Runesong

I've known him for just over a year and a half now. I want to say thanks to everyone who has responded. I find there are few problems, no matter how large or small, that a variety of perspectives won't at least help a little with.

My parents do like him. They are just worried because of the non-LDS part. He an I have talked about religion and faith a great deal, and I've asked him about his and just listened, did not argue, which I think he really appreciated. I have my own turns and chances to simply tell him about mine, and he has said more than once after such talks that he thinks I am wise in my beliefs.

He believes in God, but other than that doesn't ascribe to any particular faith. He's told me frequently that he respects the LDS church more than any other Christian church and more than many other religions. We have talked about faith and family, and each time we talk, I do feel better. My parents' worries worry me, though, for a lot of reasons. My mom is terrified that she's going to lose me eternally somehow.

Right now I'm engaged to a nonmember. Our plan is to wed six months from now. He is a good person, kind, with a generous nature and charitable heart. I've never been so torn in my life. I love my fiance, and desire strongly to remain true to that. I care about him like he's already a part of myself, and I don't want to hurt him or betray him. For most of my life up until now, I've been lonely and isolated. I have a difficult time making real friends with other women in general, and have received no interest from worthy, worthwhile, LDS men. I live right in the middle of Utah Valley, so you might think I wouldn't have problems because of sheer numbers, but in many ways I feel like the numbers have worked against me. In my experience, the LDS young men of Utah Valley, in striving for ideals, tend to confuse spiritual ideals with social and aesthetic ones. Those I've met in the student wards and apartments seem to pursue barely-out-of-high-school, slender, blonde Mollys who they can count on to put their lives and plans on hold in order to marry. Either that or foreign girls. This is not universal, but I do know that in the last student apartment complex I lived in, I was asked out a grand total of ONCE, and that one time was by a guy who had already gone through not only every one of my five roommates, but most of the rest of the complex as well, before even considering me as a prospect. With my nerd-girl habits, Kung Fu classes, and opinions that were outside of most of the accepted mainstreams, nobody was picking me over the other available options. Prior to that, my only pursuers were of the variety who would take anyone who had a pulse and a recommend, and thought I'd work since I'd give them the time of day. Even they were few and far between. I know other women like me who have settled, if settled is the right word in this case, for an inactive member, and others who fit the aesthetic ideal who married in the temple and were treated as horribly as a wife can be treated, with marriages ending in a quick divorce. I don't mean to excuse myself, but perhaps these experiences might lend some sympathy for the fact that I've drifted a bit and become inactive since. My now-fiance is a man of good morals, who I can and do trust with every part of myself. He has picked me up out of an 8-year period of depression, loneliness, and isolation. He loves me for who I am, as a person, and treats me with respect and admiration. He supports me in my faith, and goes to church with me. He loves and knows how to interact with children. He is generous to and accepting of everyone. In many, many ways, he is the most Christlike man I have ever known. But he is not LDS, and does not desire to become LDS. I'm not foolish enough to pin eternal hope on a decision he may never make. I just don't know how to wait anymore. I ache. Now that I finally have hope again for love and family, those eternally important things loom large in my heart and mind. I do love him. And I don't want our marriage to be just for now. The church and my own family are coming back into my life more strongly now. I want so much for him to be a part of both. I have prayed, and do pray for guidance, but I'm afraid that my long hurt and strong feelings are providing a static interference that I can't penetrate. My prayer is confused. My parents know, and have given their sympathy and counsel. I'm reluctant to talk to a bishop, because what will he say, what can he say, except to belabor again and again the importance of a temple marriage? Part of me is almost willing to accept that this experience is just a stepping-stone meant to heal a hurt heart, and that I should break off the engagement and pursue higher things, but another part of me cringes at the thought, and thinks how unfair that is to the man who loves me! How could I just use him like that and then move on? Is that what is expected of me? What do I do?