Solsalia
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Posts posted by Solsalia
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I had someone ask me this question. My scripture knowledge is very limited. Here is the question.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the book of moremoney say that the husband has to call the wife to heaven?
How is that possible if your husband is burning in hell, according to the mormon faith?
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That's neat to hear. We are so simple minded sometimes to the power that God has.
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BTW, how are things going now? I hope all is well.
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In my struggles with my marriage I have thought about the grass on the other side. Once the word Divorce came up your thoughts lean towards that more but then reality smacks me and I realize what kind of problems will I face with another man? Will he be able to do what my husband can do? He can fix most anything he puts his mind and hands too. Very mechanical. If I want something changed or done in the house he can most likely do it. Very handy. If I get upset and want to fight he won't do it. He has never called me a name. However sometimes he doesn't come home till 2am after drinking at a friends house or the bar. He smokes. He doesn't believe in the church. I take my kids to church alone.
When I get upset I have to sit back and be the bigger person to make it right. After I have my blow up I calm down and I talk to him and turn the other cheek. I apologize for loosing my temper and explain why I was hurt or upset. When I try really hard to be kind and make him feel loved we do a lot better and I'm actually happier. You have o look inside and think what would Jesus have me do? Remember in primary.
This marriage is between you and your husband and God. Only the 3 of you can decide what is best. Taking a quote out of the bible does not heed to the whole bible. My husband now does not eat pork because of a verse... yet when you read the whole Bible and study we realize that Jesus has fulfilled the Moses law but he has not seen that or chooses not too. Yet he still smokes and drinks... very confusing but that is what he believes.
Remember even two people of the same religion believe different things. You were brought up by two complete seperate families. Now you have made a new one. I know he needs to work with you also to make it work. Make sure your not being to stubborn to not work with him too.
I hope you may be able to find common ground again. Do you still date each other? That is very important. Just because you are married doesn't mean that the dating has stopped. Do the things you did that made you want to marry him. He may see it. Do the small things and swallow the pride of still being mad. It's not worth it. It's hard but you will feel better after.
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Thanks again for all input.
For now, things are mellow. Family like. I feel good and I feel closer to heavenly Father. It's kind of like the calm before the storm. I really do hope I don't experience it again but may. I'm enjoying my husband and love being with him and he seems to be happier for now. I know a bump may come again but hoping that he doesn't turn to the bar or someone's party house to try and hide from his problems. I'm thankful for all the uplifting people in my life that really have given me strength. Instead of venting with me about my problems they inspire me and life me up. They tell me all the wonderful things and after I feel elated. I strive to do better instead of focus on myself.
For now, things are awesome. This is when I get scared because I open up my heart again. I know to endure for what God wants me to do will give me strength further on.
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You are also correct, I guess my example is just a beggining.
Also you can't change free choices too. No matter how well you bring them up there will always be their choice eventually.
I too have little ones and it scares me the choices they will probably make. Don't even want to think about it!
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I am not patient or dedicated enough to homeschool. I would love to do it as the kids are exposed to a lot of things that I do not allow in my home but honestly I know how I am. Maybe someday but for now school.
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Just read your update, so reposting
Please if you can for your youngers do more family times, create memories. Be happy at home. Allow only uplifting things to be in your home, including TV. If your watching something that invites the spirit or satan in your home. My dad, love the man, good LDS man, but cannot get rid of the Sci Fi addiction. He spends a lot of time on the computer instead of with the grandkids and us when we visit. We finally got rid of the tv, missed it at first but glad it's gone. Other things will occupy your time, take you away from your kids.
I think the most important thing you can do is make memories with them. Make sure to laugh a lot and notice the small things. The video games are going to tear them away. They are a waste of time and don't involve family in it.
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You can't really divorce anyway. Jesus was against divorce.
Matthew 5
32But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.
1 Corinthians 7
10And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
11But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.
So you have to work it out. Maybe go to couples counselling.
I hope it all works out. Sorry that things seem to be falling apart.
Best Wishes
Dez
Corinthians Chapter 7
13 And the woman which hath an ahusband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving ahusband is bsanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is csanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us ato peace.
16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt asave thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
Here to me it says if my husband chooses to leave I am not under bondage as we are not married in the temple. He is not LDS.
I have read your references before over and over and the only thing I can get out of it is if someone is leaving because they want to be with someone else or are with someone else, not work it out with their spouse then that is where I see the problem.
If I were to go for the divorce I know it would be for the wrong reasons. If he chooses to divorce then that is his choice. Everyone is free to choose.
Sometimes I wish he would go but that is wrong. Some days are really good and I have felt that maybe we will grow old together. As I think that then we go through another problem. I keep telling myself to endure. Pray as hard as through the good times as the bad times. Gets discouraging as I slack off needing Him then come scrambling back like crazy when it gets hard. Shows me how imperfect and for a lack of better word lazy I am. Today I wanted to talk to someone but I'm sick of talking. I wish I could talk to him. He came home around 2am after partying. I chose this life and face the ultimate regret. I didn't choose someone that had the same values that I had because I wasn't practicing them. I didn't till after we were married and had kids did it become important now to do it.
What to do, kick myself and move on with life. Just wish I could do better so I wouldn't feel like I hadn't given it my all if he leaves. I wish I had a true companion that worked on our marriage and family together. This is so hard.. sick sick sick of it.
