(**Mom and Dad are snoops, and regularly review internet history of all our children. Dad has added a few comments to correct what he sees as misinformation Moderator: if it is against forum rules for parents to hijack their kids posts, then please delete this post. **) I really NEED ADVICE!!! I apologize if I offend any of you. I am not cursing or anything just lot of CAPS and this may make you feel uneasy because this is probably unusual. But I REALLY need your help!!!! I am not being emo or over-emotional I am SERIOUS! (**Dad: sorry my son felt like he had to air his dirty laundry publicly, at least it is anonymous. For some context, he was grounded from facebook for a day and was probably pretty upset when he wrote this. The reason for the grounding is because he tried to circumvent our parental Internet security controls. **) If you are happy being mormon, please do not be judgmental and hate me or be hostile or accuse me of being a sinner because i'm not! just help me out! I do not want to shake your "Testimonies." I do not think this will, I am not trying to. But I really REALLY need help!!!!!!! Here is a short intro; I am sorry that I am posting it here, but I want you to know about me when you read this message so it will make more sense: Probably like many of you I was born into the covenant in the Mormon Church. I am only going to say this once: I am not perfect and I could have made a huge mistake as you will discover in my message and yadda yadda yadda, please do not judge me. I could be wrong but I do not think I am wrong and I will stand up for what I believe in. But I feel I am just fine and I am doing what is right for trying to stand up for what i believe in. I feel I am doing what is morally right. My religious views probably differ from everyone here, obviously this is a mormon board. I am mormon too, but well.... keep reading and you'll find out. My whole family is Mormon, excluding my Father, who is an agnostic who is no longer mormon. He has been called a "Closet Exmormon" for not avoiding the church and not taking me out of the church. As I said earlier I am a teenager. My mother is a VERY VERY strong church member and very controlling. (**Dad: I have never heard the term "closet exmormon" before. That's a new one for me. I can understand why someone would want to label me that way, but I feel it is an inaccurate description. I go on scout outings often with my boys. I don't run around proclaiming "I'm not LDS!" I just tell the leaders that need to know, and anyone else that asks. I don't think his mother is "very controlling" at all. **) She forces me to attend church, mutual, to keep the church's standards, fake being a mormon, fake believing to be a good example, making me do seminary, accomplish and do everything that a normal mormon teenager would do. (** Dad: Both Mom and Dad both feel strongly that our kids should socialize with good people. We are in a highly LDS populated area. I felt that kicking my son off the computer once a week to go to mutual would be good for him socially because he is very shy **). And if I DONT, I AM GROUNDED [sorry caps] or extremely in trouble and get almost everything taken away. (** Dad: He has never put up much of a fight about going to mutual before. He did say once to my wife: "Can't you just ground me so I don't have to go". She then replied something like: "I would like you to go please." and they he went with out a "scene" To date, he has NEVER been grounded for not going to mutual, nor has his parents ever had to threaten him with being grounded over mutual. **) Sounds like a good mother right? Well... the only problem is not only do I EXTREMELY not want to be there, I DO NOT BELIEVE!! [sorry caps] (** Dad: He has a timid personality. I know he doesn't like going to mutual, but he doesn't put up much resistance. He's really a well behaved son mostly does what he is asked. I told him he is welcome to find an alternative weekly social activity that involves real people (not cyber chatting). So far he has presented no proposals. **) I am forced to fake being a mormon and I hate living a lie and this is not who I really am. (** Dad: I can relate to this. It has been difficult for my wife and I do decide the best course. Currently our consensus is that when he is an adult, he is free to decide what to believe. My argument to him is: "How do you know you aren't LDS? you haven't finished learning what they believe **). I'd prefer not to say why I left because as I said before I do not want to shake testimonies of any mormons happy in mormonism. (** Dad: I'm glad he listened to my advice. I've told him that attacking someone's beliefs can be very hurtful and to always be civil and respectful to other's believe. Good job son **) I am a teenager and am stuck, imprisoned in your church [hence the username] until I am out of the house, my mom has even said to me I can't stop attending/being mormon as long as I live here. (** Dad: again, young padawan, once you have completed your training, you may choose to believe how you wish **) But I dislike mormonism a lot [i am sorry but i do, I would prefer not to mention why because i do not want to shake anyone's testimony. Message me if you want to know why I feel mormonism is not true and why I hate it or things I have done against it] I still believe in being a good person like im cool with the church standards, just am not believing in mormonism anymore and want to meet people other than judgmental stuck-up mormon kids my age [which I'm not saying you are or any of your children, but they are here at least] I am tired of being hated for being different by mormon kids in my area and I hate it that non-mormons hate me for being mormon, when im not liked by either side!! I do not cuss or anything, i just am a different person, i can get along with nonmormons