Sign in to follow this  
Moksha

Why age limits?

Recommended Posts

Ok so I went to my first Single Adult fireside. Well..... I can't actually say that I went. I showed up and looked in the chapel and all I saw was grey and white hair. I immediately did an about face and took off. I am freaking 34. Yeah it is a limbo that us "middle aged" members are in. If I go to the YSA ward like my family keeps suggesting I have to deal with 20 year olds. I have no problem with that age gap except it is my experience that most under 30 don't have the maturity level I am looking for.

My home ward is a newly wed or nearly dead ward so the chance of meeting someone there is out. I don't know anyone in the ward and I have been there for 9 months. People don't talk to you unless you have a wife.

And yeah I have tried the online LDS dating sites. There are some interesting folks out there. None of them have contacted me though so I wonder if according to Fiannans logic I am somehow flawed.

Online relationships don't work though unless you can actually meet. So I am preparing myself for the long draught that is gonna be my life until someone decides to take a chance and talk to me.

I wish they would make a new group, let's call it the MSA the Mid Single Adults, that way we won't creep out the Morningstars and won't be told that we are the same age as someone's son.

Go MSA!!!!!

You know, maybe I would've felt differently if we had had a 30ish non-creepy guy. ;) This guy ... Ugh. You just have to meet him to understand why he bothers people so much. One night when I went to ward prayer, I asked my friend for a ride home. The guy said, "I'll drive you home." The thought of getting in the car with him terrified me. I repeated to my friend, "Can I have a ride home?" He kept repeating, "I'll drive you home." "Don, can I have a ride home?" "Where do you live?" "Far away! Don can I have a ride home?" Don gave me a ride home. Yay!

I hope you find the perfect woman soon! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If I were an older single, I think it would feel pretty cruddy to see the older men only interested in the younger women, which might be likely to happen.

This has been in the news a lot lately. ;)

Did anyone from your singles ward ever get to know that older guy that gave you the creeps? :mellow:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, By The Way, I was totally Grey (beautiful Silvery Whitish Grey) by the time I was 36! So stop your prejudging- step out of your preconcieved comfort zone and meet people before you go on the hunt for a spouse.

Wow thanks for prejudging me Iggy. You don't know me or my story. I met my first wife online. After finding out that she was still married at the time I made the stupid attempt at marrying her hoping that she wouldn't do the same thing to me. That and other reasons are why I think the online route pretty much sucks. The only problem is that because I don't go to bars and am not still in school that is kinda my only option. Yeah I could go in and meet these grey hairs, but come on I am not going there for advice. Or to get set up on blind dates with their children.

I am sorry you think my attitude sucks but give me a break. Like I said you don't know my story.

I really do think that with the trend of older men marrying younger women like Fiannan talked about they should extend the age limits to incorporate us middle folk.

I think I might try that Institute idea. I know I look older but I could probably still pass for 30. Besides I have seen way older people take Institute classes before.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This has been in the news a lot lately. ;)

Did anyone from your singles ward ever get to know that older guy that gave you the creeps? :mellow:

Some of the guys did. They thought he was creepy. I think putting his hand on the girl's bum to help her up kind of confirmed that suspicion.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You never know where you will find love. My friend was dumped by her husband when she was 7 months pregnant because he was turned off by the change in her physical appearance. Then he cheated on her. So she moved in with her parents, had her baby, and thought she would never get married again. Then she met her second husband in the temple. I think that would be a great place to meet a husband, knowing you both have your priorities straight. Another friend met her husband there too - They were asked to be the witness couple and they saw each other later at a church meeting they just both happened to be at. Pretty cool story. They're an awesome couple.

