beehivegirl

mormonmusic - Thank you! I appreciate your valuable input and concern. We actually did something similar already. We read the book "Should We Stay Together?" and did the RELATE tests. We found that we are actually quite compatible. :) We also identified some areas we will talk about in pre-marital counseling. We made it through and resolved this experience (and every other challenge we've encountered) very much intact and hopeful. I expect we'll be chugging along 20 years from now.

Just a quick follow up (in case anyone is interested) We've again spent a lot of time talking, thinking, praying... Long story short we've decided to proceed with the wedding. We did postpone the date by almost a month to give us a little more time together (remember he's been out of state for months). We really enjoy each other's company, have similar goals etc and we seem pretty good at the whole problem-solving thing so I'm feeling peaceful and optimistic. We've also talked to his parents about our decision - and they have done a complete 180 and are now in support of our marriage (yes I am still a little dubious about this). Thanks again for all your input and support. It was truly helpful :)

This gave me all kinds of thoughts and feelings. It speaks to how I choose to live my life. I really want to see the good in this experience. And I really want to try to develop a good relationship with his parents. Thanks for the input and food for thought.

@anatess - I suppose when we ask for advice we are often looking for someone to validate what we're already feeling/thinking. I think, in some ways, you have done just that. I am very aware of some of the differences in our personalities and family backgrounds. As is he. We discussed these as opportunities to learn and grow from each other. I don't see differences and difficulties as absolute grounds for failure. @ryanh - re: marrying him *and* his family. I couldn't agree more. This experience has certainly given me cause to stop and consider more carefully. He and I are also having discussions about how much influence his parents would have in our relationship post-wedding. My question is how much influence should they have *pre*-marriage. They keep saying that the prophets say that a parent's responsibility never ends. I wonder is *this* what the prophets meant when they said that? Surely they also said something about the need for us to make our own choices?

@Dravin - Yes, because of his parent's concerns. While I haven't had the opportunity to talk to them directly about their concerns (I would really like to do this soon *with* him), he has told me some of what they said. It really is just a list of personality issues. They and I had some mis-communications and misunderstandings early on re: wedding issues. Honestly I didn't think much of it, bc it seems that weddings are inherently emotionally charged affairs, but apparently they saw it quite differently. I have reached out to them a couple times an offered apologies for the misunderstandings. @Sensibility - Thank you so much for your input. I am concerned about how much this has shaken us up as well. I think this stems, at least partially, from the fact that we both love our parents dearly and have been raised to respect and honor them. It just really was not in either of our characters growing up to blatantly disobey our parents. However, we are both adults now. This is probably where we begin to differ. My parents have had concerns about our engagement, but their approach has been to talk to us, express their concerns and offer whatever assistance they can. My parents pov is that we are adults and that this is *our* intensely personal decision and to have someone else make it for us is tantamount to us abdicating our responsibility. Oh. And to answer your question re: distance - we are no longer apart. He has, in the last week, finished his internship and returned. The wedding was supposed to be in May. We had always intended to do pre-marital counseling as soon as we were in the same state. That seems even more appropriate to me now. I'm a little resentful about the way that they have handled things. I'd like to heal that relationship - if possible.

I wasn't sure where to post this but, as it is a request for advice, I decided to post it here. A brief explanation. After about 6 months of dating my bf and I decided to become engaged. We arrived at this decision after a lot of discussion and careful consideration about what we both wanted from marriage/life etc. While we were dating he was able to spend a lot of time with my family - who are local. I was only able to meet his parents a couple times because they are so far away. He is just finishing a masters degree. I am just finishing a bachelors. As a part of his program he went to another state to do an internship shortly after our engagement. The separation was very hard. We made a few trips to visit each other and handled the time in between as best we could. We were both really busy with our own educations/work etc. His parents, despite hardly knowing me, have recently contacted him and not only expressed concern about our impending wedding, but have stated that they unequivocally believe that we are "not a good match". Let me explain that their reasons are not because there is any egregious sin or issue. Their reasons are about perceived differences in personality that they think will cause problems. I am more than willing to hear what they have to say and consider whether I can or should make changes to improve myself. What I'm wondering is - how much should we rely on their input re: our decision to marry? We both felt good about it when we decided together. Now we are wondering if we made the wrong choice?