What are your guidelines for purchasing modest clothing?


RachelleDrew
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Hello ladies!

After recently having a child, my body has changed a lot. I've found that a lot of the clothing I wore prior to having a baby is no longer modest or demure due to my changing bust and hip size. :P

Not that i'm complaining, but before I got pregnant I was very straight up and down with no curves. I was able to wear practically anything without it looking trashy. Now that I actually look like a female i've realized i've got to be more careful with my dress and attire.

The problem is, i'm not really sure how to shop specifically to find clothing of a modest nature, especially for summer. I've never really had to think about it before and i've only been involved with the church for the past year or so. Because of these factors, modesty is something that's just never really crossed my mind. I've got a shopping trip planned in a few weeks, and i've saved up enough money where I can pretty much replace my wardrobe. The only thing that's in my closet right now are maternity clothes, or clothes that don't fit or are no longer appropriate.

I guess what i'm asking is, what goes through your minds when you shop for clothing? What criteria does it need to fill before you consider it modest? Where do you shop where you can find attractive, trendy clothing that isn't so flashy and immodest?

Any opinions on the matter are appreciated.

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As a new member of the church with curves..especially around the bust, I have the same problem. My clothes have never been exceptionally immodest, but my bust does make normally modest clothing look a little immodest for church. I took a member of the church along with me on a recent shopping trip, even the modest clothes had necklines or v's that were too low for my bust size! I ended up buying a couple of modest blouses that I then pinned a little brooch to, at the centre of my bust, so that I was covered up a little more...I want to buy some suitable summer clothing, and guess that it's gonna be pretty difficult for me!!

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As a new member of the church with curves..especially around the bust, I have the same problem. My clothes have never been exceptionally immodest, but my bust does make normally modest clothing look a little immodest for church. I took a member of the church along with me on a recent shopping trip, even the modest clothes had necklines or v's that were too low for my bust size! I ended up buying a couple of modest blouses that I then pinned a little brooch to, at the centre of my bust, so that I was covered up a little more...I want to buy some suitable summer clothing, and guess that it's gonna be pretty difficult for me!!

I see that layering is really popular around here. So my best solution for v-neck shirts would be wearing a lacy camisole underneath it. That's what i'm planning on doing with some of my clothing. I saw a bunch of cotton wrap dresses in Old Navy the other day that looked sooo comfy and cute. I've seen girls wear them, and they really look good on almost all figures. But once again, the necklines are rather low. So i'll just put a cami underneath and I think that will help.

After months of frumpy maternity clothes, i'm getting really excited to shop. While i've still got some baby weight to lose, I really like my new figure. I've never looked like um, a....girl....before. Lol. But I just don't know how to dress without looking hoochie. :(

Even a few days ago my fiance and I were going to go to his parents house for dinner. I put on a top that I wore before I got pregnant, and he was like "um, you may want to wear a sweater over that or something." I was so embarrassed, I didn't even think about it! It was fine when I was smaller, but I looked in the mirror and sure enough I was exposing WAY too much.

I really don't want to show up at Sacrament one day looking like a streetwalker and being totally oblivious to it. Hehe.

The brooch idea is cute. I like jewelry.

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Generally, no tank tops, bare shoulders, bare midriffs, spaghetti straps, sundresses, mini-skirts. Clothing should not be excessively tight. Skirts/dresses/shorts should reach the knees. Shirts/blouses/dresses should have capped sleeves at a minimum, and no plunging necklines. Scoop necks are generally "safe". Use the basic temple garment design as your guide for coverage.

That doesn't mean you have to throw out everything in your closet. And it doesn't mean frumpy, either!

Layer, layer, layer. It's stylish and easy. Especially with the lighter-weight t-shirts and camis that are available.

For example, wear a short sleeved t-shirt under a sundress with mini straps, or even a sleeveless dress and you have a nice modest jumper. You can add a couple of inches of contrasting fabric or ruffled cotton eyelet to the hem of a skirt that is too short. Wear a long sleeved shirt over a sleeveless dress, unbuttoned like a jacket. Wear a sleeveless top or tank top over sleeved shirt.

My young office mate often wears 3 shirts - a cami or different color tee under another tee, topped with a cropped jacket or sweater - she is very stylish and modest and not LDS.

Have fun shopping!

