utahgua
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Posts posted by utahgua
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Hello there... things just got worse... she didn't open her heart or ears... this is over. I am giving up, but thank you anyways.
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Hello, as some of you already know, it has been about 6 months since we started this divorce thing with my wife. It has been a challenging situation to everyone. We have been thru discovery, repentance, and forgiveness process. None of us has done anything that has violated our covenants. We still hold temple recommends, but ultimately my wife decided that there is no more in her for me and that she wants the divorce no matter what. As a father and still patriarch of my family, I can feel the devastating effects this decision will bring to all of us, specially our children ages 15, 13, 11 and 9. As I visit them quite often I noticed that they seem to be ok. I little sad only, but apparently they are ok. Well, because my wife didn't want to stay in the house I have to be back to it in a couple of weeks and I contacted a previous bishop to help me find people to rent part of my house. While telling him what was going on, he invited me to talk to our previous stake president whom we (me and my wife) have in high esteem. So I visited him yesterday and after I told him what has been going on he looked at me and asked me: "do you love your wife?" to what I answered "of course I do love her, and my children, and I wish this was not happening, but at this point I have done everything I can to avoid this, I deliver the signed papers to her last thursday and she gave them back to the lawyer the very next day". Then he continued: "Divorce is not the answer right here..." then he paused again... then he said ".. I can see that the consequences of this will be devastating for your wife, for you and specially for your children, you think they are ok now (nodding his head) but they are not and the consequences can't be seen right now... it will take time for those to come, and specially there will be eternal consequences... Well brother, I know you and you family, I am not your stake president any more but as a friend and because I love you and your family, I want to ask you to try one last time... I feel this very strongly thru the spirit. Go back to your wife once again and tell her that you did talk to me and that I asked you to do this... tell her how much you love her, tell her that you are willing to do whatever it takes to fix your marriage... remind her what president Kimball once said ... don't ask to marry the one you love, ask to love the one you married... Love can be grown again... tell her what I told you about the consequences... and let her know that I would like to talk to her or both together about this..."
"brother, can you do this?, now if she still doesn't want to give a last try, then you will be free of guilt and you will not say that you did everything you could to save your marriage. Look for the spirit and the power of the priesthood for this conversation".
Now, this is quite a challenge for me, as I have been working in feeling better about this, in accepting my wife's decision, but here is this great man of God asking me to do this one more time. I am afraid of the rejection and how she will react but I still feel I have to give it a last try. I strongly believe what we have been thru is not a call for a divorce and specially I know that the enemy came between us and try to destroy us.
So here I am asking you, requesting your prayers for me, to have the spirit with me and that the Lord will place the right words in my mouth, for my wife, so she can soften her heart and that she can feel the spirit... the same I have felt all along the way regarding this and that she can make a wise decision... and for our children, so that what is best for them will be the answer.
Tomorrow I will be all day long at the temple, fasting and praying for His help and His will and then at the end of the day I will go visit my wife to do this. I am really going to do all that I can to have the spirit with me so the Lord can make a miracle.
Please pray for us... we are THE SOTO FAMILY
Thank you in advance to all of you for doing this for us.
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Well, I can not tell she is crazy, I never said that, I know she made all this in her mind but that doesn't mean she acts weird or that our children will be in danger by staying with her. She is a good woman. She is a great mother and she is wonderful wife... it is just that she doesn't want to be MY wife any more.
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hi, the reason I am not fighting the children is because mothers are way better and I believe for nature they are more nurturing and caring about the children. I believe we as men lack many of the qualities that mothers have by nature.
My wife is doing fine... she is still in my house and I think she is still not felling the hardship as I am still supporting her as a wife... she has a debit card that she can use for food, gas or anything else she may need daily, but soon we will have to close this account and she will move on to her apartment. Emotionally I have no idea how is she doing, maybe at the same time I will have to stop loving her as a wife she will have to stop the feelings for the other impossible man. She seems to be ok and confident of what the future will bring her. Hopefully she will realize her mistake, but oh well, you are right; I have to move on.
By the way I don't know what STBX stands for.
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I am not fighting to keep my kids, in fact I believe she will do better caring for them... of course I will always be there for them and visitation has been agreed... I just got the final paperwork and everything it's fine now (there was a previous draft that we had to make changes on) and I will sign and deliver the papers to her. I don't want to have anything to do with her decision so she can do whatever she wants with the papers. I will sign them a deliver tomorrow. This is now only in our Lord hands and will. He knows what is best for all and in Him I am trusting.
