Just how are you supposed to respond to subtle ex-member complaining in a professional setting?


Backroads
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Had an event last week that can barely be qualified as an incident, but it has stayed with me for several reasons. It was with my work (an online school). We were having a truancy meeting with a family. Again, it was interesting in many ways, but Mom's big argument for why her family needs a way around the truancy issue is because of religion. Her family is very religious (not Latter-Day Saints) and do not want to attend in-person school due to problematic influences. 

Okay, I can totally respect that. Not an uncommon reason for people attending our school at all. She complained about stuff in our curriculum but how it was still better than she could see what was there and discuss these things with her kids. Again, very fair and understandable.

The odd thing was that she kept saying "You Mormons just don't understand. I used to be Mormon and no one understands how important these family values are." 

The thing was, I'm positive I was the only church member at that meeting. Yet she just kept repeating stuff about how Mormons don't understand anything and referring to us as "those Mormons" just because we happen to be located in Utah just like her.

Nothing came of it, but it was really strange for a professional setting.

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12 minutes ago, mikbone said:

I would have encouraged her to homeschool.

She is also free to move out of the state.

I don’t see a problem.

Would have been a very quick meeting.

Oh, our admin at the meeting is very good at these kinds of remarks and actually addressed those first two in subtle around-about ways.

She can't homeschool because she's a single mom to a bunch of kids who also has to take care of her sick and elderly relatives and she is the only one earning an income (this is actually why there was a truancy meeting as nothing was getting done because she was never home) and therefore can't afford to homeschool because who would earn an income and pay the bills?

She also can't move out of state because of sick and elderly relatives she has to take care of.

(Frankly, there was a collective eyeroll post meeting).

ETA:

I also should mention that because we're in Utah it's next to impossible to counsel people out of publicly funded schools due to our school choice laws, so that often makes for funny stories.

Edited by Backroads
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42 minutes ago, Backroads said:

Had an event last week that can barely be qualified as an incident, but it has stayed with me for several reasons. It was with my work (an online school). We were having a truancy meeting with a family. Again, it was interesting in many ways, but Mom's big argument for why her family needs a way around the truancy issue is because of religion. Her family is very religious (not Latter-Day Saints) and do not want to attend in-person school due to problematic influences. 

Okay, I can totally respect that. Not an uncommon reason for people attending our school at all. She complained about stuff in our curriculum but how it was still better than she could see what was there and discuss these things with her kids. Again, very fair and understandable.

The odd thing was that she kept saying "You Mormons just don't understand. I used to be Mormon and no one understands how important these family values are." 

The thing was, I'm positive I was the only church member at that meeting. Yet she just kept repeating stuff about how Mormons don't understand anything and referring to us as "those Mormons" just because we happen to be located in Utah just like her.

Nothing came of it, but it was really strange for a professional setting.

It is my personal philosophy that when someone has a chip on their shoulder and wants to pick a fight (usually verbal) – do not ever let it upset you or in any way cause you discomfort.  There is a Buddhist “attitude” of avoiding the carrying of (or helping to carry) the burdens of others that they refuse to let go of.  

 

The Traveler

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13 minutes ago, Backroads said:

She can't homeschool because she's a single mom to a bunch of kids who also has to take care of her sick and elderly relatives and she is the only one earning an income (this is actually why there was a truancy meeting as nothing was getting done because she was never home) and therefore can't afford to homeschool because who would earn an income and pay the bills?

She also can't move out of state because of sick and elderly relatives she has to take care of.

 

She can.  It just might be challenging…

Not your problem.

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5 minutes ago, mikbone said:

I also blame the legal system and the government for many of the regulations.

Sorry, our hands are tied.

Please write your congressman.

Ooh, I do this far more often than I should. 

Couple of years ago caused more drama than I intended. A mom wanted to take her kid's test for him. After she argued with me a bunch, I finally said my hands were tied (it was for a baseline assessment for state data, not even graded) and that maybe she could contact the ed department to argue her case. It didn't go well.

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57 minutes ago, Backroads said:

She can't homeschool because she's a single mom to a bunch of kids who also has to take care of her sick and elderly relatives and she is the only one earning an income (this is actually why there was a truancy meeting as nothing was getting done because she was never home) and therefore can't afford to homeschool because who would earn an income and pay the bills?

She also can't move out of state because of sick and elderly relatives she has to take care of.

"I'm so sorry that your life choices have led you to this impasse. Best of luck with that."

"Oh, you're still here. Was there anything else?"

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As a surgeon a huge part of my job is expectation management.

Ma’am, if you have a bag of Doritos and you jump on top of the bag and crush the chips to little bits and then hand me the bag and ask me to fix it, I will have limited options.  I can’t return it to how it was.  

This is the picture of your femur…

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Edited by mikbone
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30 minutes ago, mikbone said:

Ma’am, if you have a bag of Doritos and you jump on top of the bag and crush the chips to little bits and then hand me the bag and ask me to fix it, I will have limited options.  I can’t return it to how it was.  

Well, apparently your OCD isn't sufficiently advanced... :rolleyes:

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3 minutes ago, zil2 said:

Well, apparently your OCD isn't sufficiently advanced... :rolleyes:

FB19A044-EF68-4EAF-B5FB-DBABB772A354.thumb.jpeg.4b809f2f67c83f967ccbe84a6ab04cf9.jpegA9D3246A-8775-41A8-94CC-92907DDC9C34.thumb.jpeg.192dd856619ebb60fc9d20e8653b979e.jpeg

Unfortunately, you have to control the OCD.  Its not like a puzzle that you can leave out on the table for a couple of days.

You have limited time due to tourniquet, anesthesia complications, and possibility of infection.  

This took just under 2 hours.

She walks.  
 

Wouldn't want it to be my leg.

 

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5 hours ago, Backroads said:

she kept saying "You Mormons just don't understand. I used to be Mormon and no one understands how important these family values are." 

The thing was, I'm positive I was the only church member at that meeting. Yet she just kept repeating stuff about how Mormons don't understand anything and referring to us as "those Mormons" just because we happen to be located in Utah just like her.

From my perspective, this isn't about mormons, or family values.  This is about ignorance.  Once you figure out how to deal with ignorance in the workplace, you will have figured out how to deal with this person.

People are wrong about things.  What's your responsibility to correct them here?

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1 hour ago, NeuroTypical said:

This is about ignorance.  Once you figure out how to deal with ignorance in the workplace, you will have figured out how to deal with this person.

Ignorance is easy - education.

Stupidity on the other hand is infinitely more difficult.

I get the impression that ignorance is not the issue in this particular event.


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Edited by mikbone
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