Nervous about having a baby

[christmasvalleyfarms]

Congrats Fiona! Speaking as the resident grandma (!) - I had 3 kids unmedicated. And I have had anxiety/panic attacks for most of my adult life; take/have taken Xanax, Clomipramine - just the idea of getting pregnant caused me so much anxiety I didn't think I could do it. Can't tell you the ordeal it was for me just to hold my nose and take the plunge - and once I knew I was pregnant and there was no "going back", how scary that was for me! I tried Bradley the first time, and Lamaze the second, and found Lamaze more helpful for someone with my anxiety cause it gave me something concrete to focus on. Just telling me to "relax" when I am having a panic attack is a little impossible! And I was pretty anxious about labor, but even those went just fine. One day at a time, with lots of grace from Heavenly Father, I did it and oh my gosh is it EVER worth it. Every second! Had midwives each time - first in the hospital, second at a birth center, third at home. They are the best - the idea of a doula is great also. You can read lots of scary stats about hospital births, too, so don't worry about stats too much. You've probably been told, that stats mean absolutely nothing to the individual. Just get close to your Heavenly Father and make the decision that's right for you. I can't imagine my life without any of my kids - what a precious, incomparable joy it has been to be a mom. I so miss those days, even the pregnant days! The wonder of feeling that first movement inside of you - of holding that little one for the first time - of breastfeeding - I am so jealous of you! In a good way. God Bless and keep us posted!

[lostnfound]

I like everyone's advise..but here is a few from a nurse perspective.

1. Take a deep breath..it's going to be okay

2. Get a good dr. and have your baby in a good hospital...less chance of something going wrong.

3.. Pray that Jesus protects you during this time..and put your trust and cares on HIm.

4.. Take care of yourself..eat right..enough sleep, etc..

5. Do everything your medical proff..tell you to do.

I have oversimplied this so that you can take it in. Congratulation to you.

Just another thought..try not to spend all your time on those sites you talked about but get busy perparing yourself for this new life.

[siouxz72]

Hi Fiona! I've really enjoyed reading this thread. mightynancy is my sister and a GREAT mom! She and I did things very differently when having children. I had all three of mine by the time I was 23 and she was just a tisch older than that when having her first! So, as far as money is concerned... It seems to all work out. You have to be willing to sacrifice sometimes to make it though but it is definitely worth the sacrifice. Kids are the best! We have so much fun with ours! That's the thing that sticks out in my mind...I just LOVE being a mommy! I can't imagine anything more fun than being a mom and the relationship that we have as a family. My kids are all in their teenage years now and I love it when littlemisschatterbox comes home from school with a story that ends with her friends all knowing that she was going come home and tell me! Also, if you go looking for reasons why NOT to have a baby, you'll always find one. Don't wait "until" something ..until you have enough money...until you graduate...until whatever..because there will always be an "until" out there. I guess what I'm trying to say in my very round about way is that having a baby is a wonderful blessing that's just waiting for you! Go for it! Can you believe that our HF loves us and trusts us enough to care for these little souls while here on Earth?! It's really just amazing! I'm in awe! And when I think of the knowledge that He has of us and what we need... I tell my littlemisschatterbox all the time that HF knew I needed her first because He knew if I had Katieloowho first that would have been the end of it! hee hee! Well...I hope what I've said helps. Good luck!!

-siouxz72

[Aphrodite]

Don't wait "until" something ..until you have enough money...until you graduate...until whatever..because there will always be an "until" out there.

You dont think you should wait until you graduate? Surely yo need an education for a decent job to support thos precious souls? Surely thats the least they deserve.

[siouxz72]

Aphrodite...while I do agree that finishing school is a must, it shouldn't be a reason to delay starting a family. I've known a lot of people that have finished their education while having little ones. It's not the easiest situation, but not one that should deter a person from becoming a parent, especially when they're feeling such heavy promptings from the Lord.

[Hemidakota]

I disagree...academics paperwork is the not the goal but learning is and applying. Education is from cradle to grave. Endless...we go as ofte as possible.

[siouxz72]

we're not talking about being continual scholars here hemi, but rather the specific decision to delay starting a family "until" graduating from college. how do you feel about that?