Another friend of mine ended her marriage after her husband wouldn't stop cheating on her - She tried for years to stick it out and she had a blessing. She was told the Lord was preparing someone else for her. I don't know how they met (not online, I know that), but they were both in their mid thirties and things are great with them - challenging, but wonderful. Combined, they have about 7 kids. He had been hurt terribly in his previous marriage too and they are so happy together. The way he is, sometimes she asks, "Hey, could we go on a date that's not to the temple?" She never thought she'd say that. Also, she is an artist and had to convince him that their home didn't have to be decorated to look like Deseret Book. :lol: I love them. They're great.

Anyway, you never know how you will meet someone wonderful.

Oh, I have to tell this story about how my friend met her husband. She was waiting at a bus stop and he was driving by with his friend and said, "I have to meet her!" So he pretended he was waiting for the bus too and his friend just happened to drive by and offer him a ride, so he invited her too to go out to eat. I think she was onto him, but it worked. :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You never know where you will find love. My friend was dumped by her husband when she was 7 months pregnant because he was turned off by the change in her physical appearance. Then he cheated on her. So she moved in with her parents, had her baby, and thought she would never get married again. Then she met her second husband in the temple. I think that would be a great place to meet a husband, knowing you both have your priorities straight. Another friend met her husband there too - They were asked to be the witness couple and they saw each other later at a church meeting they just both happened to be at. Pretty cool story. They're an awesome couple.

Another friend of mine ended her marriage after her husband wouldn't stop cheating on her - She tried for years to stick it out and she had a blessing. She was told the Lord was preparing someone else for her. I don't know how they met (not online, I know that), but they were both in their mid thirties and things are great with them - challenging, but wonderful. Combined, they have about 7 kids. He had been hurt terribly in his previous marriage too and they are so happy together. The way he is, sometimes she asks, "Hey, could we go on a date that's not to the temple?" She never thought she'd say that. Also, she is an artist and had to convince him that their home didn't have to be decorated to look like Deseret Book. :lol: I love them. They're great.

Anyway, you never know how you will meet someone wonderful.

Oh, I have to tell this story about how my friend met her husband. She was waiting at a bus stop and he was driving by with his friend and said, "I have to meet her!" So he pretended he was waiting for the bus too and his friend just happened to drive by and offer him a ride, so he invited her too to go out to eat. I think she was onto him, but it worked. :D

Gives me hope. Thanks.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wish they would make a new group, let's call it the MSA the Mid Single Adults

Mid Single Wards already exist! I know this for fact because I am a member of one of them. I know that there are only 9 or 10 of them in the church, but California and Arizona both have at least one and Utah has three of them that I am aware of. The age span is 31-45 and I think that is the perfect span. Once you turn 46 you are out of the ward but at that point you are welcome to be a "frequent visitor".

And YES, IMHO, there should be an age limit!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wish they would make a new group, let's call it the MSA the Mid Single Adults, that way we won't creep out the Morningstars and won't be told that we are the same age as someone's son.

Go MSA!!!!!

My stake tried this. Unfortunately for me, they announced it the night I announced the singles committee that I was getting married. :confused:

I'm not sure how successful it was. I agree with Checker though, there needs to be a Middle Singles Group, 29-40ish. I found it very awkward being in a family ward and being the only single guy under 65. There were NO single women under 55. Very frustrating. Luckily for me I found my wife on the internet. It took me a couple of years on there, but we eventually found each other.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you want to date someone with a large age difference, you can always do it outside of the singles group. Anyways, it's about more than that, you also need to relate to the people you're hanging around with. Also, I wouldn't have wanted my sister to be dating older men (I have a psychological limit of a ~10 year age difference, depending on the individuals in question).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My husband and I have a 6 yr age difference I am the older....... Because I was 31 and he was 25 it was ok but had it been 5 yrs before that no way would it have been accepted. I would have been the divorced woman robbing the cradle.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you want to date someone with a large age difference, you can always do it outside of the singles group. Anyways, it's about more than that, you also need to relate to the people you're hanging around with. Also, I wouldn't have wanted my sister to be dating older men (I have a psychological limit of a ~10 year age difference, depending on the individuals in question).

