Sometimes Being Honest Stinks


Dr. Mom
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Well, we're all told to be honest with ourselves, each other, and in situations all around. I had a particular experience that has made me see a new facet on honesty. I have 3 sisters to visit teach each month and I love them all dearly. One sister is not active at all, although she does let me come to visit her among other things. We've grown close and even the RS pres has said that no one else has been able to get through to this sister in the 7 years she's been here. Recently, this sister asked me to write a letter of recommendation for her as she was applying for jobs. This one job that needed the letter happened to be working with kids. Based on what I knew about this sister and her limitations both, physically and emotionally, I knew I could not let the letter state that she would be a benefit to the company- that would be a lie. I tried as tactfully as possible to highlight this sister's attributes and then pointed out that the job they were offering her simply was not a good fit. It's been over a week since I have heard from this sister, but that's nothing new. I really hope she has found a job that utilizes her skills well, I just know this other one would've been disasterous for the kids and her, especially in the legal realm of life. Did the company show her the letter or tell her about what I wrote? I hope not, that would be a breach of confidentiality. Will she call me again? Hopefully so, I worry about her and her kids...it's nice to have a baseline to work from.

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She requested you to write a letter knowing full well that you are aware of her personal life. I assume she also is aware of your character. Therefore, you must expect that she will assume that you have been honest in your assessment of her and given her an honest and fair recommendation, according to the type of job she was applying for.

I think you should pick up the phone and call her to see how things are going and assume things as normal. You have done what you were asked and I believe you should rest on that and stop worrying too much. It sounds like you have a friendship with her that she trust, as she should. You have done her no harm whatsoever and should feel no guilt in doing the right thing.

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