[BusyMom]

I think that childbearing and childrearing are very personal decisions. I, personally, am very grateful that we have a loving Heavenly Father who provides us with personal revelation. In my case, I got a "surprise" baby after completing only a semester of college. She is the biggest blessing in my life, I can not imagine my life without her and the joy she brings into it! I am currently working on my 2nd Master's degree so going to school is possible even with children. That doesn't mean it wasn't fraught with its own challenges but I imagine there would just be a different set had I waited. It would have be easy to rationalize waiting a bit more "Well, I finished school. Now I have loans and I need to work." "I need to be established in my career so let's wait" and then let's wait until we can buy the bigger house or I get a specific promotion or whatever. That's why it's really important that each couple listen to personal revelation to help them guide their decisions. It's a big decision to have children and there will be challenges no matter what. If we follow what Heavenly Father wants us to do we can't go wrong. Read what the prophets have said, weigh out your situation in your mind, and take your concerns to the Lord, you will know what is best and you will be able to provide for your children

through the grace and blessing of the Lord.

As it stands, my youngest child starts kindergarten in the fall. I will be finishing my course work for my program next summer and in the fall need to start an internship that will last 3 quarters (900 hours) and then I have to have supervised work experience for 2500 hours. The timing is great! I really hit having to be at work when my daughter starts first grade and is in a full day classroom. This corresponds perfectly to the needs of my family and in the meantime the Lord is blessing us abundantly with financial blessings to take us through.

[Aphrodite]

Aphrodite...while I do agree that finishing school is a must, it shouldn't be a reason to delay starting a family. I've known a lot of people that have finished their education while having little ones. It's not the easiest situation, but not one that should deter a person from becoming a parent, especially when they're feeling such heavy promptings from the Lord.

It would be impossible for me. Im training to be a nurse and have to spend time in practice. Who would look after the child while I was at work????? It would be impossible. Luckily, I feel no such promptings. apart from the ones from my husband!!! Which is why busymom is right-its a really personal decision. everyones situation is different which is why to just say-'dont delay having kids' is not feasible-we're all at different stages in our lives.

[siouxz72]

you're absolutely right that it is a very personal decision..and if you're in a program at school where you can't have a baby or you don't have the network to care for a baby, then by all means don't have one now. but what i think both busymom and i are just warning against is rationalizing away starting a family. having a valid reason to not have a baby is understandable, coming up with excuses is not.

[pam]

One thing I've always believed...if you wait to have children till you can afford them...you will NEVER have them.

[Tough Grits]

My husband and I were married in April or 2000.

We had decided to wait a year before even thinking about or trying to get pregnant. This was a firm decision that we both agreed on.

Six months into our marriage, I began to feel the Spirit weigh heavily upon my heart and mind. I tried to keep it to myself, but the promptings became too strong. I then confided to my husband what I had been feeling. Being the wonderfully spiritual person that he is, he immediately agreed that we should follow the promptings of the Lord.

We became pregnant immediately. We had our daughter the following July. When our daughter turned 1, we felt the promptings of the Spirit again. We became pregnant immediately once again. We had our son nine months later.

For us, it was always a matter of following the promptings of the Spirit.

I usually handle the pregnancy just fine, but some time during the last month I freak out and change my mind!!!! LOL LOL

I hate hospitals. I can't stand being told what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. Being attached to cords and IV's drives me nuts. I don't deal well with authority.

But, having said all that, all my aggravation and fears melt away as I see the face of my child for the first time. Even if that one look was for the last time, it would have been worth it!

I am not scared of death. My only problem with death, is that my husband and children would have to fend for themselves.

Then I think of my dear Heavenly Father...how must He feel as He watches us come to earth and have to "fend for ourselves". But we are never really alone, we always have Him.

So, even if something were to happen to me, I know that my husband and children would still have Heavenly Father to lean on.

My husband and I have life insurance. My husband would have enough money to pay for the house, car, and any other debts. He would even have enough to live off of and still drop to part-time while he went back to college for a degree. We have already discussed that him being a teacher (that is what I am going to college for) would give him the same hours as the kids, weekends off, and the summers off.

