hurting

Thank You for all the comments I have been through a lot. I have read and read over all of your coments. here is the deal. my wife and I dated all through high school. I was a good kid. did not do anything unmoral I never drank and kept the church standards. my wife broke up with me for a kid that was on drugs and after one week performed date rape on her. she never told me about this until after we got married. I love her dearly and try everyday to find forgiveness in my heart. but I am in so much pain. she did not marry me after my mission because of this experiance. I cant help to feel like i am not worth much if someone that had no standards is that much better than me. did I mention that the guy was on drugs had a gun in his car and was put in jevy a week later. I now have everything I want my beautiful wife. but I struggle with the pain of what has happened to both of us. I struggle with self confidence and can not stop thinking about why if I am this great person as she tells me i am then why I was dropped for someone that was such a bad person. my wife tells me that she was a stupid girl and made a bad mistake. but it does not change the pain I am going through. Please help. I do not want what had happened in the past to destroy what we have now. I have taken the attitude that I am not going to show the pain I am going throuhg to my wife because it hurts her. but sometimes it is hard to do. as I am sleepless at night many times trying to overcome this. Please help

Thanks their are some outstanding comments on this discussion. All of you are saints that care enough to help with this. My wife and I have turned to god in prayer we are having a special fast right now hoping that god can help. just reading some of your comments has provided a sense of goodness May god bless you all. this talk has also been a encouragement http://ce.byu.edu/cw/fuf/archives/2002/BarbaraMorrell2002.pdf

That is a nice concept and yes that is what we are working on togeather. Sitting on the outside when it does not effect you or you have not had something of this degree done to you I guess it is easy to say forgive and move on. This is exactly what I am doing but it still hurts both of us.

Thank You for the remarks on this. I lost the love of my life for 20 years because of this. She was raped and did not feel worthy of me when I returned home from my mission. We were married feb 16 2008 yea it was the most gloryous day for the two of us. She has truly been the love of my life. although we both put everything into previous marriages that was a disaster from the begining for the both of us. We finally found each other again. we are so happy to have each other again. This last week end my beautiful wife told me why she felt unworthy of me. Last night my wife told me she has found foregiveness she said if we both dont then this evil man and satan have won. I have much anger for this individual that took my only true love from me. but I feel so blessed that god has brought us back togeather. my wife was the victom and she found forgiveness I know I need to do the same.

can someone help me with this question. If you are raped are you expected to forgive. my understanding is that you can not be forgiven if you can not restore what you did wrong. how can someone restore one vertue. I know in the D&C it says we must forgive all. but to me it seems like if you are forgiving someone then you are saying it is ok this is not ok to be raped. here is a talk I fonud from President Hinckley Do not feel guilty or worry if you are struggling with forgiveness. It is easy to take scriptures about forgiveness out of context and assume we must be immediately ready to forgive even serious harm from others. For example, an often-quoted scripture about forgiveness in D&C 64:10 reads: “I, the Lord will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.” The context of this scripture is Christ commanding members of the Church to forgive each other their trespasses, and He gave the example of his disciples of old having contention among themselves and not forgiving each other. Adults insulting and arguing with each other is greatly different from an older or more powerful person taking sexual advantage of you. On the other hand, Christ’s teaching about harming children and perhaps other innocent people, is clear and unambiguous: In Luke 17:1–2 he teaches: “It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come. It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.”