Long story short..
I was a JW my whole life. I was disfellowshipped...although I was deemed repentant, they felt it would be good for me. I dealt with complete alienation and shunning. I gave up a couple times after months of trying to get reinstated. After that, my heart was hardened to anything spiritual.
I moved from Florida to Arizona for work. I eventually decided that I would go back to meetings and try to work through the process of reinstatement. I called a brother and he talked to me once, then I could never get hold of him again. I went by a Kingdom Hall (church) and left my number asking for a call. They did call but they treated me coldly and told me I should have stayed in the hall where I was disfellowshipped because now it was going to take a lot longer...conceivably 1 year or 2 of complete shunning and validation that you truly are a worthless sinner. The harshness and lack of love is something that has been a stumbling block.
So that's the history...here's what I'm confused about.
I was in the process of taking steps to ...and it pains me to say it...to hurt myself permanently. At that moment I received a text from a former friend who is a Mormon and we hadn't talked in weeks. But at that moment she contacted me. I set my plans aside and didn't tell her what happened.
That was the last I heard of her for hours and she said she was upset with me and didn't want to talk to me. It's a long story but we had a relationship that ended partly because she wanted to do the right thing and restore her standing in the LDS church, and I was beside myself in grief. So I'm on my hands and knees crying and begging God to please show me a sign that I mean something to him and that I can get through this. Keep in mind that I've lost every person I've ever known, including my family and now I've lost the one person that I ever loved the most. 10 seconds later after my prayer, my former gf who said she wouldn't talk to me hours earlier, she called me. When the phone rang, I was in shock. I felt so strongly that it was God answering my prayer. Was it that much of a cooincidence? But why her? Why a Mormon? Shouldn't the Witnesses be knocking on my door? I felt so strongly that God had listened to my prayer and brought me peace, but I didn't understand.
Since then it's been difficult and at one time months before I had registered to be visited by Mormon missionaries. They called me but since my Mormon gf had completely broken off our relationship, I didn't want to talk to anyone about anything. So I dodged their calls for a month. The last time they called was probably 3 or 4 weeks ago and I didn't answer.
So I'm completely distraught again not as bad as before, but really lonely and needing to find some answers about what I'm supposed to do with life and do I matter. I prayed intensely and asked God to show me what I'm supposed to do. Within about 20 minutes, I get a call from the Mormon missionaries. This time I said yes, please come visit. We talked for about an hour and they came back tonight and left me with a BOM that I'm going to read although I chose not to read it in the past.
I feel that God has answered my prayers specifically through the Mormons, but it goes against everything I've ever known and I'm confused more than ever.
There are things that Mormons believe that I find hard to justify. Things that don't seem right based on what I was taught and what I know about the Bible. HOWEVER, I find myself asking this question...when Jesus told his followers how they would identify the people that would have his blessing, he said that the hallmark would be love, not doctrine. The Mormons hands down are some of the most loving people I've met or seen. Their focus is on family and love and compassion from what I've seen. Whereas the Witnesses tend to be preoccupied with details of the law, adding additional laws and choosing judgement over love, which to me tends to lean towards the ways of the Pharisees. I don't know, I'm just trying to be objective here.
I'm not sure what else to say other than I'm trying to go with it with an open mind and not be preoccupied with doctrine, but rather to open my heart to the leading of God.
