**Dating a Non-Members**Ck in Herre!


Guest SavingQueenDren
 Share

Recommended Posts

Guest SavingQueenDren

Well the cheat-sheet version is. We became really good friends and what not. Ended up in a position where well we are expecting a child together. I'm gna be the first to admit I am not perfect and not as active as I should be. So yeah naturally I'm gna hear well why don't you guys wait blah blah. well it didn't happen that way. We both have a kid of our own and so far the plan was see where it goes cuz from Day 1 things were very Fairy-tale like just constant butterflies and lots of smiles so idk its hard to say. Idk @ the moment though but guess we will see. But lately since I found out I was expecting and well we kind of exchanged the ILU's it just I guess scared him or put him into the unknown idk for sure tho *bleh*

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 90
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Babies can scare the crap out of a guy. Women are lucky, those maternal instincts can kick in after a few days and whether they wanted the child or not at first, they'll love and want to keep it then. Guys... it can take a bit longer, if it happens at all. Especially if there's no legally binding committment (marriage) to keep him there. If you want him in your life and in your child's life, make sure he knows that you have that desire, but don't push it on him.

Congrats on the baby :) they're wonderful! I hope things work out for ya.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well the cheat-sheet version is. We became really good friends and what not. Ended up in a position where well we are expecting a child together. I'm gna be the first to admit I am not perfect and not as active as I should be. So yeah naturally I'm gna hear well why don't you guys wait blah blah. well it didn't happen that way. We both have a kid of our own and so far the plan was see where it goes cuz from Day 1 things were very Fairy-tale like just constant butterflies and lots of smiles so idk its hard to say. Idk @ the moment though but guess we will see. But lately since I found out I was expecting and well we kind of exchanged the ILU's it just I guess scared him or put him into the unknown idk for sure tho *bleh*

I thought for quite some time on how to respond to this new information. I know I lack the sensitive touch. As you can imagine there went my carrier as a politician.

For the most part, the "fair-tale like" physical responses are hormonally driven. They are normal but they do not last and thus are a very poor indicator of the future of the relationship, as you know can sense. It seem obvious to me that much of what you thought and believed about the relationship only existed in your mind. Crafting relationships without anchoring them to reality is a sure recipe for disappointment.

I suggest that the sooner you take realistic stock of the situation the sooner you will be on the road of actually addressing the facts of your current situation and plan for your future. Wishing and hoping that this man may or may not (want to be with you) does absolutely nothing for you and your situation. in fact, evidence points to him not being reliable or committed to you. Your plan should not include him unless it is from the legal standpoint.

I hope you can find the courage and strength to deal with these issues the Lord's way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...
  • 3 weeks later...

I've always dated non-members (if you lived where I lived, you would understand..). There was absolutely no members to date unless they lived a few hours away. I dated guys who I told pretty much right away about my beliefs and standards and they claimed to be fine with it. Then a few months later they would change their mind.

During those times I did a lot of not so good things that shouldn't have happened. After moving away for school I decided only to date members.. even though they were hard to find. I wanted to get married in the temple and that wouldn't happen if I dated a non-member. Now I'm dating a wonderful guy who is a member and I find things 10 times easier when you're dating someone with the same beliefs as you.

Also.. everyone is different. I'm sure there are some great non-members and I don't think people should never date them. It's just my personal opinion. If you can deal with the pressure & temptation that may possibly come from dating a non-member then go ahead. I would just rather avoid it seeing as I have made past mistakes.

:)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

There are many people out there who are not lds who live good righteous lives. The girl I see now has a firm grasp on what is good and what is not, and she chooses the good as a standard for her life. I have a hard time seeing anyone better for me then her, in or out of the church. When the time is right, we will be married in the temple.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have absolutely NO problem dating a non-member. I'm married now (to a Catholic). But I do have 2 conditions:

1-- I will not be with an athiest, my man must believe in a LOVING creator, and an afterlife of some kind.

2--The man I'm with has to feel the SAME way about other religions as I do. My feelings: Different religions are like different children, who came from the same parent. If you notice, most positive religions hold the same values: No killing, no stealing, no lying, love and honor your family, be a faithful spouse, be kind to others, etc. Obviously, it came from the same original source.

At one time, there were not many people on earth, and we were all of the same "tribe" if you will, with the same faith. But we all branched out and put our own twist on that faith, (even Mormons). We live in vastly separated locations, with different cultures, physical features, and different languages. So OF COURSE we will have different names / mental images for god. And different traditions in which we pay our respects. That much is to be expected.

There is not ONLY one way. There are countless sources of truth and goodness in this world. Every culture and religion has priceless pearls of wisdom to offer that work universally. You have to listen to your heart for clues as to what is true. The qualities god admires most, are that you are capable of believing in the righteous teachings provided to you.

Or like the Muse said, in the movie "Dogma"

"Its not about who's right or wrong. No denomination has nailed it. Because they're all too self-righteous to realize that it doesn't matter WHAT you have faith in. Just that you HAVE faith. Your hearts are in the right place, but your brain's gotta wake up."

True, it sounds kind of harsh, and I do think she should have specified that it doesn't matter how you PICTURE or PRONOUNCE God (because every person and culture has a different idea)... But it still holds a certaing ring of truth.

Edited by Melissa569
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

You marry who you date. If you don't want to marry a nonmember, don't date one.

I dated an atheist and after HE broke up with me (Thankgoodness) he ended up joining the church ... Had I married him I would've given everything up and I doubt he would've joined. THE BEST ADVICE HERE- YOU MARRY WHO YOU DATE. Amen Amen Amen. Now I have three kids and was able to marry a RM, and need that gospel in my LIFE DAILY.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I started dating a non-member in High School. Slowly but surely I went astray. I ended up marrying the woman and 7 years later divorced her. I came back to the the Church and was recently sealed to a wonderful woman. It can be done, but it is very hard to stay faithful to the Church if you do not have the support of your loved one.

I did this exact same thing...but in college...and AFTER serving a full-time mission.

Its too hard and I dont think its worth it.

Take it from someone who knows.

I just wish I could at some point find someone to marry in the temple. I wish I could know for sure this is in the cards for me. I guess I have to have faith.

I will never date another non member again. I learned my lesson and to be truthful it is a waste of time because you dont want to wake up one day after being married for 7 years and then find yourself getting divorced.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share