topsyturvy

The thread you posted I've read but I had some differences/extra information within my story so I thought it was worth posting seperately. Oh, yes, Missionary Man is a specific individual. The problem is a universal problem, really, but he's the reason I started to really worry about it. And no, I think by twenty-five-ish a lot of people have crossed the line from 'I think I know everything, no wait I don't know anything' to 'hmm...I don't know anything but now I can learn things'...if that makes any sense.

I think part of my problem is that the only people that seem to really recognize I'm not some...well...moldy piece of bread are the people that are outside of my generation. If I were to put this question to Missionary Man - not using myself specifically, of course - I don't think he'd be so...accepting...? not because he's a bad person just because he's...ignorant? I guess, of real life.

I do know I'll be held accountable either way - it isn't so much that I don't want to be held accountable as it is... I don't want to have to give up some aspects of my life as-is. I feel like I should ask for forgiveness for the last eight years (more or less) all at once instead of nitpick, I guess.

You can either force yourself out of your shell - often painful - or you can find a friend that is loud and obnoxious for you. Not so loud as to make you want to become even quieter. Someone that will help you to be yourself in public and slowly you won't need him or her around to be who you are. Instead of forcing yourself out of your shell, this friend helps to coax you out without the trial by fire.

Just remember - beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes talking to someone on the internet will help your chances if you've got more to love because your suitors get a chance to know what your personality looks like first. However, you also have the disadvantage of not being able to glow for him with the Holy Spirit, like someone else mentioned above. Just, basically, don't lose hope. =)

I have made a mess of myself since joining the Church (I was raised in the Church, we fell away, I found it again around twelve and in the eight years since have made several bad choices). I know I believe in the Gospel and His Teachings but I have a hard time recommitting myself, partially because I like to drink coffee and partially because I don't know if I want to be held accountable for my actions. I have had feelings for a young man from my home branch for something like three or four years now. He is a very devout member - he's entering his second year of his mission, attended BYU beforehand with plans to return to it, comes from a very spiritual family. We've never had more than a friendship for a few different reasons but I feel like, after he returns from his mission, a possibility might be there. I'm worried, though, that no matter how frequently I become, I forgiven I get, how temple-ready I make myself, et cetera I won't be...good enough? There was a lesson a couple years ago in my Young Womens' class. Our teacher passed around a slice of bread and had everyone touch it, hold it, et cetera. Then, when it had gone all the way around the room, she asked if anyone wanted to eat it. This was a lesson on promiscuity and/or premarital sex. This has been discussed in another thread a little but I wanted an opinion on my story. I was...violated more than once in my younger years and instead of dealing with it in an appropriate way, I let it eat at me and I took a much different path. I fear I have broken the law of chastity beyond repair and that this Missionary Man would be a fool to care for me no matter how I repent and change. I guess the real question is; do you think anyone would ever want to eat that slice of bread?