Hey, I wanted to let you know your not alone. I feel for you. I know forum messages don't always matter like the real thing, so I'll share with you the situation I am in. First let me set the stage.
When I was 16, my life took a turn for the worst. My mother, bless her heart, had had a stroke a few years back, and it was slowly changing her over the years. I had been falsely thrown into foster care due to people acssuing my mother of actions she was guiltless of. Finally, after a time, they pronconced the case cured, and let me go back to her. But she had needed peace. She has always had a hard life, and had some phantoms from her childhood that came back after the wrongful treatment they put her through.
So when I was able to come back to her, she was fearful of people around her. Any time I underpreformed at school, or said something she thought made her look bad, she'd in turn make it look like my fault, or push my preformance.. simply to protect herself and my brother. She was sure that the goverment would do it again unless everything looked perfect. And if that occured, she'd never see us again. So, for a few years, we began to butt heads with one another. It got so bad that we can't be in the same room for very long. Who ever's fault it is, we both needed space. We had become very different people.
The day I turned 18, I moved out.. clear to another city. Everything was well planned though. I had reiable means to survive and everything. But when I did so, many of the people I thought were my friends started stabbing me in the back. At that very same time, I started running into problems with money, due to a sudden change in some polices.
Now, I'll spare you all the griddy details. But I ended up losing my home, and being homeless till someone took me in. And in that time, my girlfriend, the one girl, other than my mother, I have ever been sure I care for, dumped me. I now do housework to eat and have a place to live. It's been years, and for some reason, I can't find work anywhere. The two people that took me in, well, they are friends, but are shelfish and brush me aside a lot till they need me to fix a problem they caused. As you can guess, no one remembers my birthday ethier. Holidays come and go like normal days.
It's hard to be stuck like this when your trying so hard. You question the value of those around you, and even your own value. Each year, when my birthday rolls by, I swear it will be different. I'll change it somehow, but so far no success. I've learned to just take each day as it comes and pray that, if this is my lot in life, that I can help someone else with it. And if the creator ever feels that it's time to give me a better life, I will be grateful.
Your not alone. Other people look around them wishing for company too. The trick is to realize the gift you've been given. It's not always what we hope, and we certainly didn't think it would turn out like this. But we are given the power to do something with it. Even if, for some reason, our dreams are doomed.. which I don't believe.. but even if they are, we can impart who we are, what we've learned, to others.
Though my mother and I don't get along anymore, not a day goes by that I am not sliently grateful for the time and effort she took with me. She was an awesome role model when I was younger, and I would not be half the man I am today if it had not for her. She took great effort to ensure I knew the importantance of a honest and moral choice. You've been blessed with kids of your own. I wish you the best in it. Good luck finding a purpose to live for, and know that life can be hard.. but you can't let it win. If you die, you give up the oppertunity to do something here.. and if you end up trying, and dying anyway, you're not out anything right? Might as well give it a chance.
And last, but not least, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
