Best Parenting Advice

[NateHowe]

OK, we are down to less than two months before we have our first child. It's about time for me to ask you parents out there for your best parenting advice. It doesn't have to be limited to infancy, either. I'm pretty sure changing diapers and warming bottles will be less taxing than teaching him how to be a decent human being.

[havejoy]

Play with them. Start when they are very young and play with them a lot.

When they are older, listen to them. Even if it's a 4 year old telling you about a cool dream they don't really have the words to describe, listen anyway. Make it a habit early so it'll stay a habit.

Hug them and tell them you love them. Start early and don't let it stop, even when they turn into teen aged porcupines.

The pattern here is to start doing the things early that will help you and them the most when they go through the teen years.

[Elgama]

Ignore all well meaning parenting advice that goes against your instincts, look around you at the families that work well, chances are they will be the last people to give you unsolicited advice so don't be afraid to ask them when you want it. When I was in labour with my daughter the blessing said 'use your instincts they are from Heavenly Father and will never serve you wrong'

OK this is my well meaning advice lol - hold them tight, keep them close you can't spoil a baby or child by holding them or loving them. Like one wise Mother of many (being LDS seem to know a few) said to me no parent is perfect so everyone either spoils or neglects their children many times through life.

My only dog eared child care book is How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and How to Listen so Kids Will Talk, its a wonderful book and makes me think about how I address my children

-Charley

[crytsprospect]

Relax and enjoy...... I have seven fro 30 to 12 . The babies 12 & 13 were the funnest cause we were relaxed it is a baby, not going to break easily we wern't caught up in worring about every little thing but mabey that comes with time. I know I am blessed by each and every one of my children. The 12 & 13 year olds hate being called the babies and if I could they wouldn't be the last because my busy house is getting quieter each year.

When I had my first child I was told don't be afraid to take your baby outside as long as their dressed appropriatly (sp). My first was born in December and was taken everywhere, she thrived.

Oh yes when you can't sleep and the baby won't stop crying remember " this to shall pass"

[Elgama]

When I had my first child I was told don't be afraid to take your baby outside as long as their dressed appropriatly (sp). My first was born in December and was taken everywhere, she thrived.

Oh yes when you can't sleep and the baby won't stop crying remember " this to shall pass"

LOL I want my baby to sleeeep - anyway I do agree take your kids everywhere you can its best way to teach them how to behave, at least I think so so far until number 3 arrives and bites that theory firmly in the bum

-Charley

[skalenfehl]

Congrats on the upcoming arrival! I didn't become a dad until I fostered and adopted two boys in dire need of love and discipline. My challenges were infinitely different than what you will go through, perhaps at least until your child or children become young teenagers.

What I have learned is always listen. Listen first, then answer. Love unconditionally and teach them that they can come to you no matter what, and if they trust you, they will and the questions they will have!! Be prepared! Everything should be a teaching/learning experience and will be for both of you. Never show anger when they confide in you because they will learn to confide in someone else. It takes courage to confide in parents (remember when you were a kid all those questions you never asked dad but found out some other way?)

My philosophy with raising child is basically the same way Father in Heaven teaches us. We have commandments, agency and consequences of using our agency. We don't get struck with a lightning bolt when we decide to skip church one Sunday or not pay tithing one time, etc. But blessings are withheld from us. When my boys defied me, I withheld privileges and when they quit their screaming, swearing and tantrum throwing and were ready to talk and listen, I explained to them what they did was unacceptable and I taught them what was acceptable. Sometimes we had to role play scenarios. When they understood and agreed, they received their privilege back.

It also got to the point where I had to draw lines and consequences for crossing each line. It was tough and they loved to do things to tick me off, but I always tried to keep calm and teach them properly how to conduct themselves. Eventually you have to let them go and govern themselves and hope that they remember what you taught them (and when it really matters, they probably will).

I've dealt with teachers, principles, councilors, police officers, judges, neighbors, etc more times than I can honestly remember. You just gotta love them and love them and love them. Although my boys got into so much trouble they learned that they could confide in me and they knew that no matter what I always love them.

I guess in the end you can look at it this way. You aren't just raising children, but you are also raising how your children will treat their future spouses and how they will raise and treat their children (your grandchildren) so be mindful of the habits that you will pass along!

As for diapers? I don't think I've ever changed a poopy diaper in my life.

[Misshalfway]

Perfection is not required to be a great parent! Perfection is in the process! So enjoy the process with all of its mistakes and twists and turns. And laugh at yourself!! And forgive yourself!!

READ to them! All kinds of books from the very beginning.

Don't be a helicopter parent. The most important part of falling down is learning to get back up. If someone always saves you, how can you learn that?

Don't be afraid to call a sitter. Parents need to have a life too. And the kids need a break as well! And how many people wouldn't die to take care of a newborn??

Balance! Balance! Balance!

Let them cook and clean and fix and garden with you.

Be gentle when they make mistakes and throw a parade when they choose the right.

Hide the permanent ink markers!!!

[MorningStar]

Oh, amen to everything, especially the permanent ink markers!

[MorningStar]

Nate, I've learned that saying "I'm sorry" is an incredibly important thing to learn. My mom was far from perfect having been raised by two alcoholics, then abandoned and put into some terrible foster care situations. She was a dang amazing mom for all that she had been through. And she always said sorry when she was grumpy. I will always appreciate that. It also teaches your kids to be able to be humble enough to say sorry.