I would not want to leave them, but I trust Heavenly Father's plans for me. I just leave it up to Him.

I suffer from anxiety too. There are times that I am paralyzed by my fear of something happening to my husband or children. But that fear also allows me to take one day at a time, and to truly appreciate them while I have them. It also gives me the incentive to live a righteous life, so that I may be with them again throughout the eternities.

After all, this life is merely a proving ground. It is only a blink of an eye. The life that I am truly concerned about, is the life I will have after this one. Because that is the life that I can live with my loved ones forever, if I live as I should while I am here.

Good Luck! Just trust in the Lord. Even if He does not remove all the obstacles from your path, He will give you the strength/courage to overcome them.

~TG

[Keks3082]

fiona:

I as well as a million other mothers totally understand your feelings/anxieties. No one will ever be 100% ready for a new baby. Having one really is a test of faith in Heavenly Father...that He will bless you with the best child for your life and provide for you. Don't let Satan discourage you. I have many friends who had a child(ren) in undergrad, they still graduate/make it through. As if that's challenging enough, we have many medical school friends who have 2, 3, even 4 children during that rigorous phase of life. Who would be so nuts to do that, especially when living off student loans? Heavenly Father always provides. Some people need government assistance (WIC, foodstamps, health insurance), and that's a blessing (if not abused). As "poor" as we were/are, we were blessed with free deliveries, baby showers to provide necessities, the list honestly goes on and on. Pay tithing, the Lord knows your heart.

Pain: I (in some miraculous way) was able to endure two natural childbirths. Our bodies are made to be able to endure. We're the toughest of the sexes! But thank goodness we're in the age of advanced technology/medicine. You will be taken care of. I know there's great pain meds, etc. for you.

Hey, I say if your motherly instincts are prompting you, move forward with faith! You will be blessed and have added joy.

Think of it this way - if you prolong having a child for 5 years, that's 5 years missed with your lovely child...and life is dang short.

Best of luck.

[Aphrodite]

Some people need government assistance (WIC, foodstamps, health insurance), and that's a blessing (if not abused).

Thats not a blessing, thats making a choice to live off the state. Thats irresponsible. I will never make a choice to do that. I will work to support my kids.

[LegendadryPerc]

When dealing with personal revelation from the Lord, I think it's important to not make absolutes. There is no such thing as "never" or "can't" if the Lord commands it. I also find it odd that culture dictates what is "living off the state" and what one rightfully should recieve from it. Like public schools. Nobody ever mentions how irresponsible it would be to have several children if they all go to public school, (which incidentally, here, costs much more per kid than food stamps do). Or if you live in a country where medical care is paid for for everybody, it is your right, no matter how rich or poor you are, but if you don't, but laws that were voted on say that you can have help paying your medical bills because of your specific circumstances, why is that "taking advantage of the govt."? Everything belongs to God, and if He commands you through personal revelation to do something, then He will provide a way. I know I am not the one to say whether this should be through legal help from the govt. or not. It is all culture - and something I personally have had to deal with having that same cultural concept that it was evil, gently and lovingly reformed, to facilitate spiritual growth.

[butongrl]

Thats not a blessing, thats making a choice to live off the state. Thats irresponsible. I will never make a choice to do that. I will work to support my kids.

That is a very judgemental attitude. I guess it's good that you are so fortunate to be so responsible.

[BusyMom]

Another way to look at this is that the families who are in college receiving temporary help will be able to support their families and bless the lives of others through their education and training. The help is available for families in need. Pregnancy is not always planned. It does not always correspond to the way we are planning out our lives. I think we must be careful not to be so quick to judgment. My decisons will not be your decisions; my life is not your life. We must value and sustain and nurture one another and help each other to build a relationship with our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. It's not a competition!

[PinkPanther]

Thanks so much everyone! I feel so heartened reading all of your replies. I really do feel better already.

I am going to pray about it earnestly for a little while. I think I have been scared the answer is going to be "yes" so I have been avoiding it But deep down I know that is not the right way to go about it! And I yearn for a baby so, so badly...its just the fear holding me back from finding out what Heavenly Father wants for me.

One of my good friends always says, "If we all waited until the perfect time to have a child, it would probably never come."

