**Dating a Non-Members**Ck in Herre!


Guest SavingQueenDren
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Guest SavingQueenDren

YAY! fer comment replies!!! Sanks puf fer the generous offers for a date but um no lol :D jp im booked EVERY friday as i have to work lol

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Dating non-Mormons hasn’t worked out too well for me. They tend to think I’m too Mormon and are always wondering if I’m trying to convert them.

On the flip-side though; dating Mormons hasn’t worked out too well for me either. They tend to think I’m not Mormon enough and are always wondering if I’m trying to de-convert them.

I’m just waiting to find a Hindu-Jew with Mormon tendencies… maybe that will work out.

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Dating non-Mormons hasn’t worked out too well for me. They tend to think I’m too Mormon and are always wondering if I’m trying to convert them.

On the flip-side though; dating Mormons hasn’t worked out too well for me either. They tend to think I’m not Mormon enough and are always wondering if I’m trying to de-convert them.

I’m just waiting to find a Hindu-Jew with Mormon tendencies… maybe that will work out.

LOL....very loud. Hilarious.

I think ou should settle for the Mormon ones. At least you can work on getting to be "Mormon enough" which can not hurt and you have a shot a being happy. The non-Mormons are a wild card and life is a lot more complicated and expensive than a than a poker game. With a 50% divorce rate I'd rather take a chance with a Mormon girl.

I am a convert and I did not like myself much before I found the church. I would not have married myself back then.

Just a thought

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You guys keep looking. I found my pulled-back-from-the-brink-of-destruction, suffers-from-an-irreverant-streak, sarcasm-solves-many-of-the-world's-ills, very-firm-testimony woman who can take me 2 out of 3 falls. I'm sure your type is out there somewhere for you as well.

LM

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YAY! fer comment replies!!! Sanks puf fer the generous offers for a date but um no lol :D jp im booked EVERY friday as i have to work lol

See? You've gotta be smooooooth like me to ask someone out on a forum.

Like I could use the super-awesome pickup line, "I may weigh eight hundred pounds and be unable to reach every part of part of my body when I bathe, but I do try. I'm thirty-five years old, I've never kissed a girl and I live in my parents basement. Please let me stalk you so that my mother doesn't think I'm attracted to men."

Women love honesty.

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Guest SavingQueenDren

See? You've gotta be smooooooth like me to ask someone out on a forum.

Like I could use the super-awesome pickup line, "I may weigh eight hundred pounds and be unable to reach every part of part of my body when I bathe, but I do try. I'm thirty-five years old, I've never kissed a girl and I live in my parents basement. Please let me stalk you so that my mother doesn't think I'm attracted to men."

Women love honesty.

OK.... lol how UUU doin wahahahahhahaa jk jk gosh! im horrible lol

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All that really matters is that he loves you and you love him. I say if you love each other and make each othert happy then go for it.

Just remember that words mean nothing. Action does. So if he says he loves you that's great, but he has to show it and make you feel it without ever having to utter those three little words.

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Western societies have continued to evolve along a very dangerous path and is being driven by utopic social theories that are light-years away from the history of human existence.

UN research show that in other countries as much as 92% of marriage age people actually get married before age 27. Not so in the US, for example. Things are actually getting worse every year but people do not seem to be alarmed. Interesting.

Dating and marriage should not be so complicated. The subject is delicate enough so I will be stopping here, I think.

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  • 2 weeks later...

You're dating people. Whether they are mormon or not should not matter.

As stated before don't lower your standards.. but to discriminate based off of theological beliefs? That's ridiculous. You have no more evidence than they do that your set of beliefs is 'correct'.

No, I didn't grow up in the church.. talk about a blessing.

(Thankfully, my girlfriend kept an open mind.)

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You're dating people. Whether they are mormon or not should not matter.

As stated before don't lower your standards.. but to discriminate based off of theological beliefs? That's ridiculous. You have no more evidence than they do that your set of beliefs is 'correct'.

No, I didn't grow up in the church.. talk about a blessing.

(Thankfully, my girlfriend kept an open mind.)

You're absolutely right, everyone is a people (yes I said that on purpose :P )

The problem with dating people with other theological beliefs is that it causes problems in a relationship. Different beliefs, different goals, different desires all play out and cause strife. A simple example - if you marry someone of a different faith, which church do your kids go to? Who says what prayer at bedtime? When the kids ask about God, who's belief do you use to answer?

While all of these (and other) questions CAN be worked out, they all add unnecessary complication and friction to relationships - and these days relationships are already so tenuous why would you want to make them any harder?

