krisholy2992

I agree with you Alma 5:45-46. I like your perspective on what I said. You make a truly valid point.

I want to let you all know that I appreciate all of you taking the time to voice your thoughts to me. I don't feel so alone. I have 4 children to think about, too. They are 13 boy, 12 girl, 11 boy, and 10 boy and they know that he has been cheating. My oldest was listening in at the door when we were discussing it and he told the others. We've had a many family discussions over this. My husband told me what was going through his mind and that is that we weren't being intimate often enough and I became overweight. I have always told him why I couldn't be intimate during the past 5 years and explained to him that I cannot feel intimate with someone who complained about how I wasn't a perfect house cleaner to his expectations and that if he were kinder then I would feel like being more intimate more often. He would after he got off work, walk through out the house and tell me everything that I didn't accomplish. He would do this even when I had spent the day cleaning. He would look for what I didn't get to and not even acknowlede what I had done. He told me that not being able to provide more financal security were contibuting factors into why he wasn't being kind. He has been being kind on and off since last year. When he got this new job and before he confessed to what had been going on in the last 5 years he began being kinder and he said it had nothing to do with his cheating. He said he wants to be nicer to me, because I have been nice, kind, supportive of him our 16 years of marriage. He says he loves me and thinks that we can have a great future together. After 16 years of marriage and wearing his wedding ring on a chain around his neck and at my request he now has started wearing his ring on his ring finger. He wants to take me to his country for the first time at the end of this year. He wants to take me to France on our 20th anniversary via a cruise. About his country is another story of pain he has never taken me to his country even before we had children and he has been their many times and the last two times he paid for prostitutes because its not legal or illegal yet and he was curious. With in my heart of hearts I love him and I feel that I will finally decide that I will be staying with him, but I'm afraid that my emotional outbursts, overwhelming anger spouts, my occassional obsession about what he has actually has done when he was being intimate with them and what they did together and what they looked like is going to take its toll on him and me and that not only the collateral damage of the past 5 years but my current collateral damage of my cycles of pain, humiliation, shame, anger, frustration, wanting to make him accountable and go through the pain I'm going through it so that I'm not the only one, etc... It just may be out of our control in the end and that this may end up just being more than either of us can overcome. My christlike love for him as a child of God gives me some compassion for him and he wants to be forgiven of what he's done and it isn't unlike what we all want. I feel that as we forgive all others no matter what was done we will be forgiven by God of our own sins. I really wish that I could forgive him and move on and be as Christ was to Mary Magdaline.(sorry if spelled wrong) I'm sure you understand what I'm talking about, however you know the saying he who has not sined cast the first stone. What advise do you have for my husband he needs some to. He may have sinned a grave sin and hurt me deeply, but the Lord loves all of his children and I have to admit that he, my husband, is a child of God just like the rest of us. The Lord will punish him more justly than I ever could so why have I been doing it? The Lord will forgive whom he will forgive but I am to forgive everything. I'm suppose to leave it in the Lords hands so that I can have peace within my own heart and life. I know the Lord loves me as he loves my husband and want us both to be happy and have peace. I'm thankful for the gospel and the peace it has given me at times during this very painful time in my life. I'm thankful for the testimony that I have about the doctrine our church proclaims. This gives me peace. This helps me to love my husband as a child of God and the man I chose to marry. The atonement is for everyone. My husband has been praying for me and for himself. Kris - starting to feel that there is a light at the end of this very dark and emotionally racking tunnel. I know however that it is still a way off for me and the pain is still fresh and deep.