pretty well, but if they find out im mormon they treat me like im a freak! But I have to pretend to be mormon or the mormons I have to hang out with all the time like in church and seminary and mutual and etc. [24/7ish] will hate me if I am not a good mormon! Like Recently I was asked to bless the food I just said "Someone else say it please" and I got grounded and my brother told my mormon friend about it and he was really mad at me and in my face for it, I told him I did not believe and he hates me now and well now every mormon hates me if I do not believe or do everything I am supposed to do as a mormon because if I don't i am "of the devil" or "evil" [and I actually have been called this by some mormons :\] (**Dad: Unfortunately, the above is not true. He was not grounded for not blessing the food. After politely declining, my wife nicely asked his sister to pray instead and that was the end of it. There was no recrimination at all, not even a dirty look. **). So the mormons already treat me like a freak so I'd rather not be mormon and be with people who accept me!!! (**Dad: I believe this is an exaggeration. The boys in mutual are actually very nice. There is no "freak" treatment that I have ever observed. **) But I am stuck, I have talked to my Dad who is agnostic and nonbelieving inactive mormon as i said earlier, but he will not stop me from being in mormonism, he just said your mom will get violent and it will make her happy if you deal with it and I promised her we would raise you in Mormonism and he said that there are no good people outside of mormonism. (**Dad: whoa the above sentence is so inaccurate either he sorely misunderstood our talk, or is again exaggerating (as teens often do). He gets his timidness from my wife. I unfortunately I did tell him once that his mother is "violently" opposed to him dropping out of seminary. I should have said vehemently, it was a poor choice of words. I was trying to descriptively tell him that "mom just won't go for that right now." My wife is very kind and soft-hearted, she rarely even gets angry. I know she was very hurt to read this fictitious depiction of her. I did tell him that I agreed with his mother that the kids would be raised in the church, that part is true. Agnostics like me don't have much else to offer. "No good people outside of mormonism" what!? I just told him that as a generalization, LDS folks are good people and especially good neighbors. I don't know why he thinks I said the opposite. **) I think its that he just doesn't want to be divorced because my mom threatened him with divorce when he admitted that he did not believe and went inactive. (** Dad: more exaggeration: My wife and I have a very happy marriage. We love each other and our kids and maybe spoil them too much. There is no divorce threat. **) My mom is being very controlling and I really need advice... (** Dad: he says controlling mother, I say loving and concerned mother **) Please reply or message me... I really do not want to live a lie and be forced to be a mormon. I told my seminary about this situation and it amazed me because he just laughed at me!! and told me I was wrong and made fun of me for my beliefs!! [i am a Humanitarian :) which means i am not theist and do not believe in a deity] (**Dad: I doubt this even happened. He has made up stories like this before. We will still investigate. I have noticed that he likes to be dramatic sometimes. **) Please help me, is there anyway I can get out of Mormonism!? My parents will not let me resign obviously, I am serious about this!!! I will do something to get excommunicated and thoughts of ending my life keep coming. I SERIOUSLY would go through that then live like this!!! (** Dad: his life is not a hard one. We do alright financially. He has his own Gameboy, DS-lite, Xbox360, his own high-end computer, and packed a 6 foot tall book shelves full of every computer game he can think of. He loves his electric guitar he got for his birthday. He shares a Wii and PS2 with his other siblings. I play Dungeons and Dragons with him every month along with him brother and friends and he loves it, and we have fun together. I spend individual time with him too. When I think he needs attention, I'll take him out to lunch, or to the movies, and then talk afterwards. In fact, he and I hung out 2 days ago for 3 hours, he seemed happy and enjoyed himself. Unfortunately this is not the first time he posted online that he wants to kill himself. We take this very seriously and I have offered in the past to take him to a psychiatrist. When confronted, he has said that he was just saying it to get a reaction. He was very insistent that he did not want to commit suicide. He was very clear that he does not want to see a psychiatrist. As I said before he can be very dramatic when he posts anonymously. **) I'd resign but my parents won't me and I am underage and I am forced to be a mormon and it'd ruin my social life because almost everyone here is mormon like literally not all mormon, but close. (** Dad: I need to have him watch Braveheart with me. No one can force you to be what you don't want to be son. We will definitely be talking about this tomorrow with you **). What do I do? Advice? Please (** Dad's Advice: Try to focus at the positive things in life instead of the negative. If you don't believe, then try to look at it academically so you can have a understanding of what you don't want to believe. If you still just can't do it, then we'll talk and negotiate some other strategy of life to give you the best chance of becoming the great man that you are destined to be. We love you very much, and sorry if you are embarrassed about the post hijack (your parents are a little embarrassed also). You already know we review all your online activity, so perhaps this post was really for us? **)
