Julie B. Beck and her Talk "Mothers Who Know"

[Stampede]

Mothers Who Know

This is a link to her talk.

I have heard alot of people got upset over the contents of her talk, and i would like to know why. I thought it was beautiful and inspiring. And my wife, who isn't even a member of the church (yet) Loved her talk.

I would like to ask you girls (and guys) what you honestly thought about it.

[the_jason]

Her talk was absolutely true. The only ones who should be offended are the ones who aren't living the standards she outlined. I applaud her for saying what she did.

[Palerider]

I thought she did a great job with her talk.

[Elphaba]

I am no longer LDS, so I did not vote; however, there was not a category for my opinion anyway.

I found parts of her talk worthwhile. I found other parts deplorable.

Elphaba

[Janell]

I thought it was really good. I have never once taken offense to what she said. My mom and I thought it was done in a very tactful way. I am glad she gave the talk she did and would welcome more like it.

[MorningStar]

After the criticism Sis. Beck has received, I am happy to see her quotes being used a lot this year. That's a great way to support her.

[NateHowe]

I am thankful to have married a woman who exhibits the attributes Sister Beck mentions. She is not oppressed, downtrodden, or restricted - she is active, intelligent, and influential in her community. Those who want to find this talk offensive choose to do so by applying a "frumpy, isolated housewife" stereotype to teachings which describe excellent Latter-day Saint mothers of all types.

[sixpacktr]

Sis Beck was spot on in her comments. The reaction of some brought this scripture passage to my mind:

2 And it came to pass that I said unto them that I knew that I had spoken hard things against the wicked, according to the truth; and the righteous have I justified, and testified that they should be lifted up at the last day; wherefore, the guilty taketh the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center.

3 And now my brethren, if ye were righteous and were willing to hearken to the truth, and give heed unto it, that ye might walk uprightly before God, then ye would not murmur because of the truth, and say: Thou speakest hard things against us.

(1 Nephi16:2 - 3)

But those that were offended will state that I, as a man, don't understand, and/or that Sis Beck was stating her opinion, not the truth, and/or that she doesn't 'get it' in today's world.

Always remember, the BOM was written for our day, and the admonitions in it are directed specifically at us.

[CrimsonKairos]

Six, I love you man!

[sixpacktr]

Six, I love you man!

Back atcha CK!

[Aphrodite]

It annoyed me. The sentiment was good in a way, but to me she came across as saying you can only be fulfilled as a woman as a wife and mother. For those who are not married or mothers and want to be, this is very insensitive. Being a wife and Mother is not the only way a woman can be fulfilled. I am only going on this from memory, so I cant remember specifically what she said but I remember thinking it was the usual, 'stay home and reproduce' talk just dressed up a bit.

[Tamrajh]

That's too bad it annoyed you. I think it was a beautiful talk and, even though I'm not a stay at home mom, I respect her for saying what she was prompted to say.

Something to think about though, you said it was the "usual, 'stay home and reproduce' talk just dressed up a bit." But it's been proven that children are much better off when the mother stays at home with them and is there to help them through their childhood challenges. A main factor in the issues with our society today is that the children are left to raise themselves or have been handed over to care providers who don't really care.

So I agree with you, it was that standard talk, and it was meant to be for a reason. Women have a responsibility to be there for their children. After all, who takes care of a child better than a mother?

I said I'm not a stay at home mom, but that's not technically true. I've been working out of my home for the past two years and it has definitely had a big impact on my son even though he is 15. It has been better for him.

[the_jason]

I've been working out of my home for the past two years

Do you mean you've been working outside the home or working from home?

[Elphaba]

But it's been proven that children are much better off when the mother stays at home with them and is there to help them through their childhood challenges.

And there are studies that prove that is not true at all. You can find any study you want to prove your own bias.

What is important is that the child is loved unconditionally by whomever is taking care of him/her.

Additionally, it does not have to be the mother who takes care of the child. A father can do that as easily as a mother. Just because a mother is a woman does not automatically make her maternal, and the family may find the father the better choice to take care of the children. Choices are important in these situations, and taking away these choices in such a rigid manner can cause more tension, not less.

The point is there are options that may create a happier, content child, which is really the goal. Forcing a woman to take care of children when the father is wonderful with them is absurd. Having choices is never a bad thing, and the children will not suffer from it. They will benefit from it.

Elphaba

[WillowTheWhisp]

I really do think it's a terrible shame that more mothers do not stay home to look after their children. I have done/do. My girls are now 16 and 13. We've never been rich. We've never had loads of holidays. We don't have a fancy home or all the latest technology. Some of their friends who had all these things have spent more time here in our home than in their own.

Incidentally, I wasn't aware that anyone had complained about the talk or been offended. Perhaps those who have not been fortunate enough to have children missed the bit in her talk where she said:

Some women are not given the responsibility of bearing children in mortality, but just as Hannah of the Old Testament prayed fervently for her child, the value women place on motherhood in this life and the attributes of motherhood they attain here will rise with them in the Resurrection

To me it seemed that what she was focusing on was prioritising and that tied in very well with Dallin H. Oakes 'Good, Better, Best' talk which I'm doing a lesson on this Sunday. If you are a mother who has to work out of necessity, then prioritising some time to spend with your children can also be possible. For a while I was a single parent when my first husband died so I know there are times when it isn't easy too - but the main point which came across to me was that she was telling us to get an eternal perspective on things so that we KNOW what's important.

[sixpacktr]

Hey Willow,

There was quite a bit of noise on the old 'LDSTalk' website, as there are some internet sites by some women who call themselves LDS that said that Sister Beck didn't 'get it'.