Yes good things can happen when a member dates a non-member. But so can bad things. I suggest following the commandments to keep it "in the covenant" but if you absolutely must date a non-member, do so prayerfully.

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You're dating people. Whether they are mormon or not should not matter.

As stated before don't lower your standards.. but to discriminate based off of theological beliefs? That's ridiculous. You have no more evidence than they do that your set of beliefs is 'correct'.

No, I didn't grow up in the church.. talk about a blessing.

(Thankfully, my girlfriend kept an open mind.)

I think the word "discriminating" has negative connotations. I would say there is nothing wrong with being selective. Our belief in God, the things that He has revealed and the ordinance required for eternal life and exaltation are just too important to leave to chance or luck. Much heartache and long years of pain and loneliness come from marrying outside of one's faith. Many here in the forum can attest to that truth.

Ultimately, people are free to choose what they will, but not the consequences thereof. And that is where things get hairy. The apostle Paul cautions us "not to be unequally joked" and is referring precisely to that. A few months of marital bliss and an eternity of loneliness. I think the trade off is just to great.

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Yes it absolutely does :) but it's still accurate.

Agreed. It was meant to be negative. You hear so often that people are judged for 'what they know'. It's not a good thing to assume that they won't see your 'Truth' because that's horribly judgemental.

There's always other chances if it doesn't work out, no?

Marry a person. Love them. That's important above all else.

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Agreed. It was meant to be negative. You hear so often that people are judged for 'what they know'. It's not a good thing to assume that they won't see your 'Truth' because that's horribly judgemental.

There's always other chances if it doesn't work out, no?

Marry a person. Love them. That's important above all else.

Everybody likes to have common interests with someone they date. We discriminate based on clothing styles, hair color, employment status or type, educational interests, political views etc. I think that there is a very good reason why religion should be one of those things held in common. I find it funny that people throw a fit over religion being the reason to end (or not start) a relationship but they won't say anything about politics or employment when those end a relationship.

We need to be more tolerant and accepting of other people's views and their RIGHT to have those views. But in doing so we should never compromise our views or our standards.

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If you want an eternal marriage, solemnized in the temple, you need to seriously date a pool of people who have the same objective. "Flirt to convert" is not a guaranteed method.

However, that pool of temple-minded people can and should include faithful recent converts, and single life is an ideal time to share the gospel.

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I dated a non-member (no members my age in the area) thinking he would convert. 7.5 years after our marriage he still has not been baptised. He makes it very difficult to attend church or to fulfill my calling. I love him very much but it is difficult.

I believe he someday will convert but this time I am being more realistic. If it happens with 20 years I will be happy.

My suggestion: make life more simple and do not date non-members.

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I dated a non-member (no members my age in the area) thinking he would convert. 7.5 years after our marriage he still has not been baptised. He makes it very difficult to attend church or to fulfill my calling. I love him very much but it is difficult.

I believe he someday will convert but this time I am being more realistic. If it happens with 20 years I will be happy.

My suggestion: make life more simple and do not date non-members.

Forget not.. this life is nothing compared to eternity. I wouldn't count anyone down and out just yet. To do so isn't fair to our partners.

I say most of this stuff.. because my girlfriend went out on a limb and started dating me. Look where I am now.

Everybody likes to have common interests with someone they date. We discriminate based on clothing styles, hair color, employment status or type, educational interests, political views etc. I think that there is a very good reason why religion should be one of those things held in common. I find it funny that people throw a fit over religion being the reason to end (or not start) a relationship but they won't say anything about politics or employment when those end a relationship.

We need to be more tolerant and accepting of other people's views and their RIGHT to have those views. But in doing so we should never compromise our views or our standards.

You mentioned how we discriminate about everything.. political ideals, the clothes we wear, etc.. and I agree.

Think long and hard before you marry outside of the church.. but I'd also recommend thinking long and hard before marrying at all. Statistically speaking.. there's a significant portion of the population "better" than the pool most LDS confine themselves to.

Ask them.. to bring their truths and to let you add your own. But be sure to learn from them also. Never lower your standards.. but if a non-member is worthy.. I see no problems.

Brandon.

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Ok well guess I am going to through my 2, or 3, or 4 cents in here...

I say this with experiance, I have dated many non memmbers and will never do so again. Not becaues they were bad people. They were simply not members and would not join the church. Although there are those non-members that are great people. They are not memmbers. One of my best friends in the hole world is a non-member. I sometimes say he is and just has not relized it yet, but reguardless when it comes right down to it he is not. As great of a person as he is he will not join, and therefor would not recomend he be dated by fellow members of our church.