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Hi Rachelle. I don't usually reply to peoples post, but your title caught my eye. I'm not a mother yet, or endowed, i'm just a Young Single Adult. But what I can tell you is.. when I shop for clothing, I look at it and think.. could I wear garments under this? Thats my guideline.. and I hope that I can teach my children that. Hope this helps you :D

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Guest Leeanntheone

Hey all,

I am a young women who is modest but am pressered to wear shorter skirts then I would like or I will just not fit in.

I try to be modest in the way I dress at work but I am often put down by my co-workers.

Iam often told by other ladies that my skirts are too long or that I should be wearing stockings. It bothers them that I don't were makeup too. What should I do? Give in and and wear what they wear or stand my ground? The women at my work wear their skirts above the knees and often flirt with the men in my office. I do not want to be like them but it comes with a price.

Leeann Daniels

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I noticed someone wearing a short sleeved shirt with a spaghetti strap top over it and it was well co-ordinated and it looked nice. It kinda solved the tight shirt problem by using a loose layer over the top thingy.

I hold up fabrics with my hand underneath and up to the light to see how see-through they are. If it is and I still think it's worth having then layering is the go. Unfortuneately this is most of the things in shops nowadays.

A plain cotton skirt with edging detail is perfect for putting underneath shorter gathered skirts. Simple cotton dresses can function as a layer underneath other dresses to give more length.

Satin type sleepwear slip dresses are generally less flimsy and more durable than petticoats and do the same job.

Leeann,

they look good I'm sure...up until the point where they lean over, bend over, sit down, need to walk quickly or you realise that having the sunlight directly behind them is a very big big mistake. When people try to make you over or give you suggestions about what to wear this is called being patronising. Don't fall prey to it. It's far more humiliating when someone takes verbal credit for you as their 'project fashion makeover'.

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Guest Leeanntheone

Hey Wonderer,

Thank you for your words of wisdom,

The next day after my post I went to the store and bought some stockings to wear to work for the next day. My boss Anne, called me into her office to remind me of the company dress code for female employees.

She told me what was expected of me and then told me that it was nice to see me wearing stockings to work and to keep it up. I was then told what a great job that I am doing and that I will see a increase in pay on my next check.

What's next see through skirts and a promotion?

I will keep you posted,

Leeann

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Just wanted to say my criteria is does it look indecent, does it feel comfortable, does it look OK - and now I have to take my garments into consideration.

Normally my clothes are very modest either New Age or Tweedy type but I ended up having to get a dress from the charity shop for Sunday, its much shorter than my usual midcalf to ankle length, covers my garments just but I have lost weight and I figured it was more decent than my skirt falling down and I had to look out my heels (my usual idea of heels is Doc Marten shoes lol) - I was shocked at the comments about how beautiful I looked, how it showed of my legs, how feminine it was - all I could think was how uncomfortable I felt my feet hurt and I was worried my skirt would blow up, and it was cold lol I normally feel much more beautiful:) I felt my outift although officially church standard was not modest as it drew attention I was uncomfotable with and I'll be wearing trousers next week.

The other one was the Sunday after my garments putting on my beautiful New Age heavily embroidered very church standard dress did not cover my garments (it has sleeves, is just round the neck, and down to ankles but the garments poked out round the neck bit) I ended up borrowing quite a low cut top from another sister that was compatible - have to confess next Sunday I just tweaked my garments to the side a bit and I do that now as long as the outfit is a 100% church standard and modest.

Oh and I never wear make up and I think thats why at 32 people think I do because my skin is incredibly clear. I ended up throwing mine out last year when I realised I hadn't used it except for at my wedding since high school or when I was working on excavations I'd put foundation on to protect my skin.

-Charley

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Hey Wonderer,

Thank you for your words of wisdom,

The next day after my post I went to the store and bought some stockings to wear to work for the next day. My boss Anne, called me into her office to remind me of the company dress code for female employees.

She told me what was expected of me and then told me that it was nice to see me wearing stockings to work and to keep it up. I was then told what a great job that I am doing and that I will see a increase in pay on my next check.

What's next see through skirts and a promotion?

I will keep you posted,

Leeann

i

If anyone gives you hassle about having your skirt to long just say you are looking for a man who will flirt with you not your legs:) Just a question to me stockings are held up by a suspender belt (garter) - do you mean all in ones what I would call tights because I was wondering how if your skirt is decent they know the difference but it could be a language thing (I am English)

-Charley

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Garter stockings are relatively uncommon here for everyday wear.

