mommywifevillain

the wife's comments are actually between the stars, because the color change and uppercase letters were taking too much time, so is this argument actually

even if people don't know you are talking about me, I know you are talking about me all over the internet to perfect strangers, and I don't appreciate it. I do however appreciate what one person replied... "There are two things about this situation that bother me. 1) the father's is described as being a flawless non-slacker. The mother, on the other hand, is described almost completely negatively. The lack of anything negative about him and anything positive about her makes me suspicious. 2) skilled communicators don't go to anonymous message boards to muster up support for their points of view. Putting together the tone with which the mother and father are described and the implied gender of your screen name, I'm afraid I have to conclude that you are the father in this instance. So far, I'm not too impressed. I don't care what you and your wife decide to do about this squabble. But it does appear that you need to do some serious work on your conflict management skills." __________________ ...and to ask perfect strangers who is right and who is wrong is inappropriate, especially when no one is right or wrong, we both have good points and good motives. Also to give a completely biased background portraying yourself as perfect and me as a perfect villain is very hurtful. Although there are a lot of true things about your statement, and a lot of great things you do (this is, afterall why I married you and love you) I deserve appreciation, and your comment shows that you have none for me. It is also, very wrong. let's investigate (my remarks are in a different color PLEASE NOTE THAT LOWER CASE IS FATHER'S ORIGINAL POST and UPPER CASE IS WIFE"S REBUTTLE A mother is leaving her two children (one of which is still breastfed) for four hours on a saturday to pursue a hobby. ***Previously she had no hobbies and her husband would give her a hard time when she would sit around, enjoying her few moments of peace, and told her she needed a hobby, so she took his advice and signed up for a one time class, that would require her to lave her two children (first time ever leaving the breast fed one, but has milk pumped in the freezer for dad to feed it). She purposely scheduled on a Saturday so her children would not have to be left with a babysitter. Also, cleared it with the husband before signing up, and told him her expectations before he agreed to stay home with the kids. It was made very clear that the wife did not want the parents to watch the kids, rather the dad, because he is perfectly capable, and if he feels the need to ask parents for help, then she would rather not take the class at all***. Because she doesn't believe her Husband understands what it's like to take care of his own children without help,***Or maybe it is because the husband tells her on a regular basis that she is lucky she gets to stay home and "play" all the time while he works. Implying there is no appreciation for all a mother does, because, afterall, it is all play (sarcasm) Maybe she wants him to know that she doesn't just play all the time***. she committed him to stay home and not leave the house at all ***Actually he was told he could leave the house, when he told her he had to leave them at his parents because he had errands to run, she said here is a novel idea, take the kids with you, because that is what I do every single day when I have errands, and I still manage to get them done)*** or associate with anyone who may provide some help watching the children. The husband has various responsibilities (work) requiring his attention on this particular weekend*** Work that is for yourself, not a boss ,you could schedule it any four hours out of this months free time, but all of a sudden have to schedule it during this particular four hours, which have been on the calendar for a month and a half*** as well as parents who are always asking to see their grandchildren ***And always do see their gandchildren, they were with them last Saturday for six hours, and see them at least every two weeks, quite often times once a week or more.*** The husband feels like it is a good idea to kill two birds with one stone by taking the children to his parent's house (allowing them to spend time together) while at the same time, tending to some of his work requirements ***killing the two birds on your list, not caring that a tired wife might like to come home to a clean house and two kids taking a nap, rather than having got nothing done around the house and the wife having to stop at in-laws after the class to feed the newborn, then still having to go home and put the kids down for a nap, which would be a late nap, which would make a late bedtime, rather than just giving her a much deserved break. Also, caring more about what is important to what your mom wants, rather than what your wife wants (and every man should know you don't ever pick your mom over your wife).*** Upon informing his wife of his plan, she immediately accuses him of disregarding her wishes ***correction, Immidiately calls him out on backing out of his word, that he promised, over a month ago, he wouldn't just ditch the kids with his mom*** and demands emphatically that he stay home and learn what it is like to watch the kids.*** you have watched the kids, you know what it is like. Maybe she wasn't demanding you learn what it is like, but you give her some credit for doing so much, and tell her she deserves a break and you would love to take care of the kids, clean up after them, and get them down for a nap, so she can enjoy her first afternoon off, in months.*** (Background: everyday after work the husband comes home and dutifully helps with the children without being asked. He regularly bathes, feeds, and puts the older child to bed with a book and a song, cleaning up the dishes ***when is the last time you did all the dishes. Yes you help, but don't imply you get all the credit, we both know that I do way more dishes, and even when you do "do the dishes" I still "finish"them, meaning the ones that needed to "soak" overnight, or didn't fit in the dishwasher. And I put the older child to bed at least half the time, and the younger one to bed 100% of the time. Yes you help out when you get home, I appreciate it, and love it, and that is one of the reasons I think you are a good father, and one of the reasons I can make it through the day, but you cannot take all the credit for that making yourself out to be heavensent and me to be a villain afterward*** - he's not a slacker when he is at home***true, I never said you were***). The young wife points out that the husband has never spent four straight hours alone with the newborn and needs this experience to appreciate what the wife has to deal with everyday*** or maybe he needs this experience for the pure sake of spending some time caring for and bonding with his new daughter. I pulled out the "I do it everyday" line because you say it is too hard to get something done if you are watching both of them and I get something, actually lots of things, done everyday while watching both of them, and I know you are a perfectly capable of doing the same. ***Husband plans on spending the majority of the time with the kids, but wants to provide them some time with the grandparents, ***that they are not even closed to deprived of, despite what your mother is always telling you***.allowing him to run some work ***(again self-employed work, not on the clock to a boss, wife told you she wouldn't mind if you run your errands when she gets home)*** related errands during this time. The proposed plan presented by the husband sparks an argument with the wife.***by the way, did you mention you were out of town for work for a week in september, you are leaving on Sunday to go out of town for work until Wednesday, and again going out of town for work twice in the next month? Yes, this proves that you work very hard to provide for our family, and you deserve a lot of credit for that. This also proves that the wife could use a four hour break before being on her own for days (which does make a difference, because she is used to you coming home and helping, and she greatly appreciates that) and the kids, who adore spending time with you, deserve some good time with you before you are gone for work again and they don't see you.*** Who should back down?***no one should back down, maybe both should just listen to what the other is trying to say. Your comments were enlightening to me, because in the heat of the argument I was too stubborn to hear it, and I hope mine are enlightening to you, because your inital posts implies that you did not actually listen to or hear anything I was trying to say. Just trying not to be a villain the mommy wife*** Please don't get mad at me. I plan on staying home and enjoying it. I want you to be happy.Really, you really want me to happy, because this forum business begs me to believe otherwise