Now I totally understand that there have been many many....manymanymany people who have dated non-members and converted them. Again I speak with exp. as my father was a non. If my mother had been someone that would not date nons then I would not be here. So there are of course cases where dating that non works out for the best. But I say that before you get to talking about marrage with this person that you are dating that is a non. You should first be talking about wheather or not that person is feeling the promtings of the spirit and our heavenly father to join. If that they are not then ultimately one should not be thinking of marring them.

Every single person I have talked to, or heard about that has married a non has said in one way or another that it is not worth it. And in some cases they will tell others that by no terms should you ever marry a non.

So in closing if you are going to date non-members by all meens go ahead. But keep in mind that we date so that we might find our eternal companions. When I was dating nons the idea of marriage seriously came up. As I thought about it the more I felt that it was wrong. As much love as there was between us I felt that it was not worth it. How to raise the kids and such...And I was totally nutts for this girl, but I broke it off . Deciding that I would only date members.

Everyone has there own opinion, and I am sure some will disagrea with me. Thats my 2 or 3 cents.

TheLegend...TheMoore :D

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Guest TheLutheran

Sorry if I don't meet the criteria for this forum (. . .young single adults, ages 18-30, students of BYU, BYU-Idaho, BYU-Hawaii, and Institute students) but the posts have been most interesting and helpful.

My youngest princess (age 17.5) has been dating an LDS boy for the past year. In our home we advised against "smorgesboard dating" (trying a little of everything) and encouraged our three daughters to selectively date only Christian boys with the goal of creating as little heartbreak as possible. The first dating experiences for the oldest two were relatively short-lived and pain-free and both will tell you that they learned alot about themselves in the process. When #3 started dating the LDS boy, he was not very LDS -- according to her LDS girlfriends.

These two are incredibly compatible and we just love this kid. In fact, he works for us on our farm. In the meantime, he has resumed activity in The Church and is planning for his mission. I came to this site to learn more specifics about the LDS faith and find as much common ground as possible. Sadly, I have learned that this other Christian denomination (LDS) and Lutheranism part ways just after "In the beginning . . . . " Actually, the theologies part company way before even that!

I am, however, thankful for the thoughtful exchanges. Guess I'll just sit tight to see how this plays out and be ready with the SuperGlue for Princess #3's broken heart!

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Guest SavingQueenDren

Just kidding? Pfft. Women... Can't live with 'em, can't show up at 2:30 in the morning, screaming and covered in hot tar. :(

Hahaha I hope you didnt take offense to that lol I was merely just playing around I have mounds and mounds of SaRcAsM lol :D All in good plays though!

Hmm Ok so on another note.. Currently I am seeing a non-member. Well things were doing Great up until he got like scared not sure of what. Whether it was the fact that I am LDS or that he's heard all these non-true statements of LDS ppl. Anyways so I've been trying to help him thru this but nothing seems to be helping cuz we are just growing distant. Idk if that's a good thing or not but it's whats going on! GAH! men cant live with em or without em! :eek:

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Hahaha I hope you didnt take offense to that lol I was merely just playing around I have mounds and mounds of SaRcAsM lol :D All in good plays though!

Hmm Ok so on another note.. Currently I am seeing a non-member. Well things were doing Great up until he got like scared not sure of what. Whether it was the fact that I am LDS or that he's heard all these non-true statements of LDS ppl. Anyways so I've been trying to help him thru this but nothing seems to be helping cuz we are just growing distant. Idk if that's a good thing or not but it's whats going on! GAH! men cant live with em or without em! :eek:

Well sister, I could share a glimpse as a former non-members (that sounds just weird) in regards to dating. Lay/gentile men are used to certain dating patterns and thus certain expectations built in from the beginning. Once you find out certain details about the girl (religious belief, family, expectations about the relationship) then they realize those patterns are likely to be broken. In other words, regardless or my good intentions and otherwise good nature, I was expecting A, B and C to happen in that order more or less within say 45-60 days. As soon as I saw that B or C were not going to happen and she was trying to introduce Z instead, I was gone. Slowly and elegantly but as good as gone.

I am not sure what the full story is but if he is pulling away you should let him go. If he was TRULY interested he would ask and inquire. In my grandma's small book of wise sayings: "Difficulty is the teacher of perseverance in the school of success". If he is no willing to persevere I guess you found out something about him you did not know.

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