I applaud your priorities. I know my wife was very glad she was at home for our kids even if we had to do without some things. She worked part time so that she could be home when the kids got home (when they were in HS) and not at all when they were younger.

[Stampede]

than kyou all for the wonderful comments, i was on the LDS section of Religious Education Forum - Discuss, Compare and Debate Religions in Our Online Community and it seems to me that the LDS base in particular are either inactive, more devout than the most devout of all Utah Mormons, or what they consider themselves "Liberal Mormons" or "Non-Literalist Mormons"

They bicker back and forth and there is so much contention between those who claim themselves to be LDS. and there was nothign but slander towards Beck and the Ideals of the LDS church.

I even brought up scriptures from D&C regarding the Voice of the lord wether it be from his voice or from his servants. and then also the one that was posted from Nephi about how the wicked dislike hearing of thier wickedness.

[WillowTheWhisp]

They bicker back and forth and there is so much contention between those who claim themselves to be LDS.

How sad that church members can do this amongst themselves. There is only one source of contention and whilst Latter-day Saints are arguing amongst themselves he must be rubbing his hands with glee.

[Elphaba]

There was quite a bit of noise on the old 'LDSTalk' website, as there are some internet sites by some women who call themselves LDS that said that Sister Beck didn't 'get it'.

I would like to point out there was quite a bit of noise on the old 'LDSTalk' website, as there are some internet sites the include both men and women who call themslves LDS that said that Sister Beck (and thousands of other, women, devoted to the gospel didn't 'get it'.

There was discussion of Sister Beck's talk across the universe! What angered many people was not we Sister Beck insised the women do to raise good chldren; it was the lack of choices that took away from so many people who, in their situation were, by far, the better choice to raise to those particular children.

As I said above, not every child's mother or father should be its primrar caretaker. Yet, what LDS mothers are going to take from Sister Beck's speech is to try harder and harder, and the unworkable dynamic is only going to escalate. Would you really rather have that happen to the child because the woman is the mother, or would have have the child taken care of by a family member who loves the child, nurtures the child, and gives her the loves she needs during these developmenal years?

Having said this, I concede these vast majority of the men supported Sister Beck's talk and felt it was very timely, just as the posters here to.

My point is, it is wrong to make it look like this was an issue where a bunch of whiney women that didn't like what they heard. Obviuosly it was more complicated than that.

Elphaba

[WillowTheWhisp]

There was discussion of Sister Beck's talk across the universe!

Chorley, England Stake must not be in the Universe then because I haven't heard anyone here raising any objections to it at all.

Are conference talks not approved by the First Presidency?

[Stampede]

they are approved by The First Presidency and there is a screen on the podium that they display thier talks so that they don't have to carry anything, and they can display certain pictures and quotes as well.

And there is quite a few women who disagree with beck all over the world and it is sad that they take her talk out of context and think they are better than the commandments of the Lord to have children. It is not just a commandment to women, but to Men as well.

Men who do not want children are selfish and not following the commandments just as much as women with the same attitude are.

[WillowTheWhisp]

So it follows, does it not, that if the talk was approved by the First Presidency then all the people who are saying she was wrong and they refuse to ever listen to her again are in actuality disputing with the Prophet himself? That seems very dangerous ground.

[Mahonri]

As you can imagine, my wife and I have attended many conference sessions in the conference center.

We've watched folks get up and give talks and have a handshake or two on the way back to their seat.

After Sister Beck gave her talk, every authority from Boyd K. Packer down the line on the right side of the podium, leaned forward grasped her hand with a smile and mouthed, "Thank you".

The Brethren not only loved it, they cheered it.

My wife said if it wouldn't have been irreverent, she would have stood and applauded.

[WillowTheWhisp]

I've noticed in a lot of lessons and talks recently there seems to be a sort of sense of urgency, an example being regarding storage where I know personally I fall far short. Perhaps it's the people who really need to accept the teachings who are the ones who are doing the most complaining about it. I've also noticed on a local scale that if we've ever had an optional meeting (ie not a Sunday one) where, for example, Visiting Teaching is the subject matter the ones who attend are the ones who are already doing it 100% - preaching to the converted. The ones who don't show up are the ones we are really trying to get the message across to. I suspect that the people who are most vociferous in condemnation of Sister Beck are the ones who don't want to face up to their own shortcomings.

Now I know I'm way lacking when it comes to my storage (for reasons I do not wish to go into here) but I'm not going to start ranting and raving at the people who give talks on the subject and telling them to 'get real'.

I've never known such contention amongst church members as I have seen on another forum discussing this topic. I'm so thankful that it hasn't split our Ward. I'm not aware of anyone I know personally having said anything negative about Sister Beck and her talk. She came to Chorley not long ago and many of us were able to attend and hear her speak in person. That was a terrific meeting and everyone I spoke to afterwards had only praise for her and the words she spoke.

[Aphrodite]

I really do think it's a terrible shame that more mothers do not stay home to look after their children. I have done/do.

I never said anything about not staying at home with your children. Its exactly what Elphaba said-It was the lack of choices she gave women with that talk. What is wrong with having a career?? I know plenty of women who work with the children. I will more than likely work part time when/if I have children. That way everyone is fulfilled and happy. The children get me to look after them, I am fulfilled with a rewarding career, we can afford to put a roof over our heads-everyone wins. How is this wrong????

I suspect that the people who are most vociferous in condemnation of Sister Beck are the ones who don't want to face up to their own shortcomings.

Thats a typical response to people who question or disagree-'there must be something wrong with them'. So, explain to me willow, how working part time as a nurse, bringing up your children, and doing the best by your family is a shortcoming?