Single Adults: Ministry vs. Activities and Matchmaking

[MaidservantX]

I am a Single Adult in the church. I have been thinking about something for sometime.

I ponder the condition that I and other single adult members of my ward are in. Some of want to be at church, some of us don't. One is in prison. Some are widowed. Some have been betrayed by adultery by their ex. Some never found "the one". Some of us are really out of shape. Some of us have kids; some of us don't. Some of us are bowed under sins, weaknesses and addictions; others of us just have the weary challenges of life and work. Some of us are changing careers, going back to school. Some of us reallly want to get married again. Some of us get out the cross, silver stake, and garlic bunch when you mention such a thing.

What do we need?

The way things work in our stake, the single adults have one activity month. Most recently I attended a Navajo Taco dinner. Woot! woot!

No one comes. Thems just the facts. Out of hundreds of single adults in the area, maybe 12 will show up and those are generally in the 50 plus category, which we share. (I laugh and say in our stake the single adult program is for 31 thru dead!)

They don't show up because they don't believe they will get married (lost hope); or they are sure they never want to get married again; or they know they won't meet marriagable people at . . . the Navajo Taco dinner.

Because Single Adults is ALL about GETTING MARRIED! Isn't it?

I don't think it should be.

I don't know what the handbook says that a single adult program should be . . . I wish I knew.

But I hope that as I become more involved in my ward and stake I can make it less about activities and getting married and more about ministry. I would like to see what we can do as a single adult community to heal and bind up one another's broken hearts. Maybe I will talk more about this later.

[Guest GhostRider]

Well..since I am a single adult in the 31-dead catagory. As you stated alot of the times the pain that caused some of us to be single again to be almost unbearable. One thing is that talking to people or sometimes getting them to talk helps. I know for me that His plan isnt our plan and love comes from some of the most pecicular places.

To me i think that you are right Xh. And if anyone that isin the Single Again catagory that needs an ear just let me know. Youll always have a person to talk to that has been there.

[Moksha]

Marriage isn't right for everyone, is it?

[HappyNIL]

I feel that the single activities should be looked at as activities to help us meet people and spend time with people who are in our same situations. It is hard for singles to be inovolved in all the family activities, we feel left out because we dont have the spouses and children and whole family scene. I dont think we should consider the singles activities as places to meet potential spouses, but then again I am one of those garlic holding singles LOL. We should consider these activities as just that........activities to socialize with people in the same situations as ours.

[THIRDpersonviewer]

Marriage isn't right for everyone, is it?

Marriage is ordained of God. That is part of the life He lives. The crowning blessings of the gospel come from a sealing of marriage into the eternal family. Thus it is right only for those that choose to obey God. Only right for those that accept Jesus Christ as the Savior of the world. It is only for those that choose a Celestial Inheritance, which is not for everyone because it is only for those who abide that Law.

[THIRDpersonviewer]

Also, this might not necessarily happen in this life. We may or may not have the opportunity to marry in this life. However we have to strive for it. If we don't work towards a Celestial Marriage, then we will not receive one.

[Tony_Mazz]

I'll marry you xhenli

[MaidservantX]

I haven't forgotten this thread. I have been thinking about it in my head, about what I want to share. Or I may make new threads, because I am going to organize it like this -- Single Adults: Ministry Principle #1: [thus and so forth, ha ha].

Thanks for your comments.

Tony . . . for me to consider marrying you, you would need to succeed in 140 grand Quests. And . . . I would need to know why in the world you would marry me. Anyway . . . ha ha . . . thanks for stopping by the thread.

And I'm not complaining about being unmarried. I like my life the way it is right now. I'm not even complaining about the Single Adult program; just observing what seems to be happening in my stake and ward. And I'm pondering about how to have this program in the church reach its full potential, particularly in my stake and ward.

[WillowTheWhisp]

For a while I was a single adult after my first husband died. The idea of people trying to pair me off with every available priesthood holder was enough to put me off attending any SA activities, but my main difficulty was actually transport to them as I don't drive.

Just be thankful it's no longer referred to as 'special interest' - to me that always did seem to imply 'gotta pair this lot off'

[Tony_Mazz]

What are these grand Quests you speak of? I can conquer anything my precious.

[Lhene]

I agree on that!!!

[Lhene]

One of the leaders of my ward once said..."if you haven't achieved something yet, there's lacking on your effort..still need more preparation."The same with marriage, it needs preparation. I myself would admit, I am not yet married because I am still in the preparation. THe Lord is still molding me for the future...I want to wait for the best.....

[NobodysFool]

I don't know what the handbook says that a single adult program should be . . . I wish I knew.

