1. Heisenberg is driving Schrödinger to a conference when a cop pulls them over. The cop asks Heisenberg, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg answers, "No, but I know where I was." The cop says, "I'll have to search the car." He opens the trunk and yells, "Hey, did you know you have a dead cat back here?" Schrödinger says, "He wasn't dead before you opened the trunk." (That second one was a lame bonus joke. No extra charge.) 2. Did you hear about the guy who reached absolute zer