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Thank you all for your kind words and for those that have offered their friendship. I don't frequent this forum much but it sure has helped me.
My roller coaster seems to be at a stand still. I was very weak today and wanted to go with my husband and his family as almost all of them came up for karaoke. I know the Bar is not the place I should be, it was hard to not want to go with them and hope that maybe it would give us time together. In a place that is a den for the demons how could anything good come of it? Luckily I was helped in not going as I had no babysitter. They all wanted me to go and my mother in law almost stayed but I assured them to go without me.
My husband has been a little more affectionate but we've been down this road before. It's hard to open myself up to him as I don't want my heart crushed again. Very confusing as sometimes he seems to want me as his wife and other times he seems ready to leave. He has a big issue with our religious differences. He is a good father and provider, good fix it all guy too, if only we could fix this marriage together. I feel that I need to keep going on and try and do the best that I can. Things will work out for the best either way, I know I will be okay and I was given this conformation.
Again thanks all for you kind words. This time on earth is so short, but at the time it seems so long. All I have to do is hold onto that iron rod and I'll find true happiness. I do hope that my husband finds it with me. At this point he is far away from it still searching.
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He never did say if he wanted to stay or go. The only thing he said after waiting for him to start it up was that "I think you know what it is" I said maybe, maybe not. You need to tell me. that night he was cuddling with me when I woke up but after that he's been distant, no touching, tells the kids bye but not me when leaving. Says some things that he really hasn't tried before, like he's trying to get me to do it. This is torture. I'm very angry and I know that's what he's looking for. I need to go to the temple and get my mind on straight so I can endure this.
It's up to him, if he goes for the divorce and it goes through, there is no turning back. I will not marry again till I find a righteous lds man who believes in family and loves me no matter my faults. Everyone has them and no the grass is not greener on the other side, usually tainted until you finally realized you've been fooled. Tonight has been hard.
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Hey guys, back again, Hubby will tell me tomorrow if he wants to work it out or not. It's been a roller coaster and I imagine it still will be a big one. I don't think divorce will happen, most likely separation for now. His heart seems to grow fonder when he's away. My Uncle calls it the great take away, I hope he chooses us though, but he hasn't.
Pretty sad actually, just a week ago I thought we were going straight to dying old together. Keeps me wondering. How much can you take, well I hit my limit and told him the ball is in his court. He needs to decide if he wants to work it out or not. Because we haven't worked on it at all
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Do you want to save your marriage? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to save it? You can if you want to, for you hold all the power if you are faithful, but you have to want it more than anything else.
Tell me more please
Also have you read the love dare and completed it? It is great.
I have not read it. I'll have to put that on the list. I have a friend that has given me quite a few books. I'm not much of a book reader but I'll try to read that one as well. If I ever finish these
Here is another complication that I've thrown into my mess. I started to go to Kareokee nights with him which is at the bars of course. Something that we do together. I think the wear and tear of being around those places have taken a lot of my spirit away. I used to live that life and it is great temptation to go there. Also going to his parents house where they drink and smoke all the time has been pushing at me now. We spent a few days together taking a friends horses down to Arizona. That was nice. Things have gotten better but some things are still the same. I feel as if I'm letting go of what I had just not so long ago.
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Thanks for the support. It is so hard to do this. Last night he called to let me know he was going to the bar. I took an herbal sleeping pill because i knew I would wait up for him and it was better that I go to sleep. It's like a constant prayer in the heart. I feel he is trying to do things to get me to get upset and let him off the hook so he doesn't have to do it. I have felt strongly and so has my father to not let myself do that. God values marriage very highly and I do feel this one he does not want dissolved. I became endowed in 2006 and I think that started more questions and him looking into anti mormon stuff. He is tied closely to his extended family (mother father, and ecspecially his brother).
Thanks for your input. It's hard to feel him hurting as he does this to me all day, hot and cold is what tears me up. He'll put his arm around me then he will bounce around me like to opposite magnetic polls. If it was consistent it would be more bearable. I know with the spirit and prayer I will be fine and I need to keep doing that. It hasn't been to long but long enough.
Thanks again
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I am in a horse forum and decided to find an LDS Forum. I need all the spirtitual help I can get. I am and endowed LDS member and my husband is not a member. We have 4 small children ranging in ages 1 to 5. Recently my husband has decided that he wants a divorce. He then came back and said he wanted to try again, now he is acting distant again. All this in the matter of 3 weeks. I'm not as tore up as I was before because I know I will be okay either way. I have prayed and felt confirmation several times. It's the waiting game that drives me crazy. I am trying to the best wife I can be with no regrets, some days are harder then others. I never thought of an actual divorce. I knew it would be hard as we had different beliefs but not divorce. I love him with all my heart and it's hard to see it not returned. There of course is a lot more to the story but for now I start my first post on this forum with my trial, enduring, and hopefully happy ending to this mess.
Husband calls wife to heaven?
in LDS Gospel Discussion
Posted
I just had a discussion with my Father about it. He has a lot of scripture knowledge and is a temple worker. He said it is better to end the conversation as people like this will not be opened to hearing what I have to say. The most important thing is to keep contention out which this person seems to keep trying to stir. My Father said I am waisting my thoughts and time on this which he is right. Thanks for your info and your thoughts are right.