I'm going through some very tough times in my life, but I'm selfish about my views about anything in the gospel or in life in general. I only care how everything is for me and is for me alone and not anyone else. Our salvation is very personal and extremely individual no matter what paragraphs or words may be similar. Even with my children I can only guide them to seek things out for themselves to find out any truths about anything and that they ultimately will need to ask the Lord and find out for themselves. We are all here to help each other out in anyway that we are able to. PB's are not the only thing we are supposed to be using to guide us into our future. We are given a variety of tools and each other to carry out what we need to do on a personal level. I will leave this place called earth alone literally speaking of course, not spiritually, and with what ever knowledge I've attained or not attained about the gospel or any other subject under the sun. To me it's completely irrelevent what anyone elses PB is about because theirs will not help me make sense out of my life only mine will if I look for it in an extremely personal way. The only thing that I can share with you is that it is by the Holy Ghost that you will attain any real answer to your question, which is a valid one, I assure you. Life is always about finding questions, learning how to ask those questions, and then seeking out the answer to those questions. When you feel you've found the answer then ask God if its right, the Holy Ghost will let you know if you really are serious about getting to the real answer and if you even really want it to be answered. The gospel and my life is truly about me and how I react to my world around me and those other individuals who are also simply children of God just as I am. I know that everyone is capable of making a mistake or many, but like it says in the scripture he who is without sin cast the first stone. The gospel is perfect, but we as human beings are not. The Lord said that we should forgive 70 x 70 and he is the only one that has the power or authority to do the actual forgiving of serious to minor things. Let the Lord deal with it and decide what it is you want to get out of the gospel and its doctrine, and its okay to be competely selfish in this cause. It is all about what you want out of it life or the gospel. If I did'nt have the gospel in my life right now I would not have the peace that the Holy Ghost has been able to give me. Is what you could be giving up really worth a few paragraph and words? Only you can make that call, just the same way that I have had to do. Forgive and forget, lifes to short, but don't ever stop questioning everything, just make sure your looking for the real answer not something that will give you an excuse to give up on what you may need in the future. You never know when the gosple and the doctrine will come in handy in your future. Find out how you can become a little selfish about what you really need to know for your own personal salvation and understand nobody is perfect or we all would be, then what is the point of life. Kris, and to me this is the plain and simple facts as I see them. I know you will find the answer you seek, but what answer are you really seeking? Are you trying to disprove what you know to be true or are you seeking the answer to build up your testimony stronger. Only you can answer that one for youself. I care about you cause if we are truly all children of God that makes you my sister and that is how me and my sisters that I grew up with talk about things.

I am posting here because, I do not know where else to go. I have looked on the internet for LDS help and found none. My husband has been cheating on me for the past 5 years with over 10 different women. He was also viewing a website which was pretty much an online shopping center to meet and be with others who wanted to have intimate encounters with each other and they have very private pictures of themselves on it. It was a social viewing place for local people in a the surrounding community to view each others individual porn to not only see who is available, but you could contact them and have a rondevou with those you like to look at. He would or they would pay $20.00 for a two hour stay at our local hotels to be with them instead of doing this with me and that makes me upset. He paid for prostitues in his country when he told me he was visiting his family the last two times. Then he was with women when he was in training for three months for his new job. We prayed for him to complete and succeed and while we were praying for him he was cheating on me. That really hurts. He has been telling me when I questioned him in the past 5 years that I was just over reacting and that he wasn't, he lied to my face each time. I believed him that he wasn't and told myself that he was right cause of course if he was he would tell me the truth. We've been married in the temple, too. The pain is so intense sometimes my heart to its core hurts. It makes me feel like I'm going crazy and sometimes I obsess with what he did with them. He chose to be with them instead of being with me intimately. He would even tell them obout his first wife when he was 21 years old and how it was bad and so he chose never to marry again. That means I did not exist for the past 16 years and our marriage did not exits and our 4 children did not exist, just so he could be intimate with them all. How can I stay in love with someone who discounted me and our marriage of 16 years just so that he could be with all of those women? How can I move on and cope if I didn't exit to him so that he could be with them? I've prayed and gone to the bishop, my husband has not done this yet however, but he has started praying for me, us and himself. He feels that he will never do it again and I feel that he just may believe this to be true, after so many women and so many years how can I believe it and move on from this. I want to believe him, but it has hit me to my very core and I am still on the fence as to follow the bishops admonition to stay with him or to divorce him. Its like he said to me should I listen to the little devil on my shoulder or the little angel. He chose to listen to the little devil why should I be any different. Why was it okay for him and its not okay for me to listen to the wrong shoulder? He hasn't been going to church for about the same amount of time as he's been cheating. How do I stay with him and how do I get over this or cope. How is this possible? He has deleted in front of me all of their information phone numbers, emails, and the websites he had paid accounts that helped him to contact them to have their rondevous. How can one forgive and more importantly forget this kind of betrayal within marriage. How do you do this when our marriage vows did not exits so that my husband could be with all of these women. He says that he loves me and he hopes that we can make it through this and he said that he is sorry. He wants me to start being able to cope with it better and forgive him and be able to move on, but how is this possible? He finally confessed to all of this on feb. 13th 2008 and then confessed more on our anniversary day, which was a few weeks later. I feel by staying with him I am rewarding him for doing this and he is getting away with it. He promised me he will never do it again and that we will have a wonderful rest of our life together, but how is this possible? I am currently in a vicious and painful cycle of pain, anger, rejection, shame, etc... Kris - Totally Overwhelmed