That is what I am saying -- except I have a different conclusion to the question. First, age does not determine one's interests in life or even their physiological age. What if you have a 30-something or 40-something guy who is a triathalete and maybe plays in a band on the weekend? Yeah, he's really gonna relate to women he's going to meet in the over 30 singles program. As for age differences at 10 years, what about 11 or 12 years? How about males who prefer older women? Let the 28 year old male be able to meet active women who are maybe 30 or 40 something.

As for the longevity question let's say you have a guy who is in his med 40s marrya a woman who is maybe 21. Yes, the charts will indicate she will live long past his time of departure -- but not necessarily. He may live to 100 while she only lives into her early 70s. And so what if maybe he dies 30 years later in his mid 70s -- how many marriages in the USA today last 30 years? And if they are married in the temple then that means they will be together for eternity anyway.

As I have said earlier, unless the guy is one of those people who doesn't want to have kids, thus denying his younger wife a family, then there's nothing wrong with age differences.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Actually our ward is exactly that. All 30-something singles in our stake, all attend the same family ward together. We have over 150 30-something Midsingles attending. We still do joint activities with the YSAs all the time (like FHE, dances, and unofficial activities) so that socially we can be together, but for church on Sunday we met at different times.

This is the direction several stakes here in SoCal and across the country are going towards.

Also we have a 40-something singles activity group in our stake and a separate Elite Singles group for singles late 40s on up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Username-Removed

As a single adult rep, we are always faced with the age issue. So we say 40ish to 50ish or 35ish to 45ish. We just try to make it a 10 year span.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So we say 40ish to 50ish or 35ish to 45ish. We just try to make it a 10 year span.

Sounds fair to midlish to me, give or take a decade. :D

-------------

The two guys in the Elders Quorum who were returned to us from the singles ward for being over 45, still seem glum. I don't think their's was a question of dating younger/older, but rather of affiliation where they felt more kinship with other singles and more comfortable to participate in Church activities.

...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sounds fair to midlish to me, give or take a decade. :D

-------------

The two guys in the Elders Quorum who were returned to us from the singles ward for being over 45, still seem glum. I don't think their's was a question of dating younger/older, but rather of affiliation where they felt more kinship with other singles and more comfortable to participate in Church activities.

...

Again, I think it depends on the persons. I remember that a few years after graduating from high school a clerk at a local department store was behind the counter and when I asked him a question the guy asked if I remembered him from school. Embarassing. The guy looked as if he was maybe 35 rather than 25 and he wasn't even fat. On the other hand I ran into a friend from HS just a few years ago who looked as if he dadn't aged a day -- still had the same haircut.

Some people look younger, age slower and are quite active -- others aren't blessed with good genes or good health habits. Throw them all into the same mix with the younger singles and I rather doubt the later will be getting hitched to any 20 year olds. If the former do then all the better for the LDS gene pool I say.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would say there should be a closed young singles group and an open aged single adult group (all welcome). Morning Star...if they're going to pursue youngish women...I would rather know that.. even if it did mean I felt somewhat overlooked... ; )

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think what's successful is allowing a little overlap and transition from one group to the next.

For instance in our stake, YSAs (Young Single Adult) is from 18-30 (even though they encourage 18 and 19 y.o. to stay in the family wards until 20 or so). We also have a 30-something Midsingles group (31-40ish) but for dances and our conference we invite "older" YSAs to attend at 27 if they want. So for older YSAs they can double dip.

Same concept applies to our late 30-somethings in our stake. We now have a 40-something activities group as well for people ages late30s-50. So a never been married guy at 39 probably prefers to hang out with the 30-something crowd, but a single mom at 39 with 5 kids may feel more comfortable with the 40-somethings. But they can attend both groups/activities.

Likewise we have in our stake the "Elite Singles" for singles late 40s on up. At some point this group will be split to "50-something" singles and Senior Singles 60+.