Aphrodite--I totally feel the same way as you about fearing childbirth! It does make me feel better to know I'm not alone. I thought watching those 'birth story' and 'baby story' shows would make me feel better but all of the trauma that goes on just made me more scared.

The one in 3000 statistic really bothers me still (and that is in America). But I think instead of dwelling on it I should figure out what it means (for instance it probably includes woman having children in their late 40s or even 50s and i'm a healthy 24 year old).

Thanks for all of the support. I'll keep you posted!!

Not having read all the posts, I just wanted to tell you to stop watching those shows. They are edited and they air the most dramatic births.

I would encourage you to see The Business of Being Born. It's great and eyeopening. Have you done any research on Birthing Centers, Home Births, Midwives....? I have and as well as Hospitals and Doctors. I have found that most women who really do extensive research tend to go with a Midwife at home or in a Birthing Center. The women who only research pregnancy and all that can go wrong as well as hospital births, tend to avoid pregnancy or go to a hospital. Because the "Doctors know what's best!" I tend to disagree with that statement most of the time.

As you said you have anxiety issues. You should definitely look into having a Doula.

I've found that a lot of women have problems during labor due to unnecessary intervention by doctors. Something I've seen with my own eyes.

Which is one reason we are seeing a Midwife and our baby will be born at a Birthing Center.

Good luck!!

[Aphrodite]

That is a very judgemental attitude. I guess it's good that you are so fortunate to be so responsible.

How is that judgemental? You think choosing to use other peoples hard earned taxes to live just because you want a baby isn't irresponsible??

[butongrl]

How is that judgemental? You think choosing to use other peoples hard earned taxes to live just because you want a baby isn't irresponsible??

Yes saying that everyone who is in need of some sort of government assistance is judgemental. Like busymom said sometimes there is a need for temporary assistance which is what it is temporary and the fact is here in the US there is programs in place that people in need can take advantage of. I don't know what things are like there in the UK, maybe more people take advantage of the social programs (not that people here don't) but I'm just saying it isn't always a choice to be in need, sometimes life is just hard and people need help for a little while. God willing you will never be in a difficult situation where you need temporary help and are accused of being irresponsible.

[Aphrodite]

I never said EVERYONE who needs government assistance was irresponsible. My parents in law do as he is disabled. I said people who CHOOSE to when they have a baby and haven't got a proper job are irresponsible. Theres a big difference.

[LegendadryPerc]

Sometimes one must choose between being "responsible" and doing what they know is right in their hearts.

[RachelleDrew]

Thats not a blessing, thats making a choice to live off the state. Thats irresponsible. I will never make a choice to do that. I will work to support my kids.

Wow, that's horribly cruel. I'm glad you aren't on governmental assistance, I don't think I would want to feed you and your family if you ever came into need.

My brother and his wife have to be on government assistance and they both work two jobs. I'd say they work just as hard as you do to support your children.

I know a lot of people who use those programs, and i'd say that 3/4 of them have jobs. Hard, dirty, exhausting jobs that you probably wouldn't do if your life depended on it.

Just about everyone who holds a job pays taxes, so really they are paying for those programs too. Why not use them if their tax money is supporting them?

Sheesh.

[butongrl]

I never said EVERYONE who needs government assistance was irresponsible. My parents in law do as he is disabled. I said people who CHOOSE to when they have a baby and haven't got a proper job are irresponsible. Theres a big difference.

Ok I do agree with that. There are muchers out there who abuse the system but for the most part (I don't know how it is there) I think the majority of people do not CHOOSE to be on governmental assistance. And I don't think there's anything wrong with going on assistance while finishing school and starting a family. Like busymom said that person who may be on assistance now may be getting educated so that they can help others less fortunate. Isn't that kinda one thing life is about, helping others?

[Maya]

Fiona you are sweet! I remember my first one.... I remember I tought that I know so many wemen that have lived trough it that I would live through it too... In fact I have not even heard someone would have died ...

Anyway to hear the first cry of your first baby... it brings tears in your eyes... happy tears.

Btw. all the time I was waiting for the pain... all I could feel was enormous substractions:o

:)