Pantihose or stockings are like tights and are all-in-one...when people refer to tights here they mean the ones that are not sheer, but thick and made for warmth.

But with skirts that are three quarter length, knee highs would do the job and could be swapped when they have ladders or runs. I don't think anyone would see the tops of them.

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It's really quite hard to find clothes that are church standard. I find most of them are too low cut. I have taken to just sewing an insert into the neckline. Another thing that is beginning to bug me is that all the tops which fit me lately all seem to have very short sleeves.Now I know that it only needs to cover the shoulder and top bit of arm to be church standard but all that bare upper arm flesh just doesn't feel comfortable to me. I tend to go for ankle length skirts all the time. If I wear calf length I feel half dressed and I do go for layers if colours are pale or semi transparent. It's not easy but modesty can be achieved with a bit of jiggling and the occasional use of needle and thread.
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Another thing i noticed, the footless tights/leggings are back in. This is WONDERFUL for shorter skirts, i've got a few skirts that hit right at my knee. Which according to my bishop is fine for church, but now that my hips are wider my skirts ride up more. This easily takes a skirt that would normally pass as acceptable, and make it kinda questionable.

The leggings thing help me feel like my legs aren't so bare. Plus they are cute, it makes me feel very 80's.

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I think a lot is down to personal comfort - with my daughter I go for the overall look - so many of the other girls in primary have dresses that are questionable because their Mums are desperate to cover shoulders and knees they buy dresses that are more figure hugging or ride up, with Ellie I changed my mind about dresses and she has a pretty A Line Summer dress which has broad straps at the top and cover most of her shoulders. To me she looks more modest and pretty, but then the other Mums would probably disagree lol I do add a cardie to the outfit but she usually takes it off

I think my experience last week at church taught me a lot I felt whilst I was living the letter of the law my outfit missed the spirit because of the way people reacted to me

-Charley

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Guest Leeanntheone

Hey everyone,

When I was hired at my company I was given so much paper work that I could'nt keep up with it all. I failed to read the company dress code. Now it's not a matter of choice to wear a skirt or pants, I must wear skirts everyday or I will have to get another job. Don't get me wrong I love to wear skirts but not everyday of the week. I have got away with not having to wear stockings up till this point but now I have to wear them everyday as well. My church has a dress code and my work has a dress code, everyone is telling me what I can wear everyday of my life. This is not freedom.

I have copyed my company dress code for you to have a look at.

Dress Requirements for Female Consultants:

I'm not trying to be a chauvinist here, but many of our client organizations have standards for professional appearance, and it's better to be safe than to be embarrassed.

Skirt Suit - No pants allowed, ever. The suit must be dark blue, gray or charcoal.

Stockings – Nude to light beige only. Stockings must be worn everyday while on-site.

Blouse - A crisp white blouse is great, and you may have ruffles and other decorations.

Tie - Optional, but it must be conservative.

Shoes - High-quality black or brown shoes are required, polished to a high shine. (see details below)

Jewellery - Ostentatious jewellery, multiple ear rings on each ear, and multiple chain necklaces are prohibited. Leave the Zircons at home; most people can recognize them instantly.

Cosmetics - Do not use the ski-slope approach to cosmetics (that's 3-inches of powder on top of a 6-inch base). Use no "cheap" perfumes and make sure that you do not offend allergic people with too much perfume odour. Co-workers can sue your employer you if your perfume is too strong.

Grooming - All hair must be neatly groomed. Females with facial hair are required to shave before any on-site engagements. You should always shave legs and exposed armpits.

Perfume - Too much perfume is considered especially heinous when the stench is so strong as to cause allergic reactions or when the odor can be detected from more than 3 feet away. Remember, the quality of perfume is inversely proportional to the price, and many female executives can quickly tell if you are wearing a cheap, "stink pretty" perfume.

Employees who are not in compliance with this policy may be sent home and directed to return in compliance. Such employees will not be compensated for the time away from work. Repeat offenses may be cause for termination.

If there are questions as to what constitutes proper attire for your position, please consult your supervisor, but if you have to ask, you probably know the answer.

Does anyone have any extra stockings hanging around because I am going to need a whole lot of them. LOL.

I will look for our church dress code aswell for you to see. Who sets the standards for what is right and what is wrong to wear anyway? It seems to me that it is not women who make the rules and that's for sure.