That is why a 31-45 and then 46+ split in some stakes has its flaws. The 40-somethings never have a chance to socialize with each other. But creating age groups on decades with some overlap makes better sense.

This is not to say that all activities must be this narrow, there's still a need for an occasional "31+" fireside and some other activity. And sometimes the 30-somethings can join with the YSAs or the 40-somethings. The 40-somethings can join with the 30s or 50-somethings for an activity based on need, etc.

But overall having decade only groups makes singles feel more comfortable, understood, and empowered that they have a core group of singles like them in their own ages, which makes venturing out to an occasional all ages dance (31+) or some other SA activity that can be perceived as "scary", much more tolerable and enjoyable knowing it's not the only SA activity going on.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Again, why not let adult members choose who they want to socialize with? If all the singles are in the same activities and some 20 year old doesn't want to socialize with some 50 year old then so be it -- she doesn't have to. If on the other hand she does then that should be her choice as well.

If you want an interesting story about age differences and still a happy marrige taking place look up the guy who played Scotty on Star Trek.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The problem is if you invite everyone, then no one really shows up. The number one reason why 30-something singles don't want to go to some 31 to 101 dance is that someone that's their father or grandfather will be hitting on them. From that, most 30-something singles will be never go again to a 31+ activity.

This issue is more than choosing to socialize with. Right now in the church if you are a 30 year old YSA and active (RM, went to BYU, etc), you have a 50% chance of going inactive by the time you turn 34 if you don't have 30-something only activities and all you have are 31+ activities. 50%!!! Obviously the current system is NOT meeting the needs of singles. Whereas, where they are established 30-something Midsingle programs, the number who go inactive is much less.

Recently we had over 1,400 30-something singles from across the country who came to our 30-something Midsingles Conference (ages 27-42) because they didn't want to go to an activity where some 50 year old was hitting on them. Most of these singles never attend traditional 31+ activities.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The problem is if you invite everyone, then no one really shows up. The number one reason why 30-something singles don't want to go to some 31 to 101 dance is that someone that's their father or grandfather will be hitting on them. From that, most 30-something singles will be never go again to a 31+ activity.

This issue is more than choosing to socialize with. Right now in the church if you are a 30 year old YSA and active (RM, went to BYU, etc), you have a 50% chance of going inactive by the time you turn 34 if you don't have 30-something only activities and all you have are 31+ activities. 50%!!! Obviously the current system is NOT meeting the needs of singles. Whereas, where they are established 30-something Midsingle programs, the number who go inactive is much less.

Recently we had over 1,400 30-something singles from across the country who came to our 30-something Midsingles Conference (ages 27-42) because they didn't want to go to an activity where some 50 year old was hitting on them. Most of these singles never attend traditional 31+ activities.

Do you have a breakdown on gender on the inactivity thing? From what I have observed it is the 30/40 something males who go inactive or stop going to singles events since there are few femles their age or younger. Yet if they are in the workplace or in non-Church social settings they are seen as desirable to non-members who are in their 20s. Come on now, I am married with a bunch of kids yet I have had young women come onto me in pretty agressive manners -- finding my e-mail and sending me pretty personal letters or making pretty suggestive comments (with one person I asked by wife to make sure to review correspondance so nothing could be mis-construed). I know other guys who have experienced the same thing -- and in many cases the young females were not indicating the desire for an affair but something much stronger.

Females generally prefer older guys so why force a female who is in her mid to late 20s to be in a singles program where many of the guys are still coming to social events with their pants down to their knees and wearing baseball hats backwards?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Because nursing someone in their later years with their pants down to their knees and their hats on backwards is hard to do when you're still young and active LOL.

Okay, if you spot someone over 30 who looks like the guy in the poster below you could assume he'll not be in the best of health by the time he reaches 70:

Posted Image

However, if someone keeps themselves in shape maybe this is what they will be like when they are nearly 70:

Posted Image

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this