Congratulations! It's going to be a great experience for you!

[NateHowe]

Thank you all for your thoughtful advice. Our son Phineas was born this past Thursday. We are having a great time getting to know him. You can see photos of him on our family blog at the howe family. Thanks again, friends.

[crytsprospect]

OK historical/ or biblical??? what as cool name

[pushka]

Awww Nate and Alli!! Congratulations on the arrival of Phineas!! He's gorgeous, and looks so cute in his little yellow mittens and his groovy stripy suit :)

I hope that you have hours of fun and games with him over the coming years, and learn lots as you go along!!

Good Luck and enjoy the ride :)

[Gwen]

congrats, i too love the yellow mittens. hehe

[MorningStar]

What a cute baby!!!! I love the Dr. Evil photo. Haha!!!

[Guest tomk]

OK, we are down to less than two months before we have our first child. It's about time for me to ask you parents out there for your best parenting advice. It doesn't have to be limited to infancy, either. I'm pretty sure changing diapers and warming bottles will be less taxing than teaching him how to be a decent human being.

One of my personal struggles has been the spiritual education of my children.

You can never start this early enough. Even if their brain cannot process the words you speak, their spirit can. Begin having FHE before and after the baby comes.

Remain close to the Lord at all times. Seek His guidance in all things, especially and including your children.

[Liesl]

Congrats on your new addition. I have 5, the youngest is 5wks. I'm an avid Dr. Phil fan, and as the old doc says..."They are the blank slates on which we as parents write..." So my advise is be careful how you wright. They are precuius and on loan to us, so wright with the intention of returning them in better condition. and then last but not least, just do your best and don't forget that You're all learning and mistakes are meant to be made in order to gain perfection...

Have fun.......and count to ten...lol

[Liesl]

Oh. 1 more thing... help each other with raising children, you mke them together so now you can raise them together....

[Tough Grits]

Such wonderful advice so far.

1. Start teaching the gospel from day one. Just because the new little baby cannot talk yet, does not mean that he/she cannot listen and understand. Remember, it is only the body that is new...the Spirit within that newborn has already been living for eternities!

2. Sing. Play music. Dance. Let your child, from the earliest ages, appreciate the joy and wonder of good music.

3. Read. Read. Read. And never stop.

4. Recite every poem and nursery rhyme that you can remember. If you don't remember that many, then go out or online and get a nursery rhyme book or poem book. Sandra Boynton has great board books with rhyme and repetition for young children.

5. Patience. With your child and with yourself. Your child IS going to make mistakes, but so are you. Learn the value of taking deep breaths and of counting to 10...often!!

6. Affection. Lots of it, and often.

7. Listen. What may seem silly to you, may be as big as the whole world to your child.

8. Pray. Often. And let your child say the prayer over meals and before bedtime as soon as they are able. It will take much practice for them to get the wording right and for them to feel comfortable...but I cannot even begin to imagine how much Heavenly Father loves hearing their simple and humble prayers.

9. Follow the Spirit. This may be last on my list, but it is by far the single most important thing that you can do for yourself and for your children.

Best of wishes...

[fiona84]

Awwww, what a gorgeous wee family! The mittens are so cute, and your commentary made me giggle. :) Congratulations

[NateHowe]

OK historical/ or biblical??? what as cool name

Thanks - Biblical and historical, actually. Phinehas was the spelling in the Old Testament. In Church history, Phineas Young introduced his family to the Church, including a brother you may know named Brigham.

Thanks to all of you for your sound advice and congratulations. He's one month old today, and we are very happy.

[LegendadryPerc]

Best parenting advise: if you are mad at your H for something, wait ten years before reacting to it. Sleepless nights, feeling like you're the only one that changes diapers, both of you adjusting in your own way to family changes... just wait ten years before you take any conflict seriously. It is more than likely temporary, and your family isn't.

[hordak]

1 Don't lie to your kids. If it is going to hurt tell them it will

2 Be consistent.

3 If you want them to do something they don't want to do. Offer them an worse alternative

Edited June 24, 2008 by hordak

[fish4kitty]

My number one thing is never candy coat the truth. Be prepared to explain some pretty interesting stuff. Love them with every fiber of your being. (they will never forget all the hugs) Never never let your children see you disrespect someone behind there backs. If it needs to be said say it to the persons face....politely. Manners matter at all times. Love is not earned it is given freely with no strings attached. imo these things matter when parenting.

[MarginOfError]

My best parenting advice: Don't listen to other people's parenting advice ;-)

Some books to consider reading:

Caring for your Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age 5 (American Academy of Pediatrics)

New Mother's Guide to Breastfeeding (American Academy of Pediatrics)

Guide to Your Child's Sleep (American Academy of Pediatrics)

Help your Baby Talk: Introducing the Shared Communication Method...(Robert E. Owens)

Taking Charge of Your Fertility (Toni Weschler)

Sex for Dummies (Dr. Ruth)

I find this collection of books gives a pretty good overview of the parenting process up to age 5. The AAP also has books for older children when the time comes.

[PapilioMemnon]

A quick one (I'm out of time ):

Analyze HOW the Lord parents us... :)

The Temple/Sriptures shows us in such great way!!!!