Unless the current incarnation is different then the past - it doesn't. It defines the terms, defines the leaders, and that's it. No mission. No goal. No purpose.

[bjw]

Its pretty funny that its actually the opposite in my stake. There is more of an emphasis on service and less emphasis on activities and matchmaking. Its hard enough in this church to make friends your own age that want to just "hang out" anad to find girls to date. I would actually like to see some kind of local "dating service" and more activities. In fact, I am in the process of organizing a mid-single adult theme park club in my area.

I absolutely hate being single in this church because to me it seems like it is viewed as a handicap.

[Guest Robyn62]

I have never gone to SA activities with the attitude of meeting that special someone.. It has always been just to meet and socialise with other church singles who are fun to be with.. It doesn't matter wether it is a potluck, family/single home evening or a movie.. Lets just go and have fun. If anything more happens so be it but I'm not going to stress over not getting married . Theres too much else in this world to stress over.LOL..

Edited August 1, 2008 by Robyn62

[WANDERER]

I guess meeting the needs of all is hard. Being another garlic clove carrier I don't think I would know how to respond to the whole marriage market idea...and that is sometimes just too much to handle. It's bad enough dealing with it from married couples without having to share the pain of someone who is single and despairing about it...closer to home perhaps? We've all been there even if we're not there at the moment.

[workindiligently]

Your understanding of the Singles is incredibly insightful and accurate! What do we need? I believe you hit the nail on the head when you said the Singles Program needs to be more about ministry than about activities and getting married. Marriage only 'sometimes' a rare side effects, especially considering that some of the resulting 'Singles Program' marriages don't even last through this life or eternity.

But we really do mostly need ministry, just as the Savior ministered, because of the heartache, circumstances, fears, anxieties, suffering, stress, etc. that are either a result of or something that has lead to our singleness. We need healing and resolution so we can move on to the next stage of our lives. This would help us to be more Christlike and able to bring about the Celestial-oriented marriages we desire. The difficulty in bringing this spirit of ministry about is that so many of us in the singles world so 'greatly'...to put it mildly in some cases...JUST WANT to be married. And the fear and anxiety of those who are afraid of further failure and heartache are absolutely bothered by these wanna be's, because of their past and because of what it takes to move protectedly forward. Unfortunately, the real situation is that those who are so afraid of marriage actually do want to be married and would enjoy it if they were to know they could find a good, balanced, loving, etc. spouse, without the very high risk of painful dating, broken covenants, broken hearts, and potentially hurt children, and whatever other plethora of things in life there are to work through. Finding a similar personality, same-level spirituality and energy, happy person to spend the rest of our lives, eternal life included, with seems to almost be an impossibility to us in this world because of so many confused, hurt or hurtful people of these latter days. It's starting to feel like Sodom and Gomorrah all over again.

I believe that if the Singles Program were to be restructured with the idea of ministry being the key, it would help quite a bit. At this point, I don't believe this has been made clear in the guidelines. Too many Singles don't understand this principle as a part of the Singles Program as well as they ought to. Although marriage is something we would all enjoy, there are many of us who either struggle with other's limits and abilities in the marriage department or who unknowingly struggle with their own, personal limits and abilities. How can we all just relax and not worry about that part in order to minister to one another's needs in the meantime? Maybe the Singles Program needs to be renamed "In the Meantime."

[Moksha]

Marriage is ordained of God. That is part of the life He lives. The crowning blessings of the gospel come from a sealing of marriage into the eternal family. Thus it is right only for those that choose to obey God. Only right for those that accept Jesus Christ as the Savior of the world. It is only for those that choose a Celestial Inheritance, which is not for everyone because it is only for those who abide that Law.

These are high falootin' thoughts, but on a real practical level marriage might be out of the question for those with severe enough physical, emotional, cognitive and behavioral issues. However, these same children of God still have the need to affiliate and enjoy the company of others who are likewise trying to be part of Mormon community.

No one comes. Thems just the facts. Out of hundreds of single adults in the area, maybe 12 will show up and those are generally in the 50 plus category, which we share. (I laugh and say in our stake the single adult program is for 31 thru dead!)

They don't show up because they don't believe they will get married (lost hope); or they are sure they never want to get married again; or they know they won't meet marriageable people at . . . the Navajo Taco dinner.

Because Single Adults is ALL about GETTING MARRIED! Isn't it?

I don't think it should be.

MaidservantX is right. Marriage is just a side effect that may happen. It should be about camaraderie and support for Mormon singles. There should be activities and friendships enjoyable enough that they would like to attend. They should find both spiritual and emotional nurturing by participating.