Law of Chastity

[IntoGod33]

My boyfriend and I made a horrible mistake. I don't think I have to elaborate due to my title. I am a new member, but he has already been through the temple. I am going to talk to my bishop tonight, and my boyfriend is going to go this week. We know that we have to confess, and my boyfriend is really scared. I am new at all of this, but I do know that what i did was wrong. I know that I cannot begin to repent until I confess my sins, but I am so scared as to what the bishop is going to say. Please....can you all give me an idea of what this is going to be like. I am sooo nervous and anxious. Thank you.

[a-train]

Really scared of what????

Here is the deal: You two have done something that causes pain and anguish and going to the Bishop and repenting is the only thing that will make you feel better.

You are worried about your standing with the LORD. Imagine for a moment that your boyfriend is disfellowshipped or even excommunicated for all of this. Is that something you two can't endure? Is that worse than what is going on right now? If you would rather conceal what happened so he can dishonestly take the sacrament every week in an effort to outwardly display worthiness, you are only prolonging your situation and making the situation worse.

I promise, that no matter what happens in that meeting with the Bishop, if you offer your transgressions as you should, the weight of those transgressions will be lifted from you. Church discipline is a much lighter burden than the weight of sin.

Be of good cheer.

-a-train

[the_jason]

Talking to your bishop is scary at first, but it's necessary to receive forgiveness. Telling your bishop you did something wrong is not like being disciplined by your parents. Bishops do not punish. They do not judge unrighteously. They do not think less of you as a person. A meeting with your bishop is an experience of love. He wants you to be well and to put this transgression behind you. He will help you in every way that he can. Half the battle is the initial confession. You will feel so much better and will feel confident in being able to fully repent. Say a prayer before you speak to your bishop. I gaurantee you will be glad you talked to him.

[NeuroTypical]

I know that I cannot begin to repent until I confess my sins, but I am so scared as to what the bishop is going to say.

Confessing is an important step, and a way to compelte the repentance process. Here are the steps - sounds to me like you've got a good start on them:

1. Recognize Our Sins

2. Feel Sorrow for Our Sins

3. Forsake Our Sins

4. Confess Our Sins

5. Make Restitution

6. Forgive Others

7. Keep the Commandments of God

The Bishop's sole job here is to help you remove the burden of sin from your soul - to help you place checkboxes next to everything on that list. He is your earthly representative of Jesus Christ. The scriptures tell us that Christ never yelled at repentant sinners - he helped them and loved them. You can expect the same treatment from your Bishop if you are humble and repentant.

Expect to make good use of his box of kleenex. (I sure did when I sat in "the hot seat".)

This process can be one of the most freeing, spiritual, maturing times of your life.

LM

[WillowTheWhisp]

It sounds like you are well on the road already. Remember how Jesus spoke to the woman accused of adultery. He did not condone the sin but he loved and encouraged the sinner to sin no more.

[IntoGod33]

Honestly, I'm not scared, just ashamed. I am more worried about what is going to happen to my boyfriend. He just returned from his mission last May, and I'm always hearing about what an awesome missionary he was. I feel like I have been his stumbling block. He tells me that it is his fault because he has been a member for quite some time, and he was a missionary who used to go out and tell people to not do the things that he has turned around and done. He feels like a hypocrite. So do I....this happened only a few weeks after my baptism. You know what amazes me....that first week after my baptism I was feeling amazing. I was full of the spirit, I was already starting to see and feel so many blessings, and then this happened. I literally felt the spirit leave me. It amazes me how different I feel now. All that motivation, happiness, and strength gone...I feel lost. I feel like my weakness hurt someone else much more than I can understand. If I could've just been strong, and practiced what I preached....

[IntoGod33]

By the way....thank you all for your support and encouragement. That's why I love this church.

[the_jason]

You are both equally to blame for the transgression, not just you. Being endowed and a return missionary, he should have had more self-control. He had his agency. You did not force him to do anything. His discipline will likely be more severe than yours, but if he's truly sorry then he needs to accept whatever might come about, even if it costs him his membership. Church discipline is not punishment. It is done out of love for the individual and is necessary for repentance. Don't in any way blame yourself for his actions. He chose willingly.

[Shell72]

IntoGod, God is a loving and forgiving God and it is your relationship with Him that matters most. If you confess and ask for forgiveness know in your heart that God has forgiven you, loves you, and this is what salvation is all about. Please don't dwell on your mistakes - we all make them, and the true test of Faith is how we handle them.