Leeann

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Okay, I was thinking about this and I realised that you are probably petite and wearing long skirts in dark solid colours (blue, black). If they are high in fabric and pleats you end up looking like a mollusc (a head with feet). I have the same problem. (This is what the girls are commenting on).

You need to go for skirts that have waist detail (bands, embroidery, belts, flat waist and then pleated) to give you back your waist. This doesn't mean tight (warning: if you have a bell shaped bottom this isn't going to work as it will make your bottom look even larger). To avoid swimming in fabric go for an A-line skirt...it's ladder shaped.

Hint: pay attention to the catwalk fashion. There's enough variety there to pick a look and purchase whatever longer skirt shape and colour is in fashion...do it soon after the pictures come out and you can get a cheaper mock look before the rack retail starts copying : )i.e. peasant skirt, handkerchief hem...whatever. This will give you longer fashion wear as well.

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Guest Leeanntheone

Okay, I was thinking about this and I realised that you are probably petite and wearing long skirts in dark solid colours (blue, black). If they are high in fabric and pleats you end up looking like a mollusc (a head with feet). I have the same problem. (This is what the girls are commenting on).

You need to go for skirts that have waist detail (bands, embroidery, belts, flat waist and then pleated) to give you back your waist. This doesn't mean tight (warning: if you have a bell shaped bottom this isn't going to work as it will make your bottom look even larger). To avoid swimming in fabric go for an A-line skirt...it's ladder shaped.

Hint: pay attention to the catwalk fashion. There's enough variety there to pick a look and purchase whatever longer skirt shape and colour is in fashion...do it soon after the pictures come out and you can get a cheaper mock look before the rack retail starts copying : )i.e. peasant skirt, handkerchief hem...whatever. This will give you longer fashion wear as well.

Hi Wanderer,

You hit me spot on when you said that I am petite and that I wear long skirts that are dark in colour. Wow, how did you know that! I just love the way you offer advice, it just flows in a none Offensive way. I will certainly apply what you have said for church and social events. Once again thank you very much for your great advice.

My job requires me to wear suits at all times. This is not me but we have to do what we must do, right? I borrowed some money from my dad and went shopping for work attire. I bought seven suits and twenty pairs of hose, nude and beige if I remember correctly. I also went shoe shopping as well. I feel like I am three different women, one who goes to work, one who addends church and one that has a social life. I don’t wear what I want to church because of our dress code and I don’t wear what I would like to work. My private life seems to be the only time that I can be myself, be real. Are we living in the real world when everyone dictates what we are going to wear? Unfortunately we live a life of control. We wear what the church says is right or we are in rebellion. We wear what our jobs says is right or we are fired. In my job it is a women who is ordering me to conform but ultimately it is a man who is giving the orders. In the church it is once again a man giving the orders of how women should dress. I guess you can see that I am frustrated. I just want to be who I am. I just would like a world where everyone accepted each other’s individuality. Where is the grace? We are producing cookie cutter Mormon women at the expense of cutting off their wonderful personalities.

Love,

Leeann

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Guest Leeanntheonetwo

Hi everyone,

Sorry, but I lost my email password. I tried to get it back but I needed my mothers place of birth. I made up her birth place so that my friends couldn't get into my email.

Long story short, I am still very much Leeann but my email has changed to [email protected]

Thanks for understanding,

Leeann :)

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Leanne I dont' have a dress code as such for work and if there is one I wouldn't know what it says...there's never a directive from work on what you choose to wear. : ) Blatantly crossing the line by wearing a shirt with a non-G-rated slogan or stuff like that would probably herald a discussion with the boss LOL. But as such we tend to be a sensible lot.

I have a self-enforced dress code. As a school teacher kids can be rather ...ummmmmm....honest LOL. I avoid tops that expose cleavage as I lean over a lot, see-through clothes (the rare mistake *blush*) gains a lot of snickering, tight clothes cause visible lines and snickering, pencil skirts don't work when trying to sit on chairs made for 4 year olds, and dark colours are out because chalk dust shows up so well on them and so on. You know what is in the 'problem area' because kids, parents and the adults around you make comments. If you want to put up with that you can. But I think it equates to wisdom.