Note to all: I did my wrongs in the past and don't blame her in everything, but I don't think divorce was necessary.
Thank you all!
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The person who was writing the emails we don't know who that is. She thought it was this friend of us whom we knew he is married and have children but somehow whe thought that he was alone and getting divorce... I dont know... stupidity.
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Hi, maybe some of you have know about my story before, but in short, my wife of almost 16 years had an emotional affair with someone who was sending her emails in an anonymous way. This started last november and she told me and she also thought that it was a friend of us who had moved to another state about 7 months before... I told her I didn't believe it was him... she later confessed that she didn't love me any more and that she had some feelings for this guy. I got upset and we argued... we had some weeks of me leaving, she asking me to leave, coming back... well, at the end, she finally decided we where going to get divorced... one day she left the computer open with a file that seemed like a journal of what she was going thru, in which she described very strong feelings for the guy, like being the love of her life, but she was only writing it for herself or to let him know in the future... it was not a letter for him. I was totally surprised and confronted her... our fights escalated... But then I remembered that at some time I also had my problems with pornography and confessed to her... anyways, this was going on and on... finally I left the house two months ago. I contacted the guy and his wife, like nothing was happening and they reacted the same way... they are just the happy couple I remember... so one day, almost two weeks ago, his wife called me and told me that she found some recent emails sent from my wife to him, telling him about her feelings and requesting and answer as what he planed to do. Asking him also what was his situation with his wife. He responded to the emails letting her know that he never contacted her, that he didn't have any feelings for her and that he never did anything whatsoever for her to have developed feelings for him. he also asked her to please erase any feelings in her heart for him and to turn over to me (her husband) and her family and leave him alone. he also said he will never leave his wife or do anything to destroy his family and she needed to do the same. This was in some emails his wife sent to me. I knew it wasn't him who was writing to my wife from the beginning but she didn't want to believe me, now so many months have passed before this came clear, my wife is very upset, and after she had to apologize to our friend's wife (who used to be her friend) she called me and asked me what we spoke (him, his wife and me) and I told her only the basic... but the guy's wife sent me the emails and I know all now... anyways, I am not mad, I knew already about her feelings, I have always wanted to fix our marriage, but she says that still she wants the divorce and that all men are a waste and even if she will not marry ever again she will not be back with me and divorce is still a MUST and I should not have any hopes to have her back, the feelings for the other guy where not the main reason for her decision according to her. I can tell that she was dreaming about going to this guy some day, she even thought that he was alone... but now, she is to be alone and swallow her feelings, she is taking my 4 kids with her and against every leader and even her relatives advice she is moving on with the divorce. I can not believe it... Is she having a mental problem?, a middle age crisis? or is she just too proud to come back to me... seriously, I have not done anything to deserve this, I have treat her nice and with respect all of our life... some misunderstandings here and there but that's it... now she is going to live in a 2 bedroom apartment with my four children, finishing school (still like 2 1/2 years nursing school) she is working at the DI and her child support is not even 900 a month...
I really don't want this to happen... I miss her, my children, I miss my home... life is not the same without them and I wish there was a way to stop her, but nothing else seems to matter to her but to get rid of me.
What do you people think?
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If she is for you, she will be there when you comeback. Many things change in those 2 wonderful years of our lives... Everything turns out to the good when you serve the Lord.
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the greatest thing I can see in you is love... I am also having serious problems with my wife now and this because we started to have them by november... after all this time, I finally came to the conclusion that if I wanted to save my marriage I had to confess my years of addiction to pornography and M to the bishop and the he asked me to talk to my wife... I did, and it was really hard specially now that we have been at the edge of divorce...not because I want to divorce, in fact, I realized myself I had to quit the habit (which was not too often) in order to save myself and possible to save my marriage... and I did last year in february, but now that I told her my wife will not trust me, she would not believe this is all that I have done... She wants the divorce, but somehow she is afraid and wants to be safe... I hope is the spirit making her wait while her heart gets healed... but then I read about sisters like you, that are so devoted to their husbands and want to help, that I wonder how comes my wife is not like that...? well I cant hope for more as she is very, very upset, Hopefully she will forgive me... I quit my problem... doing all that I can to save my marriage... I love her, but her love and trust in me is all gone. You are only 28, you will find someone to love you... you deserve better. If The Lord wants you to forgive your husband He will let you know and He will help you, but you need his help... In your situation I believe also that you have the right to make your own decision as he has gone too far and he doesn't love you any more and wants to divorce, only the Lord will make him change... just like my wife, only The Lord will help her forgive me and stop the divorce...
