TopGear-head

first of all a deep and sincere THANK YOU to everyone who has posted constructive and uplifting advice- especially ANATESS and MORMONMUSIC. you have helped me more than you know. i will take your counsel to heart. to the others- how dare you?! i came to this forum looking for peace, understanding and perspective. all i have felt from you is judgment, fault-finding, and utter arrogance. the words of the savior come to mind. Judge not lest ye be judged, and he that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her! instead of offering heartfelt commiseration and a spirit of love, you have cast aspersions upon my character and judgement upon my actions. i'm surprised you were even posting, because the way you act, you should be translated already. since you were casting stones at me, you must not have committed any sins. it's members of the church like you, who cause many a headache for missionaries in the church. i can't tell you how many of you so-called followers of christ, have driven away investigators when i was on my mission in utah. your OPINIONS and lack of a brain/mouth filter have caused more problems than you've solved. instead of pointing fingers at me, maybe you should take a good look at yourself. why don't you march back to your high horses, with your Holier-than-thou attitudes, and continue to look down your noses at the rest of us sinners. the church must really be a country club for perfect people. how stupid of me to post a problem on a so-called ADVICE board on an LDS forum. my mistake. i know where i'm not wanted. i was planning on posting comments on each persons post when i have the time. however, due to the actions of a couple posters on this forum; i no longer feel welcome here. i am hereby terminating my membership on this forum. since you feel the need to post derogatory remarks, and not even listen to how i feel. you should be ashamed of yourselves. again, a heartfelt THANK YOU to those who have offered peace and heartfelt concern, and sympathy. your love is appreciated and welcome. however, i have enough stress in my life right now to take derision and judgement from supposed members of the church. farewell.

Good night, that's a lot of responses!!! Sorry for not responding, everyone. I never got any email notifications to replies. So naturally it means a lot to me that you have taken the time to respond. I'll do a proper post when i get some time. Just an update, so u can have an idea of what's happened- the proverbial $#€¥ has hit the fan! MormonMusic man, you and I need to talk sometime! It's very comforting to know that someone else has had this problem too. I felt so alone. No one really understands what it's like, unless you go through it. Thank u all for your responses. I'll try to address you when I can. But seriously dude! Small world! After reading over this again, i feel impressed to expound a little on what transpired. About a week ago, I come home to a wife who sat me down and read a letter she had written to me about her love for me. She then proceeded to ask me point blank about my fidelity. ( a week prior she did a similar thing where she asked if i even wanted to be with her and not sure about my feelings, I said "IDK") we separated for a day so she could collect her thoughts. anyway, she then proceeded to read a couple of messages from my email from the OW. (I SHOULD WARN YOU NOW- I DON'T NEED ANY LECTURES OR GUILT TRIPS ABOUT WHAT I'VE DONE. I APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT IN THIS, BUT TRUST ME, NO ONE CAN BEAT ME UP LIKE I CAN!) So i came clean to her about the OW. She then told me she had involved the bishop about an hour prior, "not to tattle-tail" but so she could talk about her feelings. the next day we had a meeting with the bishop, and of course i feel bad about what i've done. i was pretty emotional about it. counseling has been set up for us and she has agreed. which is surprising given her previous response a few years ago. Here's my problem with the whole thing- I broke things off with this woman at the request of my wife and the bishop. she was very understanding, but it was hard as hell (pardon me) for me to do. we had always spoken about how it couldn't work, and we understood the reality. we had both grown attached to the dream of "US". this last week has been a living hell of stress, and anxiety. I feel horrible for hurting my wife ( I'm not a complete monster) but i also feel terrible for breaking things off with the OW. I still want to be with her. We developed a strong connection that was taken from me. I'm having a hard time with it. we agreed it wasn't really an option right now, but i still have this desire to run to her. i admit, I love her. part of me will always love her, and want her to be mine. I wasn't ready for any of this. i was still trying to sort out my feelings for my wife, and if i would leave her. so you can see the $#!* really hit the fan this week. I'm a little sick of the people close to the situation telling me i need to move on, and try to overcome my feelings for her. If you haven't gone thru this, it's hard to understand the longing and heartache. it seems like all this has been a forced repentance process, that i'm not really ready for. just a little peak into the storm of emotion that has been pulling me down this week. again, thank you for all your advice. it has helped more than you know. this is all i have time for today. i will try to get back to address each of your posts, but i don't know when .

So I have a dilemma. I have been married for almost 5 years. We were married in the Temple. We have one beautiful daughter under 3. The last couple years have been very rough for us. Mainly sexually but that has just led to frustration elsewhere. We've never had a very good intimate life. She has never really been interested. Sometimes hostile about it. I mean anything remotely sexual has gotten her angry. She has no problem joking around with other couples about sex,(ie. "i know what you're gonna do later!") That kind of stuff. But heaven forbid if I say anything along those lines. It's ok for other people, but not me. There's a total double standard. The only time she is "interested" is when she wants to get pregnant. So I'm reduced to stud service. Anyway, this has been going on for the last couple years. And I have to admit...I'm fed up. It has certainly led to me being frustrated with other aspects of our marriage. I just don't like being around her anymore. I'm sure I still love her, but if I do, those feelings are buried pretty deep. I'm to the point now where I just want out. I love my daughter with all my heart, but I'm miserable. Would I miss my daughter? Every second of every day. But if I stay, I'll just be more unhappy. The worst part of this whole situation is what it has led to. Over the past year, my vulnerability has led to opportunity. I have developed strong feelings for a co-worker. I know she has the same feelings. We haven't done more than talk - I'm not THAT stupid. But I can see the way this might go. I feel horrible about this whole situation, but I would rather be with this other woman. I need to do something, or I'm going to get in some serious trouble. (and yes, I know I shouldn't have let it go that far. But you have to understand where I'm coming from. This didn't happen over night. Vulnerability leads to opportunity.) I'm not satisfied with my home life. I feel like I'm living a lie. I suggested counseling a few years ago, but to no avail. I ordered Laura Brotherson's book, but when she found it in the mail, she was PISSED! She doesn't feel there's a problem with our sex life. It's just something she can live without. I wonder what sex would be like with a woman who actually wants to be there. I just want out. I know it would have serious repercussions, but I think I'm done here. So bottom line. I've tried to work things out in the past, but it hasn't done anything. I'm seriously fed up with my marriage, even though i'd be losing my wonderful daughter. I think I'M entitled to some happiness here. It seems like every other couple I know has a perfect, happy life, and I'm stuck in a marriage that I'm falling out of love with. I know that I should soldier on and stay, but I would continue to be miserable. I hate to leave my daughter, but I don't think it's going to get any better. Like I said, this didn't just happen over night. It's been the past few years. I feel so torn. I'm on the fence right now, just worrying about what I should do. I kind of want to just get out and move on. To just try again, but I'm not sure. So you can see. I need help.