I wear shirts that show my shoulders (this is fine if they don't show straps or have large arm holes) mainly because sweat marks are not attractive in summer and there is no air conditioning in 40 degree heat (otherwise I'm happy to wear sleeves) and I wear skirts that are long enough to cover my knees (my knees are not attractive and blah to what a short skirt might reveal). The length of the skirts is set because if I sit on a chair made for a four year old with anything longer I tend to find it gets in the way of my feet or they step on it. I need to be able to move quickly should there be a need to rescue a child LOL. Having tripped up and torn a few hems, I no longer wear ankle length skirts. They just don't work out. There is nothing modest about hurtling across the floor. With that clothing also needs to be professional: fabrics that crush make you look less than capable. And then there's the common sense application: expensive label clothing and jewelry isn't a great value to pass on to kids and most parents are less than impressed. Paint and glue and such things make it impractical.

I did know a young teacher who wore g-strings and short skirts *big mistake*. The kids loaded up her shopping trolley one weekend with g-strings just to be funny. Believe me, kids are honest!!! There's your dress code. Full stop.

I have no church dress code (I'm not LDS) and no work dress code...but clothes need to be practical really. Unfortuneately practical clothing is hard to buy.

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Leanne, when you went on your job interview, did you not notice what people were wearing in the office?

The definition of appropriate clothing depends entirely where you are, and what you are going to be doing. A banking or financial office catering to upscale corporate clientele is certainly going to require nicer office clothes than the local storefront insurance agency. And hosiery and makeup are a part of the finished image your employer obviously wants to present.

As far as the makeup goes, even if you are not in the habit of wearing it daily, a bit of powder and a dab of mascara will help achieve the final "polish" that your boss is wanting the office to exhibit.

If you don't like your dress code, get another job, unless you like cashing your paycheck more than worrying about what you have to wear.

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Guest Leeanntheonetwo

I am sorry, when I look back at my posts I do sound like a wining little girl don’t I? I have been brought up on health foods and simplicity. My mother dressed me very conservatively ever since I can remember and it has stuck with me. Today I wore lip stick and mascara to work for the first time in my life. For someone who was brought up to live simply this was a big step. My office manager called me into her office at the end of the day and told me how happy she was that I have made some big adjustments. I guess this is a learning curve for me. I still don’t like it or maybe I am not used to dressing up every day. I see now that it’s not about being controlled but it’s about doing the right thing.

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post your words have made a difference in my life.

Much love,

Leeann

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lol, leeann, actuallly i didn't mean for mine to sound so stern. I am very practical - i don't wear makeup much either. . . . it sounds like you are working at a place where you can learn a lot and be successful. You obviously do a great job - you got a raise already! Good luck to you!:)

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Guest Leeanntheonetwo

lol, leeann, actuallly i didn't mean for mine to sound so stern. I am very practical - i don't wear makeup much either. . . . it sounds like you are working at a place where you can learn a lot and be successful. You obviously do a great job - you got a raise already! Good luck to you!:)

Actually your direct response is exactly what I needed, thank you. No apologies necessary. Your approach, seasoned with truth is what everyone needs, in my opinion. I have a new view on life because of you and others who dare to speak the truth in love. Please keep speaking into my life; I can only be better for it.

Love Leeann

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so uhmmm.... a few things from me.

1. i am a plus size girl... so it's very easy for me to "adapt" something to wear because it fits... but it comes across as (a) being too tight or (b) shrinking... so, i've started buying shirts one and two sizes larger... now. being "plus size" i can't really do that at most places such as old navy and other commercial clothing stores that focus on the "size 18 and under" market... I ventured into Lane Bryant, and (although they are more expensive) I love that store! I thought it was an "old lady" store, (i'm 20) but i found some clothes that are marketed toward a younger group of plus size ladies.

2. as for dresses... Dress Barn has some really cute dresses, and from what I saw, most of them were under 60 dollars... and they had shrugs and jackets for those that want extra covering...

3. I learned this as a 12 year old youth... Head Shoulders Knees and Toes in the mirror...

touch your head. does your shirt (or dress) rise up to make it show your stomach/does it go above the "modesty" line on your legs?

touch your shoulders. when looking, can you see your armpits/bra/etc?

kneel. by kneeling, you can see if the dress/shorts/etc is modest/knee length/etc...

touch your toes. this checks to see if you can see down your shirt when bending over, also it can see if you have problems with the back of your shirt showing your back/underwear/etc...

when i try on clothes, (assuming the dressing room is big enough, sometimes i use the handicapped one to have more room...) i do this, that way i can see before i purchase...

hope this helps!

-Rachel

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