JXD0157

Some of you have asked a few questions. So I thought I would try and answer them... My wife and I both come from strong LDS families and we were both born into the churchWe were married in the templeWe have stayed active in church, but not as much as we used to be. I'll be honest when I say church has become difficult to attend for the last 6 months. This is due to the family situation and all the Prop 8 stuff. It is really hard to hear that you need to strengthen your family, when your family situation is falling apart. I still go every week and attend the first 2 hours of the block, but I have only been attending EQ 1-2 times a week. Yes, I know this is not good, and I know it is nobody's fault but mine.As for the basic things (scriptures, praying together, etc) we have always struggled with that, for whatever reason.We haven't been to the temple together since 2007, although I did end off 2008 really well, attending several times in the last couple of months. I can't say whether or not my wife has been attending. If she has, it has been without me.Today she told me that while she thinks we will ultimately get divorced, she hasn't made a final decision. All she knows is that she has moved out for the next few months, and will see where things stand after a few months.I am trying to come to grips with everything, and just be myself. I haven't been myself for a long time, because I have been dwelling on all the negatives. It is just time to be me, and be happy with that. I appreciate all the kind words you all have shared. This is not an easy thing, and it is nice to hear all the encouragement. Hopefully one day I will be able to pay this forward.

This past week my wife of almost 8 years made the decision to move out, and she moved out this past weekend. Like all couples, we have had our ups and our downs, but this past year has been really difficult. The emotional roller coaster I have been on, has been difficult to say the least, and I am sure it has been for her as well. What makes this most difficult is that we have an amazing little girl that is caught in the middle. There's plenty of blame to go around, and I wouldn't even know where to start to explain that. The last 6 months have been especially tough, since we have been "separated" but have been living in the same house. For the past year I have been asking my wife what I can do to fix things. She has been giving me the same answer - "give me space." The problem is that I just don't know how to accomodate. I have been going to Family Services and talking to a divorced relative, and they both tell me the same thing - give her space. All I manage to do is change my behavior to what I think she wants to see, and then I ask her if things are getting better. Obviously that action didn't work. As a result I am now living alone in my empty house, trying to get through each day. I have trouble talking to my wife now, let alone see my wife now, because all I want to do is cry. I really feel like we had a great life, and now it seems like everything has been taken away. I have moments where I feel like I should just let her go and move on. Then there are moments where I can't living my life without her in it every day. Every day is so difficult, and I just don't know what to do. Is there anyone out there who has been through this? Is my wife gone for good? Any words of advice?