naturegrl94

I appreciate you clarifying, Gwen. Thanks.

It is my hope that you mean well by this comment. One should never, ever compare a woman who left a toxic, abusive relationship after her children were grown and out of the house, to a child molester. You may have believed that to be a useful analogy, but it is just plain hurtful.

Thanks all for the replies. I think there may have been a few misunderstandings on here though. I have always believed my brother is just doing the best he can with what is a difficult situation for all involved. Although he may make decisions I don't understand or agree with, I love him and always will. My initial question was, more or less, is whether there is an anything "active" (beyond praying, fasting, etc.) I can do to bring this splintered family together, even a little. It's hard to see the people I love estranged from one another. Several of you have offered some really good, insightful ideas, and I thank you. I guess it would just be nice to believe that things will get better with time and the Lord's help.

I know what you mean. I try to remind myself that while we must be worthy to go to the temple, we are not required to be perfect to enter. I'm sure you would agree that a worthy reason to go to the temple is sometimes to overcome struggles we have, and I'm sure that for some, those struggles may include some hard feelings they are working to resolve. In my brother's case, I think I would feel better about everything if I could just believe that he knows he has a problem with forgiveness and wants to work to resolve it. But, of course, that isn't very Christlike of me to make such a judgment because for all I know, perhaps he has. It's between him and the Lord, and I must mind my own business. It would just be so nice if I could wave a magic wand and fix it all.

Yes, absolutely. Agreed.

Thanks, ryanh. Some really good points there that I will definitely heed. As you mentioned, I have had concerns of whether or not my younger brother is really ready to enter the temple with these hard feelings but have dared not mention them because he gets so upset. He told me awhile back that "he's just not ready to forgive yet" but acknowledges the commandment that we all must. I will be mindful in future conversations with him to make sure I really listen to him and that I don't try to push my thoughts onto him. Thanks again.

Some good things to take into consideration, Gwen. Thanks very much for your input.

Hmm. . . that is an idea I hadn't thought of. Since I only met her once and don't know her last name (don't have her email, phone number, or any other contact information), it will take some doing to try to figure out how talk to her about this. I feel like I should probably establish some type of relationship with her first because just going into this - otherwise, I'm sure she would find it strange that I was contacting her only for this, and my brother would get really mad (which wouldn't help). But, that's a good idea. I think I'll pray for some opportunities to get to know her somehow/some way before the wedding. Perhaps I could talk to my brother and let him know I'd like to get to know her better and would like to start with an email correspondence thing or something and go from there??

Hi anatess, Thanks for that. The future sis-in-law is only 19. Unfortunately, I live on the opposite end of the country (assigned here with my work) and have only met her once, very briefly at a family member's funeral. Due to the nature of things with the family, I do not even know her last name. She seemed like a very nice girl, just very young, and it was very clear she only knew what my brother was telling her. I never had an opportunity to talk to her alone and was only able to tell her that we had been raised by a loving mother.

Hi all, I've never posted anything like this before, but I have a rather delicate situation that I just can't go to family about (like I normally would). In sum, my youngest brother is getting married in the temple in June, and it doesn't sound like he's planning on inviting our mother to the sealing, to stand in the reception line with the rest of the family, or even to attend the reception later that evening. As the big sister, I just want to make everything better, and I just don't know how to in this situation. Since, of course, the situation is not that simple, here is the background, as short as I can make it. Our parents were married about 40 years and got divorced, after being separated about 2.5 years, this past Fall. Our mother remarried a very loving, LDS man ("Richard") a few months later. Although our mother was verbally and emotionally abused by our father for a very long time, both of my brothers feel that our mother should have given our father another chance after she left him. Both of them, but especially the youngest brother, have taken the the divorce and especially the remarriage very hard. Our mother wanted the divorce for a long time, as the her marriage to my father was not a happy one and was filled with a lot of fighting. But, because she was worried how it would impact us children, she waited until all of us were grown and out of the house to leave. Our mother, myself, and both of my brothers are active in the church. The thing my brothers find hard to forgive of our mother is that she met Richard prior to the divorce with our father being final. She met Richard at church after having been separated from our father about 2 years, so it's not like Richard was the cause of the breakdown of our parents' marriage, and she certainly wasn't looking for a new man. She simply met him at church. By the time our mother met Richard, he had been single for many years. But, understandably my brothers are having a really hard time. My mother has since taken care of any wrongdoing in meeting and getting to know Richard (prior to the divorce being final) with her bishop. She holds a current temple recommend, and her bishop finds her worthy to go to the temple. But, my brothers, especially the youngest, cannot forgive her for leaving our father. My father has told us all several times that our mother "left the family," not just him when she chose to go, and I know my youngest brother feels abandoned. I really believe my father has turned my brother against our mother. My mother has done everything she can think of to re-establish ties with both of my brothers (letters, phone calls, emails, visits), and the youngest will not have anything to do with her. Since I still have a relationship with all of my family members, I have tried on a number of occasions to intervene and try to help things out, but I feel I only make things worse. Prior to my mother leaving, she and my youngest brother had a very good mother and son relationship. So, it just breaks my heart that things have come to this. I realize that it's my brother's marriage, and his choice, as to who he wants to invite to be at the sealing and later, at the reception. But, gosh, I can't help but think that someday, when he looks back at this (if he can ever find it in his heart to forgive our mother), he is going to regret doing this and acting this way. What can I do when he just won't listen to me? And, what can I do to comfort my poor mother? She is just beside herself with grief.