I am 29 and have been married for 5.5 years. I have a 2 year old and I am 14 weeks pregnant currently. Dated my husband for a year before getting married. He was raised LDS and I attended church while growing up but didn't get baptized until 6 years ago. I'll admit I missed some red flags while we were dating because I was naive. Husband told me he use to be a drug addict but he had been clean and he was attending church and wanted to get married in the temple.
We had a civil marriage because it was too early for me to go to the temple. Things changed really quickly after we got married. He started smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol and has been smoking weed off and on. I never realized what it really meant to be an addict and what the warning signs were.
We went to marriage counseling twice since we have been married. First time didn't help. The second time we went to LDS Services and I thought things went great but my husband dislikes counseling. I had already graduated with my Masters degree before we got married so I worked full-time and put my husband through school. He recently graduated with his Bachelors.
We recently moved to new town and I was hoping this would be a fresh start for both of us. But I now realize nothing ever changes. He wants to be able to drink alcohol occasionally and he still smokes cigarettes and he denies that he smokes weed. Honestly I don't trust anything he tells me. I work full-time and he currently stays at home with our toddler. He is suppose to be looking for a job but honestly I don't think he has even looked for months.
When he isn't using any type of substance he is a really great guy. He was never much of a talker but we got along really well. I feel like I don't know who I am married too. I wanted to get a divorce and he wants to be married. I want to go to the temple and get my endowments. He wants to keep drinking and partying and stay out with his friends. And he doesn't see a problem with it.
Basically I am staying for the kids. He has no desire to be active in the church or go to the temple. I've decided I'll take my toddler and go to church without him. He doesn't want to change and he doesn't see that he has a problem. I really don't want to work things out because I am tired, exhausted and heartbroken and feel like I have exhausted all my options.
My last bishop told me to wait to get my endowments until my husband was ready even if it I am 50+ years old. I have lost hope that things will turn around. Basically I feel lost/numb because I feel stuck and not emotionally ready to do anything drastic like file for divorce but I am not happy with where I am now. I feel alone and like I have no one to talk to because I feel so embarassed about the situation I am in.
I am glad that I found this forum and have somewhere to vent.
