Warning - this might be a little touchy for some folks: I was raised in the LDS church and it was always something I cherished very much. I was always taught that pornography was wrong for many reasons, and I have never felt drawn to view it as others have. Unfortunately, this is something that is tearing my family apart, and there are a lot of elements that go into it. I feel lost and I need help. I'm 23 now, when I was 15 is when I first found out that my father is heavily addicted to pornography. He always thought I was too dumb to notice that he was doing anything, but I always knew exactly what was going on. I found hundreds of sites on his computer's history. For the next four years that I stayed there, I was in constant fear because of what I saw on his computer, which was mostly teenage rape, incest, and other common taboo material. He would stay up to 2 and 3 in the morning every day just to look at it. He became very verbally and emotionally abusive with us and my mother. He was such a hateful and aggressive person because of it. I'm almost positive he started doing it because he can't legally do anything else - I honestly do think he's a pedophile. I was afraid he would come after me or my sister, the whole situation made me feel raped. It took so much out of me that when I finally called my father out on it and he lied and told me it wasn't true (he wiped his computer clean so I couldn't prove it anymore), I left and didn't talk to him for two years. I never told anyone in the church what was going on - I didn't want to ruin anything. My father was a very prominent figure in our ward and had a lot of respect. I didn't want to burst anyone's bubble. When I started talking to my father again, I had already gotten married and had a son. We never mentioned the porn issue because he is still pretending he's not doing it. I wanted to believe that he had changed since I came back into his life - I also though he cared enough about his grandson to change. Come to find out yesterday that not only is he still looking at pornography, but he's stepped up from teenage incest/rape fantasies to daughter-in-law/women of color rape fantasies (my wife is African-American). I pretty much blew a gasket when I saw this stuff on his computer. I'm used to feeling objectified and raped, you know? I can (however painfully) deal with it. He cannot have my wife - I absolutely will not allow him to objectify her. He wasn't home at the time, but I told my mother what I found, and told her we wouldn't be coming back until he admitted what he was doing and got help. He later left me a voice message stating that those things were only on his computer because the bishop had asked him to develop some software program that would block porn sites, therefore he has to visit all the millions of porn sites out there to block them all. Later his story changed to "I'm just letting the pop-ups come up and then blocking them, those are the sites you saw". Even if this is somehow far-fetched but true, what I saw were not pop-up sites, they were the real deal. I'm still not dumb. I've called the bishop today to talk to him about what's going on. We have yet to schedule a meeting. I know my father is lying again to save himself. I can tell he's getting nervous because he called me demanding and apology and calling me a hypocrite, and and what's worse is my mother believes everything he says and is calling me a liar. I guess I'm just worried that, since my father hasn't been caught yet (he still goes to the temple and holds the priesthood) that this is not as frowned upon by the church as I thought it was. I don't know what else to do. Should I contact the parents of the boy scouts that he presides over? I know I wouldn't be comfortable with someone like that being alone with my son. I don't know. It really is tearing our family to pieces and no one believes me.