"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace"

Ephesians 1*7

[nytesong]

His discipline will likely be more severe than yours, but if he's truly sorry then he needs to accept whatever might come about, even if it costs him his membership. Church discipline is not punishment. It is done out of love for the individual and is necessary for repentance. Don't in any way blame yourself for his actions. He chose willingly.

would someone be kicked out for making a mistake and repenting it? this is the first i've heard of 'discipline' in the LDS church for sinning. I'm not a practicing Catholic, but I attended a Catholic elementary school and one had penance, usually in the form of prayers (and hopefully soul searching!) but never 'discipline'

Could someone explain a bit more about LDS discipline?

[NateHowe]

This page from the official Church site explains pretty well the Church discipline process:

LDS.org - Topic Definition - Church Disciplinary Councils

Church discipline is a process to help those who have committed serious sins to obtain forgiveness and repent fully. It is not retributive punishment - it is official guidance.

[WANDERER]

I'm just curious...it's like a council or group of people and they put you on 'trial'? What is that like?

[Guest Malcolm]

It is actually the most painful task of the priesthood. Five or six members (Bishop and Stake) of the Stake High Council sit in the proceeding. The intent is to separate fact from fiction or suspicion.

The person standing before the council could be your friend that came to your home with his family every weekend. You thought the world of this friend and now you find out that he broke his or her covenant, inflicted great pain to the innocent spouse and tremendous damage to the family. In the council the offending party is asked questions about the transgression/situation to compare with the statements of the other spouse (or offended/injured party). The idea is to find the truth, to assess the individual acknowledgment of the offense and to determine the disciplinary measures that once completed will allow this person to return to the fold in full fellowship.

[WillowTheWhisp]

this happened only a few weeks after my baptism. You know what amazes me....that first week after my baptism I was feeling amazing. I was full of the spirit, I was already starting to see and feel so many blessings, and then this happened. I literally felt the spirit leave me. It amazes me how different I feel now. All that motivation, happiness, and strength gone...I feel lost.

I've noticed that when someone has a wonderful spiritual experience and is feeling particularly close to the Lord and experiencing many blessings this is when Satan seems to tempt them most. He doesn't have to worry about people who are lukewarm or disinterested as they aren't much of a threat to him.

BTW I hope all this talk of church courts and being judged by a panel of people who know you isn't frightening the life out of you. As far as I am aware as this transgression has only involved your boyfriend and yourself and has not affected anyone else then it's highly unlikely that anyone but your Bishop will be involved.

[IntoGod33]

Satan does try his hardest when he sees that you are trying your best and keeping the commandments. I talked to my bishop and I feel like this tremendous burden has been lifted from my shoulders. He was so encouraging and nonjudgemental. I thought my sin was too great, but he reassured me that repentance conquers all as long as it's genuine and complete.

I thank you all for your support and encouragement. It really means a lot to me because I was going crazy yesterday. I testify that confessing your sins or transgressions to a bishop can bring you peace and give you the motivation to quit knocking yourself down and start doing something about it.

[momofmany12]

How are you doing? I just wanted to let you know that every thing is done with love and compassion. Your Bishop will not judge you. You don't need to be scared.

[USNationalist]

The fact that it bothers you so much should go along way towards showing geniune repentance. This kind of stuff is what jesus died for- so don't worry to much. Use your feelings now to help keep you from repeating the error.

[USNationalist]

How are you doing? I just wanted to let you know that every thing is done with love and compassion. Your Bishop will not judge you. You don't need to be scared.

why the heck wouldnt he judge her? Thats what he is there for. Thats what we are all organised for. To judge and keep one another in line. How the heck did "judgeing" get such a bad stigma?

[checkerboy]

You don't judge other people. Where have you been? If you could judge righteously then sure go for it but not many people can do that. And the bishops job as common judge is to ascertain what commandments have been broken and what punishment the church will administer. As a person he doesn't judge and he won't condemn you. The only true judge we should worry about is our Heavenly Father.

Our job as saints is to help each other not judge.

[the_jason]

Could someone explain a bit more about LDS discipline?

Having been through such discipline, perhaps I can shed some light on this.

It's called church discipline, but we should not think of it as punishment. It's quite the opposite, in fact. Most sins do not need to be confessed to a bishop, and even fewer require church discipline. In order to remain in good standing a person should confess any sins of a sexual nature, from flirting to adultery, and everything in between. Pornography and word of wisdom sins (drinking, smoking, etc.) should also be confessed. Once the confession is made to the bishop, he will determine, by revelation, whether further discipline is required. This discipline could either be handled by him or be taken higher to the stake president.