Some of you sisters here, I can't help but to admire for your commitment...
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I am member since I was 18, I have almost 16 years of marriage and we are in the verge to divorce because of the same thing. For you to post here it tells me you still have love for your husband, and I am sorry for what is happening... I had the same problem for about 5 years... I used to see stuff and then M, I used to do it every 2 or 3 months... sometimes when I feel sad or rejected from my wife... anyway... I came to the conclusion last year that I had to stop it, I knew I had hurt my wife so much, she never caught me, but deep in her soul she could feel something was wrong with me... we men are afraid to tell the truth, so I quitted last february, but knowing the damage I have done, I prayed if I was not worthy of my wife anymore, to let this end (our marriage, her love), so I stopped and time went by, I thought I had been forgiven, but I never confessed. My wife started to have and emotional affair in the internet last october, she lost her love for me and develop a love for another guy... she confessed, I treated her so bad for it, because she wanted to divorce... apparently she even thought about finishing the marriage to go after this other guy, since then I have been trying to keep her with me and convince her that we had to stay together... but then last week I remembered my own long time sins... I would think "but i already repented, I have been forgiven, I quitted"... but sister, I came to the conclusion that If I really wanted to get my wife back I had to confess... so I went to my bishop and confessed all... including one more slip last december in the middle of or problems... Bishop asked me to confess to my wife... I was terrified because not only she doesn't love me the same any more, but also she was the one asking for the divorce, but then this, having to confess this... so sister, I did confess my to my wife last monday and she reacted so mature... she said she knew... now she is more sure to get the divorce going and I believe she only needs some courage to take the step... I am left with no arguments, she deserves better and I have to accept her decision... Only the Lord can give some of her mercy for me to her. You are very special daughters of H F... He loves you dearly and any obscure thing about your husbands will be brought to light sooner or later. It is hard for us men to master our drive... it is possible yes, but it requires determination and recognize how bad what we are doing it is. I am so sorry for my wife, for what I did to her, for my kids... it is a horrible thing... I regret it with all my heart but I am also willing to accept the consequences, and now more than ever I have to be strong. I am starting my own gethsemani now and my dear wife can decide whatever she wants. Somehow I feel like I took a ton out of my back... I am just glad that I finally did confess to her, just because the Lord asked me to do so. I am not worthy of her sacred body, I am not worthy of her love... I can only hope for the love of my HF and the mercy of my Lord.
I am sorry you are hurt too... like my wife... just follow the Lord's advice... I am surprised how many of us brethren have fallen into this... I wonder how many are still hiding it (I am not judging) but the consequences are really devastating... so I foresee more broken harts and families... Bless the beautiful daughters of heavenly father...
Feel Feeling guilty wanting a divorce (never was in love)
in Marriage and Relationship Advice
Posted · Edited by utahgua
Mmmm... I am glad I am not in your shoes... but le t me tell you... I had a divorce last year, this after many times of arguing and pleading to my ex wife of many years to don't do it. She told me that she didn't love me any more... that the love was gone... it did really hurt me and my family broke in two... Actually it is not that fair, because now she lives with my children and I just have to find ways to see them every now and then, so it is not even. We did attempt to try therapy, but she had already set her mind. Apparently something else happened; something flashed in her eyes, something came around that distracted her too. If she was telling the truth about not loving me for a while then she was a very good liar, specially in our intimate moments, because up to the moment she decided to tell me, she changed completely. I can not judge her, I did my mistakes too, but there was a time when I felt like love was going away, my love for her, but I thought that it wasn't good to feel that way so as some sugested before me, I prayed and prayed for love for my wife and this I cna tell you, it did work... it flourished. I did love her with all my heart. I still love her, but as a man I had to let go and face the divorce with honor. My children... they are the greatest loosers, As I come from a divorced family I know why I am telling you this. It is worth to ask HF for the love to come back, but your husband also needs to know what is going on... if someone else is involved in all this and also and if this is not only a fantasy in your head. If your husband knows and he wants to save the marriage, I am sure he will try to fix whatever he can to help. If nothing else works, just do what you feel it is ok for you, your children and heavenly father. Almost 50% or married couples end up in divorce anyways. Please attend a divorce class so you can understand the consecuences of what you are about to do. Try divorcecare.org