what He can. If you had gotten a blessing before you went to a doctor, you may have been told in your blessing to go to the doctor first. The doctor may have still had no answer, but perhaps the Lord would have had a purpose in you going to the doctor to demonstrate his marvelous power after it was shown that the doctors could do nothing.

When I got really sick on Christmas Day, I got a blessing so I could still surprise my brother-in-law the next morning by singing for his missionary homecoming. Right after I got the blessing, I stopped vomiting. That happens every time now when I have a stomach flu - I get a blessing and it stops. It's a heck of a lot better than sitting in the ER (I get really, really sick because of a condition I already have).

I had a similar experience in the MTC. I'm not doubting the power of the priesthood nor am I going to tell you when it should be used. I do, however, believe that is an issue that should be discussed by spouses when it comes to their children. When it comes to you personally, you should be able to get a blessing whenever you ask for one since you're not a little child and can decide for yourself. I personally never turn down the request to give a blessing, but I have discussed with my wife my feelings about when they should be administered.

[Still_Small_Voice]

I have had to battle thru my lack of faith giving blessings exercising the authority of the priesthood the last year. Some blessings I gave weren't fulfilled with how I thought they should have been so I began to doubt myself. It isn't one of my strong spiritual gifts and I have had to struggle with it.

When I need to exercise the priesthood I have been entrusted with now I try to focus my mind on Christ and how it is His authority to bless others.

[MorningStar]

That's awesome, SSV. It would be kind of intimidating to give someone a blessing, hoping you have the faith required to do it. :)

OK, I have another related question here. If you need someone to come over and give you a blessing and you know your home teacher is currently struggling and has recently refused to give his family a blessing, do you ask him anyway so he has the opportunity to say no, or do you avoid the awkwardness and ask someone else? (And let's say they've made his wife his companion because they are ward missionaries, making asking his companion not an option).

:)

If I knew nothing about it, I would ask him. Maybe that's part of his consequence - having to tell people they can't do it? I have no idea.

[PentiumInside]

That's awesome, SSV. It would be kind of intimidating to give someone a blessing, hoping you have the faith required to do it. :)

OK, I have another related question here. If you need someone to come over and give you a blessing and you know your home teacher is currently struggling and has recently refused to give his family a blessing, do you ask him anyway so he has the opportunity to say no, or do you avoid the awkwardness and ask someone else? (And let's say they've made his wife his companion because they are ward missionaries, making asking his companion not an option).

:)

If I knew nothing about it, I would ask him. Maybe that's part of his consequence - having to tell people they can't do it? I have no idea.

Ask someone else. Whats your goal here, getting the blessing? or outing your home teacher?

[MorningStar]

Ask someone else. Whats your goal here, getting the blessing? or outing your home teacher?

I'm not interested in outing my home teacher. I had to ask someone else for the blessing and when he came over, he started asking about why my home teacher wasn't doing it. I'm good friends with his wife and she was crying about a problem he has. Normally I wouldn't know anything about my home teacher and I would just ask him to give the blessing, so I feel weird not asking because this is information I shouldn't know. When he gets to the point where he can, I would love for him to do it the next time I need it. I don't want to rule him out constantly in the future, but I don't want to run it by his wife either, "Oh, is he doing Ok now? Ok I'll ask him." He needs the blessings from serving in this way and it's just an awkward situation. I feel bad for him. I don't want him to have to make excuses, but that's exactly what he would be doing had his wife not said anything to me. I know he already feels bad about himself and I don't want to rub anymore salt in the wound when he has to tell me he can't. I also know that the bishop had counseled one friend when she asked how she was supposed to deal with it when her home teachers came to give her a blessing and her husband didn't participate. He said that was part of his consequence. She had just wanted to go quietly to the bishop for a blessing so no one else would have to know there was something going on.

Ugh. I cringe at the fact too that in the past, I have put my home teachers on the spot while visiting us asking for a blessing right there. It didn't enter my mind that perhaps one of them was struggling in some way and maybe it would be hard for them to refuse while they're right in front of me.

[Iggy]

<<snip>>

Ugh. I cringe at the fact too that in the past, I have put my home teachers on the spot while visiting us asking for a blessing right there. It didn't enter my mind that perhaps one of them was struggling in some way and maybe it would be hard for them to refuse while they're right in front of me.

Don't feel like that MorningStar- If a member of the priesthood is really unworthy to be giving blessings, then he should have the fortitude to decline going with his companion.

Being asked to give blessings while they are visiting is part and parcel of their calling. My Husband loves to give blessings. He says that being asked and giving them is the highlight of Home Teaching. He says he receives such wonderful blessings himself from doing it. I can always tell when he has given a blessing when he gets home- he is just infused with the Holy Ghost!

[dotyaaron]

Several of my friends have had problems with their husbands refusing them blessings and it turns out later that they were having worthiness issues and didn't want to give a blessing unworthily, but didn't want their wives to know that they had done.

For a woman whose husband drags his feet about giving her or their children a blessing, what do you suggest? A friend of mine recently wanted a blessing and her husband wouldn't do it. He didn't decide to do it until she said she was going to ask someone else. She thinks he decided to do it because he didn't want the men to know that he had a problem. She very strongly suspects that he has a porn problem and after he gave her the blessing, she wasn't sure it was inspired.

As a wife, I wouldn't want my husband to feel pressured into giving me one, but if I need a blessing, I deserve to have access to the priesthood. If a man has a worthiness issue, he will do pretty much anything to cover his sin if he thinks his wife will leave him. How does a woman approach this issue without making him feel like now he absolutely has to give her a blessing? Should she just go somewhere else without telling him?

Our bishop came to talk to Relief Society about priesthood issues recently, and I brought this up. I mentioned how my friend's husband wouldn't bless their daughter. He kept saying, "Nah. She'll be OK." It turned out, she had a kidney infection. I said to the bishop, "If women had the priesthood - I'm not saying I want them to, but if we did, there is nothing that would stop us from blessing our children or making sure they received a blessing." One sister said that men are just different that way when I asked, "And why doesn't it ever seem like it's even the dad's idea to give their own child a blessing?" Maybe it's the tendency that dads have to teach their kids to just grin and bear it? I don't know.

The bishop said maybe we should have a combined meeting about this and emphasize to priesthood holders how much we rely on them. We can't afford for them to be unworthy when we desperately need them. According to our stake president, over 50% of the men in our stake are addicted to pornography. At least

Morning Star, I am sorry to hear that 50% of your Elders and Preists, and High Priests are addicted to porn. Satan is defenitely running rampant and focusing directly on LDS men. He knows that the family is key to our Fatthers plan and if he can break that apart then he's won. By using men he can very easily break apart a family or stop their progression by getting the father to sin.

First off I would encourage the father to talk to the bishop. Let your husband know you love him and that he doesn't need to worry about telling you until he's ready or at all. Sisters, let your husbands work out their problem(s) w/ the Bishop, if necessary to tell you what he's done, he'll come to you when the time is right. Sisters, you can also assure him that nothing he's done would cuase you to leave him except infidelity (and that's your choice, you may choose to tell him that even infidelity won't cause a divorce. That's your choice on how much you want to forgive that kind of sin). If you tell him you're not leaving and you're here through thick and thin he'll pick up the phone and make the neccessary appointment ASAP. If he thinks he'll be in trouble, he'll drag his feet if at all. So I say to you sisters, support and reinforce your husbands and you wont have so much of unworthiness all around.

Then if you need a blessing, and you have done the above, he should have no problem if you get a blessing somewhere else. (Just my 2 cents):)