Generally, if a person has been endowed in the temple, more discipline is required. Again, do not think of this as a punishment. In my experience, I felt such a relief having confessed my sins. The road to repentance seemed lighter and I was able to more fully understand my transgressions and what I needed to do to once again be in good standing. Church discipline is act of love. It's a hard thing at first, but it's necessary to be fully forgiven of your transgressions and to be completely worthy. The most important thing you can do is to be completely sincere and honest and willing to accept whatever happens, even if it means excommunication.

I hope this helped.

[the_jason]

why the heck wouldnt he judge her? Thats what he is there for. Thats what we are all organised for. To judge and keep one another in line. How the heck did "judgeing" get such a bad stigma?

There are two types of judging: the judging of a person and the judging of an act. Nowadays people throw around the "don't judge me" attitude like it's going out of style.

The bishop does have a responsibility of being a judge. He judges the act. He does not judge the individual. Only the Lord has that authority. "Love the sinner, hate the sin" applies to bishops. They cannot excuse what a person does, but they love them and help them recover. Church discipline is a discipline of the act, not the person. Nobody should think you are a bad person for committing a sin. The sin is evil. Not you.

A bishop IS a judge. He WILL judge. He will only judge the sin. Not the sinner.

[USNationalist]

You don't judge other people. Where have you been? If you could judge righteously then sure go for it but not many people can do that. And the bishops job as common judge is to ascertain what commandments have been broken and what punishment the church will administer. As a person he doesn't judge and he won't condemn you. The only true judge we should worry about is our Heavenly Father.

Our job as saints is to help each other not judge.

...No, we do not judge people who are not christians (1Cor 5:9-13). It is the churches job to pass judgment on the living in order to affect church discipline.

Jason- I disagree. All people are evil. Their acts are manifestations of that. The judgment passed on other believers is judgment on them as a person- which their actions provide reason for. If you get excommunicated, it is not because of an act- it is because you as a person have allowed yourself to become seriously estranged from God (which you have proven through your acts). Discipline for the act and not the persons self is the complete opposite of what Christianity is about. (I worded that last sentence poorly)

No one has ever claimed that a person has the ability to pass final judgment on the soul of another. All judgments but the final one are completely up for grabs though.

[the_jason]

...No, we do not judge people who are not christians (1Cor 5:9-13). It is the churches job to pass judgment on the living in order to affect church discipline.

Jason- I disagree. All people are evil. Their acts are manifestations of that. The judgment passed on other believers is judgment on them as a person- which their actions provide reason for. If you get excommunicated, it is not because of an act- it is because you as a person have allowed yourself to become seriously estranged from God (which you have proven through your acts). Discipline for the act and not the persons self is the complete opposite of what Christianity is about. (I worded that last sentence poorly)

No one has ever claimed that a person has the ability to pass final judgment on the soul of another. All judgments but the final one are completely up for grabs though.

You're wrong. All people are not evil. There is a difference between being a sinner and being evil. Everyone sins, so everyone is a sinner. What makes a person evil is having an evil countenance and evil intentions, to intentionally commit sin. Those people are in the vast minority.

Church discipline is intended to right wrongdoings. To receive forgiveness for doing something against the commandments of God. The act is evil. The person, in most cases, is not. Most people are good by nature, but occasionally commit sin. That doesn't make them evil. It makes them imperfect. Learn the difference.

[StudMuff]

I agree with Jason. All people are not evil. Everyone is born with the light of Christ.

[Guest Breezy]

...No, we do not judge people who are not christians (1Cor 5:9-13). It is the churches job to pass judgment on the living in order to affect church discipline.

Jason- I disagree. All people are evil. Their acts are manifestations of that. The judgment passed on other believers is judgment on them as a person- which their actions provide reason for. If you get excommunicated, it is not because of an act- it is because you as a person have allowed yourself to become seriously estranged from God (which you have proven through your acts). Discipline for the act and not the persons self is the complete opposite of what Christianity is about. (I worded that last sentence poorly)

No one has ever claimed that a person has the ability to pass final judgment on the soul of another. All judgments but the final one are completely up for grabs though.

I have to say that recently I have run into other LDS including a Bishop who feel this same way. The harsh judgements( such as all people are evil) pronounced in regards to people who have sinned made me seriously reconsidor the reasons I have been looking into the LDS. In fact I was going to close my accounts at this site and another LDS forum for that very reason. One of the moderators here was kind enough to talk to me about it a little bit and she convinced me to stay. All people ARE NOT evil but condemning them all is in my opinion. I would like to believe that all people have value in God's eyes even those who struggle with sin and have fallen. If they are all just evil then what is the point to God and to faith?