alla

"About your abusive relationship with your husband - first you said he slapped you once - so I didn't get there was abuse. Then now you're saying he punches you. I don't know what to believe - but it doesn't matter - YOU KNOW if there is abuse or not. YOU KNOW your husband. When there is abuse - SEEK HELP." I want to answer on this. My husband weight is around 120 kg , height 1,90 m. My weight is around 49 kg. A slap from a man of that kind of proportions can really be a punch for me. Dont you think so??? and in any case is unacceptable. Nobody is prefect , but you justified his gesture too much. And another thing : the step son lived till this age with his natural mother and grandmother. When he was small and I was only my husband's girlfriend I even helped him to fight for the custody of his son. My point was: he accepted to bring him in the country we reside , knowing perfectly well situation and not even having a plan, an idea how to get any job. He just relied on me.Promissing me taht the siatuation will change very soon and it wasnt that way. he promisses so many thing but i reallity I get nothing ONLY desilusions.Hope y can understand better now through what I am going through!?

Dear Gwen and Michael Graig i felt much more better after reading your posts. I will be praying harder so God can guide me and help me. In this our struggle ,I think if my husband could try more:like studying the language of the country we reside right now, to be more dynamic and agressive in looking for a job.It might help and allow him to get better results. But at the moment he is always waiting for me to talk, to ask, to get connections. In my eyes he is loosing the image of the man I married. the one who was ready to be a provider, a protector .... the way he was before moving abroad and asking me and our son to join. In any case I will keep praying that the frustrations and the resentments I feel right now will minimise so I can come back on track to be the nice, cheerful person I was before. I will try to save my marriage despite all these mess. The step son knows that I don’t have anything personal with him, but with the situation. He said once: ”if my biological mum would find herself in this particular situation, she can never resist one day and would separate from my father right away.”” For me it was a sign of admiration and I felt good that moment. It just gave me more courage and motivation to continue to push the train . Thank you so much all for letting me know that I am not alone in this crucial moment of my lifetime , here on earth. Thank you and God bless you all!!!!!

I am sorry for my mistakes in english, but at the moment i just lost my sanity

Anatess, I would defenitely feel diffrent. But the problem is not in switching roles. that one wasn't even disturbing me before and is not disturbing me now. The problem get complicated when his son arrived. He never asked me : "sweetheart are you ready add to your burdunand responsability another one ??? are you ready to pay his school fees and books, are you ready to be a mother for thim , when the diffrence between me and the step son is only 14 yers. are you ready to confront the world outside, when they are saying and thinking that the step son and me are the mother and the father of our own son? are you ready to sacrifice the small money which remain after the bill and rent is paid for him?are you ready to continue like for how long????? No that kind of discussion never took place . It was just give me money for his ticket, for his health problem, for his books , EVEN 100Euro for his birthday. But my small need as a WOMAN to go to hairdresser should be ignored. i never have time to go to doctor for a check up because I have to go to work and not to loose my work in order to sustaine the family. I can not talk about my feelings because the points I raise is not convinient for him . He is stressed and the discussion has to be finished with feasts into my mouth and head, slaps etc. I can not live like this. I am constantly afraid , I am hiding and pretending at work, with my parents . How much I will be hiding him??? I was always a good child and a good teenager, i was a brilliant student , I graduated my master having a scholarship. i am speaking 6 foreign languages. I never messed with my life and the life of others. But i decided to marry a man who has a lot of past and I think I dont deserve this. In this situation, for mentaining the peace in the house. I just dont talk thing what is not pleasing him. Giving the impression that everything is fine. In this moment I have a parallel life . I start smoking , which I never did in my life. I am breaking the covenant with God which i took at my baptisime. I am feeling terrible , BUT I am ONLY A HUMAN and especially I am a woman.And I want to feel like a womanand not like a man who is pushing a train!

Originally Posted by anatess Alla, this is what I'm trying to say. Just because you are a woman and he is a man doesn't mean that he gets to work and you don't. That's why I asked you - would you feel different if you were not working and he was? If you think that's ok, then why is it not ok the other way around if it so happened that he can't find a job and you can? Switch roles. Let him take care of the children and the house and you get to bring home the bacon

I am not mistreating his son.I can understand that even for him is not easy. We are having a very good communicatioan and he is confessing me more thing than to his own father. The only thing I accumulated too much inside me and now I am at a boiling point. I think my husband is not doing enough to get a job. That's all. I am sure that my way of thinking is selfish, but i have only one life and i think for 2 years I had tried enough. it was enough time for my husband to get at least something doing. he has not only one child he has 2 now. If for the first one he has contributed at least something , for our own son he never gave a penny. So all these is just unfair to me. i just think I have done the biggest mistake of my life.I am in depression and I do not know what to do. I hope you can understand my point

Bini thank you very much. you have understood a part of my problem. raising the hand on me was unacceptable. What makes me more crazy the fact that his own son from a previous relationship is in our house and I am not ready to sacrifice the most beautiful years of my life on teenage problems. My own son is still young and i am not ready psychologically to be a mother of a teenager. I think the gesture of my husband to bring his teenage son , without having a job or at least a hope of getting a job was veru unfair towards me. To put all the mistakes of his past everything on my shoulders

Hello everybody I need urgent an advise I dont even know from where to start but the present state of my marriage is getting me out of field. For more than 4 years my husband is not having a job. He says he is looking hard to find something, but due to the crisis he is still unemployed. we've been married for 7 yrs, together for almost 10, having together a son of 7 years old. For almost 2 years his son of 17 yrs, from a previous relationship has joined us, despite the financial difficulty we have been going through. Initially I accepted the situation because the step son was out of control and his natural mother was disperate. Being a mormon I thought I am doing a right christian thing. So the expenses become bigger. I was and still sacrificing everything , even my own smallest pleasure like going to hairdresser. During these 2 years my husband never brought a penny. He is stressed , I can see that , but I am very exhausted and tired of this kind of life. I think is not fair towards me. I have tried to talk to him about my feelings but we are always ending fighting and few times he even slapped me. All these make me to think about my marriage. I have no happiness returning home from work I am doing it only because my own child needs me and needs his father. Very often dark thoughts of separation are passing through my mind. I am very confused and tired. I am losing my sensibility as a mother and as a woman in general . I am feeling like working like a dog and not having no pleasure, having only obligations. What would you do in my situation????